How To Be a Better Husband and Thrive In Your Marriage

So, you tied the knot a while ago! You thought the future was secure; you are with the love of your life, what could go wrong…?

But here you are, trying to understand how to be a better husband because you just realized something fundamental: hard work just starts once you get married.

And the “happily ever after”…

To be honest, I don’t believe in happily ever afters. To me, people understand this concept as an end goal, where once you achieve happiness, you aren’t really required to do anything else to sustain that state you are in. 

This couldn’t be more wrong. 

Relationships (and marriages) take nurturing – and it doesn’t matter if you just started going out with someone or you’ve been married for five years.

Marriages particularly thrive when both partners are active in the relationship and are mindful of the requests and needs of the other.

To say it differently – you need to put in an effort every day. If you are consistent and actually do the work, you are bound to see positive improvement in your marriage. 

Don’t know where to start? Here are five unique and effortless adjustments you could make to become a more attentive, caring, and better husband (and partner). 

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1. Validate her feelings 

Men often have a hard time understanding the complexities of female emotions – and that’s perfectly fine!

However, what is not okay is for them to start mocking or minimizing the importance of said feelings. This can make the woman feel incredibly insecure and as if she can’t connect with her partner. He is meant to be an inspiring source of safety and courage, and instead, the only thing he inspires is the feeling of being misunderstood. 

Gentlemen, remember, if you can’t be part of the solution, don’t be part of the problem! The best way you can take care of your wife when she is feeling emotional is by communicating that her feelings matter.

In its essence, this is what validation is – it makes the other person feel accepted, supported, and cared for. It is a crucial skill to have in a marriage as it helps build emotional safety and trust between partners.

So please, don’t neglect how your wife feels and instead show her that she is being heard and cherished. You will quickly notice that by doing so, your marriage will blossom into being happier and more healthy for both of you. 

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2. Don’t give advice – try to listen instead 

Here is something wives always underline.

When a woman is sharing her thoughts and feelings, she is rarely looking for advice on how to solve the problem.

Instead, what she is searching for is comfort, understanding, and just feeling heard. This is why giving advice in moments like this, especially when it’s not asked for, can backfire tremendously.

You should refrain from immediately fixing the problem and instead focus more on what your spouse has to tell you. What does she feel? Why does she feel that way? 

A good tip for practicing better active listening is rephrasing what your partner told you and repeating it to them.

This will likely let your woman know that her thoughts and feelings are being acknowledged, and what’s better – you will guide her into asking the right questions to come up with the answers herself. You don’t help the situation by trying to impose yourself and your opinions on her. This can be considered rude and intrusive.

Try to be sensitive and practice empathy the next time you find yourself in this position. In time, you will discover that your bond with your spouse has only strengthened from this approach. 

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3. See yourself as a partner and not as a helper 

Many men make the mistake of assuming that a woman automatically comes with the title of a housekeeper.

While that may have been true in older generations, when it was common for the woman to take care of the housework, this is not the case anymore.

Nowadays, it’s accepted to consider both sides of the relationship as equal partners. This means that they should both take care of the household in equal measure. After all, it’s only natural that you are good at some things and your partner is good at others. If you work together as a team to compliment your weaknesses and enhance your strengths, there is likely little you can’t achieve. 

My advice to you is to regard your wife as a human being first, before anything else. The reason why she couldn’t vacuum or cook on a Wednesday evening is likely because she had an exhausting and busy day at work. Instead of wanting to “help her”, take the initiative to do these chores yourself. You aren’t a guest in this home but actually live in it as well, so act like it and step up when the situation demands it. I am sure your wife would do the same for you. 

4. Understand that the little things matter just as much as the big ones

In his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, John Gray outlines an interesting concept. He states that men generally think they score high with women when they do something very big for her, like buying her a car or taking her on a tropical vacation.

They overlook the value of small gestures, such as opening the car door, asking about her day, or buying her flowers. Based on this kind of logic, it’s natural for men to think that they do better when they focus their time, money, and energy on crafting the perfect “big” gift.

However, this is not quite how it works for us, women. 

We keep different kinds of scores. For us, small and big gifts are equal and bring you the same amount of points. The size doesn’t matter since women perceive such gifts as a gesture of love and commitment, which can’t be scaled.

You want to understand this difference in keeping score if your goal is to be a better husband to your wife. So, instead of focusing on the big and dramatic gestures, try to be consistent with the acts of love that you demonstrate to your woman. That way, she will feel much more loved and cherished in the long run. 

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5. Search for re-connection every day

Life gets busy – and that’s perfectly normal. However, this isn’t an excuse to neglect your marriage. If you want to be a better husband, you need to seek ways to reconnect with your wife daily actively.

The stress and exhaustion of the day can get to even the best of us, and there is nothing nicer than finding comfort in the person you love at the end of the day. 

Daily reconnection with your spouse is a blend of practicing all four points I outlined above plus learning the other’s love language.

You can take a test to find out what each of your love languages is – this can help with determining the best way to reconnect.

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How To Be A Better Husband and Have a Thriving Marriage