Archive For The “Relationship Problems” Category

8 Insanely Obvious Reasons Men Pull Away From You

Men are pulling away because you are pushing them away?

 

I have a question for you:

How come every decent man you met on this Earth happened to be insecure, immature or scared by your female power?

Is it really SO hard to find and keep the right guy?

Let me answer the last one: No, it’s not!

Disclaimer: Harsh words here, love! Read only if you are ready to face the truth why men pull away from you.

Related post: 12 OF THE BIGGEST TURN OFFS FOR GUYS

To understand better what happens when men pull away, I would like to tell you a very familiar story…

 

A story about my friend – Jenny.

when men pull away

Insanely obvious reasons why men pull away

Jenny has a master degree in the desired field. She has the perfect job as an office manager in a big company as well. She is a good-looking, smart and ambitious young lady. And she is hungry for the love of the perfect man. 

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The perfect guy would be at least as smart as she is. He would be as ambitious and successful in what he does. He would have a good sense of humour and will see that Jenny is his perfect match very early in the relationship. Probably even in the first few dates. They will laugh, share stories and views of how life should be. One day they will both drive away towards the sunset with the “Just Married” sign on their car.

Sounds lovely, right?

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Jenny believed that her success gives her the right to be picky with men. I would agree with that! After all, she has to find that decent, nice guy who will accept all the love she has to give, right? 

And why would it be different? 

A smart, successful woman Is looking for a smart, successful man. Just tick all the boxes and walk me to the altar…

Related post: THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND LOVE – HOW I ATTRACTED LOVE AND YOU COULD DO IT TOO

But life’s weird…

Jenny had a problem finding that successful man with the smart look and the good sense of humour. There’s plenty fish in the sea; he should be somewhere there, she thought.

Date after date and relationship after relationship, but nothing happened.

The good and smart men were running away. The ones that were staying were doing it because they were not as successful and smart as they pretended to be.

Do you know Jenny? A small confession…

 

Jenny is not a real person. It’s a profile of the certain type of behaviour I explained.

I have at least few friends that could be Jenny right now. Sadly, I was one of them as well.

Do you have Jenny’s profile too?

Well, welcome then.

Let me tell you what happens when men pull away. 

Why they disappear?

You are pushing them away! 

Yes, girl, you are pushing men away every single time there’s someone you really like and get to the first few dates. 

And it will be my pleasure to tell you how.

Insanely obvious signs you are pushing men away

 

Ok, how can I prove you are the reason men pull away?

Let’s say you got the perfect “Jenny” profile base:

– you are smart

– you are successful at what you do, and you totally love it

– you are busy, and you love that too

– you know you are “a good catch” and don’t feel the need to prove it – why would you show off, he is the one that has to impress you.

– you are independent and don’t need anyone to take care of you

– you are happy with your single life, but of course, you want love too

– you perfectly know what you want in life

– …and you perfectly know what you want in a man

but when you start dating someone that matches all that… somehow he pulls away and slowly disappears

Yep, he pulls away because you push him away.

 

And has nothing to do with the fact that men are scared by strong and independent smart women. Nothing!

How’s that?

Well, there’s not even one smart guy on this Earth that would appreciate, value and marry a woman that doesn’t make him laugh and is not successful and happy with what she does.

So, where’s the problem then?

How come you ARE that type of a woman, and you date that type of men, but none of them sticks around long enough so you could seal the deal?

The tough love comes, so now’s the time to decide if you need it.

You think he pulls away but actually, he just needs a retreat… and then you go mad… and then he really pulls away!

 

Should I explain more?

You date for three weeks. Everything looks great, you’re both having the time of your lives. Until the point when one day he declines your invitation to go out on Saturday. He doesn’t really explain why. He says he needs time…!

“He needs TIME!”..?

That’s your code word for “he pulls away, I’ll never see him again. I did something wrong!

You like him, so you ask what’s wrong. He explains that nothing’s wrong but he is not in a mood to go out this weekend…

Of course, something’s wrong!

So you keep asking, you even send an apology message, just in case you did something wrong. You spend the next few days going through a mini-nightmare…

By the end of the weekend, you either had sent him hundreds of texts trying to find out what’s wrong… Or even better – you already decided that if he’s able to disappear so easily and for so long, he’s not worth your attention. It’s obvious he cannot commit to something more serious.

When he calls you or text you on Monday morning, you are already miles away from the person you were last week. He doesn’t seem upset or doesn’t indicate what happened during the weekend and that drives you insane…

Do you recognise yourself somewhere in this story?

Suggested post: 30 AND SINGLE? READ THIS

He pulled away but he didn’t pull away

 

I strongly recommend you have a look at Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book by John Grey. It’s like a Bible for relationships. How would it help you understand the situation from our story above?

When men pull away, very often they just need a day or two off, sometimes – even a few hours. They need to meet with themselves, to think over a problem, to relax or just to be alone for a while. Nothing’s wrong with him or his feelings towards you. He just needs some time alone.

Very often that’s what men do after they realise their feelings for you are getting stronger. It’s like regrouping of their inner self…

That need for them to be alone you could feel when you want to stay home and read a book in he bed with a cup of hot chocolate.

But a man will never share their feelings in that way.

 

He will tell you he is not in a mood for anything for the next hour/day/weekend and will leave you hanging in the air, not knowing what happens.

If he says the same thing to another man or hears it from another man, everything will be fine – no one will ask any more questions. They understand each other.

He believes saying a short sentence should make the things clear to you too.

But he doesn’t understand the women… as well as you don’t really understand the men.

You need the long explanation, but he’s not used giving it and he doesn’t see the point of giving it.

However, when he closes himself in that “cave” of his (more about it in the book I mentioned), he really needs that “alone time”. After he had it, he will come back to you.

The same “alone time” you don’t give him or make him feel sorry about later on.

And that’s what pushes him away.

You are in a hurry to show him how amazing you are but instead, you are pushing him away

 

I know, he has to be aware of what he deals with. 

He has to know that you have goals and dreams, and you are not on a hunt for a man to look after you. 

He has to know you can handle yourself and you are happy where you are.

Yes, that’s true.

But he doesn’t have to know all that on the first date. Not even on the second one.

Let him find this out in a normal pace, during the courtship. Don’t throw in his face every single achievement you had for the last 15 years. He will pull away not because you are too good but because you are choking him with all that awesomeness. It would look like you love yourself a little bit too much. Maybe you could be perfectly happy all by yourself then…

He feels like a part of an investigation, and that pushes him away

 

I know, I’ve said a few times that you have to know what you’re dealing with. But asking him a question after question will do no good to you.

Dedicating every single date on the mission to get to know him as much as possible will make it weird. 

First, if he loves to talk about himself, you will be drowned into the topic after topic and learn too much too fast will take the thrill away. 

And if he doesn’t like to talk too much, your constant questions will violate his personal space, and he will disappear very fast.

Have a look at these innocent questions you could ask on the first dates and he won’t feel investigated.

You don’t engage too much with him, and he pulls away

 

It’s hard to imagine that a man could pull away because he didn’t get enough attention during the first few dates.

I mean, you agreed to go out with him. Few times. You went on the date ready to listen and talk. You didn’t act needy or insecure. You laughed at his jokes and let him express himself in the way he wants.

Nothing wrong so far.

However, how much did you engage yourself into this date? 

How many times did you check your phone while he was talking?

How many times did you think about the office and how to solve the latest problem at work?

Did you have a moment when you felt too tired to be on another date that could end unhappily?

Were you 100% there, with him?

You see what I mean? 

Men are human beings.

Just like us, women. They feel, and they have intuition as well. Maybe not as strong as ours, but everyone knows when they’ve been ignored. Even for a few minutes. And no one likes that. 

No wonder he pulled away. You are tired of pointless dates but if you’re going to do it – do it well, girl. Be present. Involve yourself.

Looking for a commitment too fast makes men pull away

 

I know you are tired of spending the weekends alone or in the club with friends.

You need warmth and understanding. You need support and gentle but strong presence from a man by your side.

You date someone few times and you already have thoughts of romantic weekends away, meeting family and relatives, creating mutual friendships…

I was you once… ok, more than once.

I thought that the moment I realise I want that man in my life and he reacts well to my signals – it’s all set. 

It’s not.

And that’s how I was pushing men away in the past.

Like it or not, men need more time to comprehend their feelings. Too fast ends badly for both of you. 

A woman could fall in love with a guy, have a relationship with him for a week and then cry for a month after they break up.

We are so emotional. We are full of passion we want to spread and the moment we find someone willing to accept it… we drown him in it. 

We are months ahead in our thoughts.

But men like to go through each step and make sure that they understand you and most importantly – you respect and accept them as they are.

Therefore, going too serious too fast will push men away. They need more time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We are just different. We comprehend information and emotions in different ways. And that’s what makes the relationships so vivid and amazing. To be the same is boring.

Projecting your visions of life onto him will push him away

 

“All women deserve the same rights as men.” 

“All men seem to have a problem with committing to a woman.”

You have a list of 54 things you want to do in the next four years and don’t mind sharing all of them with him.

Life is hard and your battles worth telling them on the very first dates…

I respect everything. I agree with all of it.

But going so strong at the very beginning of your courtship won’t lead you to the next date.

Your visions of the world deserve respect and explanation. They are amazing when the person on the other side knows you and understands you. And all of it would sound much more like a conversation and less like a shooting gun in his head.

Be respectful to him and be respectful to yourself – he might not see your point of view simply because you are not giving him the time to see it.

You are pushing men away because you try to change them

 

Recently I did a review on a book that was dealing with the same problem you have – why men pull away and why they disappear? 

I read something fascinating in it regarding “accepting the unacceptable” and the real “unacceptable” things in men. 

You see, there are things you will never accept in this world about a man. And that’s more than ok. I encourage you to find those things, list them on a piece of paper and never lose it. It could be an alcohol addiction, even smoking (depends on your views), a certain attitude, even certain views of life and culture.

However, there are things that are unacceptable, but you could accept them. They are harmless and don’t change the person in from of you. They just come with him and make him less attractive but more human. This could be manners on the table, even smoking (as I said – views), messiness or lack of cooking abilities… You could accept all that. It’s a choice which will affect your life but won’t drastically change it. You don’t like these things but if you could put up with them – do it.

Deciding if the man in front of you is worth it or not should be based on what’s “acceptable” and what’s “acceptably unacceptable”.

If you want to know more about that topic as well as why men disappear from your life, you could have a look at the review I did on Evan Marc Katz’ book Why He Disappeared. If you feel the connection between you and my “Jenny” profile, Why He Disappeared is a perfect match for you.

You are not sure if he’s worth it and he has to prove himself

 

I completely support you in this one.

No one deserves too much trust and after so many years of disappointment, it’s logical to have doubts, to be a little bit cold and unreachable…

Way too many times your heart was broken and your soul was used by the wrong men.

On the other hand, you would never go out again with someone that really doesn’t believe you and honestly, they show you have to work hard for their trust… and you just met them. In that situation you will be the one that will pull away, right?

So think of it like that: He doesn’t understand why you are suspicious towards him. You mentioned your heart was broken for more than a few times… But his heart was broken too. And yet, here you are, trying to send him signals he has to work on your trust. He didn’t even lose it, because you never had any trust in him.

Related post: WHY LOVE HURTS?

It’s devastating to trust and feel betrayed.

But your next love shouldn’t pay for the mistakes of your last love!

Or it will end before it even starts.

Did you recognise yourself in one of these situations?

Do you believe it’s still his fault to pull away?

Do you think men pull away because they are too scared of commitment with you?

If you didn’t recognise yourself in the situations – check this post about men pulling away in early stages of the relationship.

Help me understand your situation and help you backcomment below or subscribe to this blog and send me a message.

Why Men Pull Away at the Early Stages of the Relationship?

Men pull away at the early stages for two reasons

They say it’s hard to understand women but honestly, men are even worse. Would you like to find out why men pull away at the early stages of the relationship when everything seems to go so well, and you feel the attraction? Let’s try to answer this question.

“Why men pull away” – The early stages story

So, you met! You felt the attraction. You went out on a first date, and everything was normal – nothing flashy, no stars and signs from above, but he is a decent guy, and you like him. Second date! Even third and fourth ones… At some point, you got into the bed together and enjoyed each other (loudly). On that stage, small stars started circling both of you. You were flying on pink clouds and giving the biggest smiles your faces could express. In conclusion, everything was looking like it was going in the most beautiful direction.

Phone calls, good-night photos, texts with hearts, kisses and puppies… The thought he might start pulling away doesn’t even cross your pinky mind.

“Why men pull away” The early stages story takes a wrong turn

why men pull away early stages relationshipUntil one day a loud alarm went off in your head and you realised HE IS pulling away. At the very beginning of that fairytale, he shook the magic dust off his shoes and slowly started walking toward the fire exit of your life!

What happened? Did you say or do something to push him away? How to stop him from leaving your life? Why men pull away at early stages?

That’s the very common situation; I described above. Meeting a nice guy that’s worth the effort is so rare that you panic. It is understandable.

When it comes to dating, life gives us too many options and not enough quality.

Therefore, when that quality, combined with passion and warmth, hits us, we urge ourselves to hold it tight. As a result of our fear to lose it, we change our behaviour. Unnoticeable for us. Noticeable for him. So he starts running away.

Men pull away at early stages for two reasons

Neediness and insecurity – your enemies and friends you often like to chat with. 

You might think that men pull away because women push the relationship to be serious at the very beginning of it.

Or they choke them with attention, phone calls, questions, hearts and cuddles. They try not to argue because it’s rude and may put them in an unpleasant light. They put the sexiest dresses just to show how stunning she is – in case he didn’t notice. Could that make him pull away?

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Sometimes women ask for too much too soon. I, as a woman, would like to disagree with… However, I cannot. Because… been there, done that!

BUT, this is not the behaviour that makes men pull away at the early stages of the relationship.

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It’s what’s behind that behaviour.

The first few dates and months of the love stories are the ones we try to find out as much as possible about the other. We search for small signs of what our life would look like if we chose to stay with that one person longer. How would a day go by? A conversation? An argument?

The truth behind his reasons to pull away

Often, when a man pulls away, it is not because of the fact you’ve texted him 18 times today, or your dress shows too much skin (or almost all of it). The fact he doesn’t like it is not because he’s jealous and wants to stop you from expressing yourself.

It’s what you reveal with all that.

why men pull away early stages storyInsecurity and neediness! It’s sad to see when someone is insecure about himself. And the best relationship killer is the neediness. When combined those two can guarantee you the end of it.

Trying harder to show how much you like him and appreciate his attention is not attractive. But you probably don’t even know if you do it. However, it pushes him away.

There are two types of behaviour at the beginning of every relationship.

The first one is when the woman tries to be liked by the man. She goes on a first date and puts her best dress, styles her hair and does her cocktail-makeup. She thinks of the way she speaks and controls almost everything that comes out of her mouth, just to be sure it sounds smart. She pays attention to the looks the guy gives her back and flatters him so he can feel the affection.

Second and third dates are nothing more but ways to prove how fun she is, and she’s looking for ways to make him feel wanted. His flowers are the most beautiful ones she’s ever received, and no one ever made her feel so open to express herself. Do you think he could pull away from a woman that showers him with so much attention?

The second type of behaviour is much more focused on her… again. But the difference is that the woman doesn’t try to show herself in the best possible way. She tries to find out if he’s worth to see her best possible side. If you’re that type of person you still put some cute clothes, the makeup is not more than the usual one, and you flatter him only for something you see essential. Your goal is to have fun. Nothing more, nothing less.

The second and the third date are a test not for your funny side, but a trial to understand how you feel in his company in various situations. Will he pull away from you?

If you want to know more about how to make him stay, and you recognise yourself in the descriptions above, I strongly recommend you to check Sherry Argov’s bestseller Why Men Marry Bitches.- A Guide for Women Who Are Too Nice. It will give you key insights on the topic.

Which one of these types is going to make him pull away?

 

!!! You see, the first type of women waits to be picked and approved while the second type is the one that picks and approve!!!

why men pull away early stages relationship problemsTo not sound like I know it all – I was the first type of women during every single of my previous relationships. Looking back now, I would have saved myself so much pain and time if I had dropped it early enough. And I adopted the second type only once. The result was finding out that the guy I was examine was the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And it led us to the got-engaged-moment less than a year after we met.  

By “picking him” I do not mean you to go out for a man-haunting. Nothing in your pre-date should be changed. What I mean is to stop thinking like a woman that “need to find a man”, “to make him like her as much as she likes him”, “to show him what he can gain”, and “to make him realise how amazing she is”. No!

All that is neediness and insecurity. And he will pull away sooner or later. If he doesn’t – then his goals are something different than having a quality relationship.

How to get to the lucky neediness-and-insecurity-free part and make him stay?

It’s the easiest thing ever.

Send in the bin your efforts to be the most beautiful, funniest and adorable woman he had ever met.

Stop wanting to be the best possible option that exists in his life.

Reverse the roles. Pretend you’re picking him.

For example, if you go to buy a dress, you would go with a checklist of what the dress should be like. And at the end, you’ll leave with the best one.

Do the same with men.

Stay strong for your happiness and find out if he indeed contains the qualities he claims to have. Breathe with the knowledge that you’re worth it, and you don’t need his attention all the time to feel happy.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t ask you to be ignorant and to test him every few minutes. Just have fun, relax, laugh and make mental notes of the way you truly feel around him.

why men pull away early stages reasonsOut with friends? Put the phone in your purse and if he texts you, ask him if it’s ok to chat later, as long as it’s not something important. Don’t run to the shop to buy green lingerie just because he briefly mentioned it’s his favourite colour. Don’t spend five hours in the kitchen making that French dish he once had in a restaurant 12 years ago and still remembers it. That would chase him away.

With short words – stay true to yourself. It’s been said so many times that no one pays attention to it anymore. He wouldn’t pull away from a woman who’s herself all the time.

Stay true to your happiness and your normal behaviour. Be real when you talk and don’t hide if you disagree with something. Say it at that exact moment, before you create the impression you’re alright with something you’re usually not.

He will not pull away

He will not pull away at the early stage because you’re free to talk what you think.

He will not pull away because you stay firm in your beliefs.

He will not pull away because you’re not afraid to keep some boundaries at an early stage.

And if he does pull away…

…Well, you saved yourself time.

Let me know if you agree with the article and share your experience with men pulling away for any reason.

Check: HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST E-GUIDE

how to get over breakup broken heart

 

HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST FREE E-BOOK

Love does not always go according to our wishes.

Moreover, finding out how to get over a breakup may be harder than we expect.

It is like there’s no more sun outside and every single Instagram post or Facebook video is a knife in your heart, reminding you moments, promises and dreams…that didn’t happen.

Every quote that exists out there is a sad review of your love story.

Every smile or happy laugh sends you to places you used to be, and now you tend to spend the nights crying to stay in those places…

So, is it that how you are getting over your breakup?

Do you feel haunted by the memories of what you were and what you could have become?

Are you tired of talking over and over again with your friends? Or, maybe, they are tired of you?

Do you feel hopeless and most of all – lonely?

Because the most devastating thing after breaking up with someone is the feeling of loneliness that grabs you and chokes your nights.

So, you wonder what to do.

Science says that it takes up to 18 months to get over heartbreaking moments like that. Wow, 18 months!

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Girl, I do not know about you, but I do not have 18 free months of my life to cry after someone that doesn’t deserve me.

 

how to get over breakup broken heart

Moreover, I never had! Like many other women, I had my breakups in the past. I got my heart broken few times but the last one…

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Well, like many other women as well, I have a breakup in my past that indeed broke me down. It was one of those that change not only my present but my future and me, too.

The dark days of those months will always stay in my mind. As well as many things I wanted to do. But I managed to hold myself over the deep waters and as they say – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…!

Hold on!

 

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Something is wrong with that statement!

What doesn’t kill you may leave you down, at the bottom of your own shade, for too long as well. And just because you are physically alive, it does not make you happy, nor stronger. It makes you… well, you only exist.

To get over a breakup sometimes is easy.

However, sometimes it means to get over yourself, and everything you thought you were.

You can say you are stronger only after all the dirtiness goes out of your heart and soul.

Because to become stronger and to survive are two different things.

I want to help women to get stronger. Because nothing tastes better than the fresh air of power and freedom.

So, there it is – HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST FREE BOOK

The only E-Book, friend and advice-source you will need in the difficult time of mending your broken heart.

HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST is the change you need, gathered in more than 7000 words.

And it’s all for free.

It is not only an E-Book to forget your ex-partner. Actually, you will be surprised how much I do not talk about your ex.

Because he does not matter!

What matters is you! Your health, your mental happiness and that fresh air you so much need to breathe.

To get over a break up takes time, they say. However, nobody tells you what to do in that time.

I want to change that for you!

What will you find in that Free Book?

  • The basics of a relationship – self-check time to find out was it worth it to have that relationship
  • You have to be sure you did the right thing
  • The reason you really broke up
  • 10 Practical advice on how to stop the self-pity and what to do to feel amazing again
  • Bonus – The most powerful way to get better – faster than you can imagine
  • Links to free video resources to help you get where you want to be.
  • Motivational Quotes for you

 

Practical advice, personal experience, amazing sources and friend’s shoulder. All that comes with only one goal – to make you happy!

Use it!

Click the image below to access the FREE E-Book

 

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10 Signs of Disrespect in a Relationship to Never Ignore

And what to do about it

signs_lacks_respect-relationshipHaving doubts about your relationship is normal. To appreciate the other half of your partnership is essential and I would like to show you how to spot if there is a lack of respect in a relationship.

No matter if you’re at the beginning of your story or you’ve got history together, respect is the cornerstone of your future happiness.

And I’m sure you don’t need my explanations on why it is essential to be respectful one to another.

Check: HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER

Often we forget to pay attention to those things – respect and appreciation. When the feelings are high, and the hormones are going wild, it’s common to ignore small signs that something’s not right.

If you’re getting small alarms in your head regarding your partner’s appreciation and respect, check bellow ten signs for lack of respect in a relationship.

Pin it for later:

signs-lack-respect-never-ignore-relationship

 

Check: WHY LOVE HURTS?

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Your partner is continuously reading your messages and replying back after few hours.

I know that sometimes we don’t have the opportunity to go into the subject or even to reply a fast “I’ll text you later” answer. So I don’t put a veto on everything. However, if that happens all the time or more than 30% of the time, then it indicates a problem. Unless your partner is at work or has an important meeting, there are not many other reasons not to text you back when he sees the messages.

Check: 7 TIPS TO FIX ANY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM

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He/she makes appointments with you and after that cancels them.

It is the most obvious sign of disrespect in any relationship – having an appointment and cancelling it after that. It’s disrespectful especially if it happens very often. Again – once or twice is not a problem at all so don’t go over the edge too fast. But once engaged with a promise to spend time with you, your partner should respect you and keep his promise.

Your loved one is checking your phone on a daily basis…

 

and if you try to stop him he’s getting angry – “Are you hiding something?”, “So what, I want to be sure you’re faithful”, “You can check mine if you want”. Going into your personal space and making you feel unnecessary guilty is disrespectful. Honestly, you don’t need someone like that around you.

Check: 8 SIGNS YOU WILL BREAK UP SOON

Talking about personal space…

Another sign for lack of respect in a relationship is the “invasion” into the other’s personal space.

Yes, you’re in love. You want to spend time together and share everything with each other. However, you’re an independent human being, and you’ve got your personal space. The other has it too. Going over the point that’s comfortable for you without invitation or permission is rude, annoying and sometimes – disturbing. An example of that is checking your phone or reading your diary, asking for passwords and going mental if you don’t want to provide access to those. Don’t get fooled that you are the one that does something wrong.

He/she is always late. Always!!!

lack_of_respect-relationship_problemI know that this is usually saved for the ladies, but I have dated a man who was always late for our dates. Even for the first one.

Me, as a person that can go half hour earlier but not a minute later, that was something I didn’t enjoy. And believe me – it was a sign of disrespect… one of many others that followed. By coming late for the date, he says:

– “I didn’t leave enough time (as usual) to be on time for something we both arranged”;

– “Getting ready and looking perfect is (always) more important than coming on time, and it doesn’t matter if you’re standing somewhere in the cold/heat/alone waiting for me.”.

It may sound harsh, but if you managed to get on time, there is no excuse for the other not to do it as well. Could be bad time management but it is as well a sign for lack of respect in a relationship.

 

Your partner doesn’t listen to your opinion.

You may think it’s easy to spot that one, but actually, it’s not. It’s when you have a discussion, and the other doesn’t even listen to your opinion. Or when you talk you could see in his/her eyes that what you say is pointless. And your words hang in the air… awkwardly. At the beginning of the relationship, we notice these signs. However, with the time we get used to them.

So if you’re in a long relationship, the chances are you don’t even know what’s going on. Try to make a check on that point next time you talk about something. Respect is giving the other a chance to speak up and listen to what he says carefully. What our loved one says is always important.

Check: 7 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP MISTAKES

Not keeping promises.

Don’t be fooled just because there’s always a reason for him/her not to keep promises. Especially, if that happens too often. It is a sign for lack of respect in a relationship not only to you but himself as well.
At the same time, it is an example how your life together would look like – he/she makes a promise, and you have no idea if that’s going to happen or not. You’ve probably heard that:

“If there’s a will there’s a way!”

Your things are less important than his/hers.

Putting his/her goals, dreams, plans and everything that concerns him above yours all the time, is disrespectful. Everyone has something valuable, heart-melting and time-consuming and if yours are on the bottom all the time – well, I have news for you: your partner doesn’t respect you! Didn’t you have a life to live as well?!

Dirty talk.

lack_of_respect-relationship_problemsNo, I don’t mean that dirty talk. I mean the conversation that makes you feel bad for yourself. The discussion that points out your mistakes and ruins your mood even more. We all have our “down” moments. And your partner’s job is to boost your self-esteem, not to bury it as deep as possible.

If that happens to you – probably you don’t respect yourself enough as well. And I don’t want to be rude but think about it – we usually allow people to treat us in the way they do. I put myself into this equation as well – been there, done that… for years. It’s time to stop it and to start loving yourself more than the other does.

Check: 7 SIGNS OF MANIPULATIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP

You never feel a priority.

 

Well, that’s just sad. You know that a relationship is a partnership. And a partnership is you and the other together, walking on the aisle of life. Both of you equally important, in love and respectful to each other. Spending the only time you’ve got on the Earth with someone that doesn’t think you’re more important than 90% of the people in his life is just wrong.

How could you deal with the lack of respect in a relationship?

Once you get to the place where you can spot the disrespect that’s half of the job done. Don’t get confused by your partner that everything is in your head. If you feel something’s wrong, usually it is. Believe in your intuition about what’s next. Is there a chance to explain yourself, your feelings and worries and the other to understand you? If that’s the case – go for it.

Try to share your thoughts with your partner. If you love him, you should do that step. Expect confusion and frustration – nobody likes to be told he’s disrespectful.

However, once all that is gone, a change should happen. I know many people say – we don’t change. In fact Steven Aitchison shares:

“People change for two reasons: either their minds have been opened, or their hearts have been broken.”

Check: ARE YOU IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP?

Your task is to express your emotions respectfully – yelling and demanding are not your friends here. Your mission is complete once you’ve done that. The choice is not in your hands anymore. The other has to either open his mind or else. And this is not an ultimatum. That is You have your right to be respected by the person that shares your home, bed and life.

If you enjoyed this post and believe my advice helps you, don’t forget to subscribe to our blog, so we can keep in touch, just in case there’s something even more important to be shared.

7 SIGNS OF MANIPULATION IN A RELATIONSHIP

And what to do about it?

During more than the half of our relationships, we’ve been manipulated, lied or treated bad. And most of the time – we didn’t have any idea that it was happening. That sounds a bit scary, isn’t it? So, why do we need to look for signs of manipulation in a relationship?

Meaning – Why would someone want to control you?

There are many reasons why someone would manipulate you. Basically, he/she wants something – your money, your time, your love etc. And usually, the manipulator doesn’t even realise his mistakes and the fact that he is a manipulator.

Check: WHY LOVE HURTS?

relationship_problems-manipulationThe way someone treats you may be the only way of communication and relationship he knows. It could be a result of a bad childhood, a different understanding of the way partnership should be or just not enough self-confidence. Either way, it doesn’t make it a pleasant experience, and it’s nice to be aware if it happens.

Why do we leave ourselves to be manipulated?

Actually, no one believes that he’s been manipulated before the “proofs” hit him in the head. Many times we finally realise what was going on after the relationship is history for us.

“Love is blind,” they say. Nothing could be further than the truth.

No, love is a pure form of happiness and opens our eyes. The fact we allowed to someone to treat us wrong is everything else but love. Actually, we can even say it’s a lack, absence of love.

What do I mean?

Imagine that: You are a parent, and you’re out for a walk with your daughter. Someone you know comes near her and starts talking nonsense, offends her and makes her feel miserable. How long would you stay away from the situation? Minute? Two? I’m sure even 30 seconds are too many. You would jump out of your shoes, defending her and would never, ever talk to that person again.

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So, why would you allow that to happen to you if you love yourself? Why it would be insane to happen to someone else, but when the fire is coming towards you, everything is different.

relationship_problems-signs_manipulationWhy do we leave in a world where it’s almost a sin to love yourself and to put boundaries in the way the others treat you?

In the name of love?

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Love doesn’t hurt! It doesn’t make us sad. It doesn’t shrink our personality. It doesn’t limit our perception of freedom.  It doesn’t grow a fear of loneliness if we’re not together. It doesn’t make us obsessed with the other. It doesn’t make us needy little parts of something that we would like to call relationship.

Because all that is manipulation. And you have to be aware if you’re its victim.

But how a manipulator acts and how to know if you’re captured on his web? What are the signs of manipulation in a relationship?

The victim

That one is the most popular and usually works the best. Most of the time even the manipulator himself doesn’t realise that he manipulates the others.

He/she will play the role of a victim of this evil world. Everything is against him, and you really don’t understand how much he worries about everything. He never has the responsibilities about the things that happen in his life. If something goes in the wrong direction, he will find thousands of reason why it is not his fault.

He/she can talk for hours and hours about the tragedies of his/her life, and you just don’t know how is possible such a fantastic person to experience so much pain.

How do you react? Well, you feel guilty for almost everything that goes wrong around you two, and you try to remove every single wrinkle on the other’s face. You support him/her in any way – financial or emotional, just to make his/her life more comfortable. But somehow it never gets better.

Solution: There is a victim in that situation, and it’s you. There is a way out of that, but it’s long, and you have to show persistence. Everyone is responsible for his life, and no one should make you feel guilty for the decisions he makes. Talk about the way he/she makes you feel and try to fix it but be aware that it takes time and strong feelings in the relationship to survive such a change.

How do you train a dog?

signs_manipulation_in_relationship-problemsThe best way to train a dog is to make it do something and to reward it straight after that. If it does something wrong you either punish it or ignore it till it learns its lesson.

The same situation is when someone wants to control you. It’s when you do something that doesn’t please the other person, and he/she reacts like it’s the end of the world. The best part is that the things don’t get better until you “fix” your mistake and there are no exceptions. Congratulations! You’ve just been manipulated. Successfully!

How do you react? Before every decision, you either speak with the other to “ask for approval” or you already know your “lessons” and do what he/she likes just because you’re tired of all the drama around everything.

Solution: If you want to get out of that manipulation, I hope you’ve got a strong will. You have the right to make the decisions for yourself every day. The things should happen in the way both of you want them to be. Compromises should be made from each side, and that is the only thing you shouldn’t compromise with.

If you love me, you will do that!

relationship_problems_manipulationWhen I was a child, I had problems with eating my meals. Just like every child. And I remember how my grandmother was telling me “If you love you will eat your meal. You love me, right?”. That sentence was working every single time and years later I realised how much manipulation I’ve experienced around my meals.

But you get the point, right? There’s always a condition for the other to be happy and to love you even more.

How do you react? You’re constantly running around, trying to win or keep his/her heart. Even if it’s something you don’t fancy or it’s against your will. And all that’s missing is a scoreboard so you can check how many points you have left until you finally win him/her.

Advice: Putting conditions on the “amount of love” someone has to you, is not love at all. You shouldn’t do anything to “keep” someone’s precious love. All you have to do is be yourself, and there’s nothing more to be asked for.

I do this for us/you/our future!

One of my favourite! It doesn’t matter that you haven’t seen together for more than 20 minutes for the last three weeks. He was working for your future. It doesn’t matter that she asks you to transfer most of the money from your salary on her account. She does it for you; she manages the financial part of the household better than you.

How do you react? Most of the time you feel guilty because you “obviously don’t think enough for your future” or at least not in a proper way. Or you just don’t see the things from a different point of view. Or you don’t predict the future as good as the other. Basically, whatever it is – you’re not good enough for it.

Solution: The only thing that’s not good enough is you staying in a situation like that. One of the secrets of successful manipulation is to make the other feel guilty. That will make you shut up and think that you’re too selfish. The result? You’re ready to do anything to prove you’re not an egoistic creature.

Hot and cold

manipulation_in_a_relationship-problems

Every day is different. You never know his/her emotions and whose fault it is for them. He/she is absolutely fine and in the next second ignores you for the next few hours or days. You never know what’s wrong and what you did, but it’s apparently your fault.  The moment you go too crazy about it and decide you had enough of that game the other person is an angel again. Love is in the air, and the skies are in perfect blue.

How do you react? You have no idea what’s going on around you or why the other is not in a mood again. You think it’s your fault and spend the next hours in trying to realise what you said, did or the way you looked at him at every single second before he/she went crazy. Actually, that makes you feel mad and fed up, but somehow the game goes on again and again.

Solution: You have to stop it! You’re not a toy, nor your feelings. If you want to do something you can try to ignore this behaviour and hopefully when the result is not the same the game will finish. But you have to be sure the person is worth the struggles.

You’re never good enough

No matter how much you try, he/she is never happy. If you decided to clean the whole house before she comes back from work she will ask you what you’re going to eat and why you didn’t cook instead. If you went to buy a new dress especially for your dinner out, he would look at your unpolished nails with criticism in his eyes, and you’ll feel pathetic.

How do you react? It’s never enough. It doesn’t matter how much you try to be your best you just can’t get to his/her level And you feel miserable about the person you are. And grateful in a weird way, because the other is still with you.

Solution: Run! Run as fast as you can at the moment you recognise yourself somewhere here. Being under someone’s shoe and feeling less than him/her is horrible. You are amazing just the way you are. I’m not saying “perfect” because nobody is. But you are unique, and you deserve someone who will see that uniqueness. There is no hope of changing his/her manipulative mind. And honestly – it doesn’t worth the struggles.

Check: FLUSH HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE – RUN AWAY

They need you to live

We’re getting deeper and deeper. You’re the reason for him/her to stay alive. You know exactly how he wants to leave this world if you stop loving him. There’s no hope, and you’re his only bright sun in the darkness of that life.

How do you react? You know that the problem is mental, right? And you have no idea what to do. The only thing you know is you don’t want to be the reason for someone’s death. And you’re not sure if he/she is serious about all these stuff.

What you could do is to ask for help someone that knows more about this than you. Don’t play the game because if the manipulation is successful is not going to end soon. Just speak with professionals about the situation and try to provide help for the other. Because he/she needs it.

Did you spot yourself in any of the situations above? Do these signs of manipulation in a relationship relate to you in any way? If you’re wondering about the right answer to something, please share your story or ask a question. We’re here for you.

7 TIPS TO FIX ANY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM

When things go wrong, and you make the relationship problem even worst

Do you feel like you have a major relationship problem and it looks like a catastrophe? Well, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Nobody expects it to be perfect. The beauty of the relationships is their capability to make us grow, to push us to evolve and get closer to our true self.

If you agree with that, you would agree that every problem is not a problem. It is just a challenge, a question that needs an answer. It gives us the opportunity to bring out the best of ourselves and go through the struggle as winners.

Check: 3 WAYS TO AVOID KILLING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

In fact, if a relationship doesn’t push you going forward and getting closer to the better version of yourself, something is wrong. I see two people in a relationship as two rivers. They come from different streams and have a different pace of going into the big waters we call life. But when they meet each other there is only one question: Will they make the other’s travel easier? Will it become a powerful, pure and joyful journey? Will one of them steal the other’s energy and both will become small drops of muddy liquid, struggling to move forward?

tips-relationship_problemEmmet Fox says

“There’s no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem.”

More you think about these words more you will realise how accurate they are. Love is the essential, the base of everything and it is entirely enough to solve everything that tries to bring us down. When it’s real. When it’s love.

At the same time, we cannot rely only on love to fix our problems. And we cannot create problems thinking that the love of the other will be enough to fix them.

Although every relationship problem has a different way of going through it, there are some steps we have to follow. I know it sounds boring but do you want to solve the problem or not?

So what to do when the problem is a reality, and we want to fix it?

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Check: ARE YOU IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP?

First of all – Do not panic

Getting to the stage where everything looks like on edge, it’s not going to help you. You want to go through the problem as fast as possible and to fix it like it’s a broken vase? It is not going to happen so soon.

solve-relationship-problemMany people are going mental when they’ve got a problem with the loved one. They over-think and over-react, go through tears, depression and make the things even worst. When you’re in a panic your body sends signals for a danger to your brain. Your brain turns the surviving instincts on. And these instincts are making you react as soon as possible in order to feel safe again.

Give it a time 

It all depends on how significant the problem you’ve got is. But the most important thing – do not rush. There are not many things that can be fixed overnight.

Everything takes time and just because you’re capable of forgetting about a mistake, rude word or attitude very fast, it doesn’t mean the other can do it as well. Give it time. You’ve made a mistake? You apologised, and your partner forgave you, but he/she still acts a bit weird? Give it time.

You’ve made a mistake? You apologised, and your partner forgave you, but he/she still acts a bit weird? Give it time. Everyone has a different pace of going over the things. It may take hours, days or weeks before you go back to the happy days.

So, be patient and be open to listening…

Check: 7 TOP REASONS FOR DIVORCE

Listen and feel

Even if the other doesn’t want to talk – listen and feel his/her emotions. Look at the other’s eyes. They will tell you a lot about how to proceed. If you feel that the other is stepping back – give him time. We speak more through actions than through words. And learn to listen to the actions.

Talk – tips for effective communication

Communication is number one when it comes to relationships. If you don’t know how to communicate with each other – learn. Sit somewhere quiet and look at the other’s eyes. Listen actively and talk calmly.

Check: HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER?

Forget about sentences that start with “It is your fault..” and “If you didn’t… I wouldn’t..”. Focus on how to speak with love. If you feel you get too overwhelmed and start raising your voices – give it a half hour break and go into separate rooms. Stay alone with yourself and when you feel you’re ready – proceed with the conversation.

tip-solve-relationshipIf you think it’s impossible – ask yourself how hard do you want to save this relationship. We tend to lose control over our reactions, voice and nerves when talking over a problem. Many couples are yelling at each other, throw things, break glasses, cry and go hysterical while arguing. But all that causes more pain than when you started the conversation. There is no point in going into the talk if you have not promised yourself you will do your best to control your temper and will speak quite. When you finish the conversation you should feel better not even more hurt than when you entered it.

Do not involve the past. The past is in the past – it belongs there and it shouldn’t be invited on every conversation you have. If there’s something unsolved you feel the urge to talk about, leave for another time. If it doesn’t concern the current topic – you shouldn’t talk about it.

Accept it is your fault

It is not always your fault, I know! But you have to understand – it is still your fault as well! Sounds too insane?

No matter the relationship – it takes two to create it. It takes two to love each other, it takes two to make the decisions, and it takes two to break it!

No matter the problem – there is something you did wrong as well. So, be honest with the other and be honest with yourself. Admit it. Show responsibility and the right person will not take advantage of that but will appreciate it.

The point is not to prove who’s wrong or right.

The point is to be happy. Isn’t it?

Check: IN LOVE? KEEP THE FIRE BURNING!

Be open to the other

save-relationship-tipsNow is your time to say it. Say why you feel hurt or why you did something. Share what you think about the other’s attitude – kindly and with love.

 

What’s the worst that could happen? Someone, to be mad about it? Well, that already happened!

To be able to get the whole puzzle and see the picture – you would need all of the pieces, wouldn’t you?

It’s the same with solving a problem – you will need all the information so you could deal with the situation successfully.

So be open and ask the other to be open to you as well.

Be serious about making promises

Trust is one of the basics of a relationship. There is no relationship if there’s no trust between you two.

And trust takes time. You have to build it piece by piece and action by action. You know what they say: “Don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash”.

When you promise to your beloved you will work on something in your relationship – you better do it. And ask for the same on the other side.

A relationship is a partnership. Work as a team and win as a team.

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