It’s a lazy Friday afternoon at the beginning of June.
The sun tickles the walls of our living room with its bright beams… It’s been a full week since we haven’t needed heating in our old, mouldy English house. We smile and talk. Life is beautiful.
Wondering how to do more for you – my readers, my partner and I were talking about choosing a project that will help me reach more people who need help in their relationships.
As a book lover, my thought was flying towards finding the perfect book…
The perfect book doesn’t exist.
Especially if it’s about love!
But I could try…!
So, our idea was to review the best love and relationship books ever!
To make this happen I was supposed to read each one of them and advise you which one you need and which one you don’t. Does it worth the money or it’s better to go and get yourself a cup of hot chocolate?
Could I read all of the love and relationship books?
It’s the beginning of October.
The weather application continually screams “partly cloudy” from my phone’s screen. The heating is on, the cup of coffee proudly stands on my desk, and its delicious aroma tickles my nose. I just finished my first 10 best love and relationship self-help books. It’s been an incredible journey to read them…
I found these 10 love and relationship books as a suggestion from Huffington Post’ article and cannot wait to share them with you.
If you are unsure which book is the most appropriate for you, contact me, and I will be more than happy to help you make the right choice.
Read on and know that… Life is beautiful…
Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links. This means at no additional cost for you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase. All of the reviews are honest and represent my own opinion on the books.
Quick Links and Table of Contents:
1. Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Grey
3. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
5. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey
6. First Comes Love, Then Comes Money – by Bethany and Scott Palmer
7. How To Talk To Anyone – 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndess
8. Getting Over Getting Mad by Jody Ford
9.The Soulmate Experience – A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationship by Mali Apple and Joe Dunn
10. Getting To I Do – The Secret of Doing Relationships by Patricia Allen
Book Overview: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus attempts to show us why men and women are different and why we often can’t understand each other. The concept of the book – to explain why men retrieve to their caves, and why women have ups and downs more often then they want to. The reason? Different worlds! Once our worlds crash into each other, the mess causes more problems than we are capable of comprehending. However, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus offers explanation and solution to almost every real-life situation you’ve ever had.
Pros & Cons of the book
- I agree that men and women are different and equality has nothing to do with it. A wife could make more money than her husband. However, at the end of the day, she will be the one that needs to talk, talk and talk for the sake of talking. Also, he will be the one who tries to find the solution in the first five minutes and just wouldn’t get it why she keeps complaining about the same thing!
- Full of helpful techniques to comprehend and see the reasons behind yours and your partner’s behaviour.
- Efficient action steps (or “non-action” steps) on how to deal with specific situations such as when men pull away and go to their cave as well as how to deal with woman’s moods.
- Answers tens of question you must have had all of your life about the opposite gender (see the questions below)
- Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus goes into the psychology of each one of us, has an excellent concept and it is engaging.
- It’s highly descriptive and informative, changes the viewpoints frequently, and if there were a problem you have in your relationship, you’d find at least one way to approach it today.
- It’s easy to follow the concept of the book and offers understanding and clarity.
- In some places could sound outdated, but it’s been 20 years, and with the generation of the millennials, it’s easy to understand some points are not applicable and easy acceptable for everyone.
- I don’t accept the part “keeping scores” in the relationship as beneficial. It could turn the relationship into competition and end up with feelings of misunderstanding, underrating and ignoring of the big picture.
Women’s questions that the book answers:
Men’s questions that the book answers:
I was wondering how to do the review of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus in a way that’s not going to sound like advertising. My goal was to explain not only if everything John Grey talks about is right or not but to see if it will be helpful to you.
My first question before even start reading the book was Why would a relationships-self-help book written in 1993 be on a list for best relationship and love books article more than 20 years later? Is it possible to be still relevant?
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus is one of the best relationship self-help books I’ve read so far. And I can prove it to you.
First of all, we live in a world that tells us all the time we are not so different from one another. We hear so much about rights and equality that we forget that actually each one of us is so unique that no second person on this Earth is exactly like us. And I am honestly proud of that difference.
So I’m pleased there’s at least one book out there about how different men and women are. It’s such a relief..!
And that’s what this book is about – the differences – saying them out loud, exposing them and embracing them.
Even though the book has 10 chapters, it actually takes the reader through five stages in each chapter:
1. Different. We are as different as two planets (Mars and Venus), and that’s the only way that could make it clear how big the contrast is. I liked the analogy as it reflects how I sometimes feel when communicating with a person from the opposite gender.
2. Understanding the difference. Once you learn how different men and women are, it’s time to understand this difference deeply. The perfect story of two nations united because they are in a deep contrast and complete each other is the best way to get inside of the psychology of … well, us.
3. Accepting the difference, embracing it and loving it. Learning how to enjoy the uniqueness is so new to each one of us, but so important. Isn’t it true that we reject the different? That is why we step aside and get offended when we are called different. But it is precisely that uniqueness that makes us who we are – as people, as women, as men. Accepting that I am a woman and I am different from men makes it very easy to “excuse” myself, but at the same time I think “Phew, that explains a lot!”. A relief in finding out that I don’t have to fight myself because I am different, but I have to accept it, embrace it and love it.
4. Respect it. I am unique, and even though it’s hard to comprehend it, I could say that the hardest part is accepting and respecting the other’s difference. Even though we get to the point when we are happy with our differences, it is still “unacceptable” someone else to be different than us. It’s a paradox, isn’t it?
Ok, I am the woman, I act like this because of specific reasons. But why don’t you understand me? Why don’t you accept it? And why do you behave differently than me? This is what we fight with, every day!
5. Acting according to that difference. The action part – putting together everything you learnt, embraced, respected… the action part is the real test. Will you take the risk Not to change and to change at the same time? Can you find the precious balance?
It takes strong writing skills to be able to build each chapter in five stages, but John Grey does it brilliantly.
I recommend this book to open-minded people who will look for the good in it, leave the criticising aside and make the most of what the book offers.
If you’d like to purchase the book you could do it through this link.
More Books by John Grey:
Book Overview: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationship – What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It is a cute small book, part of best selling series 100 Simple Secrets. In the book, Niven provides 100 pieces of advice on how to create and sustain a happy relationship. Each chapter is different advice. Therefore, the book contains 100 short chapters, each takes around 2-3 minutes to read.
Quick read – you need not more than a few hours to go through it.
Loads of facts which is presented at the end of each chapter – one or two short sentences that tell the reader what scientists have found out about great relationships.
Each chapter is informative and engaging with a real-life story as a significant part of it – I like real-life stories as examples in self-help books.
There is no story-line between the chapters, so it’s a book you could pick in the morning, open on a random page and use as daily inspiration.
Contains excellent insights without excess information.
100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationship is more inspirational than a problem-solving book.
Not too much “new information” in it. Although, there’s always a thing or two to be learned from every book.
I must admit, I ordered two other Niven’s books before I got to 100 Simple Secrets to Great Relationships, due to the fact I was misreading the full name of the books. (Silly me!) However, when I got to the right one, I already knew what to expect as I went through the other two before that.
The book is exactly what it says – 100 simple chapters with known and unknown secrets (pieces of advice) how to create and maintain a healthy relationship.
What I enjoyed the most was the fact it was effortless to read, fast to go through, packed with engaging stories (100 of them to be exact) and simple statistics formated in one-two sentences per chapter – nothing annoying or hard to comprehend.
While you might not be shocked by the information in the book as it could happen with Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, this little book will give you useful information and has all the traits to serve you as an inspirational a-chapter-a-day book.
Actually, that’s the way I recommend you to read it!
Don’t start with Chapter 1 but just close your eyes and open a random page – makes it much more pleasant and has the element of surprise and daily guidance.
Let me quote just a few of the favourite paragraphs I found in 100 Simple Secrets to Great Relationships:
“Your relationship history is not your relationship future. Your relationship future is to limited by your experiences of the past or by your disappointments of the past…” I would recommend you getting this book even if it was because of this single sentence only!
“…thoughtful love and careful conflict are two sides of the same coin. Loving well build up reservoirs of fondness that help couples get through though times; arguing well avoids the kind of scorched-earth disagreements that drain that reservoir dry…”
“In a relationship, we don’t need everything to be perfect. (…) What we do need is the constant ability to see the potential for improvement, the potential for resolution of difficulties…”
“If you were purchasing a house, you would pay attention to the features that matter most to you. But when we are thinking about potential mates, we pay the most attention to the things that matter the least to us in the long run…”
Who is this book for?
You could be in a search for love, and you will still find inspiration how to do it (as the quote from chapter 68 shows you).
If you are in a new relationship, the inspirational guidance will point you in the right direction.
If you are in a long-term relationship (or even married), you could read out loud to your partner a chapter a day and then discuss it.
There are plenty of options on how to work with this little book, and that’s why I recommend 100 Simple Secrets to Great Relationships to you. You just can’t go wrong with it.
Book Overview: The Five Love Languages gives answers to the questions why the same actions, words and activities have a different impact the couples. Each one of us gives and receives love in a different way. When the two parties of the relationship express and see love in a different way, the misunderstanding keeps them “blind” for the other’s love. Therefore we must be aware what our partner’s love language is and to “speak” this language. At the same time knowing our love language will make it easier for our significant ones to express their love for us.
I often prefer to stay away from books that are too famous.
I have affection for finding treasures – books people forgot to read, and those that people don’t know they would love to read.
However, for the purpose of this article – to write 10 reviews the best love and relationships books to read, I had to go through 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the most popular books are not good enough. I just don’t like to follow the trends, no matter what they are.
So, I started this book with no big hopes, expecting to read it for a day or two and proceed to the next one.
Well, I’m already two weeks into reading The 5 Love Languages, and the reason is not that it’s hard to understand.
Actually, it’s so easy to read that you could quickly go over it for a day.
The reason I spent so much time over the book is that very fast I realised I read something meaningful and helpful. It’s something new that could give me answers I didn’t know I was looking for.
You know how the majority of coaches and relationship bloggers preach on how important communication is for the relationship? (Psst, even I do say that!)
Well, we are all right.
What we were missing (or maybe some of us hiding), was the fact that communication happens in a specific language. It doesn’t push back the simple “sit and talk” connection, but it adds more meaning in the verbal/non-verbal ways to nurture the relationship.
– What is missing?
– How to explain the fact that we know our partner loves us but we don’t feel it?
– Why do we show our love in every possible way, and then one night they wake us up to tell us there’s no love in our marriage and we should think of therapy or divorce?
It’s because we all speak in different love language. We all have a different perception of how love should be shown. Your way to demonstrate strong feelings, care and love might not have the desired effect on your partner. On the other hand, your partner could do everything they possibly could think of to prove they love you and you at the end, you could fill the divorce papers convinced you lived in a lie.
Gary Chapman separates the love languages into five main language groups. As he says, each one of the languages could have their dialects. However, the language group shows us the right direction.
With many examples, the author explains how to recognise our partner’s love language and how to find our own.
What amazed me was that this book helped me be more conscious of my partner’s language and pushed me to learn and use it more often.
Gary warns the reader at the beginning of the book that “understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behaviour.”
Why it’s important to do that?
In a healthy relationship, both partners come with different beliefs, different expectations, values, habits, different approach to problems and very often- different mindset.
At the beginning of the relationship, it’s quite easy to go through the rough times fast and still feel the love strong.
At this time of thrills and passion, the other does everything to make us happy. We do everything to make him happy. That’s why we often speak all of the languages together, almost all the time. Not knowing it, we “fill the emotional tank of love” of the other. Everything is easy to understand, talk about and left behind.
After a while though, we get used to the other’s presence. Slowly we go back to the day-to-day life, and we do only the most important acts of love.
We still love. We still feel the connection.
The only thing that’s changes is the “acts of love”.
Focusing only on kisses and physical touch as the most important thing of the day will confuse you if this is not your love language. You miss the time together. You miss the dinners out with friends. You want that weekend trip you mentioned few days ago, so you could enjoy each other’s company.
Your love language is Quality Time, and Your partners’ love language is physical touch.
No matter if he’s all over you every day after work if you don’t go soon on that trip or don’t have a half day to create/do something together you feel like you’re going to explode.
That’s what happens when both partners speak in different languages.
You know he loves you, but you don’t feel it. With the years passing, you will become numb for his way to show love, and you will “forget” he loves you. The pressure will slowly creep into your relationship, and sooner or later you have to take an action.
I’m cannot promisse understanding your spouse’s language will solve your problems. Neither the author of The 5 Love Languages – Gary Chapman, promises that.
I can guarantee you will have a much clearer view on why your partner reacts in a different than expected by you way. It is a blessing to be with someone whose love language is the same… they maybe don’t even need to read the book. But there’s almost no way to find that out without going through it.
As I did with every other book, I will recommend it to a particular group of readers of this blog.
It’s for partners who want to understand each other better, to find a solution on problems they struggle with for a while – to feel loved and to prove they love.
This book is for couples seeking for deeper connection and long-lasting, respectful relationship, where each one of the partners is accepted with their differences.
Book Overview: The Love Magnet Rules – 101 Tips of Meeting, Dating and Keeping a New Love is structured in 101 short chapters leading you in the process of finding a new love and keeping it. Each chapter is a different Rule you want to follow in order to make the relationship work.
If you are looking for a conversational type of writing in a book, the one that you almost don’t feel like reading a book but having a chat, then this is the book for you.
The Love Magnet Rules – 101 Tips for Meeting, Dating and Keeping a New Love is easy to read, easy to comprehend and easy to follow.
I like to separate the books into two categories: insightful and practical. While The Love Magnet Rules doesn’t go very deep in relationship psychology, it is efficient.
If you wonder where you could meet new people, Chad Stone gives you plenty of ideas. Moreover, you could put them into use toay, and be sure they work. Isn’t that the most important thing about a love and relationship book?
Also, it’s always better to get a book written by someone who’d “walked the talk” rather than someone else.
However, if there are downsides to this book, that’s the point of view.
While the author says the book is for both men and women, I would enjoy it more if it was divided in two. In many of the chapters, the paragraphs were marked for Women or Men to read them. It’s functional, but I would prefer reading something that’s written just for me (as a woman) instead of having to skip paragraphs.
Helpful, practical, nothing shocking, but covers the basics and above of a successful relationship. Full of ideas where to meet your perfect match (online and in real life).
Is it for you?
This book is for you if you are looking for relationship essentials, easy to comprehend advice on dating, probably after a divorce or at the beginning of your dating life. See this book as a memory-refresher how to do relationship the right way.
Book Overview: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey is a Guide for women to help them realise their worth and never back off of it. The book goes through the main points: what men’s love look like, what men want in a relationship and how women could create long term relationship (and even marriage) by simply setting up their price early enough and never backing off of it.
Who is this book for?
Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man is written for women only.
Your perfect profile as a reader of Steve Harvey’s love and relationship book would be one or more of the following:
– single lady who is struggling to recognise a decent guy
– a single mother who doesn’t know how to balance between dating a man and chasing children around the house.
– a woman in a relationship who is confused if he’s serious enough about their relationship.
– every woman who doesn’t know how to find out if he loves her.
– any woman who doesn’t understand men and the way they function…
Meant for women, the book is full not only packed with witty humour but has a realistic point of view on how a healthy relationship should be. Moreover, I felt like I was reading a massive checklist of qualities I want my man to have, as well as how to find out if he’s as serious as he claims.
It’s so easy to read. Having watched Harvey’s shows many times, it was even easier to imagine his deep voice and half-joke half-serious intonation while reading. It took me around five hours to go through the book (with the breaks).
When you need information to identify and fix a problem – the fast delivery is a pleasing bonus. You got it!
Steve doesn’t spear anything away. He tells the truth as it is. And that’s how the book captivated me.
Men and women love in different ways.
The whole hustle around finding and keeping The One is caused by the constant refusal of the women to admit that men will never love them the way they “think they should be loved”. At the same time us, women, often close our eyes in front of men’s acts of appreciation and love.
Act Like a Woman Think Like a Man will explain to you exactly why a man’s love for you will never be like your love for him… but that doesn’t make it less love.
He will show you where to look for that love; how to identify it as love and what to do to keep receiving it.
Another pain in most women’s souls is that they never seem to start a relationship with the right guy. Or in the right way.
When you think he’s into you, but he’s actually into your body, the truth sooner or later hits you, and it hurts. The worst or the best in that situation is – the signs were there from the very beginning, but you didn’t see them.
This book will get you through them and much more.
The most charming point for me was the fact that Steve talks about the kind of men that actually you and I both, want. The gentleman who will respect you and look after you. He will provide you with everything you need, and he will protect you from everything that might hurt you.
The 90 days rule!
Harvey advises you to wait around 90 days before you give your new man the most precious bonus he’s looking for – a.k.a. sex.
Probably I am not the only one to disagree with that statement. However, I disagree only with the amount of time – it is a bit too much to date a guy for three months without having an intercourse with him. It could be done, but I doubt the percentage of people is significant.
At the same time, as I’ve stated in many of my articles – I support to wait for the sex with your new partner at least a few weeks. It’s worth to see if he’s really around because you are the most fascinating person he’s ever met or it’s just for fun. In both ways – you win.
So, 90 days could be alright only if you met online and spent at least a month and a half chatting through the phones before shaking hands in person. Other than that – keep a distance but don’t miss on your own fun if you feel ready for it.
Helpful, smart, well-written in a chatty tone, not too much humour but it is present, clear sentences with firm viewpoint, convincing and engaging. I didn’t feel like he left something out or unfinished.
Would I recommend it to my blog readers?
Would I reread it someday?
Actually, it was so entertaining and fun, that I would love to go through it again soon.
Questions this book will answer
Book Overview: First Comes Love, Then Comes Money points out five different Money personalities: The Saver, The Spender, The Risk Taker, The Security Seeker and The Flyer. Each one of them has a different approach to money and different understanding thus different communication expectations. The problem occurs when the two lovebirds (you and your partner) have different money personalities. One of you likes to spend, and the other loves the sound of saved coins? The answer to your Why? is different Money Personalities. And Palmer family gives you the most efficient ways to understand each other and make it work.
Explicit language, easy to follow, no unnecessary explanations.
Loads of examples – they gave me the best perspective and helped me analyse my Money Personality better than the test in the book.
Informative and unique content which is refreshing as we all know that relationship and money books often tend to repeat each other. This won’t happen here, I promise you!
Written by professionals – Let me stress this as it’s essential – The book is written by professionals in the financial area. This is important if you need information that will help you identify your financial communication. Besides, the authors include their own experience, and it’s engaging.
Offers a map on how to deal with miscommunication and financial infidelity. Also, it has useful How to Fight Fair Guide with 8 helpful steps how to do it.
Problem-Solution layout. I like self-help books to have an action plan, don’t you? Writing out the steps to get the results I want is the most proven way that works for me. Well, you have it here.
Although I enjoyed the book a lot, I would say it felt incomplete at the end. I liked the insightfulness of the first parts, but at the end it felt a bit rushed. The Money Huddle explained as a way to communicate healthily about finances, is very practical but takes just a small part of the book.
Also, I needed more information on the Money Personalities as well. I had troubles identifying my Money Personality. Although later on, in the examples I had my answers, the Money Personality Test could be improved.
Well written and engaging, First Comes Love, Then Comes Money is a book about your relationship and not about your money.
Although it did give me the wrong expression before I read it, this book is not going to provide you 1-2-3-Step Guide how to deal with your financies.
Bethany and Scott Palmer’s book is about financial infidelity. This reduces the circle of people who can benefit the most from reading it.
If your partner hides money from you; if you don’t tell your spouse about your last shopping marathon; if one of you buy or pay for something the other didn’t give consent about – it’s financial infidelity. And it causes more divorces in the US (and not only) than you can imagine.
The book aims to teach you how to deal with financial infidelity and not enter the ugly statistics. But it has a different approach which I liked very much. Let me just quote them here: “… Your money problems aren’t about money; they are about financial miscommunication” Let me translate it one more time: You don’t have financial problems, you have communication problems.
As a conclusion,
You want this book if you are in a long-term relationship/marriage and often fight over money. This book will put an end of the fights as it will give you the clarity you miss right now. It will offer you the steps to honest communication. However, if you decide to give this book a try, be aware you and your partner have to work together on sorting the problem out. This is not the one-side-fixes-everything type of book.
Book Overview: The book is divided into nine parts and each one of them is full of different ideas, tips and tricks how to communicate in the right way. Starting with how to smile, what to say after Hi, how to talk like a VIP, fit in any group, give compliments in a way they’ll make the recipient feel special, get closer to promotion at work, etc. It covers every little type of conversation you might have one day in the outside world…
Before I get to the review and the Pros and Cons…
How To Talk To Anyone – 92 Little Tricks for Success in Relationships, claims to be a modernised version of Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Does that happen?
Moreover, what a book like that is doing in a list of books for love?
Will it help you understand and straighten your relationship?
I’ve read Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People more than five times. There’s a reason it’s a classic – it puts you on the right path to communicate with people and explains in the most understandable way why they’ll love you for it. It’s easy to read and even easier to practice. I will always recommend it to anyone that needs genuine and kind advice about communication. Dale Carnegie was a master in his fields and in many ways he still is.
Would I recommend How to talk to anyone – 92 little tricks for big success in relationships over Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People?
Hmm, most likely not.
You could read both of them, but Dale’s book is still in the top position.
However, I have to agree with Leil Lowndess when she says that Dale’s book was written in the 20th century and we are in the 21st century. Our ways to communicate with each other changed so much during the last 60 years that it is more than necessary to search for ”the latest manual” on it.
Leil aims to give you precisely that – a helpful manual on how to react in almost any situation you might struggle with, how to make people feel special around you, how to make them remember you and how to get the maximum out of every situation.
What’s the deal with love?
It’s so simple – love is mainly interaction with the other.
It’s a constant verbal and nonverbal communication between you and your partner, from the very first moment your eyes meet. In fact, I bet you will find you already use at least a few of the techniques Leil offers.
It was nice to read a book and nod with the head telling yourself “I got it right… and I didn’t even know it.”
One of my favourite techniques I didn’t know I use, is at the very beginning – the way we smile to other people. Leil calls it “The Flooding Smile”. It tells people “I smile just for you”. It’s so simple – make eye contact with the other, wait for just a second and then smile at him. We’ve all been “a victim” of a small like that, and we all felt special.
My second favourite tip from the book is the advice to treat people like big babies.
Yeah, I know, you just smiled slightly, didn’t you?
However, Leil explains precisely why you should do it, and one of the main reasons is that we treat babies with full attention, we smile, we try to get to their level and make them understand us. Even better – we do our best to follow them as well.
What a better way to communicate with grownups as well?
The people I would really recommend it to, here on our blog, are the singles.
You, my friends, need to go through the rough path of meeting someone, making the best first impression, showing affection, pulling the attention back to you or your date, making them feel special, helping them like you as much as you like them…
How to Talk to Anyone – 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships is for you rather than the people in a relationship.
It gives you ideas how to introduce yourself to someone you don’t know.
It helps you make the best first impression.
It gives you tips on how to compliment people without looking manipulative or too flirty.
Ever felt the agony of dying conversation? Yep, How to talk to anyone gives you more than a few ways to avoid it.
Unfortunately, How To Talk To Anyone… didn’t meet my high expectations. It is useful for single people, but only partially.
Most of the helpful tricks are in the first and the second part of the book.
It is more beneficial if you need advice on dealing with business relationships.
Following that, I think it would have been better if the 92 tips were split into two sections – one for business relationships and one for personal/family relationships. In that way, the readers could really focus on the part they need.
It’s a little bit hard to read, the language could’ve been simplified, and in that way, the eyes would just fly through the rows…
Many of the tips were obvious and needn’t be listed.
On the one hand, many useful and practical tips will definitely help you go through your everyday situations and meetings. On the other hand – you will stumble upon some pointless pages full of anecdotes you could live without.
Would I recommend you to go through it so you could expand your communication skills?
Would I go through it again someday?
Most likely no!
- Fast but not necessary easy read – Each chapter will make you question yourself and explore the ways you express your anger. The way you do this is the going to determinate the end of any argument more than the reason for the argument itself. Therefore, it’s not easy to read this book as it will challenge you to think and be criticise yourself. Can you do it with an open heart?
- Vivid, rich language – I read all of the 10 books I review in this post and let me be honest – Judy Ford has the richest vocabulary and describes vivid pictures that stick with you. It makes the reading such a pleasure.
- Short chapters
- Helpful because it shows you many different techniques and ways to approach every matter.
- If you struggle with the most popular techniques how to deal with anger, let me tell you – none of them is here. Such a relief!
- Although there were many real-life stories in the book, almost none of them had a full closure.
I enjoy reading real-life stories when going through a self-help book. It helps me picture the situation better. However, none of the stories went beyond the problem-description-point. I felt like the ending (happy or not) would be much more beneficial as it helps the technique to stick in my mind.
Book Overview: The Soulmate Experience is about finding yourself in your own world. It’s about creating a soulmate connection with yourself first, meeting your own needs, eliminating self-doubt, exploring and encouraging your self-esteem, letting go of your past and appreciating your partner the way he is – accepting him, the greatest and the not-so-great about him.
I could go on with the quotes from this book, and even if I write the next 1000 words of this review in quotes, I still won’t be able to cover even 1% of the best insights of The Soulmate Experience…
And this book is exactly this – an experience you have to go through.
Deep, thoughtful in-debth read, clear self-awareness-booster, soul-touching and awakening.
The Soulmate Experience will take your hand and lead you through places inside of you that you didn’t know to exist. I’m not exaggerating.
In 12 chapters this book might not change your current situation right away, but it will change You and You will change your life.
Many books will ask you to say or do something that will manipulate in one way or another your partner. I couldn’t find even one example of that in The Soulmate Experience. Simply put, this book is more about you than your soulmate (present or future).
The authors talk a lot about expectations. They always come around when we talk about the relationship, and we all know that we should have realistic expectations about our partners. However, the idea in The Soulmate Experience is to teach ourselves not to have any expectations.
Beautifully explained in the book, expectations will set your mood and energy on a different level, no matter if they are realistic or not.
The beauty of a soulmate connection is that everything comes as it is and we enjoy it as it is. Nothing more and nothing less.
And yet, no one is perfect. We will probably never approach the ideal selfless, no-expectations, self-aware human being we wish we were, but one step at a time is always the best way to go for. Maybe this is the only downside of the book – the fact that says how high we should aim for too well. Inspiring! The path is there, you just have to step on it. Will you?
From all of the 10 books I read about this review, this was the book I took the most notes on. The authors rich, touching thoughts engaged me as a reader so much that I actually purchased the second book – The Soulmate Lover.
I strongly recommend you read The Soulmate Experience now and enrich your inner world, go a few pages closer to the person you want to become, this book will help you get there.
Book Overview: Divided into four parts, Getting To I Do aims to help women understand what feminine and masculine energy is, to chose one of them as a dominant energy in the relationship and to learn how to behave according to it. It gives tips on how to attract a man, to flirt charmingly and successfully, finding the perfect match and going through the four seasons of love (explained in the book). Dr Allen creates a guide on how to get to the engagement ring or get married within a year after you started the relationship.
Plenty of examples, advice on different situations and thoughtful explanation.
Dr Pat goes through every single rock that could turn the relationship upside down – who makes more money, who does the housework, how to respect our partner, etc.
The book is based on years of research, practice and packed with real-life stories in it.
I really enjoyed that she stresses on the fact a woman should hold her ground, keep her self-esteem on a high level and never give up her beliefs (Something Steve Harvey does in his book – Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man as we saw earlier). Unfortunately, nowadays I see way too many examples of girls/women that do everything and anything for someone who doesn’t deserve it.
Completely agree with her suggestions on how to deal with arguments without losing yourself into the emotions.
The book challenges my knowledge of how to start a successful relationship and at the same time explained why so many relationships from my past didn’t work.
Excellent and detailed description of the different types of men every woman should avoid.
Psychological explanations on how parent-child relationship affects us later when we chose our partners.
Helpful quiz to find out if your dominant energy is male, female or you go into the narcissistic field.
Very often I had to remind myself that the book was written for the people in the 90s. This is why in places sounded a old-fashioned and outdated. However, this is a tiny percentage of the book.
Too many “musts” in the book – At some point, it felted like “there’s no other way, and you don’t have a choice”… which is close to the truth. However, this feels too pushy.
It could mislead you that the woman’s (feminine’s) task is to stay home and make sure she agrees with everything the male’s energy suggests. However, that’s not the case at all, that is why the book should be read slowly and to give yourself time to fully understand what it means.
I disagree with the statement that the couple should start living together only after the engagement or the wedding. Actually, I strongly support the idea of “giving it a go” before the engagement as just when you spend a 24/7 time with someone you could really understand how you feel around them.
Some of the suggestions are not applicable nowadays. However, it does not take away from the beauty of the book.
At first, I thought this book would be just another “Get Him” book, full of tricks on how to catch the poor guy to ask you to marry him.
However, “Getting To I Do” by Pat Allen is closer to the psychology of how to create a balanced relationship based mostly on our conscious choices of “the leader” and “the follower”. (don’t freak out)
Dr Patricia Allen suggests that to be balanced, a relationship should contain the female and the male energy, and this does not require the woman to be the female energy, nor the man – the masculine energy. In the beginning, it sounds a bit strange. I will admit that after the first 20 pages my feminist side felt challenged, but I kept reading.
I’m glad I did
After all, a good relationship and communication are based on taking decisions rather than proving the other is wrong, and we are right. And while this is true, I especially liked the way Dr Allen explains the male and the female role in the relationship through the book.
With that said…
Some parts of the book were beliefs that don’t match everyone’s way nowadays. But don’t get discouraged as this is a must-read for anyone. In a time when we rush into relationships (sexual and non-sexual), we tend to forget that creating sustainable, beautiful, romantic and full of trust relationship, takes time. Yes, it does take time.
So…Getting To “I Do”
Thoughtful, supported by facts and an argumentative book that every woman should read.
Don’t give up after the first 20-25 pages as some of the statements will challenge and disturb you. Read on as there are plenty of treasures hidden in the book. I would recommend going through with a highlighter or a pen so you could create bullet points to pay attention to. I also recommend going twice through “Getting To I Do” for fully understanding of its ideas.
Personal note: It’s funny how my partner and I blindly went through the first year of our relationship – both recovering from a painful past. And yet, somehow, we had followed the 4 stages of this book (with small exceptions), including getting engaged before the first year ended. I am the female energy in the relationships and definitely follow my partner’s lead. However, I have a strong personality, and I am very stubborn, which is something I love he understands and accepts. Yes, going through the relationship in the way from “Getting To I Do” is entirely possible and it does lead to commitment and happiness.