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8 Insanely Obvious Reasons Men Pull Away From You

Men are pulling away because you are pushing them away?

 

I have a question for you:

How come every decent man you met on this Earth happened to be insecure, immature or scared by your female power?

Is it really SO hard to find and keep the right guy?

Let me answer the last one: No, it’s not!

Disclaimer: Harsh words here, love! Read only if you are ready to face the truth why men pull away from you.

Related post: 12 OF THE BIGGEST TURN OFFS FOR GUYS

To understand better what happens when men pull away, I would like to tell you a very familiar story…

 

A story about my friend – Jenny.

when men pull away

Insanely obvious reasons why men pull away

Jenny has a master degree in the desired field. She has the perfect job as an office manager in a big company as well. She is a good-looking, smart and ambitious young lady. And she is hungry for the love of the perfect man. 

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The perfect guy would be at least as smart as she is. He would be as ambitious and successful in what he does. He would have a good sense of humour and will see that Jenny is his perfect match very early in the relationship. Probably even in the first few dates. They will laugh, share stories and views of how life should be. One day they will both drive away towards the sunset with the “Just Married” sign on their car.

Sounds lovely, right?

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Jenny believed that her success gives her the right to be picky with men. I would agree with that! After all, she has to find that decent, nice guy who will accept all the love she has to give, right? 

And why would it be different? 

A smart, successful woman Is looking for a smart, successful man. Just tick all the boxes and walk me to the altar…

Related post: THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND LOVE – HOW I ATTRACTED LOVE AND YOU COULD DO IT TOO

But life’s weird…

Jenny had a problem finding that successful man with the smart look and the good sense of humour. There’s plenty fish in the sea; he should be somewhere there, she thought.

Date after date and relationship after relationship, but nothing happened.

The good and smart men were running away. The ones that were staying were doing it because they were not as successful and smart as they pretended to be.

Do you know Jenny? A small confession…

 

Jenny is not a real person. It’s a profile of the certain type of behaviour I explained.

I have at least few friends that could be Jenny right now. Sadly, I was one of them as well.

Do you have Jenny’s profile too?

Well, welcome then.

Let me tell you what happens when men pull away. 

Why they disappear?

You are pushing them away! 

Yes, girl, you are pushing men away every single time there’s someone you really like and get to the first few dates. 

And it will be my pleasure to tell you how.

Insanely obvious signs you are pushing men away

 

Ok, how can I prove you are the reason men pull away?

Let’s say you got the perfect “Jenny” profile base:

– you are smart

– you are successful at what you do, and you totally love it

– you are busy, and you love that too

– you know you are “a good catch” and don’t feel the need to prove it – why would you show off, he is the one that has to impress you.

– you are independent and don’t need anyone to take care of you

– you are happy with your single life, but of course, you want love too

– you perfectly know what you want in life

– …and you perfectly know what you want in a man

but when you start dating someone that matches all that… somehow he pulls away and slowly disappears

Yep, he pulls away because you push him away.

 

And has nothing to do with the fact that men are scared by strong and independent smart women. Nothing!

How’s that?

Well, there’s not even one smart guy on this Earth that would appreciate, value and marry a woman that doesn’t make him laugh and is not successful and happy with what she does.

So, where’s the problem then?

How come you ARE that type of a woman, and you date that type of men, but none of them sticks around long enough so you could seal the deal?

The tough love comes, so now’s the time to decide if you need it.

You think he pulls away but actually, he just needs a retreat… and then you go mad… and then he really pulls away!

 

Should I explain more?

You date for three weeks. Everything looks great, you’re both having the time of your lives. Until the point when one day he declines your invitation to go out on Saturday. He doesn’t really explain why. He says he needs time…!

“He needs TIME!”..?

That’s your code word for “he pulls away, I’ll never see him again. I did something wrong!

You like him, so you ask what’s wrong. He explains that nothing’s wrong but he is not in a mood to go out this weekend…

Of course, something’s wrong!

So you keep asking, you even send an apology message, just in case you did something wrong. You spend the next few days going through a mini-nightmare…

By the end of the weekend, you either had sent him hundreds of texts trying to find out what’s wrong… Or even better – you already decided that if he’s able to disappear so easily and for so long, he’s not worth your attention. It’s obvious he cannot commit to something more serious.

When he calls you or text you on Monday morning, you are already miles away from the person you were last week. He doesn’t seem upset or doesn’t indicate what happened during the weekend and that drives you insane…

Do you recognise yourself somewhere in this story?

Suggested post: 30 AND SINGLE? READ THIS

He pulled away but he didn’t pull away

 

I strongly recommend you have a look at Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book by John Grey. It’s like a Bible for relationships. How would it help you understand the situation from our story above?

When men pull away, very often they just need a day or two off, sometimes – even a few hours. They need to meet with themselves, to think over a problem, to relax or just to be alone for a while. Nothing’s wrong with him or his feelings towards you. He just needs some time alone.

Very often that’s what men do after they realise their feelings for you are getting stronger. It’s like regrouping of their inner self…

That need for them to be alone you could feel when you want to stay home and read a book in he bed with a cup of hot chocolate.

But a man will never share their feelings in that way.

 

He will tell you he is not in a mood for anything for the next hour/day/weekend and will leave you hanging in the air, not knowing what happens.

If he says the same thing to another man or hears it from another man, everything will be fine – no one will ask any more questions. They understand each other.

He believes saying a short sentence should make the things clear to you too.

But he doesn’t understand the women… as well as you don’t really understand the men.

You need the long explanation, but he’s not used giving it and he doesn’t see the point of giving it.

However, when he closes himself in that “cave” of his (more about it in the book I mentioned), he really needs that “alone time”. After he had it, he will come back to you.

The same “alone time” you don’t give him or make him feel sorry about later on.

And that’s what pushes him away.

You are in a hurry to show him how amazing you are but instead, you are pushing him away

 

I know, he has to be aware of what he deals with. 

He has to know that you have goals and dreams, and you are not on a hunt for a man to look after you. 

He has to know you can handle yourself and you are happy where you are.

Yes, that’s true.

But he doesn’t have to know all that on the first date. Not even on the second one.

Let him find this out in a normal pace, during the courtship. Don’t throw in his face every single achievement you had for the last 15 years. He will pull away not because you are too good but because you are choking him with all that awesomeness. It would look like you love yourself a little bit too much. Maybe you could be perfectly happy all by yourself then…

He feels like a part of an investigation, and that pushes him away

 

I know, I’ve said a few times that you have to know what you’re dealing with. But asking him a question after question will do no good to you.

Dedicating every single date on the mission to get to know him as much as possible will make it weird. 

First, if he loves to talk about himself, you will be drowned into the topic after topic and learn too much too fast will take the thrill away. 

And if he doesn’t like to talk too much, your constant questions will violate his personal space, and he will disappear very fast.

Have a look at these innocent questions you could ask on the first dates and he won’t feel investigated.

You don’t engage too much with him, and he pulls away

 

It’s hard to imagine that a man could pull away because he didn’t get enough attention during the first few dates.

I mean, you agreed to go out with him. Few times. You went on the date ready to listen and talk. You didn’t act needy or insecure. You laughed at his jokes and let him express himself in the way he wants.

Nothing wrong so far.

However, how much did you engage yourself into this date? 

How many times did you check your phone while he was talking?

How many times did you think about the office and how to solve the latest problem at work?

Did you have a moment when you felt too tired to be on another date that could end unhappily?

Were you 100% there, with him?

You see what I mean? 

Men are human beings.

Just like us, women. They feel, and they have intuition as well. Maybe not as strong as ours, but everyone knows when they’ve been ignored. Even for a few minutes. And no one likes that. 

No wonder he pulled away. You are tired of pointless dates but if you’re going to do it – do it well, girl. Be present. Involve yourself.

Looking for a commitment too fast makes men pull away

 

I know you are tired of spending the weekends alone or in the club with friends.

You need warmth and understanding. You need support and gentle but strong presence from a man by your side.

You date someone few times and you already have thoughts of romantic weekends away, meeting family and relatives, creating mutual friendships…

I was you once… ok, more than once.

I thought that the moment I realise I want that man in my life and he reacts well to my signals – it’s all set. 

It’s not.

And that’s how I was pushing men away in the past.

Like it or not, men need more time to comprehend their feelings. Too fast ends badly for both of you. 

A woman could fall in love with a guy, have a relationship with him for a week and then cry for a month after they break up.

We are so emotional. We are full of passion we want to spread and the moment we find someone willing to accept it… we drown him in it. 

We are months ahead in our thoughts.

But men like to go through each step and make sure that they understand you and most importantly – you respect and accept them as they are.

Therefore, going too serious too fast will push men away. They need more time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We are just different. We comprehend information and emotions in different ways. And that’s what makes the relationships so vivid and amazing. To be the same is boring.

Projecting your visions of life onto him will push him away

 

“All women deserve the same rights as men.” 

“All men seem to have a problem with committing to a woman.”

You have a list of 54 things you want to do in the next four years and don’t mind sharing all of them with him.

Life is hard and your battles worth telling them on the very first dates…

I respect everything. I agree with all of it.

But going so strong at the very beginning of your courtship won’t lead you to the next date.

Your visions of the world deserve respect and explanation. They are amazing when the person on the other side knows you and understands you. And all of it would sound much more like a conversation and less like a shooting gun in his head.

Be respectful to him and be respectful to yourself – he might not see your point of view simply because you are not giving him the time to see it.

You are pushing men away because you try to change them

 

Recently I did a review on a book that was dealing with the same problem you have – why men pull away and why they disappear? 

I read something fascinating in it regarding “accepting the unacceptable” and the real “unacceptable” things in men. 

You see, there are things you will never accept in this world about a man. And that’s more than ok. I encourage you to find those things, list them on a piece of paper and never lose it. It could be an alcohol addiction, even smoking (depends on your views), a certain attitude, even certain views of life and culture.

However, there are things that are unacceptable, but you could accept them. They are harmless and don’t change the person in from of you. They just come with him and make him less attractive but more human. This could be manners on the table, even smoking (as I said – views), messiness or lack of cooking abilities… You could accept all that. It’s a choice which will affect your life but won’t drastically change it. You don’t like these things but if you could put up with them – do it.

Deciding if the man in front of you is worth it or not should be based on what’s “acceptable” and what’s “acceptably unacceptable”.

If you want to know more about that topic as well as why men disappear from your life, you could have a look at the review I did on Evan Marc Katz’ book Why He Disappeared. If you feel the connection between you and my “Jenny” profile, Why He Disappeared is a perfect match for you.

You are not sure if he’s worth it and he has to prove himself

 

I completely support you in this one.

No one deserves too much trust and after so many years of disappointment, it’s logical to have doubts, to be a little bit cold and unreachable…

Way too many times your heart was broken and your soul was used by the wrong men.

On the other hand, you would never go out again with someone that really doesn’t believe you and honestly, they show you have to work hard for their trust… and you just met them. In that situation you will be the one that will pull away, right?

So think of it like that: He doesn’t understand why you are suspicious towards him. You mentioned your heart was broken for more than a few times… But his heart was broken too. And yet, here you are, trying to send him signals he has to work on your trust. He didn’t even lose it, because you never had any trust in him.

Related post: WHY LOVE HURTS?

It’s devastating to trust and feel betrayed.

But your next love shouldn’t pay for the mistakes of your last love!

Or it will end before it even starts.

Did you recognise yourself in one of these situations?

Do you believe it’s still his fault to pull away?

Do you think men pull away because they are too scared of commitment with you?

If you didn’t recognise yourself in the situations – check this post about men pulling away in early stages of the relationship.

Help me understand your situation and help you backcomment below or subscribe to this blog and send me a message.

 
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Financial Infidelity and Financial Abuse in Marriage

Financial Infidelity and Financial Abuse Signs, Action Steps and Statistics. Financial Infidelity Grounds for Divorce.

 

Does your spouse acts weird when it comes to money and don’t want to talk over money issues? 

Do you feel helpless when you try to start a conversation about saving/spending/anything! Regarding money?

Or maybe they just ignore your hints and avoid sticking to the subject?

Do you feel used? Tired? Confused?

Read on; I’m here to help!

All those are just the foam of all signs of financial infidelity…

…or a financial abuse!

And you are its victim!

Except…

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…You don’t know it!

What you want is simple, isn’t it?

financial infidelity in marriage financial abuse

Financial Infidelity Grounds for Divorce

You want to create a marriage full of trust, love, security, clear communication and deep connection. You would love both of you to contribute to the financial aspect of your married life, to pay off all the annoying debts and live your life free of any worry and sleepless nights.

However, lately, you feel like something’s wrong…

You think “Am I going crazy over insignificant things?”

“Is it fair to ask my partner to be more money aware when even I am still learning?”

“Will I destroy our relationship if we start fighting over money? Wasn’t that the shortcut to divorce?”

“Will I lose their trust if I’m wrong about this?”

Well, let’s make things clear first before you have that talk with your significant one.

 

What is financial infidelity?

What is financial abuse? 

Are they as bad as cheating? 

Are they fixable? 

Is it possible to be their victim even if you consider yourself as a smart and educated person? (short answer – YES!)

Let’s dig into family money, and financial infidelity, financial abuse and the difference between them.

Did you know…?

31% of all couples clash over money issues monthly 

 

More than three couples out of ten argue over debts, fail to communicate effectively over money, paying off debts and spending money in a “smart way” (if there’s one at all…).

How to know if you are a victim of financial infidelity and your spouse is lying to you? Are there any signs?

 

Of course, there are signs.

Easy to be seen…

… as long as you know where to look.

My goal in this post is to make you aware that even the one you love and vow to share everything with, might be hiding something from you… that they shouldn’t.

I will go over:

– Signs of financial infidelity;

– Financial abuse and its manipulation goals

– Financial ABUSE and when you should run as fast as you can

– Actions to take if you find out your spouse is hiding money from you

– How to deal with the debts in case you still want to fix the problems

Signs of financial infidelity – hiding money and its cons…

 

Hiding money! 

Sounds childish but surprisingly everyone had done it at some point in their life.

Have you ever both something and hid its price from your spouse?

Did you wait at least three months after you met your significant one to tell them about your debts?

Well, you’ve cheated financially too… Small, but still counts.

The reasons are countless, but today we’ll focus on the perfect case…

Which means…

Your spouse doesn’t hide money because you like to spend them!

You consider yourself as a financially educated person and don’t believe you overspend. You were never blamed you waste money on … well, anything.

On the other hand, you never banned your spouse from doing reasonable shopping. When they wanted or needed something, you’re always up for it.

Good for you!

However…

Something is wrong between the two of you. 

Financial ABUSE

 

Now, there is financial abuse, and there’s financial ABUSE. 

Before we go through all that it’s to come, I’d like to make this as clear as possible.

It might be confusing, and many people could even judge me over making a difference – abuse is abuse, no matter what.

However, if your spouse controls your money, doesn’t allow you to spend anything unless he approves it and you feel scared to raise the problem, it’s ABUSE, and the financial part is just a small aspect of it.

You need professional help, and you need to leave that person. And I’m not sorry to that you need to run as fast as possible from that person.

I’d like to separate the financial abuse on two levels.

Financial Abuse Level 1

 

Your partner is asking you to pay for yourself when you’re out and that happens almost all the time. He or she makes you feel like you owe them at least this and often hide that behind the fact that they don’t have money to pay for you two.

Also, financial abuse from level 1 is often making you pay for everything in the house too. If you both work but one of you pays for everything and the other spends his money on personal hobbies, it is a financial abuse too.

If you feel your partner has the opportunity to help you more financially in the house but doesn’t want to, you are a victim of that type of financial abuse. I’ve talked more about it in How to live with financially unstable husband.

This type of financial abuse is closely related to financial infidelity but both are fixable. Something we cannot say for Level 2

Financial abuse Level 2

 

  • Your spouse doesn’t allow you to work
  • Has full control over your salary if you work
  • Leaves you with no money
  • You don’t have any financial independence in your home
  • You don’t have access to money even for basic needs
  • Your partner uses your debit credit cards without permission
  • Every time you try to raise your voice about these problems your partner gets aggressive
  • All or some of these problems are combined with physical abuse as well

Needless to say – you have to run!

There is no chance of things getting better. You are dealing with an emotionally damaged person and it is not your job to fix them. Your partner manipulates and abuses you, and your place is as far away from them as possible.

With that said, assuming you are not one of these cases, let’s keep saving your marriage…

You notice one or few of the signs below:

No clarity in your money situation no matter how hard you try

 

It looks like you never know what’s going on with the money you and your spouse earn every month. 

The bills are paid, the rent/mortgage also. The grocery shopping is done. But somehow, you still feel that you don’t know where the money goes.

If you have joint accounts, it’s kind of easy to notice what’s going on.

But what if…

… your spouse has another account in another bank?

There are a few ways to find that out, but I’ll get to that in a second.

The fact is you don’t see how is possible to not be able to save money when both of you earn enough and your debts are not so big.

Well, that little feeling in your chests?

It’s a small sign of financial infidelity.

Your spouse might be hiding money from you, but don’t urge to go crazy over it. It could be lack of organisation and money budgeting. It’s fixable and there’s nothing to worry about. See how to fix this by learning family budgeting for couples.

However…

Unwillingness to talk about money that drives you insane

 

Your partner constantly avoids talking about your money savings, paying off debts and budget planning. He (or she) never have time for that type of conversation, no matter how much you try to create the time for it.

Your significant one doesn’t want to “think about money right now”, “doesn’t have time for such a talk” or just goes nervous and blames you for lack of trust (more about this later).

Did you recognise yourself in that situation? 

I’m sorry to be a pain, but you have a problem. 

Money problem.

And your spouse hides something. There is no excuse or explanation on that one. You are probably a victim of financial infidelity. Let’s see below if we could add more to that…

Hiding the bank statements from you or going through the mail every day before you get to it

 

Yep, there’s something your spouse doesn’t want to you to see – letter from the bank. A bank statement for a credit card or a bank account you don’t know it exists.

Or maybe there are no more bank statements arriving via mail?

Receiving a letter with a bank statement would push you to go through it. So if your spouse uses his account to hide money or pay extra debts through, they wouldn’t want you to see the bank statement. You might actually even forget checking the accounts.

However, nowadays many banks offer online statements and this could make things harder for you. 

No explanations when it comes to spendings – being rude is a sign of financial infidelity

 

Having a normal conversation with your spouse shouldn’t be something you cross your fingers to happen.

Money is a crucial part of every couple’s life and talking about money is more than alright. 

In fact, it’s necessary.

Why do people feel more comfortable to have sex with a stranger than to talk about money with their significant one?

 

Effective communication is when both of you spear the time and make the effort to come up with a plan, a strategy to pay off debts, to save money or to spend it.

So, to talk about how both of you spend money is as normal as to talk about the weather. It’s marriage, you are supposed to do it.

With that said, if your spouse suddenly doesn’t want to get involved in any money conversation and refuses to explain weird transactions, it’s a classic “money issues” sign.

Part of this sign of financial infidelity is the fact he or she blames you for not trusting them. 

Disclaimer: Please, be aware that to have a normal conversation is one thing and to sit down and ask him “Where did you spend this money?” is different. In the second case – you are acting like a parent and even the most lovable and honest spouse wouldn’t feel good about it.

Missing cash and often withdraws from the accounts are signs of financial abuse and financial infidelity

 

As I said, I’d like to talk more about the difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse. 

Financial abuse is when one of the partners uses financially the other in different ways.

Examples: This might include using only your money from the salary, while your partner’s money goes for things unrelated to the family spendings (hobbies, games, drinking problems). Also, you could find that money is missing – cash you left in the house for a specific thing, change you usually keep for small shopping, etc.

The most prominent sign – often asks you to pay for yourself when you’re out, asking you to pay for the petrol when he/she gives you a lift to work.

I’ve been in a relationship where I was financially used.

It’s very funny and sad, because I’ve got a Master Degree in Finances and worked in banks for almost ten years… and yet, I was used to paying for alcohol and cigarettes when we were struggling with buying food and paying bills.

But that’s another story. We live and we learn. So, please, learn from my experience and follow my advice.

In conclusion, the best way to find out if you are a victim of financial abuse is to ask yourself…

Does it feel fair?

Does it feel fair to pay for this?

Does it feel normal? 

If you have any doubts, that something’s not right, probably it isn’t.

Have questions regarding financial abuse or financial infidelity? Contact me and ask. I will help you find the right answer.

But what about the withdraws?

 

If your spouse often withdraws money from the bank account and doesn’t have a good explanation of where the money goes, it could be a sign of financial infidelity.

Especially if he/she gets irritated when you ask them (in a polite and respective way).

You start receiving gifts – a possible sign of guilt and financial infidelity

 

Well, if you suddenly start receiving gifts and flowers, there’s a possibility for your spouse to feel guilty about something. It is not a secret that showering someone with gifts all of a sudden is a hint that something’s wrong. 

Try to combine this sign with one or more of the others and you’ve got the right recipe for financial infidelity.

You’re being paranoid, why wouldn’t you trust me?

 

That’s one of their favourite questions when you ask for an explanation.

If everything is fine and there’s nothing to worry about, your partner will just explain you everything.

But if it’s not, they might get aggressive and even leave the room making you feel the worst person ever, that you asked such questions.

Whatever happens, if you feel that something’s wrong, if there’s missing cash, weird withdraws small transaction to a different account you know nothing about, don’t feel paranoid. If you feel lied and used, you have the right to make the situation as clear as possible.

Financial infidelity is serious.

He or she hid money?

That’s a huge red flag for poor relationship trust and communication. 

Also, it is a sign of manipulation. 

 

Do you feel lied or manipulated?

It’s not a nice feeling.

But, hold on…

You are both adults. And I believe that every problem between couples is fixable. Including financial infidelity or financial abuse.

However, you should both want to fix it.

Both of your efforts are crucial to the situation, but with mutual understanding and hard work, you can go through it.

Here’s how

What NOT to do when you find out you in a situation of financial infidelity or financial abuse?

 

First of all – don’t threat of leaving

That would be the perfect time for ultimatums and threats of leaving, isn’t it?

When, if not now, you can seriously consider leaving behind a person you don’t even know anymore?

Well, even if you think about leaving your spouse, don’t tell that.

Nobody likes to be pushed and threatened and every willingness for change will fly through the window when you mention ultimatums.

I firmly believe a serious conversation full of honesty and support could do wonders if both want it. Talk through everything and then give time.

Although you might feel stupid to wait for something so obvious – they have to change or else, do not forget it was their decision to leave the honesty out of your marriage. Therefore, it has to be their decision they will stick to that honesty again. Forcing them going into something they willingly left could make things worse.

Make it clear the trust is harmed but never bring the subject into every argument you have

 

By doing that you guarantee a significant amount of guilt and anger to grow between the two of you. Always talk about the current problem during a fight and don’t allow yourself to get lost in anger and blame.

Your partner might forgive the first few times but after that, it will build up another issue between the two of you.

What to do when you find out that your spouse hides money form you?

 

So, it’s a fact! 

Your spouse hides money from you and you are a victim of financial infidelity.

Read the next action steps to help you go through that rough situation in your marriage.

Stay calm – the advice everyone hates!

 

You think you are right to be angry?

Yes, you are!

But it won’t help you at all. 

In fact, going mad, shouting and blaming your spouse will make things so much worse. Allowing yourself to lose control of your nerves is a perfect recipe for ultimatums and divorce conversations.

And you don’t want that, do you?

Look for the blame in yourself – nope, you are not an angel either…

 

I am far away from telling you it’s your fault.

However, focusing on finding out why did you encourage this behaviour, will take your focus away long enough to calm yourself.

How is it possible to be your fault?

 

It’s easy

Have you ever fight over the small amount of money spend on your spouse’s hobby? 

Have you ever banned a shopping he/she really wanted/needed?

Do you like to overspend? Regularly?

Can you control your impulses for spending when you’re out or in the online shop?

Do you love to criticise your spouse’s shopping routine?

Have you noticed that “your way” of spending money is “always better”?

If you recognised yourself in on of the situations from above – yes, it’s your fault as well. 

You brought that to yourself. 

And while your spouse still had to try and find a fair solution, you shouldn’t put all the blame on him.

There are just a few situations in the married life when we can say it’s only one of the spouse’s fault. Usually, everyone has their share.

If it’s your fault, you might have to work more than your spouse on fixing the things!

Keep reading…

Find out the truth

 

However, the financial infidelity is a fact.

Or is it?

Are you sure what you think that happens is what actually happens?

Find out the truth. 

Talk.

Stick to being honest and respectful. But find out the truth. No blame, no anger. Only open communication.

See their point of view. You should never judge until you have all the facts (even after that if you want a healthy relationship). The situation might be completely different from their point of view. Give your significant one a chance to show you why they did it.

Take a decision

 

Together.

It has to stop.

Money has a huge impact on every family’s happiness. That is why you should decide on how to proceed from that moment on. 

Building the trust again will be hard, but if both of you want to do it, it will happen.

Confront, but be polite

 

Finding out that the love of your life hides money from you and you are an in a financial infidelity situation, could overwhelming. 

However, be polite.

This is still the person you share a bed with.

He/she is still your spouse.

And you owe them respect and politeness. No matter what!

Your partner might feel even worse than you

 

This is still the person you love, and they love you back.

Your partner probably feels worse than you about hiding money, acting weird, causing you pain and risking your marriage.

There’s a big chance they didn’t even realise that what happens is wrong.

Anyway…

Don’t compromise. Never!

 

Whatever the reasons, you’ve been mistreated.

Do not just put that behind you and move on.

Otherwise, it will happen again and you won’t even find out.

The financial abuse and stashing money away is not something you should compromise with. Be firm, find out the truth, ask for an explanation and take further decision.

Can you save your marriage?

 

Marriage is a fragile relationship.

Will you be able to forgive financial infidelity?

Can you move on after financial abuse?

Do you see it as just another step to the end of your marriage?

Is it just a childish behaviour that the other regrets about?

If you feel betrayed and unable to forgive, then consider marriage counselling. Give both of you the opportunity to work on the problem.

Create a plan

 

After you go through the first two phases of finding out you’ve been lied and taking the decision to move on and try to save your marriage, it’s time for planning.

Here’s how to do it:

Analyse the situation

 

The most often case is when one of the partners has a credit card or loan that keeps in secret from their spouse. It’s usually used to cover expenses on hobbies.

If that’s you – consider yourself lucky. There are cases where the spouse is saving for divorce…

But, if you have to deal with debts…

Create a plan on how to pay them off. I’ve got a detailed guide on how to pay off your debts and finally achieve the financial freedom you aim for. 

Also, you can download for free my family budgeting guide to help you start paying off the debts together and being more present with your spending. You can download it from here or by clicking the link at the end of the article.

Be accountable to each other

 

Gaining back the trust is going to take a while.

It is OK if you don’t feel like trusting your spouse immediately.

Financial infidelity is hard to forgive. Financial abuse is even harder.

Schedule weekly meetings to go over the bank statements and weekly spending together. Put as much effort into this as your spouse. It might be their fault, but feeling your support will help them stay on track and be money wise.

Make them feel fully involved in everything that happens. Be sure both of you agree on each decision before you proceed to the action steps.

Find your goal

 

Finding out why you want to do this will be your stimulus to go further. 

Your goal could be to build the trust back. Financial infidelity ruins the trust between the spouses so building it back is the more important thing. That is why setting up a goal like that will keep you involved in the process.

If your partner went into lots of debts, your goal could be to pay them off and be debt free. Even getting better just step by step and debt by debt will be something that will bring the trust back between the two of you.

What if nothing works and you feel the dishonesty is or will continue?

 

Let’s face it!

Life is not a fairytale.

Just because you want to fix the things it doesn’t mean it will happen.

You still don’t trust your partner after months of “working it out”.

Your partner acts weird again, and you are not sure if the nightmare won’t start all over again.

Financial infidelity and financial abuse are grounds for divorce, and there’s nothing wrong in telling the truth.

No one can blame you for not giving a chance on a relationship you honestly don’t want to maintain anymore.

Once you take the decision it’s over

 

Prepare yourself.

There’s a great book by Valerie Rind who was a victim of financial infidelity. Her husband hid a huge financial secret from her for a decade, and she doesn’t overthink either to stay or to leave. Her hard, but honest emotions and experience could give you the strength you need in a moment like this.

In the same book, you will find out how to prepare yourself – legally and emotionally, to separate from your spouse.

Try stashing money for yourself

 

I know it sounds like you have to cheat because they cheated on you, but it’s the best thing you could do for yourself.

Because, once you decide to leave this marriage behind, you have to start thinking exclusively of yourself.

Life requires money, and you have the full right to prepare financially for leaving this relationship. It is necessary if you are a victim of financial abuse as well.

It is your time to open a bank account in a different bank and put aside some money.

Consult with a lawyer

 

Leaving a relationship and leaving a marriage are different things. When ending a relationship after financial infidelity or financial abuse, it’s a matter of packing your clothes (said simple).

However, a divorce is a whole new chapter in life, and you need all the support – emotional and legal, you could get. Never trust you and your partner will find a solution together. Talk to a lawyer and be aware of every single option you’ve got.

There are more options, but if you got to this point, I strongly recommend Valerie’s book to walk you through the process.

Conclusion

 

No matter if you are dealing with financial infidelity or you are a victim of financial abuse – change is required.

And it has to happen now.

You deserve to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your spouse. Moreover, you’ve got the right to demand this to happen… in a calm manner, of course.

Be brave that no matter what, it is you and your life and wellbeing that should matter the most to you. Unwillingness to change and improve the situation could bring you low self-esteem, total lack of trust in your partner and general unhappiness.

But it is you who should stop all this from happening.

Financial infidelity in its core is lack of effective communication. As I said, everything is fixable as long as both of you work on it, support each other and walk side by side towards mutual happiness.

If you got so far in this article – Thank you! I hope it helps you and directs you into a better future where financial infidelity or financial abuse are just another battle with the life you won. Please, consider subscribing to our blog as there’s more to come. Stay happy!

 
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Gratitude! Count Your Blessings Today

Gratitude!

 

 

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Gratitude: I am Grateful for being myself…

Do you feel stuck in life?

Is it like nothing seems to work the way you want and need it to work?

Do you feel the anxiety is eating your happiness?

Is the depression stealing your smile away?

Gratitude! Gratitude! Gratitude!

 

I want to scream that so loud; it’s almost disturbing. 

If you want to change your world – start with gratitude.

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Wonder how to do it?

Its power lifts you up above every single mind state that doesn’t serve you good.

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Gratitude is an appreciation for what you have, no matter how small it is.

It makes you see how much more you have got but didn’t see until today.

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”

Unknown

You’ve heard that, right?

That is what gratitude does. You realise you’ve got feet. It makes you understand you’ve got home, job, parents, siblings, health, light, opportunities, strength, love for yourself and the others… everything. 

Because how many times today did you realise you are not one of the 151 600 people that will die today?

 

Yes, 151 600 people will not make it through that day. 

Stop and think about this for a second.

Look out the window. 

What do you see?

Tree?

City?

Sky?

Is it sunny or cloudy?

Is it cold or warm?

Whatever you see and feel with your skin – it’s a proof you’re alive.

You are alive!

Be grateful for that. Not everyone has this gift today…

So be grateful.

How could you do it?

 

It’s very easy and simple.

You could start every day with reminding yourself that you’re grateful for certain things in your life – people that are around you and love you, activities you do and make you happy… 

You could do it during the day, every time you think about gratitude just tell yourself how grateful you are for … (fill the gap with your words).

You may want to do it every evening, making a list in your head or on a paper, with things that happened today and you are grateful for them.

How I did it? 

 

I made myself small notebooks – it was important every part of it to be created by myself, and wrote in them every single evening. I was writing at least three pages, could be more but not less. Why? I wanted to force my brain to find the good things in my life as my mental health was questionable. So I would open the small notebook and would start like that: 

“I am grateful for today. I am grateful for the food I had. I am grateful for the sleep. I am grateful for getting better every day. I am grateful for my will to fight. I am grateful for feeling stronger and stronger….” You get the idea. I would start every sentence with the same line – “I am grateful for…” and will put only one thing. The power of the word “grateful” goes through your mind every time you say it, write it or think about it. 

And do it every single day. Find things you’re grateful for. Could be the air you breathe, the food you had, the smile of your sister, be thankful because you are grateful…

I still do that. Not every single day, but at least few times in the week. And it’s like magic to my life. It does not cost me anything but gives me everything.

So, count your blessings today! And choose Gratitude!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! If you like this Monday Motivation, consider subscribing to our blog so you could enjoy more wisdom for better love life and better self-development.

Check out the rest of short motivational and inspirational posts on this blog by clicking here.

 

Everything Will Be Alright – A Birthday Message To Myself

I’ve always loved to write in a diary. Never went back to read something I wrote, though. The past is where it belongs – in the past, and my only task is to learn the lessons and to live in today.

agenda-wish-birthday-diary-2However, sometimes I go over my agendas, and I often find some small writings that belong to the diary, but somehow end up somewhere else.

The other day I found this small message from myself, and while reading it, I realised it’s something I would like to share with you. It’s personal but somehow many people could see themselves in it.

It’s from last year, just a day before my 30th birthday. It’s a “Goodbye” to my 20s and a “Hello” to the 30s. I didn’t make any corrections, so if it sounds a little bit weird,  please forgive me.

“At the evening before my 30th birthday, I’d like to wish one thing for myself and to remind myself one more.

I’d like to learn how to find the good in the ordinary day and to focus on it; to let the pain, the negativity, the bitterness and the tears stay in the last decade.

It was hard, but if I have to chose to go through the same and meet the most amazing man in this world, I will do it again. And again. If he is the prize at the end of the horrible war, I will fight in it again.

And I want to remind myself that every difficulty was a lesson that ended with something good. It really did.

So, in the future, when I get into another rough moment, I want to remember just one thing:

Everything will be alright!

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No matter how horrible everything looks like, and no matter the lack of logic in it – everything will be alright. The lesson will be over when I take my exam. Not a day before that and not a day after.

And I want to thank God and the Universe. I am grateful for every tear and every smile. I am grateful for every hardship and every trial. I am grateful for everything I went through. It was hard, but it was worth it.

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I still have lots to learn, but I am more confident and happier than ever.

Goodbye to my 20s and let the future meets me with my dreams. Exactly in the way my present does it.

I live my dream.

I won my dream.

I am my dream.”

So, if you had to write a message to yourself, giving an advice based on what you’ve learnt in life so far, what would it be? Write it down and read it often. Because we forget our own lessons so easy… and we shouldn’t. Leave your message to yourself down in the comments.

 

Why He Disappeared Review – Is It Useful To You? Book Review

Why He Disappeared Review. Is this book going to help you find the love of your life or maybe even get your ex back?

 

Why He Disappeared Review Book Review FreeThis Why He Disappeared review will give you detailed answers to every question you might have regarding Evan Marc Katz’s book.

To make it easier for you to find the answers, I will divide the review into a few sections. Feel free to jump to the Review part you prefer by clicking one of the links in the Review Plan below.

 

1. About the Author – Evan Marc Katz – personal and professional life

 

2. About the book – Why He Disappearedpages, price, bonuses

 

3. Detailed Why He Disappeared Review, following the list below

 

  • Author’s style of writing – what you might like/don’t like about it
  • What does it promise to deliver?
  • Who is Why He Disappeared for? – a profile of the ideal reader – don’t buy it if you don’t fit here
  • Sneak peak of the things that are helpful to you.
  • Things I cannot agree with
  • Aha!” moments in the book
  • Level of Uniqueness – With all free information on the web, is there anything in the book that you cannot find for free?
  • Favourite quotes –perfect for your Facebook page

1. About the Author of Why He Disappeared – Evan Marc Katz – personal and professional life

 

  • Claimed as a “serial cheater” by CNN, the author of Why He Disappeared – Evan Marc Katz has more than 300 dates behind his back.
  • He started his career on the coaching field by answering phone calls at an online dating site.
  • His unhappy love life and the lack of success in finding true love (his words) are his inspiration to help other people get better in dating. As you might guess – when someone knows their stuff, success is just a natural flow.
  • Some of his books are: “I can’t believe I’m buying this book. A commonsense guide to successful internet dating”, “Why you’re single”, “Believe in Love” and “Why He Disappeared” (of course!).
  • He’s happily married now and has two children.
  • On his blog, he shares that his wife is his muse and he teaches women how to connect with men by simply describing the things she does, because “whatever she does, it works.”

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2. About the book – Why He Disappeared

 

The book was written in 2010.

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It’s in a PDF format – 133 pages.

Price – $37 (current promotion – May 2018)

Money Back GuaranteeAvailable

Average time to read – 2 hours (if you don’t take breaks for water) and 3 and a half if you actually want to learn how to do the whole “dating thing” in the described way.

Package: The book itself is not the only thing you get when making the purchase.

It comes in a PDF format. However, you also get the Audio version with the voices of Evan Marc Katz and his wife.

An Audio Classes

  • What you should look for in a man – 60 minutes long
  • How to empathize with men – 60 minutes long
  • Understanding Men and Commitment – 60 minutes long
  • How to be the woman of his dreams – 75 minutes long
  • Overcoming Negativity – Focus coaching – 70 minutes long

This Review is on the book “Why He Disappeared” ONLY and does not include a review of the other products. 

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3. Detailed Why He Disappeared Review

 

Author’s style of writing – what you might like/don’t like about it

Evan Marc Katz writes in an informal language – you can almost hear him in your head. He does it intentionally because he wants to create a personal relationship with you. While scrolling the pages, you don’t feel like reading a book, but taking a written course, that’s specialised for you.

Although, Why He Disappeared is focused on the women in a dating phase, he is very strict about the profile of the reader.

 

Who is Why He Disappeared for? A profile of the ideal reader

 

Don’t buy if you don’t fit here!

If you are the ideal reader of this book, you are:

  • A woman in their 30s, 40s or 50s.
  • You have a successful career
  • You have a strong personality and are independent
  • You might have a divorce behind your back and/or children to look after.
  • You are happy with being single but still looking for love
  • You’ve got high values in life and sometimes feel like people around you struggle keeping up with your pace in life
  • MOST IMPORTANTLY, the more you try to pick the right guy and make him value you the way you are, the earlier he disappears.

 

The Book is Divided into Three Main Sections:

  • Why He Disappeared After Your Date
  • Why He Disappeared During Your Courtship
  • Why He Disappeared From Your Relationship

 

Why He Disappeared Review book review
Click to Download the book 

 

What does Why He Disappeared promise to deliver?

 

“Why He Disappeared” sounds like a place you will find out why your ex-boyfriend disappeared. While in some ways you might find the answer to that question, the book doesn’t go over past relationships and understanding them.

Instead, Evan offers you to rethink them, take mental notes and then forget about them. The focus of the book is on your future dates – from how to get to the point to be invited on a date to how to seal the deal and create a relationship with the man you date.

As per his words, Why He Disappeared should give a perspective of the way men think and act. Following the purposes of this Why He Disappeared Book Review, I cannot tell you the secrets from it.

However, I can tell you which ones of your questions will definitely get answers:

 

  • What is the most important thing for men on a first date?
  • How to create a first impression that could lead to a second date?
  • What is the checklist to avoiding the type of guys who usually disappear?
  • What is your mistake to push men away? Is it your mistake at all?
  • What is the real reason men avoid successful and independent women?
  • Is there a checklist to follow when you want to make a man feel special? And why would I need it?
  • How to recognise boyfriend material vs playboy?
  • What is a Type A male, do you want/need him and how to attract him?
  • What to do when you don’t know where you stand in his world?
  • What to do with the bill on the first dates? – a few action steps that actually surprised me with their simplicity
  • What is “unacceptable” and what is “accepting the unacceptable”? How to make a difference when to send a guy on his way home or to accept him the way he is?
  • Is there such thing as double standards in the relationship between a man and a woman, and what to do about it?

 

answers why he disappeared review

 

Questions you will not get answers to:

 

  • How to get my ex back?
  • Why my ex-boyfriend disappeared? In fact, why all of my exes disappeared?
  • How to change a man and make him like it? – I know many women want answers to that questions, you will not find it this book

 

What I agree/disagree with in Why He Disappeared

 

I agree – Pros of the book

  • I felt like Evan was talking personally to me. That made me relaxed while reading. It’s always a good sign when you can feel the connection with the writer.
  • I agree with his main concept behind Why He Disappeared. After finally having a healthy and fulfilling relationship with a man, it’s very easy for me to understand why Evan is right about making the first connection with a man by simply focusing more on the moment and less on the future.
  • He gives tons of examples which helped me recognise myself in at least few of the situations from my past. Therefore, if you had an awkward experience with a guy you liked, you will probably find a close example in the book with a proper explanation.
  • Evan is definitely honest about men. So, he doesn’t hide the fact that many men are just “unworthy” to think and worry about. I didn’t have the feeling he defends men and claims women as the wrong ones, which surprised me.
  • He focuses on what is “efficient or inefficient” instead of “right and wrong”. That shows maturity and professionalism – both essential to write a book like Why He Disappeared.
  • I like that he insists on the fact that women should act a little bit more feminine in a relationship if they want the man to hold on to his masculinity. And that has nothing to do with discrimination or weakness of the females.
  • I am a strong supporter of the idea that neither I cannot change anyone, even the man I love. What I can change is myself, but in a comfortable and desired way that leads me to a better version of myself. Why He Disappeared gives a clear path to how to make slight changes in yourself to feel better with a man and make him feel better around you.
  • There were more than just a few “Aha” – moments of enlightenment for me. Well, that was a pleasant surprise.

 

Get Instant Access to the Why He Disappeared

 

I disagree – Cons of the book

 

  • The introduction of the book is a little bit longer than needed, and I felt like I had to go through loads of pages before getting to the main point. The main body text starts at page 23.
  • I probably needed information on how to see the early signs of a “disappearing” man – he provided some, but a few more wouldn’t hurt
  • The last part of the book (Why He Disappeared During Your Relationship) is as important as the first one (Why He Disappeared After Your Date) but was shorter. Full of useful information, but would love to read a bit more on the subject.
  • His vision of when it’s ok to start having sex with the man is a little bit arguable. He agrees the first intercourse has to be at a point when the woman feels comfortable and sure about the guy’s intentions (only after he ticked the boxes from the boyfriend behaviour’s checklist). However, after that, he says it’s not ok to ask for a man to wait too long (so which pace should I follow – mine or his?).

 

Level of Uniqueness of Why He Disappeared – Review

 

The main reason you read this Book Review is to find out if the information in Why He Disappeared is helpful, useful and unique. No one would like to spend their money on something they can get for free.

Level of uniqueness in the book – 80%

Yes, the book has very useful and helpful information. In conclusion, most of the ideas, the actions steps and the simple psychology explanations you will not be able to find them for free on the web. It offers a different perspective of why you could end up as a victim of a “disappearing” type of guys. Also, are you a victim at all or it’s something you have full responsibility for?

Favourite Quotes from Why He Disappeared – Perfect for Facebook

“Men change because they want to change, not because you want them to change.” Page 19, chapter: Change: Why Can’t Everybody Else Do It Instead?
“The traits you value most in men are probably not the same traits a man values in you.” Page 26, chapter: Perception Is Reality
“By letting go of control of the small things you get to win the big ones…” Page 32, chapter” If You Can Tell a Man What To Do, He’s Not Really a Man.
“Make a man feel good about taking you out once, and he’ll probably want to take you out again and again.” Page 57 chapter: Forgive the Ignorance
“There is utterly no correlation between what a man says on a date and what he feels in his heart.” Page 65, chapter: Okay, Okay, I Get IT. But Then Why Was He So Nice To Me?

If you liked my Why He Disappeared Review of Evan Marc Katz’s Book, consider subscribing to this blog so you could be notified when another awesome review is on.

 

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Can you attract love? My Secret – The Law of Attraction and Finding Love

 

Nowadays the most popular topic everywhere is about the Law of Attraction and attracting everything we want. Couldn’t agree more with that as I am living my life the way I am because of the law of attraction. 

Related post: THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND LOVE

Oh, you as well, by the way. You live your life by the law of attraction every day!

Love is in the leading position, sharing the place with money, success, happiness, career and everything else that might cross your mind.

law-of-attraction-love-relationshipI know what everyone tells you how you have to sit in the chair, close your eyes and manifest whatever you desire. After you do that for few days or weeks, you should see how things slowly change in the direction you want.

However, attracting more money will not work if you don’t change your work schedule if you don’t find another job or start your own business. Chances someone to knock on your door with a case full of money are quite small. But chances someone to see you’re a hard worker and to offer you an extra project is bigger. And that’s what the Law of Attraction is.

That is exactly what happened to me just a few days ago. I work on that website by myself. Everything you see around is there because I put it there. Struggling for months to find the right ways to do everything thought me so much about blogging, SEO and web-design that’s almost unbelievable. So that was noticed, and I was asked if I can create a website for a local company. Law of attraction, guys!

I needed extra money this month as we are preparing for a long holiday. So I was trying to find these ways. And the way found me while I was looking for it… if that makes sense to you.

The Universe gives you what you ask for. Always! And realising that is one of the most amazing gifts you can gift yourself. It opens the doors in your mind to something better. You just have to start the journey.

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So, attracting a better career might not appear soon if you don’t scan the new positions in your field.

And while all that looks logical about money, success and work, the question is how to apply that philosophy to Love. Because we talk about love on that website, right?

Well, making space in the wardrobe for someone new will not ring the bell for him to arrive.

I will tell you one little secret about attracting love.

Love is a state of mind. Love doesn’t come holding the hand of the new person you will date. Love is always around us and awaits its time to be seen.

Attracting love is spreading the love. 

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I like to imagine it as a disease (I know, weird!) – once you catch it, it just spreads all over your life.

So, what happens usually is that people wait for the romantic love to appear in their life, after that, they spread it all over the place. Once you love the person next to you, you start appreciating your work; you like your friends more, you smile all the time and become a better person. It’s undeniable!

 

So what if…

What if instead of waiting for the romantic love to start the fire, you start it from somewhere else. It’s the same fire – just light up a different wood.

Start showing more appreciation towards your parents, help your friends, make people smile, respect yourself, love yourself and the others… 

And when you have it all together, the last wood will start burning as well. Love will enter your life from all the directions. The blessing you dream of today can happen sooner than you expect.

Give it a try. It doesn’t hurt.

 

 
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