43% of first marriages end up with divorce, and the higher the number of marriages in your pocket, the higher the chances of getting divorced again and again.
As a married woman, I can confirm that the idea of getting divorced sounds just as pleasant as spending a night in an abandoned haunted old manor. Yeah, do NOT recommend it!
However, can you save a marriage when only one person wants to save it?
What if your spouse refuses to work on your marriage problems, and you are so frustrated, fed up, and tired of all the “trying” that you are on the edge of… agreeing with them?
When you’ve been trying to ignite the change… When you’ve been talking and switching your approach to problems… When you’ve been doing your best, yet things get worse… Do you have any other choice?
Your spouse doesn’t want to keep doing this thing you label as “marriage” (but it is so far from the idea of being a real marriage), but you are not ready to give up on it. Do you stand any chance at saving your marriage if they aren’t willing to move a finger to help you?
Yes, you do! Even if your spouse has gotten to a stage when they wish nothing more but to live their life without you.
Because if something is worth fighting for until there is no fight left inside you, that would be the relationship with the person you thought you would have your “forever after” with.
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In this post, I will put you on the track of saving your marriage. I will be referring to the works of Dr. Lee Baucom, Ph.D who has over 22 years of professional experience in marriage therapy and enjoys a 20+ year-long happy marriage.
We will both guide you to get the exact tools you need to make it happen. (if you wish to jump to the shortcut, click here to save your marriage, but I still recommend you read the post)
Statistics You Need To Familiarize Yourself With
Before you wave a hand and decide it’s unfair to do all the work alone, here are some facts.
- The number of divorces in the U.S. hits the 1 million mark yearly.
- Almost 50% of married couples will eventually end in divorce or separation. (my question is: Which 50% do you wish to participate in?)
- The average cost of getting divorced is $15,000, which could grow even higher depending on where you live.
- The #1 cause for divorce is: Lack of communication
- On average, 43% of first marriages end in divorce.
- 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
- To top it off: 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
- In 2019 only 29 out of every 1000 divorced or widowed women remarried. (Source of statistics)
I don’t know about you, but it feels like your best chance at finding happiness with someone is to do your best to save what you have right now, especially if that is your first marriage.
Debunking the Myths of Saving a Marriage
Here are some shocking myths most married couples still believe in.
Both partners must be willing to save the marriage
It is an absolute blessing when both partners want to save their marriage. But that is rarely the case. Therefore, it is a common misconception that when one of the partners doesn’t want to work on the marriage, things are heading toward the attorney’s office.
You can work on improving your relationship with your spouse without them even knowing you are doing it. Small adjustments and commitment can do wonders when you have the right mindset.
It is always about poor communication
There is a theory that when two people argue and shout at each other, even when physically close, their hearts are miles apart.
Effective communication sure helps to work over common problems. But it isn’t nearly enough to fix long-term issues in a marriage on the brink of divorce.
When you learn how to communicate your feelings better, that is exactly what happens: you express your feelings better. However, that can never guarantee you a better “understanding” or a change of heart. There is a lot more under the layers of frustration: mismatched values, unmet emotional needs, recurring patterns of conflict, and more.
Counseling is always necessary to save your marriage.
A recent statistic says that 97% of couples attending marriage counseling claim they got the tools needed to solve their problems. HOWEVER, 38% of them end up divorced within two years.
Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph. D., a well-known marriage therapist, says that the actual success rate of marriage counseling is merely 20%. That doesn’t give me too much hope when a 60-minute consultation makes me $100-200 poorer. However, he underlines that to make marriage therapy work, you want to go the extra mile and supplement the sessions with something more.
Talking to a professional about your issues, digging deep, and learning how to work on your relationship is a great ways to aid a broken marriage. But it isn’t absolutely necessary and isn’t always effective (unfortunately).
If you are willing to give marriage counseling a chance, please do so. However, do not rely on it only but rather try everything else that comes your way too (like this tool). Your marriage is worth giving it your best.
4 Ways To Work On Saving Your Marriage Starting Today
When it comes to saving your marriage, even when you want to do it, there is really no time to waste. You’ve been procrastinating and hoping for the best for a while now. And I do not blame you for it. We rarely understand the realness of a situation until it is almost too late.
When you are in a marriage that started with a healthy relationship, there is no recurring infidelity or any other type of abuse; you already have increased chances of making things right a lot. So here are 4 ways to start fixing things.
Stop playing the Blame Game
No more blaming your partner, and no more blaming yourself.
Marriages often get stuck in a loop of blame that stops any progress. It’s easier to point a finger and say, “It’s their fault.” Or even blame ourselves and think, “It’s all my fault.”
But here’s the thing: blame might feel good for a moment, but it won’t help you fix your marriage. Blame is a dead-end street.
Seek expert advice
You might feel like you’re alone in this struggle, but remember, many have walked this path before you and found ways to rebuild their marriages.
There are plenty of experts out there, such as therapists and experienced counselors, offering valuable advice. Look for their insights in books, articles, and workshops.
But not all advice will fit your situation.
Your task is to sift through it all, identify what truly resonates with your circumstances, and discard the rest. Each marriage is unique, and what works for one couple might not work for another.
Take responsibility
Decide to act. Change starts with someone who wants things to be different. Taking responsibility isn’t about accepting blame. It’s about saying, “No matter whose fault it is, I can make some changes, and I will.”
Think about the things that annoy you about your spouse and what you do that annoys them. Commit to changing those things.
Surprisingly, most of us already know what we should do differently. The trick is deciding actually to do it. So, decide to take action.
Think about it this way: if you’re in a burning building, you won’t waste time figuring out who started the fire. You’d try to get out of the building. When your marriage is in trouble, it’s like that burning building. What actions will you take to save it?
Take action!
Doing nothing can be more damaging than making a mistake. It’s all too easy to feel paralyzed by the situation. But remember, understanding the problem is just the first step. You’ve got to take action to make things better.
Will these steps save your marriage? I can’t promise miracles, but I can tell you that by following these steps, you’ll give your marriage a fighting chance. Remember, it takes two to tango, but just one person can take the first step. Start taking action today.
Are you ready to take action? The first step is to click and watch this video where Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph. D., takes you through the secrets of saving your marriage.
How To Save Your Marriage If Only You Are Trying To Save It
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.