How Do You Build Confidence?
In this post, you will learn
- how to build or rebuild self-confidence and
- how you can practice confidence.
I will also outline 17 tips on boosting your self-esteem and will tell you why I know so much about it.
How do you ruin someone’s self-confidence for life? Story Time
One day my grandmother looked at me and said: “You look good, but you aren’t beautiful. I tell you this now, so you don’t get too confused in life.” I was probably 11-12 years old.
Obviously, I still remember it.
I remember that I had just washed my hair and it was sparkling under the warm summer sun. I was feeling in peace with myself, enjoying my summer break with the people I truly loved. And yet, she decided to give me a lesson in life.
My grandmother was more mother to me than my own mom. She loved me very much, and I loved her too. I miss her every single day of my life, and I wish I could turn back the time just for a day and have the chance to talk to her again.
But she sucked at building my self-confidence.
When she told me that sentence above, I didn’t know it was one of my first steps in building low self-esteem and negative inner image for myself. In my high school years, I was wearing wide clothes to hide my feminine parts; I wouldn’t move from my school bench for a fool day unless I had to go to another study room. I wouldn’t eat in front of people and would stay hungry all day because someone else told me the way I chew was weird. I still get blushed when the attention of other people, who aren’t my family, is focused on me.
I spent my teenage years believing two things:
- I’m smart.
- But I’m not attractive.
Can you guess which one was more important to a teenage girl? I had my first ever boyfriend when I was 18, and it was the first of many dreadful, unhealthy and self-destructive relationships. Each one of them worse than the previous one.
At some point, I ended up with a guy who was waiting for me to go to sleep so he could go on parties, visit friends and probably sleep with other women. I would wake up in the morning, and he would be waiting for me in the living room, drunk (once even on drugs) to apologise.
And I would accept his apology.
Because I thought that’s the best I could do.
Because he’d agreed to be with me.
Because I thought I didn’t deserve more.
Self-Confidence is Your Only Shield in Life You Could Build For Yourself
For reasons, I don’t wish to mention publicly; I ended up in a hospital. Alone. Scared. Thousands of miles away from everyone who cared for me. And wondering what happened to the smart girl who had dreams of building a life that’s worth living.
For a while, I was seriously considering ending my life (I talk more about this in my depression and loneliness post here). I couldn’t find many reasons not to do it.
I had hit the bottom of my life.
I was ashamed of myself and my failure TO BE MORE.
MORE beautiful. MORE loved. MORE appreciated. MORE of everything.
You see, I wasn’t too young to blame the lack of experience and wisdom for everything I had brought to myself. I was 29 years old and most people at this age have children, families, career and a mortgage.
I had quit my successful career as a bank office manager, boarded the plain to a country on the other side of the continent and found a man who was suffering from his own wounds and couldn’t do more than wound me as well. Two unhappy people could create only a troubled relationship. Don’t ever think that a relationship could save you from your misery. It could only make things worse.
What Are The Benefits Of Improved Self-Confidence?
What would it mean to be confident? Would you agree with the following benefits of improving your self-confidence?
- Maybe it would mean trust in yourself that you are worth it.
- It’s probably a belief in your ability to control your life in a better way.
- It could mean a feeling of self-worth.
- Inner strength and urge to enjoy life.
- Maybe it’s freedom from self-doubt or at least to reduce it.
- Freedom to express your desires and stand behind your decisions.
- Courage to take decisions that satisfy your needs in life.
- Positive self-image and inner happiness.
- More smiles…
Self-Confidence is a Skill
Self-confidence is a skill, and if you were as lucky as me and no one helped you build it in your early years, then you must start today. Now.
I often connect self-confidence with self-love too. None of them could exist without the other. And once you start working on one, the other blooms too.
You could access 42 free tactics on how to learn to love yourself here. Don’t miss on your chance to reach for some new knowledge. We tend to put in practice only a small percentage of what we learn. Hence, the more we learn, the more things we put into practice.
Self-confidence is also an ongoing process that never ends. Just like a new language – if you don’t practice it you will forget it.
How To Build Self-Confidence – 17 Ways
How to build self-confidence?
I could tell you many ways to do it.
Will they all apply to you?
But some of them will benefit you more than others. Maybe one of them will resonate the most with you. Hold onto it. Work with it.
I’ve tried them all. I still use a few.
Go to the next page and let’s dive in. BONUS: Psst, there’s a very important video you don’t want to miss on the next page.