“No strings attached” or “Friends with benefits” rules
“It’s new! It’s interesting! It’s modern! Let’s try it!” Those are the thoughts of most of the people that get into the “friends with benefits” relationship. Many people even watch the famous movie for instructions how and what should they do. Smart? I don’t think so!
But what are the rules of that kind of relationship and how to protect ourselves from getting in a position where we feel lied not by the other but ourselves?
The real gain of “no strings attached” sex with someone is not only the actual intimacy but the fact that you have all of your time for yourself. You can do the things you love – going out with friends, attending yoga classes, going to the cinema and sleeping alone in your big, fluffy bed, and at the same time to get sex when you need it.
How about ONE NIGHT HOOK UP “HOW TO”?
Not so much amazing part is if things go wrong with one of you and feelings start knocking on the door. Therefore…
..think twice before starting that sort of relationship. Are you the type of person that is capable just to have sex and to leave the place after that? Do you know yourself well enough to follow the rules of “no feelings” and “you can date others as well”? Falling for the other is the most common mistake in Friends with benefits relationship. We think that we’re aware what we’re doing. In the next moment, we realise that we want something more. Well, this is not fair, because… well, rules are rules.
You may be completely alright with everything around those type of “not a commitment” but at some point to get a card “be my Valentine”. And this could be disturbing. So the person you choose to be with should be completely aware of the situation. Before you start the relationship talk as many times, you feel you have to talk with the other and do not leave open doors for anything after that.
Where to look for him/her?
The best place to look for “a sex-buddy” is outside your work and friend area. At some point, everything will finish. It is not going to last forever. And there is no way for you to predict how it’s going to end. Even if you have lots of experience in this type of relationships, you can never be sure about the other. It is much safer to pick someone that doesn’t show up every single day in your life, risking to mess the things up.
Stick to the friends-with-benefits’ rules.
Make the call or send the text message when you feel the need, have as much fun as you want and then either leave the other’s house or if you’re in your place say goodbye and proceed with your life. No meetings outside, no movies or drinks in the bar. Even too much personal information is not recommended. If you tell your problems to the other, he or she may feel the need to help you with them and things can get in a different direction.
Be sure the other treat you tight and offer the same.
Like any other type of relationship the base of “friends with benefits” is respect, kindness and honesty. Do not allow and do not attempt ignorance, rudeness and disrespect in any form. Keep it simple but communicate with each other. Use protection and take and give as much pleasure as you can.
Don’t get offended if you make the text or the call for sex but the other refuses it. You can ask for the reason. But only to inform yourself if “friends with benefits” relationship is still happening. If everything is ok there, you shouldn’t insist on the reason why it’s not happening immediately. The other doesn’t owe you anything, and you have the same rights.
Be free to look for your happiness all the time during that relationship. Meet new people, go out on dates and feel free to live your life how you want. You don’t have to explain yourself and shouldn’t stop the other from the same things. If there are some restrictions, they should stay in the bed area.
End it when you feel it’s enough.
Keep in mind that staying too long in that relationship will lead to you getting used to the present with each other. The fun of friends with benefits lasts just a few months. If you’re both experienced in that and don’t mind to keep it like that, everything should be alright. Otherwise, you have to know when is time to leave that person behind you before someone gets hurt.
Don’t look back. When it ends, it should stay in the past. Texting or calling “just to see if everything’s alright” is not recommended as it may disturb the other. You should accept the end of it with joy that it happened and proceed with your life with a smile.