Finding a way how to move on after a breakup is a hard and long process.
Just a little bit less than two years ago I was crying on my bed, feeling miserable, depressed, lonely, worthless and scared. I thought nothing and no one could make me happy anymore, and even though I was the one that ended the relationship, I thought “I will never love someone that way again.” Today I can say the same, but I would like to add more to it – I’ll never love someone that way again and thank God for that!”
Fast forward, and I am engaged to the most amazing man I’ve ever met, and I know the difference between “love” and “Love”.
love and Love – this is why you’d want to know how to move on after a breakup
The first type of “love” is when we experience it within ourselves. During that process, we project, our hopes, dreams, visions and goals into the other but everything happens inside of us.
We love the version of the person we see in our head, not the one that stands in front of us. You know what I mean. It’s that type of love when after a while you turn and say “He/she has changed.”
No, no one’s changed, it’s just you who took your first proper look at the other and realised you have only one thing in common – the mutual denial to see each other the way you ARE.
Related post: WHY LOVE HURTS? A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW!
And by saying that I don’t mean how bad/evil the other is, but how different you two are. The passion’s gone, and reality settles in your life. And that’s the moment of truth.
At the same time “Love” happens not only within us but everywhere around us as well. Suddenly you start finding gentleness, softness, power, strength, connection, kindness, trust, new levels of communication and feelings rising from both of you.
You have the “proofs” how real the things are, and everyone around you starts benefiting from your Love. It’s Love you give and receive with the same intensity. It surprises you, melts you, inspires you, and powers you.
But not right now.
Right now you feel scared that another relationship died from your hand. You feel hopeless and believe you won’t find anyone to love you the way you know you should be loved.
However, deep down in you, a small voice tells you everything will come into place one day. Don’t shut its mouth with proofs how worthless you are, but listen to it and hold on tight to the things it says.
There is no one right way on how to move on after a breakup. Every time you leave someone behind, in your past, there’s a new, unique way to move on with your life.
Anyway, there are things you could always do to bring back your inner peace. I’ve got a free e-book for you that could guide you through the whole process of getting over a breakup.
However, there’s always something more to be said and something more to be done.
We fight with several demons in ourselves when moving on after a breakup. So my goal is to show you the ways to transform the sorrow into strength using the following simple steps. If you liked that article make sure you subscribe to my website so you can be notified when I release another secret how to find Love.
Here are the 8 secrets on how to move on after a break up:
- Let go of your biggest fears – how to move on by releasing our fears
- Leave your feel of worthlessness in the past
- Stop asking yourself “Why me?” – how to transform the negative “Why me?” into the positive “I am grateful it’s me…”
- Release the guilt – how to move on after a breakup with no guilt in us
- Build new You from the ash
- Create new memories – how to move on after a breakup by celebrating the breakup
- Find new Love
- Stay who you are!
Let go of your biggest fears
Your fears right now are those:
– You’ll never love the way you did in the last relationship.
– There’s no one for you out there, and your experience proves it.
– You’ll never feel something as strong and amazing as the bond you had with that person.
– The time goes by, and you are still alone.
– The biological clock is ticking its way through your life, and you are incapable to stop it.
Release those fears. They serve you no good. They depress you and take your focus away from the major thing – moving on after the breakup.
Related post: 30 AND SINGLE? READ THIS!
How to move on after a breakup by releasing fears…
Fear’s favourite food is your negative thoughts. Fear loves you when you spend your free time thinking about the past or the future.
There’s a saying that if you feel depressed, you’re stuck in the past, and if you suffer from anxiety, then you overthink about the future.
Which one is yours? Maybe both?
The best way to move on after the breakup is to realise that there’s nothing wrong with you. Yes, you will never feel that way again, and that’s good because the way you did in that relationship was unhealthy. That same system left you in your current condition.
Related Post: 7 SIGNS OF MANIPULATION IN A RELATIONSHIP
No matter if you gave everything from yourself, you gave it to the wrong person, and that’s unhealthy. So be grateful you’ll never have to go through it again. Something much better is on its way to your heart.
Leave your feel of worthlessness in the past
Along with the fear you’ll never love that way again comes the feeling of worthless. It’s when you think you don’t deserve true love, because of what happened in the past. That same feel hurts your confidence and stops you from moving on after a breakup.
One after another, your relationships failed. Every time you thought you’d learned your lesson, but yet, you proved yourself wrong for the countless time.
But remember this:
You don’t need to win every time. You need to win only once.
And that’s the beauty of Love. I don’t say there’s only one love for everyone on this Earth, but I assume that not every time you thought you love, you actually did.
Self-worth doesn’t come from your past and what’ve done in it, but it’s what you feel deep down in you – the part you haven’t let go out yet.
The thought you are worthless came long before you two broke up. It appeared when you closed your eyes in front of the first problem you saw. You choose to ignore it because you lacked belief it should be solved. You decide to stay quite when you had to speak out!
But you are worthy, and the fact you’re free from an unhealthy relationship is your first step of accepting it.
I talk a lot about unhealthy relationships and how to recognise it in my free e-book How to get over a breakup fast. Make sure you take a look at it.
Stop asking yourself “Why me?”
To learn how to move on after a breakup, you should avoid the “Why me?” mood. It’s a common mistake to start asking yourself why you are the last one from your friends without a soul mate or why all the bad things always happen to you.
One of the most amazing things in life is that we could quickly transform something negative into positive by changing the “Why me?” to “I am grateful it’s me.”
– “Why I always have to be alone” could become “I am grateful I am alone instead of being with someone that doesn’t appreciate me/respect me/love me for who I am.”
– “Why am I the only one that didn’t see what’s going on?” sounds much better if it’s “I am grateful I found out what was going on now because Now I am sure we are not good for each other.”
– “Why should I always struggle with finding true love?” is actually “I am grateful I struggle with my love life instead of some other aspect of it, like health, loss of a family member or even having a home.”
“Why me?” exaggerates your situation and instead of focusing on the real size of the problem it takes your focus away and creates a drama.
Moving on after a breakup is a long, sometimes painful process, and a broken heart could need years to recover. But accepting what happened is your first step to mend it.
Release the guilt
“Well, maybe if I didn’t do that, then this wouldn’t happen…” is your favourite game right now, isn’t it?
Years ago I visited a psychologist (you can read more about it in my post Law of attraction and Love), and the best thing I learned from my sessions with her was that:
“We did what we did because at that moment we thought it was the best thing we could do.”
As simple as that!
Even if it was your fault for breaking up with your ex, blaming yourself does not improve your state.
Forgive yourself for what you did!
Forgive yourself for what you didn’t do!
Forgive yourself for what happened!
And move on!
Guilt is like a disease. It eats you alive, destroys your dreams, stops you from reaching the happiness. The feel of guilt could chase you long after the relationship ended. There’s always something small you know you did wrong. But you are a human. And even though that’s not an excuse, it is a starting point for something bigger.
You live to learn! You learn from experience! Experience never comes without mistakes! But the key to getting the lesson is to transform those mistakes into an experience. If you don’t do that, the mistake is going to be just that – a mistake. Nothing more and nothing less.
So learn from your mistakes and release the guilt.
Build new You from the ash
Once you let go of the fears, hug your worth and release the guilt, the real moving on after a breakup starts. The worst is behind you, but the hardest is yet to come.
The New You has to be born/created. And it has nothing to do with a drastic change. No!
It’s about sticking with the person you really are. The person you ignored in your unhealthy relationship. The person you have the potential and most of all – deserve to be.
People say that to love the others; you should love yourself first. And I can tell you it’s true. It took me almost 30 years to be the person I am happy with. And probably will take another 30 to evolve into what my heart tells me I could be. But I took the first step, and it’s… awesome!
Take your time. Listen to yourself. Don’t get distracted by what other people tell you to be. Everyone speaks to you with love, but they see the world only through their eyes. It’s time for you to start using yours as well.
Related post: FIND YOURSELF BEFORE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE
How to move on after a breakup if you don’t actually move on with Yourself? Change your mind state to something better. That is going to be your secret recipe for a successful love life.
Create new memories
You will enjoy that one. Moving on after a breakup takes time. And while everyone knows that, nobody actually tells you what to do in that time, am I right?
I talk a lot about what to do while getting over a breakup in my free e-book but let me scratch the surface here as well.
Create new moments. With yourself. With your friends. With your family. Watch movies you’ve always loved, no matter if it’s going to be your 345th time. Go to places you’ve never been before but always wanted to visit. Throw a party and call it “The celebration of The End”.
Once, a month after someone broke up with me and I spent that month drowning myself in tears, sorrow and “why me?” moments drama hours (daily!), I decided to put an end to it. So I bought a chocolate box, and on my next day at work I asked my colleagues to enjoy them and celebrate with me “one month of freedom from someone that didn’t appreciate me”. Believe it or not, it worked, and I still remember that chocolate box, even almost seven years later.
You could go higher than that and throw a party honouring your new state in life. Make new memories. Enjoy them!
Find new Love
The best part of all “how to move on after a breakup” is that one. This Love will be your first one, and it will last forever.
The Love for yourself.
Please, don’t roll your eyes (I know you did it 😉 ).
Somewhere there, between the party-celebration of the New You, the forgiveness and the days full of trust for a future you create for yourself, you will fall in love.
You will fall in love with your new life, your newly discovered strength and your potential.
And that’s the best part of the moving on. Because once you experience this Love, you will know precisely how to recognise the other Love. There’s an amazing collaboration I and few other bloggers did on How to recognise if someone is a boyfriend material you could check out here.
You will recognise when someone sees just a reflection of you in his/her head, and someone who tries to unleash the power in you.
Stay who you are
Now you know how to move on after a breakup.
Just stay who you are – the only person that could make you happy is you, no matter if that sounds like an old cliché.
And then, you could share your happiness with the other’s happiness. But you cannot create his/her happiness. We always design it by ourselves. And that’s what makes it so unique, so rare and so true.
If you enjoyed my article on how to move on after a breakup, there’s a lot more coming in the future, so scroll and subscribe to be notified when another love secret is revealed. Please share with others if you believe that content is awesome.
If you’d like to have my free e-book HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST click the link below.