Or how to be a nice guy and that to be a good thing.
Do you know what happens when you type in Google “how to be a nice guy”?
I know! And I’m a little bit disappointed by the results!
Obviously at some point in my life, while I was looking for a nice guy, some people out there made up a new opinion about them.
If you try to do the same research like me, you will be drowned in stories how much “nice guys” are actually some losers, walking around with the only idea to play a role till they convince poor women to sleep with them.
Well, in that case, they are not so nice anymore, are they? What a surprise!
So the next thing we end up is “a nice guy syndrome” which is almost a disease and if you have it, you better shoot yourself. Or you can buy some fancy book to tell you how to live your life without being so nice…
Dear Nice Guys, what happened?
I know you are out there!
And I know you want to separate yourselves from the bog full of dirty intentions.
Let’s do it then!
This will be a post about how to be a nice guy, written by a nice girl!
This is what women want, even if we don’t admit it!
Also, this is what women deserve, if they don’t know it!
Let’s make one thing clear.
There are not so many bad guys in that world.
You are not a bad guy just because you have different values and like different things then the girl you’re dating. You just don’t match, and each one of you should try to find another partner in life. Nobody owns anything to the other, and if you give, you shouldn’t do it with the expectations to receive. That is what we call love.
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So how to be a nice guy?
Don’t hint, just say it! The very first impression!
There is something I almost admire in the “playboy” type of guys. And this is the clear sign of their intentions.
A Playboy would almost never “play” to be “just a friends” with the girl he likes. He will indicate from the very beginning he wants her, and if she doesn’t agree with that, I doubt they will stay friends. Yes, she may get confused about how serious the relationship will be, but at least she will be aware he wants her in his bed.
And the one thing leads to the other – you are not a nice guy if you try first to get into her friend circle and when she trusts you to ask her out. This is sneaky. If you want to know how to be a nice guy and a real man, you should make it clear from the very beginning.
You see a girl ⇒ You like her ⇒You make the move
Of course, you could have a few chats with her before you ask her out, just to be sure you want to date her. But don’t fake a friendship so you could create a connection with her. The connection should be build after you start dating.
How to do that?
Ok, you know you should hint you like her at the very beginning.
When you meet a girl you like for the very first time and you know you would take her out on a date, use your body language to indicate affection.
Look her in the eyes and focus on everything she says. Actively listen to her and always keep the mood positive.
Compliment her but don’t overdo it. A woman needs to hear just one compliment from you but if it’s good and sincere, she might remember it for years. Trust me; I’m a woman! For example, I still remember a compliment I received when I was 15 years old (for the record, that was another 15 years ago!).
Don’t compliment her at the very beginning of the conversation. You still don’t know her. Do it after a while or at the very end of it, so she would leave with your nice words as the last thing she heard from you. We tend to remember the very first and the very last things someone says to us. Choose your timing and again, make it clear – you like her, and she shouldn’t have any doubt about that! This is how to be a nice guy when you see a girl for the first time.
Taking the bullets for her in and out of the relationship
Do you try to protect her from all the bad guys in this bad, bad world?
Do you often wonder what’s wrong with her eyes and why she doesn’t see how nice you are?
Well, she has the right to choose, and we all learn from our mistakes. Pointing the others with a finger and explaining how awful and miserable human beings they are, is not going to make you nice. If she’s on her way to date the wrong guy, you won’t be able to stop her. And “I told you so” won’t make her like you after that.
If you recognise yourself in this situation, you are in her friend-zone, unfortunately. You honestly have two options only. Before I list them, I’d like to say; there are no rules on how to act once you are in a girl’s friend-zone. The reason is that there are many variations of what might happen.
First of all, she might have liked you at the beginning but you didn’t make any obvious move, and now she has shifted her focus onto someone else. Another case – she never thought of you as a potential partner, you didn’t announce yourself as such, so you went into the friend-zone in the first hour or two after you met. If you were friends for years, it gets even more complicated as now none of you wants to lose the connection you already have.
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Back to the two options you’ve got:
- Stay in her friend-zone and forget about dating her. You might have your opportunity in the future, but don’t hold your breath on it.
- Be honest and risk it. Would you prefer to watch the girl you love dating others? One day she will find someone who won’t be afraid to step up, and you’ll lose your chances forever. Your option is to take the risk and admit you have feelings for her. Who knows, you might be surprised by her reaction and have your happy end.
How to be a nice guy without faking it with the wrong girl
If you constantly give up your plans for dinner, holiday or movies, that doesn’t make you a nice guy.
If you think she did wrong by you but don’t talk to her about it, it doesn’t make you a nice guy.
When you don’t feel happy, but you stay in the same relationship for months or years, this doesn’t make you a nice guy.
It makes you a guy who ignores himself in the name of .. what?. The right girl will ask you for your opinion, and you will both discuss how to spend the time together in a way that will make both of you happy.
The right girl will listen to you when something’s wrong and will apologise if it was her fault.
If you ignore your happiness in the name of the other’s happiness, then none of you will be happy…
The successful relationship is a creation between two happy people.
How to be a nice guy and don’t keep it quiet in a relationship
A good man will never stay quiet if something in the relationship doesn’t suit him. Avoiding the arguments and the grumpy faces could be done in a much more honest way.
Healthy communication is the base of a healthy relationship.
Therefore, if you’d want to talk over a problem, but you don’t fancy her grumpy face, I’d suggest you work on a few things. Most of the time, people get upset not because of the news, but because of the way it was presented.
- Ask if it’s alright to talk over something that bothers you – You don’t ask for permission to talk, you ask if she’s ready to listen.
- Calm manner, soft voice and with love. It’s hard to be upset when you see the other shares their thoughts with love. The focus is the problem, not your disagreement on it.
- Ask for a break to cool down if you feel things go out of control. Never shout if she starts shouting. Just cut the conversation right here and then. Politely ask to talk again later.
- Focus on the positives first and then go on with the negatives of the situation.
- Listen to her suggestions and arguments; she hints to the right decision almost all the time. Search for a compromise that will make both of you happy.
“How to be a nice guy in the arguments” example!
Let’s assume he doesn’t want to go out with you and your friends on Friday night. You talk to her and explain to her you love to spend your time with her and feel blessed she wants the same. However, you miss your friends and need time with them as well.
Note, that this won’t work if it’ not true and you spent the last three Friday evenings with them. (not a nice guy move!) Your friends like her a lot and you are so proud of being with her among them. Then you listen to her answers. If she hints she was tired and hoped for a night in, then offer to go for an hour or two and have the evening for yourselves after that. If she’s angry because all you want is to be out with your friends, (make sure it’s not true first!) offer to spend the whole weekend just the two of you, plan a holiday together or something else. Her problem is not you being with your friends. Her problem is that she felt ignored during the rest of the time. There are many variations of how to make it work, but your honesty should be present in each one of them.
The puppy behaving or trying to please her all the time
Walking around like a puppy after his owner is not a nice guy acting either.
Making her wishes come true no matter what makes you silly and funny. And don’t get me wrong – “making her happy” and “making her happy no matter what”, are two completely different things. In the first case, we talk about a healthy relationship where everybody wishes are important, and you try to make each other happy.
The second type of behaving is you running chaotically all over the place, trying to do the impossible to see the smile on her pretty face. When probably the only thing that could make her laugh is you showing her she’s important in much more ordinary ways.
A nice girl will appreciate you when you appreciate yourself. Sacrificing yourself is not going to make you a hero in her eyes. Respect yourself and respect her, be honest and communicate as much as possible – that is the normal relationship. If it works – be happy.
If not – be happy 🙂
Find Love! Hold Love! Be Love!