Archive For The “Marriage” Category

Financial Infidelity and Financial Abuse in Marriage

Financial Infidelity and Financial Abuse Signs, Action Steps and Statistics. Financial Infidelity Grounds for Divorce.

 

Does your spouse acts weird when it comes to money and don’t want to talk over money issues? 

Do you feel helpless when you try to start a conversation about saving/spending/anything! Regarding money?

Or maybe they just ignore your hints and avoid sticking to the subject?

Do you feel used? Tired? Confused?

Read on; I’m here to help!

All those are just the foam of all signs of financial infidelity…

…or a financial abuse!

And you are its victim!

Except…

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…You don’t know it!

What you want is simple, isn’t it?

financial infidelity in marriage financial abuse

Financial Infidelity Grounds for Divorce

You want to create a marriage full of trust, love, security, clear communication and deep connection. You would love both of you to contribute to the financial aspect of your married life, to pay off all the annoying debts and live your life free of any worry and sleepless nights.

However, lately, you feel like something’s wrong…

You think “Am I going crazy over insignificant things?”

“Is it fair to ask my partner to be more money aware when even I am still learning?”

“Will I destroy our relationship if we start fighting over money? Wasn’t that the shortcut to divorce?”

“Will I lose their trust if I’m wrong about this?”

Well, let’s make things clear first before you have that talk with your significant one.

 

What is financial infidelity?

What is financial abuse? 

Are they as bad as cheating? 

Are they fixable? 

Is it possible to be their victim even if you consider yourself as a smart and educated person? (short answer – YES!)

Let’s dig into family money, and financial infidelity, financial abuse and the difference between them.

Did you know…?

31% of all couples clash over money issues monthly 

 

More than three couples out of ten argue over debts, fail to communicate effectively over money, paying off debts and spending money in a “smart way” (if there’s one at all…).

How to know if you are a victim of financial infidelity and your spouse is lying to you? Are there any signs?

 

Of course, there are signs.

Easy to be seen…

… as long as you know where to look.

My goal in this post is to make you aware that even the one you love and vow to share everything with, might be hiding something from you… that they shouldn’t.

I will go over:

– Signs of financial infidelity;

– Financial abuse and its manipulation goals

– Financial ABUSE and when you should run as fast as you can

– Actions to take if you find out your spouse is hiding money from you

– How to deal with the debts in case you still want to fix the problems

Signs of financial infidelity – hiding money and its cons…

 

Hiding money! 

Sounds childish but surprisingly everyone had done it at some point in their life.

Have you ever both something and hid its price from your spouse?

Did you wait at least three months after you met your significant one to tell them about your debts?

Well, you’ve cheated financially too… Small, but still counts.

The reasons are countless, but today we’ll focus on the perfect case…

Which means…

Your spouse doesn’t hide money because you like to spend them!

You consider yourself as a financially educated person and don’t believe you overspend. You were never blamed you waste money on … well, anything.

On the other hand, you never banned your spouse from doing reasonable shopping. When they wanted or needed something, you’re always up for it.

Good for you!

However…

Something is wrong between the two of you. 

Financial ABUSE

 

Now, there is financial abuse, and there’s financial ABUSE. 

Before we go through all that it’s to come, I’d like to make this as clear as possible.

It might be confusing, and many people could even judge me over making a difference – abuse is abuse, no matter what.

However, if your spouse controls your money, doesn’t allow you to spend anything unless he approves it and you feel scared to raise the problem, it’s ABUSE, and the financial part is just a small aspect of it.

You need professional help, and you need to leave that person. And I’m not sorry to that you need to run as fast as possible from that person.

I’d like to separate the financial abuse on two levels.

Financial Abuse Level 1

 

Your partner is asking you to pay for yourself when you’re out and that happens almost all the time. He or she makes you feel like you owe them at least this and often hide that behind the fact that they don’t have money to pay for you two.

Also, financial abuse from level 1 is often making you pay for everything in the house too. If you both work but one of you pays for everything and the other spends his money on personal hobbies, it is a financial abuse too.

If you feel your partner has the opportunity to help you more financially in the house but doesn’t want to, you are a victim of that type of financial abuse. I’ve talked more about it in How to live with financially unstable husband.

This type of financial abuse is closely related to financial infidelity but both are fixable. Something we cannot say for Level 2

Financial abuse Level 2

 

  • Your spouse doesn’t allow you to work
  • Has full control over your salary if you work
  • Leaves you with no money
  • You don’t have any financial independence in your home
  • You don’t have access to money even for basic needs
  • Your partner uses your debit credit cards without permission
  • Every time you try to raise your voice about these problems your partner gets aggressive
  • All or some of these problems are combined with physical abuse as well

Needless to say – you have to run!

There is no chance of things getting better. You are dealing with an emotionally damaged person and it is not your job to fix them. Your partner manipulates and abuses you, and your place is as far away from them as possible.

With that said, assuming you are not one of these cases, let’s keep saving your marriage…

You notice one or few of the signs below:

No clarity in your money situation no matter how hard you try

 

It looks like you never know what’s going on with the money you and your spouse earn every month. 

The bills are paid, the rent/mortgage also. The grocery shopping is done. But somehow, you still feel that you don’t know where the money goes.

If you have joint accounts, it’s kind of easy to notice what’s going on.

But what if…

… your spouse has another account in another bank?

There are a few ways to find that out, but I’ll get to that in a second.

The fact is you don’t see how is possible to not be able to save money when both of you earn enough and your debts are not so big.

Well, that little feeling in your chests?

It’s a small sign of financial infidelity.

Your spouse might be hiding money from you, but don’t urge to go crazy over it. It could be lack of organisation and money budgeting. It’s fixable and there’s nothing to worry about. See how to fix this by learning family budgeting for couples.

However…

Unwillingness to talk about money that drives you insane

 

Your partner constantly avoids talking about your money savings, paying off debts and budget planning. He (or she) never have time for that type of conversation, no matter how much you try to create the time for it.

Your significant one doesn’t want to “think about money right now”, “doesn’t have time for such a talk” or just goes nervous and blames you for lack of trust (more about this later).

Did you recognise yourself in that situation? 

I’m sorry to be a pain, but you have a problem. 

Money problem.

And your spouse hides something. There is no excuse or explanation on that one. You are probably a victim of financial infidelity. Let’s see below if we could add more to that…

Hiding the bank statements from you or going through the mail every day before you get to it

 

Yep, there’s something your spouse doesn’t want to you to see – letter from the bank. A bank statement for a credit card or a bank account you don’t know it exists.

Or maybe there are no more bank statements arriving via mail?

Receiving a letter with a bank statement would push you to go through it. So if your spouse uses his account to hide money or pay extra debts through, they wouldn’t want you to see the bank statement. You might actually even forget checking the accounts.

However, nowadays many banks offer online statements and this could make things harder for you. 

No explanations when it comes to spendings – being rude is a sign of financial infidelity

 

Having a normal conversation with your spouse shouldn’t be something you cross your fingers to happen.

Money is a crucial part of every couple’s life and talking about money is more than alright. 

In fact, it’s necessary.

Why do people feel more comfortable to have sex with a stranger than to talk about money with their significant one?

 

Effective communication is when both of you spear the time and make the effort to come up with a plan, a strategy to pay off debts, to save money or to spend it.

So, to talk about how both of you spend money is as normal as to talk about the weather. It’s marriage, you are supposed to do it.

With that said, if your spouse suddenly doesn’t want to get involved in any money conversation and refuses to explain weird transactions, it’s a classic “money issues” sign.

Part of this sign of financial infidelity is the fact he or she blames you for not trusting them. 

Disclaimer: Please, be aware that to have a normal conversation is one thing and to sit down and ask him “Where did you spend this money?” is different. In the second case – you are acting like a parent and even the most lovable and honest spouse wouldn’t feel good about it.

Missing cash and often withdraws from the accounts are signs of financial abuse and financial infidelity

 

As I said, I’d like to talk more about the difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse. 

Financial abuse is when one of the partners uses financially the other in different ways.

Examples: This might include using only your money from the salary, while your partner’s money goes for things unrelated to the family spendings (hobbies, games, drinking problems). Also, you could find that money is missing – cash you left in the house for a specific thing, change you usually keep for small shopping, etc.

The most prominent sign – often asks you to pay for yourself when you’re out, asking you to pay for the petrol when he/she gives you a lift to work.

I’ve been in a relationship where I was financially used.

It’s very funny and sad, because I’ve got a Master Degree in Finances and worked in banks for almost ten years… and yet, I was used to paying for alcohol and cigarettes when we were struggling with buying food and paying bills.

But that’s another story. We live and we learn. So, please, learn from my experience and follow my advice.

In conclusion, the best way to find out if you are a victim of financial abuse is to ask yourself…

Does it feel fair?

Does it feel fair to pay for this?

Does it feel normal? 

If you have any doubts, that something’s not right, probably it isn’t.

Have questions regarding financial abuse or financial infidelity? Contact me and ask. I will help you find the right answer.

But what about the withdraws?

 

If your spouse often withdraws money from the bank account and doesn’t have a good explanation of where the money goes, it could be a sign of financial infidelity.

Especially if he/she gets irritated when you ask them (in a polite and respective way).

You start receiving gifts – a possible sign of guilt and financial infidelity

 

Well, if you suddenly start receiving gifts and flowers, there’s a possibility for your spouse to feel guilty about something. It is not a secret that showering someone with gifts all of a sudden is a hint that something’s wrong. 

Try to combine this sign with one or more of the others and you’ve got the right recipe for financial infidelity.

You’re being paranoid, why wouldn’t you trust me?

 

That’s one of their favourite questions when you ask for an explanation.

If everything is fine and there’s nothing to worry about, your partner will just explain you everything.

But if it’s not, they might get aggressive and even leave the room making you feel the worst person ever, that you asked such questions.

Whatever happens, if you feel that something’s wrong, if there’s missing cash, weird withdraws small transaction to a different account you know nothing about, don’t feel paranoid. If you feel lied and used, you have the right to make the situation as clear as possible.

Financial infidelity is serious.

He or she hid money?

That’s a huge red flag for poor relationship trust and communication. 

Also, it is a sign of manipulation. 

 

Do you feel lied or manipulated?

It’s not a nice feeling.

But, hold on…

You are both adults. And I believe that every problem between couples is fixable. Including financial infidelity or financial abuse.

However, you should both want to fix it.

Both of your efforts are crucial to the situation, but with mutual understanding and hard work, you can go through it.

Here’s how

What NOT to do when you find out you in a situation of financial infidelity or financial abuse?

 

First of all – don’t threat of leaving

That would be the perfect time for ultimatums and threats of leaving, isn’t it?

When, if not now, you can seriously consider leaving behind a person you don’t even know anymore?

Well, even if you think about leaving your spouse, don’t tell that.

Nobody likes to be pushed and threatened and every willingness for change will fly through the window when you mention ultimatums.

I firmly believe a serious conversation full of honesty and support could do wonders if both want it. Talk through everything and then give time.

Although you might feel stupid to wait for something so obvious – they have to change or else, do not forget it was their decision to leave the honesty out of your marriage. Therefore, it has to be their decision they will stick to that honesty again. Forcing them going into something they willingly left could make things worse.

Make it clear the trust is harmed but never bring the subject into every argument you have

 

By doing that you guarantee a significant amount of guilt and anger to grow between the two of you. Always talk about the current problem during a fight and don’t allow yourself to get lost in anger and blame.

Your partner might forgive the first few times but after that, it will build up another issue between the two of you.

What to do when you find out that your spouse hides money form you?

 

So, it’s a fact! 

Your spouse hides money from you and you are a victim of financial infidelity.

Read the next action steps to help you go through that rough situation in your marriage.

Stay calm – the advice everyone hates!

 

You think you are right to be angry?

Yes, you are!

But it won’t help you at all. 

In fact, going mad, shouting and blaming your spouse will make things so much worse. Allowing yourself to lose control of your nerves is a perfect recipe for ultimatums and divorce conversations.

And you don’t want that, do you?

Look for the blame in yourself – nope, you are not an angel either…

 

I am far away from telling you it’s your fault.

However, focusing on finding out why did you encourage this behaviour, will take your focus away long enough to calm yourself.

How is it possible to be your fault?

 

It’s easy

Have you ever fight over the small amount of money spend on your spouse’s hobby? 

Have you ever banned a shopping he/she really wanted/needed?

Do you like to overspend? Regularly?

Can you control your impulses for spending when you’re out or in the online shop?

Do you love to criticise your spouse’s shopping routine?

Have you noticed that “your way” of spending money is “always better”?

If you recognised yourself in on of the situations from above – yes, it’s your fault as well. 

You brought that to yourself. 

And while your spouse still had to try and find a fair solution, you shouldn’t put all the blame on him.

There are just a few situations in the married life when we can say it’s only one of the spouse’s fault. Usually, everyone has their share.

If it’s your fault, you might have to work more than your spouse on fixing the things!

Keep reading…

Find out the truth

 

However, the financial infidelity is a fact.

Or is it?

Are you sure what you think that happens is what actually happens?

Find out the truth. 

Talk.

Stick to being honest and respectful. But find out the truth. No blame, no anger. Only open communication.

See their point of view. You should never judge until you have all the facts (even after that if you want a healthy relationship). The situation might be completely different from their point of view. Give your significant one a chance to show you why they did it.

Take a decision

 

Together.

It has to stop.

Money has a huge impact on every family’s happiness. That is why you should decide on how to proceed from that moment on. 

Building the trust again will be hard, but if both of you want to do it, it will happen.

Confront, but be polite

 

Finding out that the love of your life hides money from you and you are an in a financial infidelity situation, could overwhelming. 

However, be polite.

This is still the person you share a bed with.

He/she is still your spouse.

And you owe them respect and politeness. No matter what!

Your partner might feel even worse than you

 

This is still the person you love, and they love you back.

Your partner probably feels worse than you about hiding money, acting weird, causing you pain and risking your marriage.

There’s a big chance they didn’t even realise that what happens is wrong.

Anyway…

Don’t compromise. Never!

 

Whatever the reasons, you’ve been mistreated.

Do not just put that behind you and move on.

Otherwise, it will happen again and you won’t even find out.

The financial abuse and stashing money away is not something you should compromise with. Be firm, find out the truth, ask for an explanation and take further decision.

Can you save your marriage?

 

Marriage is a fragile relationship.

Will you be able to forgive financial infidelity?

Can you move on after financial abuse?

Do you see it as just another step to the end of your marriage?

Is it just a childish behaviour that the other regrets about?

If you feel betrayed and unable to forgive, then consider marriage counselling. Give both of you the opportunity to work on the problem.

Create a plan

 

After you go through the first two phases of finding out you’ve been lied and taking the decision to move on and try to save your marriage, it’s time for planning.

Here’s how to do it:

Analyse the situation

 

The most often case is when one of the partners has a credit card or loan that keeps in secret from their spouse. It’s usually used to cover expenses on hobbies.

If that’s you – consider yourself lucky. There are cases where the spouse is saving for divorce…

But, if you have to deal with debts…

Create a plan on how to pay them off. I’ve got a detailed guide on how to pay off your debts and finally achieve the financial freedom you aim for. 

Also, you can download for free my family budgeting guide to help you start paying off the debts together and being more present with your spending. You can download it from here or by clicking the link at the end of the article.

Be accountable to each other

 

Gaining back the trust is going to take a while.

It is OK if you don’t feel like trusting your spouse immediately.

Financial infidelity is hard to forgive. Financial abuse is even harder.

Schedule weekly meetings to go over the bank statements and weekly spending together. Put as much effort into this as your spouse. It might be their fault, but feeling your support will help them stay on track and be money wise.

Make them feel fully involved in everything that happens. Be sure both of you agree on each decision before you proceed to the action steps.

Find your goal

 

Finding out why you want to do this will be your stimulus to go further. 

Your goal could be to build the trust back. Financial infidelity ruins the trust between the spouses so building it back is the more important thing. That is why setting up a goal like that will keep you involved in the process.

If your partner went into lots of debts, your goal could be to pay them off and be debt free. Even getting better just step by step and debt by debt will be something that will bring the trust back between the two of you.

What if nothing works and you feel the dishonesty is or will continue?

 

Let’s face it!

Life is not a fairytale.

Just because you want to fix the things it doesn’t mean it will happen.

You still don’t trust your partner after months of “working it out”.

Your partner acts weird again, and you are not sure if the nightmare won’t start all over again.

Financial infidelity and financial abuse are grounds for divorce, and there’s nothing wrong in telling the truth.

No one can blame you for not giving a chance on a relationship you honestly don’t want to maintain anymore.

Once you take the decision it’s over

 

Prepare yourself.

There’s a great book by Valerie Rind who was a victim of financial infidelity. Her husband hid a huge financial secret from her for a decade, and she doesn’t overthink either to stay or to leave. Her hard, but honest emotions and experience could give you the strength you need in a moment like this.

In the same book, you will find out how to prepare yourself – legally and emotionally, to separate from your spouse.

Try stashing money for yourself

 

I know it sounds like you have to cheat because they cheated on you, but it’s the best thing you could do for yourself.

Because, once you decide to leave this marriage behind, you have to start thinking exclusively of yourself.

Life requires money, and you have the full right to prepare financially for leaving this relationship. It is necessary if you are a victim of financial abuse as well.

It is your time to open a bank account in a different bank and put aside some money.

Consult with a lawyer

 

Leaving a relationship and leaving a marriage are different things. When ending a relationship after financial infidelity or financial abuse, it’s a matter of packing your clothes (said simple).

However, a divorce is a whole new chapter in life, and you need all the support – emotional and legal, you could get. Never trust you and your partner will find a solution together. Talk to a lawyer and be aware of every single option you’ve got.

There are more options, but if you got to this point, I strongly recommend Valerie’s book to walk you through the process.

Conclusion

 

No matter if you are dealing with financial infidelity or you are a victim of financial abuse – change is required.

And it has to happen now.

You deserve to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your spouse. Moreover, you’ve got the right to demand this to happen… in a calm manner, of course.

Be brave that no matter what, it is you and your life and wellbeing that should matter the most to you. Unwillingness to change and improve the situation could bring you low self-esteem, total lack of trust in your partner and general unhappiness.

But it is you who should stop all this from happening.

Financial infidelity in its core is lack of effective communication. As I said, everything is fixable as long as both of you work on it, support each other and walk side by side towards mutual happiness.

If you got so far in this article – Thank you! I hope it helps you and directs you into a better future where financial infidelity or financial abuse are just another battle with the life you won. Please, consider subscribing to our blog as there’s more to come. Stay happy!

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50 Cheap and Cute Date Night Ideas for Married Couples … And Not Only

Who said married couples don’t date?

 

I wanted to write down these date night ideas for married couples for so long but wasn’t sure if I should focus on the date night ideas or only on date ideas. However, there are so many ways you and your spouse could spend your days and evenings, which I decided to split them in two. So, if you like these date night ideas for married couples, make sure you subscribe to our blog for the date-day-ideas… sound’s weird.

Anyway, let’s cut to the chain.

 

Even unmarried couples could do these things, but my focus is on the married couples. It’s so easy to lose yourself in the everyday routine, especially when you know you’re so “chained” to the other that it almost doesn’t matter how you’ll spend the evenings.

Related post: IS MARRIAGE LESS ROMANTIC THAN A RELATIONSHIP?

However, that’s the worst way of thinking ever. I believe that you should focus on the dating and the quality moments together exactly because you’re married. You see, the unmarried couples go out on dates and have fun to get to know each other. Married couples go out together to make the bond stronger and have fun with someone that already knows and loves their craziness. There are no limits, no obligations to behave, you won’t look or sound stupid.. and even if you do – the other is just going to laugh at you for the rest of the week. 

Dating your spouse is fun, adds quality memories, refreshes your daily routine and gives you more reasons to lose it a bit. So, take a look at these 50 date night ideas for married couples, and let me know if you’re going to try some of them.

To be easier for you to read them, I divided them into two categories: date ideas when you want to stay at home and date ideas when you want to go out.

Suggested post: HOW TO FIND COUPLE TIME WITH THE KIDS AROUND

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Date night ideas for married couples that want to stay home

 

1. Chimney date – a dinner in front of the fireplace. It’s only you, your spouse, two glasses of wine, delicious food and the warm smell of burning wood…

2. Board Games – you definitely have got board games at home. Just get them out of the storage room and see who’s going to win three times in a row.

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3. Homemade pizza – it’s easy to order a pizza, but where’s the fun of that? Find a pizza dough and put your favourite toppings. Then enjoy your own creation.

4. Go to a Stand-Up Comedy… at home – Netflix is full of Stand-Up Comedy shows. Pick one, decide what time it’s going to start and get some popcorns.

5. Home Spa – a bubble bath, aromatherapy and two glasses of sparkling wine… who wouldn’t enjoy such a date night?

date-cooking-kiss-couples-married-love6. Wine and Cheese – who said you could enjoy classy wine and cheese only in the restaurants. All you need to do is choose two bottles of wine you’ve never tasted before and got a few types of cheese and rape. I could do that every evening…

7. Watch series together – follow a TV show together. It can be either something on the TV or chose it from Netflix. Decide which day of the week and what time you’re going to save for watching a single episode of it and get more popcorns.

8. Healthy cooking competition – set up a budget each one of you has to spend on the farmer’s market. Then each one of you has to spend the money buying products for a healthy dish that will cook later. The only condition is the dish to be something new that you’ve never cooked before. 

9. Film your own movie – that’s even better, and you can combine it with number 8. Film each other while cooking the healthy dish or just make your own video doing something else around the house. Have fun and experiment.

10. Watch the video from your wedding with popcorns and gossip about everyone you see – a great way to remind yourself the happy day.

Suggested post: THE MAIN KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

11.Paint each other’s bodies – be creative, use body paint only and have no limits on the zones you paint… 

 

12. Create your own memory capsule – get a scrapbook, sit down and create your own memory capsule. If you are like me and have a memory box where you put little things to remember places you’ve visited and things you did, this is a lovely date night idea for the two of you. If you don’t keep anything, simply print photos from your last vacation and then arrange them in the book.

13. Make a video for your grown-up children – My favourite one of all date night ideas for married couples. Film yourselves today, how you look like, what you think of life, how you imagine yourselves one day when the children are big. What do you want them to remember, and how do you see the family be in 20 years from today. Make it fun no matter If you have or don’t have children at this moment. 

14. Make your own ice cream and eat it together – well, you’ll have to leave it in the freezer for w while, but who knows if you can actually wait that long…

15. Create a bucket list …

 

Put the wine on the table and spend the next two hours talking about the places you want to visit and the things you want to do for the next 12 months. Who knows, this date could make you come up with some cute ideas. 

16. Make a cake together and decorate It in a weird and fun way – if you feel too lazy to cook a whole cake, just get a ready one from the shop, remove the decoration and go wild. 

17. Private massage – candles, essential oils, soft music and naked bodies… one of the best date night ideas for married couples that want to spice up their love life.

Related post: – 8 OF THE BEST NAUGHTY GAMES FOR COUPLES ON AMAZON

18 Plan a holiday – on small pieces of paper write down all the places in the world you’ve ever wanted to visit – stick with the exact places – cities, not countries. Then put them in a bowl or a jar and draw two out. Plan a vacation that includes both of them.

19. Learn a new language – youtube is full of free beginners’ lessons on any language you’ve always wanted to learn. What could be more fun than you and your spouse learning the basics of a foreign language together? 

20. Make a karaoke night at home and film it – who knows; with this one of the date night ideas for married couples, you might be the next viral video on FB.

21. Strip game – strip poker, strip home basketball, strip quiz… whatever you choose.. just take the clothes off and have fun.

Suggested post: 50 ROMANTIC MESSAGES FOR YOUR HUSBAND – KEEP IT ROMANTIC

22. Play Truth or Dare

 

23. Watch a full season of series for one night – it’s going to be a long night, but with popcorns, beer and pizza around I believe you won’t feel tired too fast.

24. Explore Kama Sutra together…

Related post: 7 ROMANTIC IDEAS FOR HIM IN THE BED – SURPRISE YOUR MAN

25. Create simple mini scenarios and play it in from of the camera – you know all those latino soap dramas? Play a simple scene where there are lot’s of fake tears, mini arguing and happy way-too-fake-passionate kiss at the end. Make it ridiculously crazy.

26. Get a 1000 pieces puzzle and put it together for one night – choose a prize at the end if you manage to do it for a single night… a long night… But hey, just have fun.

27. Buy a few home design magazines, and with the help of scissors and glue create your dream home. A pool on the roof? Bring it on!

Date night ideas for married couples that want to go out

 

28. Take a walk around the furniture shops in the area – it’s fun, it’s romantic, boosts your imagination and creativity. Just don’t buy anything if you still want to keep the date “cheap”.

29. Date in the museum – many museums don’t have an entry tax, or it’s cheap if they have. The date night idea is a huge opportunity to learn something new and exciting.

30. Art Gallery – visit an Art Gallery and admire the fantastic way of thinking of the artists.

31. Bike together outside and even race – who has stronger legs?

32. Visit antic shops

 

They are huge inspiration places, doors to the past and I can honestly spend hours in them sometimes.

33. Arcade Games – it’s still cheap to go and play some arcade games. And it’s fun as well.

34. Winery tour – I know, it has to be in late afternoon rather than evening, but many wineries offer free tours and who can say No to a few sips of wine?

35. Picnic at evening time – you can either do that one in your home or go with the car to someplace where you can see the whole city in front of you and have a dinner-picnic there.

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36. Trivia date – a pub, a beer and a Quiz. Such a lovely date night idea for married couples that like to scratch their brains.

37. Go to a karaoke – if you don’t want to make it at home, then you just have to go to the karaoke club and sing it out loud.

38. Find a place under the stars and enjoy them. – Just don’t choose the cemetery, I don’t know why in the movies they always choose the cemetery, but I don’t want to give you this as an option…spooky

39. Go to a dance class together – even if it’s only once. You might like it.

 

40. Make your own photo-session – choose different places, change the facial expressions, experiment.

41. Play pool – and pick a prize for the winner.

42. Go to an Open Houses – it’s always interesting to see how other people have arranged their living space. Check with the local real-estate agencies for Showrooms and go to steal some ideas. 

43. Head to the beach and have dinner there – then go into the waters…naked. Try not to spend the night in the jail for that!

44. Go to an Open Mic Night – it’s usually cheap to attend an Open Mic Night somewhere, and you will have fun.

date-night-ideas-couples-married-car-love45. Go camping somewhere for the night – prepare the tent, the food and go into the woods.

46. Go camping … in the car…

 

Pick a place with no one around, then spend the night in the car – talking, snacking, kissing and touching… just like if you’re teenagers.

47. Role play – dress up, go to the bar/pub separately and pretend you don’t know each other. Then hook up for the night.

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48. Visit a cheap shop with a $10 budget and buy something for the other – it has to be with a hint of a joke to the other.

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49. Recreate your first date – was it a romantic dinner somewhere or just a walk in the city centre? Visit the place you had your first kiss and recreate it.

50. Sign up for a sport together – usually, the first lesson is for free or with a discount. 

Hope you liked my 50 cheap date night ideas for married couples. Share them with your spouse and choose one or more for the next month. If you’ve already done something even better, please share it with me in the comments below.

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Most Common Reasons for Divorce According to the Studies

Is there a pattern that the divorcing couples follow?

You’ve got your own vision for the most common reasons for divorce, I know. But what does the science say about divorce and is it applicable to you and your ending marriage?

This article is based on a study case by Paul R. Amato and Denise Previti – People’s Reasons for Divorcing, 2003. The study is based on finding the most common reasons for divorce according to the gender, social class, the life course and the adjustment. For the article, I will summarise the facts from the study and will give you shortest version of it.

Please be aware that the conclusions in this article are based on a single study. That means that just like any other study, not everything applies to everyone. There are always exceptions that more or less prove the rules. However, the conclusions in the text are mine.

Men and Women – Who Sees What and When

It is not a very big surprise that women usually pay more attention to the problems in the relationship, they spot them earlier and are more willing to work on communication. At the same time though, women initiate divorce more often than men.

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Photo by Asdrubal luna on Unsplash

As most common reasons for divorce women report infidelity as the top reason, which doesn’t mean that men cheat more often. It says that either they’re more likely to be caught or it’s harder for women to forgive a cheating spouse.

Ladies are more emotional, so it sounds normal when we say that women’s reasons for divorce come from the sensitive part of the marriage – betrayal (when been cheated on), lack of love, unhappiness, incompatibility. Of course, we should mention the negative behaviour of the partner – drinking, physical or mental abuse, using drugs, etc.

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When we jump to the gents’ world, we can see some surprising facts.

For example, men are usually the once that report they’re not sure why their marriage ended. At this point I ask myself the question:

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If wives are so eager to recognise and work on the problems how come the husbands end up not knowing why everything failed?

In favour of the men is the conclusion that they are more likely to blame themselves for the divorce (10%) while the ladies don’t accept blame so easy (1.5%).

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Following the statement above, 40% of the women blame the men for the end of the marriage, and 21% of the men blame the women.

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To conclude and sum up everything:

 

– women are fast in spotting the problems in the marriage at a very early stage;

– most of the time women’s most common reasons for divorce are connected to emotional unhappiness, incompatibility, betrayal, disrespect, lack of showing love;

– Women blame men for the end twice more than the men blame women;

– Men are more likely to have no idea why they got to the divorce stage;

– However, after the divorce men are the once that accept easier their fault for the end, not the women.

Your income and education affect your chances for divorce

We know that money is a very common reason for divorce, but it’s much more complicated than you think.

A good education and higher income benefit the marriage, and we don’t need any study to tell us that. The reason behind this is that a better education improves the communication skills hence the communication between the partners is efficient.

High education includes more analytical abilities which help couples to resolve their problems easier. It’s straightforward – higher education ergo more ways to solve one problem.

At the same time, the everyday stress coming from lower income (which usually follows after lower education) is an often reason for conflicts and increases disagreements. So, we can say that money is one of the most common reasons for divorce because the lack of finances simply stresses us too much to enjoy the married life. After all, a successful marriage occurs when both of the partners work together towards better future. Incompatibility in the financial values is an obvious struggle to live with.

Related post: HOW TO LIVE WITH FINANCIALLY UNSTABLE HUSBAND

Rich’s and poor’s most common reasons for divorce

It’s so uncool to separate the reasons for divorce like that, but the above study points few interesting points about the most common reasons for divorce among the people with higher or lower education and income.

The couples with higher income and education usually point out more relationship connected reasons for divorce:

– Lack of communication;

– Changes in interests;

– Changes in values;

– Incompatibility;

– Grew apart;

– Personality issues.

At the same time most of the external reasons for divorce come from divorced couples with lower income and education:

– Physical abuse;

– Going out with boys/girls;

– Gambling;

– Criminal activities;

– Financial problems;

– Employment problems.

Something that’s not in favour of the people with higher income and better education is that they are more likely to think of divorce when problems occur.

Can we say that smart people give up easier? I’m not so sure about that.

Percentage list of the most common reasons for divorce

Let’s list the most common reasons for divorce according to that study.

Infidelity – 21.6%

Even if we check other scientists’ studies, we will see that usually infidelity is on the top of every list.

Cheating on spouses is like a secret act that everyone is against, but somehow it happens all the time. 

The feel of betrayal after been cheated on is hard to live with. The reasons for the cheat are always different but never good enough. That makes infidelity the most painful one among the most common reasons for divorce.

Incompatibility – 19.2%

I guess it’s very easy to mistake the passion in a relationship with compatibility, even though it sounds impossible. However, finding out that you and your partner are not as compatible as you thought at the beginning says exactly that. All of the emotions, the passion, the big sparkles and dreams of future together very often push away the logical thinking and the obvious hardships.

Compatibility is not only about mutual feelings, but about sharing the same plans for the future, similar financial culture, quality conflict resolutions,  sexual compatibility, strong connection and much more.

Drinking or drugs – 10.6%

Dealing with a partner with alcohol or drug problems is very hard as the threat of financial, physical or mental abuse is always there, in the corner, waiting for an opportunity. 

Using substances to cover, hide, forget a problem is very often a reason for divorce. When one of the partners start falling and doesn’t accept help, doesn’t admit the problem and doesn’t want to make an effort to change, the divorce is the most reasonable decision. Moreover, when there are children involved it’s “the sooner, the better”.

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Growing apart – 9.6%

That is one of the most common reasons for divorce among couples that got into the marriage at a young age. Barely finished the high school/college and jumping into the responsibilities of the household, finding the suitable career path, getting to know yourself as an adult and the other as such, is very difficult.

And I am far away from saying that it doesn’t work as I know many people that made it work. However, many times takes years before each one of the personalities in the marriage fully understands their needs in life. Sometimes that doesn’t end well for the marriage.

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Personality problems – 9.1%

I guess when it comes to personality problems part of it is the “growing apart” section. However, personality problems might indicate for selfishness in the relationship, change of the behaviour, lack of help and lack of support. 

Lack of communication – 8.7%

I always point out the communication as a key to successful marriage.

Maybe half of the problems above wouldn’t occur if there is proper communication between the partners in a marriage. 

The lack of communication is the first step to resolving problems. Less communication means less support between the partners, which is painful as the support of the spouse is always crucial. No communication says “I am closing my mouth and eyes, I refuse to see, to recognise, identify and think about the aspects of a successful marriage.”. No communication means no relationship ergo no marriage.

Physical or mental abuse – 4.3%

There’s no need for explanation why when there’s an abuse marriage cannot exist. Recognising the early stages of abuse comes with noticing the lack of respect and spotting the manipulation tactics that always come with the abuse.

Related post: 7 SIGNS OF MANIPULATION IN A RELATIONSHIP

Loss of love – 4.3%

Sometimes love just doesn’t exist anymore. Well, either it was love or something else, is a matter of another discussion, but the point is that when there’s no love, there’s no marriage. It’s always a good decision for both of the partners to try to find someone to share the real love with.

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Not meeting family obligations – 3.4%

You got married, then one day woke up and realised family is not the game you or your partner want to play in life. Unfortunately, it happens quite often.

Marriage is not only lovely family photos on Christmas Eve, but it’s financial obligation, household duties, dirty dishes and screaming kids.

Is it hard? You can bet it is.

Is it for everyone? I am sure it’s not!

Many people are just not good at being married! There’s no better way to say it!

Some of them decide to fight these feelings and hope they’ll go away like a flue. They try to help, try to fit into the picture. There’s always a chance the miracle to happen.

Others just order the divorce papers because the hustle is too much and they can’t be bothered.

Employment problems – 3.4%

Employment problems are very often the lack of permanent job which would provide financial stability for the family. Dealing with a spouse that’s never happy with the choice of career is a pain. 

However, very often the “love for the work” is the reason for families to separate. 89 hours of work weekly could bring financial stability, but it definitely wouldn’t replace the warmth of the other’s body in the bed or the family dinners with the children.

Don’t know – 3.4%

As I said earlier, sometimes people just don’t know where the problem came from. Divorce happens for many reasons, and very often the cause is more than a few factors. 

Unhappy in marriage – 2.9%

Being unhappy in the marriage is a very good reason to divorce. But I guess somehow each one of the reasons above and bellow are causing unhappiness. However, maybe here the study shows that sometimes everything may be normal, but the people are just not happy with themselves and that affects their marriage.

Other reasons for divorce

As the participants in the study usually point out more than just one reason for divorce, there are few more reasons, but I wouldn’t put them into the “most common reasons for divorce” category. 

Conclusion

It was exciting to explore the scientistic part of the marriage. I cannot be convinced that one study could give us a pattern of the divorce. We live in a world that changes us so fast. 

However, for years and years, some of the most common reasons for divorce stay the same. 

Maybe there’s something crucial that the psychologists cannot identify yet. 

Maybe we cannot be changed. 

Maybe we don’t want to change.

Love and marriage are still considered a blessing, but are they as sacred for our spouse as it is for us? Is it the other’s fault or we’ve been blind for ages and finally see the truth?

Every case is individual, and its differences are probably the ones that give us the secrets behind the statistic.

My question is – does someone pays attention to those differences? 

If you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to subscribe to our blog so we can give you more useful information about love and marriage. 

The Main Keys To a Successful Marriage – Researchers’ Said It!

Your marriage won’t make you happy!

 

Asking what are the main keys to a successful marriage is the first step to actually improving your marriage. Because, honestly, many people just live their days as a married couple with no care about changing something.

We’re used to the line “You cannot change the other.” but that’s not the whole sentence and you’re about to find out why.

If you expect some action steps below, I am about to disappoint you. There are some action steps that we can call main keys to improve your marriage but this is not the idea of this article.

This article is an inspiration to just for once imagine our marriage not as a whole thing, but as two different people, and focusing on one of them – you!

Why?

There are many ways to improve your marriage but none of them will work until you understand something crucial and important. 

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Your marriage won’t make you happy!

key-happy-marriage-love-couple-kissI was reading about 18 studies regarding happiness and marriage. Almost all of them lasted for at least a decade. They started before the participant got married and proceeded for years after that with those who stayed married. The main goal was not only to find the keys to a successful marriage but to find out if getting married actually makes us happier.

I will spear you the long story behind the studies. You don’t need to know all about happiness before and after the wedding, increasing and decreasing of the life and relationship satisfaction. What you need to know is the following:

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Our happiness doesn’t increase after the wedding. 

Moreover, it decreases with the years. 

The same applies to relationship satisfaction and life satisfaction.

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As the author Bella DePaulo says later, there is no way to measure people’s happiness’ level based on being married or not.

And there’s a very good reason for that:

Our level of happiness depends on ourselves, not on our marital status.

We cannot take the couple Sharon and Dave (sample names), and say they’re happier because they’re married. The only way to find that out is to compare them to Sharon and Dave as singles… which is impossible, of course.

So, while everyone tells you that marriage is just a paper and cannot make you happier, there’s a catch everyone’s missing.

People that usually say it are those already married and realised they still got the same problems. The security marriage promises is a false fold we cover our eyes with.

Marriage cannot make you happier because “marriage” is not something that enters your life and fixes everything with a magic wand.

Your spouse cannot make you happier. Their job is not to create your happiness. Neither is yours. 

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Both of you have to share the happiness and build it yourselves.

This doesn’t mean that each one of you is fighting alone for his happiness. If you felt miserable before you met your partner, had a moment of happiness, and then decided to get married, chances are – you will feel miserable again. It is your responsibility, not your spouse’s.

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The keys to a happy marriage that everyone knows about

 

– communication;

– respect;

– appreciation;

– kindness;

– fair fights;

– admiration;

– care;

– small gestures.

All of those are the main keys to a successful marriage. And there’s nothing wrong with them…

Unless that all of them are actions we do for the other.

And while I agree that no relationship nor marriage could survive without those things, I have to list them again but as actions toward ourselves.

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Have you ever thought that the only way you can make your spouse happy is if you are happy?

You can talk to your partner for hours but never talk to yourself. And that will lead you to miscommunication with yourself, misunderstanding and internal conflict.

You can respect your partner every single minute of your life, but ignore your needs, feelings and emotions all the time. Every sign of disrespect to yourself will sooner or later make you anxious and depressed.

Admiring your spouse is an amazing gesture of a loving spouse, but find the things you admire in yourself too. Putting only the other on the pedestal will leave you down, under that pedestal. Never look down to yourself. Be up there, with your loved one.

Appreciate the person you share your life with, but appreciate yourself as well. You are the one that chose this amazing person to marry. You are the other half of the equation. The key to a successful marriage is appreciating the marriage as a whole made of two parts – you and your loved one.

Kindness to the other is kindness first to yourself. Hurting yourself hurts the people around you. Whatever you put out there, you accept it for yourself too.

Fair fights is another way to happy marriage. But when it’s about internal conflict with yourself, do you still fight fair? When unhappy with yourself, do you recall every other “stupidity” you did in the past? DO you separate the current problem from everything else, or look for the cause years back?

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Small gestures will impress your partner. However, do you gift yourself with small gestures as often as you gift your partner? Because yes, they are small gifts we deserve as much as the other.

When you show care for your spouse, do you involve yourself as well? Do you take the time to recharge, relax, refresh your mind and body? How can you look after someone else if you are not used to looking after yourself?

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So the keys to a successful marriage are to focus on our own happiness and well being. 

Your spouse can only love you the way you are, but if you don’t love yourself, you cannot enjoy their love either.

Only when you’ve learned how to receive love, happiness, appreciation, kindness from yourself, you can give them back.

As simple as that!

If you liked the idea in The Main Keys to a Successful Marriage, subscribe to our blog so you can find out when new content is out. Let me know what you think about this post in the comments below. Stay married, stay in love!

Under $30 – Cheap Gift Ideas For Married Couples

Surprise your spouse with these cheap gifts under $30

Who said that married couples should give each other gifts only on holidays?

Actually, to find a gift for yourself and your spouse is quite easy.

I spent some time on Amazon to explore what they offer. Let’s say I made you favour to pick what’s the best gifts for married couples. And the best part is that they’re all under $30. 

Keeping the fire burning after the wedding is twice harder than before the “I Do” ceremony.

gift-ideas-for-married-couples-2The reason is in us. Sadly but many times we decide that the wedding is a stamp on the other’s heart that says they belong to us. And many times we forget to cherish this other person.

But because you’re reading this, I assume you’re not one of those cases. And that’s amazing. A small budget is just another reason to be creative with your gifts.

Small gestures will add that spice to your relationship as a married couple. Don’t ever miss a chance to show appreciation, to care more about your partner and to make them smile.

There are many things you can get for the two of you, but I had the time and energy to explore Amazon and to select what’s best for you. If you liked these suggestions, don’t forget to subscribe to our blog so you can be notified when a new awesome content is out. We never spam (I know everyone says that, but we mean it)

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Gift ideas for married couples if you love to travel and have a sense of humour

If you two love to travel, I’ve found the sweetest way to show the world you’re proud to be married by getting this 2 Passport Wallets (click on the photos to see the products).

I honestly laughed out loud when I saw them. And they’re only $21.99, but you could use them for years. On top of that, every time you show them on the airports, the hotels, or anywhere else, you will make other people smile. A great conversation starter and somehow it’s charming.

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Gift ideas for married couples that love cooking together

Not everyone loves to cook. Well, usually one of you is cooking and the other tries not to ruin everything… But if you both like to spend these cooking moments together, I found the best inspiration to do it today! (click on the photos to see the products)

It’s $21.99 and looks extremely sweet. It makes you dream of lazy afternoons when you and your spouse make homemade pizza, grab two beers and spend the rest of the day in the bed. Oh, it can be part of your 14 Day/Mornings to a perfect relationship challenge. Mmm, it smells of well-cooked love. Keeping the promise the gift to be under $30, you could even add this amazing cookbook with recipes for married people – just like you. (It’s under $30 if it’s Kindle edition).

Gift ideas for married couples that would like this joke

Well, when you see the next gift, you will know exactly what I mean. Let’s say it – most of the time we know from the very beginning of the day how it’s going to end. You might want to prepare your spouse from the morning to expect naughty evening…or not. (click on the photos to see the products)

For $17.99 that’s the best bed joke for months ahead. It will make you smile, it will inspire you, and it will bring some more intimate moments into your life.

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Gift ideas for married couples to hang them on the wall

Who doesn’t love nice message hanging on the wall? When you’re tired at the end of the day or feel too sleepy early in the morning, just a small look at one of these messages could bring a smile on your face. (click on the photos to see the products)

It says it all, isn’t it. They’re all different prices but under $20, so take a pick and inspire your spouse.

Gift ideas for married couples that love to talk and explore each other

Well, of course, you love to talk to your spouse, you’re married! But if you’re out of ideas or love to find out more about the other’s personality, have a look at these 88 Conversation starters for husbands and wives.

For $7.99 you will get 44 cards with questions on each side of the cards. Some of the questions are simple, but others will take you years back in the days before you met. Who knows, you might actually find out something you’ve never imagined the other had done.

Gift ideas for married couples that want something new in the bed

This Monogamy will be the game you’ll probably never finish. But that’s the best part of it. With 400 different cards and action to implement while playing, you’ll be busy with each other for good hours.

It costs $24.95 so you could even add something extra to spice up the evening more and more. If you’re not into that particular game, I have a whole post dedicated to the best games you could find on Amazon. Enjoy yourselves…

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Gifts under $30 for married couples that love to write

Now is your chance to be poetic and express what you love about your spouse. Actually, even if you’re not so gifted as a writer but still don’t mind writing your partner how much you love them, this is for you.

For the price of $11.99, it’s so easy to get two and inspire each other every single day. Maybe you often forget to tell your spouse why you decided to spend your life together. Perhaps it’s too much stress, other tasks, kids… it doesn’t matter. Our love for the person next to us came as a blessing, and it should be cherished. If you don’t water a plant, it will die. It’s the same with love. Feed your love to the other every day, and it will grow and bloom… because of you… for you.

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Gifts for married couples that … have keys

Ok, I was joking with this one. But when you see what I found for only $14.99, you will want it too. These key accessories are the best way to think bright every time you leave the house, or you’re coming home. They are gentle, sweet…. and true.

Gifts for married couples that love coffee

Everybody drinks coffee. And the truth is that most of us have a personal coffee mug that no one else touches (please, tell me it’s not just me!). So, how about to make the experience even better by sharing a set of two mugs with your loved one. Just have a look at them and tell me you don’t smell fresh morning coffee.

Gifts for married couples that are wine and beer lovers

Ok, no way to avoid an evening drink. He loves cold beer; she enjoys sparkling wine? What an amazing combination. So, here’s the next suggestion for beer and wine lovers. It costs only $19.99 so it way under the budget. Oh, did you see that each glass has a title? How cool is that?!

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Gifts for a married couple that like to be on time

Yes, that’s a good way to present the next gift – matching watches for Him and Her. It’s innovative accessories for both of you, especially if you already have 13 other watches in the jewellery box.  You can get both watches for $16.99 and that leaves you with enough money for something extra.

Gifts for married couples that love Mickey and Mini

I love t-shirts for couples. But that one is one of my favourites as it’s with Mickey and Mini. It’s an absolute necessity to get a pair of these t-shirts if you love Disney’s characters. You can wear it when hiking, or walk in the park. You can wear it everytime you’re together or separate, although I’m sure the effect won’t be the same if you’re not together, am I right?

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3 Action Steps to Take When Your Husband Ignores You

Action plan 101 when your husband ignores you

 

Your situation: 

  • Your spouse intentionally ignores you; you know that.

 

  • He works too much, hides behind his meetings and friends, or claims he needs time to relax and kills the next four hours in front of the computer or TV.

 

  • On top of that, when you ask him why he ignores you, he doesn’t even want to admit the situation.

 

  • As a result, you get angrier and angrier, start thinking of ultimatums and huge arguments where you explain to him exactly how much he doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t love you.

 

  • After you create your action plan, you attack. You start the conversation in a calm pace, but very fast realise that you just want to shake your spouse very hard and make him see what you see – you love him and want to spend time with him.

 

But he still ignores you!

Am I right? Does all that “my husband ignores me” situation sounds familiar?

Well, high five, you’re in the right place then!

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In this article, I will explain to you not only Why this happens but What To Do when your husband ignores you, TODAY!

The simple truth behind why your husband ignores you.

couple-marriage-problem-husband-ignoresI will say it straight away as I know how much you aim to understand the real reason:

He ignores you because he feels You ignore Him!

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No, I’m not joking, and I will prove why you ignore Him, while you run after him every day asking for a piece of his attention.

The magic is hiding in those exact words: “you ask him to give you his attention”.

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Your man, his love language and why he ignores you

Have you heard of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? It’s one of the most helpful books, that tells how to find out why you feel unloved even if he loves you and vice versa. It will teach you how to make your partner feel your love in a way he will understand it. And this will make it clearer to you why your husband ignores you.

So, following that, let’s admit men love to feel appreciated. And believe me, your man is not an exception. He likes to be appreciated more than you do. And then is admiration.

I really like Alan Parker’s idea of men’s love languages. He says that one of the most important love languages for men is admiration. He says “This indicates respect for who we are and what we have accomplished. “. Well, this is right on the spot, and half of the things you need to know how to love a man.

Pin for later:

Our sacrifices and our love for the man in our life

Us, women, tend to get self-consumed into our own “sacrifices” we do every day.

And because there was a time when your man was showing appreciation, but then he stopped, you decided to do the same. Or was it you who stopped pointing out his achievements and then he stopped doing the same for you?

One of you was the first, but it does NOT matter who.

The simple truth is that he doesn’t feel appreciated. He doesn’t sense your admiration of him, and he feels ignored because of all that.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. Just because he feels that way, it doesn’t mean you actually don’t appreciate him or admire him. He just doesn’t see it!

It’s not like you woke up one day and decided to keep it quiet when he does something nice. When we are in a long-term relationship, such as marriage, we forgot these things. But don’t worry, everything is fixable, including the fact that your husband ignores you.

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Thus, you have to show it, especially when your husband ignores you.

I can hear you right now:

“Wait a minute, He is the one that ignores me and acts irrationally. Why should I change the behaviour, HE has to change, NOT ME!”

Dear loving wife, you know you cannot change anyone. But you can change yourself and show him the way. He will choose for himself either to take it or not.

If you two love each other, and this is just a short moment of your relationship, there’s nothing to worry about. What I will tell you to do will fix your situation almost instantly.

When your husband ignores you always try to talk first

And by “talk” I certainly mean both of you to talk, not just one of you. Open communication and honesty is the base of a healthy marriage. They come along with understanding and effort to fix the problems. Remember, you shouldn’t fight one against the other – you are on the same team.

But let’s assume “a talk” didn’t work and he still acts like you’re not around. What to do next then?

Is there a secret way to fix the things if you’re the only one that seeks a solution?

Yes, there is!

Action plan on “my husband ignores me.”

Step 1 and 2 of what to do when your husband ignores you

Please, do at least two of the following steps if your husband ignores you.

From your husband’s point, you look self-centred. You know you are not, and you just want some nice quality time together, but this is not what he sees.

He sees you coming at him with a grumpy and offended face telling him he has to love you. He has to leave whatever he’s doing and starts immediately acting happy around you, asking you how to brighten your day.

The first step to getting your husband attention back to you is to act the exact opposite way.

Forget about demanding his attention. You don’t owe him yours; you chose to give it to him. Expect and thrive for the same.

Knowing that the next step is to find a way to attract him back to you but focusing on him. Sounds too complicated? Here are few examples how to do it.

Remember the “appreciation” part?

Implement it immediately and stick with it not only when your husband ignores you, but after that as well. Chose something he does for you every day or every month, no matter what and point it out.

If he works a lot, for example, tell him you’re grateful he gives his personal time away to take care of his family.

Men see themselves as a leading part of the family. Yes, he consults with you, and both of you take the decisions, but this doesn’t change the way he feels about it. He considers that the primary responsibility for the family’s well-being is his. Well, that’s simply because of hundreds of thousands years evolution. It’s just how the things are.

So when you point out the fact, your family’s well-being is as it is because of his constant work on it, that makes him happy. He feels appreciated. Therefore, he looks at you and he thinks “Wow, she sees that?!” He cannot ignore you in a moment when you appreciate him!

You win him back!

Related post: YOUR MAN IS A HERO! APPRECIATE HIM

Admiration

He does something better than you? He fixes things, he’s probably more patient than you, or more organised, whatever it is that you admire him – tell him.

When your husband ignores you, it will be until the moment you show admiration for something he does. Remember, what you do is important to you, and it’s the same for him.

When a man feels appreciated and admired, he’s ready to do even more and more. You words will open his eyes in ways, your grumpy/angry/offended/ demanding arguing will never do. He will not be able to ignore you at that moment.

If you want a positive response, you have to offer positivity first.

I know, the last thing you want to do right now is to admire and appreciate him, but please, do that first step and see what happens.

Go to him with Love. Show Love. That’s the point of family, isn’t it?

I’ve got a full post about how a man could win the heart of a woman, but it’s the same for the other side as well. To receive the love you have to give it first.

Related post: MONDAY MOTIVATION – CAN YOU FIND THE LOVE? MY SECRET – THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND LOVE

Tell him you’re happy with him.

Use one or more of those amazing 50 romantic messages for your husband as an inspiration. Or even better – go through the challenge and send him one message every day for the next 50 days. I bet he won’t ignore you after the third one.

I’ve always believed that the only secret to success is to never, ever give up on the things you know are the best for you. Never give up on your partner’s love. Never stop appreciating him. Never stop admiring him. Never ignore your spouse.

Related post: 14 DAYS/MORNINGS TO A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP – CHALLENGE FOR ANY COUPLE

Offer something he wanted, but you said “no.”

Your husband might be acting like that and ignores you because of something he wanted, but you said “no”. Even if you had your reasons to disagree, think about his reasons to have it. Maybe it’s something important for him, or he just needs to relax his mind with it. The result is – he acts offended because you ignored his needs.

In situations like that I like to remind myself the next quote:

“Which one do you prefer – to be right or to be happy?”

Step 3 of what to do when your husband ignores you

Give him a choice

A man will give or do anything you ask him to do, as long as he has the option not to do it.

After you went through at least two of the previous steps, and see your man responds to them, it’s time for the third one. He won’t be able to ignore you.

Tell your spouse you would love to spend some quality time together (to go for a walk, dinner out, or watch a movie) but only if this wouldn’t ruin his plans for the day/the evening.

In this way, you give him a choice not to do what you say, which may be something new to him. If you usually don’t give him much choice or space, change it today!

When your man sees he has a choice, he will appreciate it and probably will want to encourage you to do it every time, so the chances are to say “yes”. The last thing he’ll do is to ignore it.

If anyway, he said “no” to your proposal, don’t go mad over it. You gave him a choice, remember?

Respect his decision and make plans for yourself.

Use that time to do something positive that will make you happy – read a book, go on a manicure, hairdresser, go out with girlfriends.

Don’t stay at home to watch him do whatever makes him happy. Make yourself happy too. Come back joyful, kiss him and I promise you, he will want to be part of your happiness as well.

The secret here is that you want to go out, and have fun, but it’s clear you don’t necessarily need him for it. You just invite him to be part of it. If he ignores it, it means he won’t be part of the fun. But there will be fun! Don’t leave your happiness to be his choice. The result? Ignoring you will not affect your satisfaction of life, so he will stop doing it.

Different option

Men love adrenalin and challenges. Think of some activity you know he’ll fall for, and tell him you’re in a mood for it. Either it’s going to be carting, paintball, hiking, as long as it’s physical and challenging it’s perfect. Men can never ignore a challenge with a potential adrenalin doze in it.

Don’t forget to give him a choice, of course. If he refuses, arrange the same activity with friends. When you go back home happy and excited, show him photos, kiss him and tell him he would have loved it. How long do you think he’ll ignore that? No chance to miss it next time.

What if none of this works and he still ignores you?

Ok, so you told him you love him, you were honest when sharing why you appreciate him, and definitely told the truth about what you admire the most about him.

But nothing worked.

He’s still distant, still doesn’t want to spend time with you, and still doesn’t want to talk about it.

Stick with the action plan for a while.

Don’t give up at least for a few weeks. Be consistent that you won’t give up on your partner’s love. Give him the attention he denies you.

When your husband ignores you for a long period of time and nothing changes, talk about it. Share your worries, remind him the reasons you’re together, repeat the goals, ask if he needs help with something. Stay calm.

Related post: HOW TO FIGHT FAIR IN A RELATIONSHIP?

If you live like that for months or even years, I’m afraid the problem is serious, and you’ve got two options: solve the problem by yourself or go for couple’s therapy. I would say couple’s therapy should be your first option, but no one knows the situation better than you. However, when your husband starts ignoring you, don’t just leave the things like that. Work on fixing your connection.

If you liked my suggestions and Action plan on what to do when your husband ignores you, don’t forget to subscribe to our blog so you can be notified when an amazing new love secret is out. Ah, almost forgot – follow us on the social media as well. Stay married!

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