Is marriage boring and less romantic than a relationship?
Let’s say you’ve been married for a while now, and the only word that pops in your mind when you see your spouse in the evenings is, “Ugh. Marriage is boring.“
Yes, you love your partner, but that’s the word, and it’s like tick fog that’s stuck in your chest.
Or…
You are considering getting married, but a tiny voice in your head might question your decision… by letting you know that the fun in life ends right after you say “I do!” to your new spouse.
And now you wonder…
Is being married boring?
Is marriage worth it if you’re doomed to get bored and start looking like those tasteless, colorless, and emotionless couples you’ve seen around?
On the web, you can find all types of opinions. Most women would say that doing laundry, cooking every day, and taking kids to appointments doesn’t sound fun in any dimension on this Earth.
A few guys had a fun spin on the subject, sharing that thanks to their wives’ everchanging moods, no day is boring…
What is the truth?
Are married couples happy for six months after the wedding and then get into a sarcastic rut that lasts for decades?
And if a marriage is boring… why? Which part of it gets dull, and is it fixable at all?
If you consider getting married and wonder if that won’t put you in a boring and seriously not enjoyable type of relationship, keep reading.
Marriage is a journey and not a destination.
There are a few issues with the concept of being a part of a boring marriage.
People believe that getting married is the goal.
Yeah… however…
Marriage isn’t a status in life you get or an update on your social media. The hustle doesn’t end once you put the rings on. In fact, the real work starts soon after that.
The reality is that a married couple’s most significant challenges aren’t money-kids- or temptation-related.
Most of the issues are a product of a boring married life where both partners believe nothing will ever change and their marriage has lost its sparkles.
That’s because once they walk the aisle, couples usually relax, feeling secure in life, like they’ve climbed another step on the social ladder and ticked another box on the to-do list.
Once the wedding party is over, most couples would return to their everyday life in a few weeks. A month or two later, they start “forgetting” that marriage is just as insecure as any normal relationship and requires work and dedication… just as any normal relationship.
It all starts with you and your vision of marriage
Not everyone sees marriage as a harbor, a sacred act of devotion, and a unity they would love to nurture for as long as their life allows them.
How do you see marriage? Is it a passive or active partnership in your mind?
Do you imagine dull mornings where you prepare the kids for school, your partner’s on their phone, and you silently curse at the moment you gave up on your single life?
I must admit that marriage isn’t for everyone, and I state it with respect for those who follow their heart and never get married.
No, I’m not saying that because I’m married, and I regret it – I’ve never regretted it for a second.
However, my dream was always to get married. I’ve been through a fair share of toxic, soul- and heart-damaging relationships, and I’ve endured them all with the idea that one day I would meet that special person who feels like home. And I did.
But not everyone sees marriage as a harbor, a sacred act of devotion, and a unity they would love to nurture for as long as their life allows them.
I will ask again…
What is your spin on marriage?
Is it for you? Does imagining being married for ten years and doing the daily chores give you a headache?
It won’t be exciting if you don’t make it such
You’ve got to work for your marriage so your marriage can work.
doctorforlove
Here’s the thing: You’ve got to work for your marriage so your marriage can work.
I mentioned it above, but I will repeat it: A thriving marriage is one with active spouses aware that their relationship is everchanging, evolving, and needs just as much attention as it did at the beginning… Sometimes even more.
Let me throw another cliche here: getting divorced is easy; staying married is the real struggle.
In the face of celebrities with three divorces in each pocket, our society has shown us that if you aren’t satisfied with your choices, you could just pretend they didn’t happen.
And that’s fine. I wouldn’t say that getting married should never end up with a divorce.
But if that’s the mentality, you approach the situation with… you better don’t even start it.
Here’s why.
Looking at the exit before even entering the building means your focus isn’t on staying inside of that building. Does that make any sense?
You forgot what it’s like not to be married.
When we move our focus away from our blessings, we often stop seeing their shine and their importance to us.
doctorforlove
And here’s a different spin on all this.
It’s for those who crave a few moments of “being single again” and looking at their single friends with a tiny dose of jealousy.
You remember single life as something awesome, and it is, but you probably also forgot how many nights you went to sleep feeling lonely and wishing to have someone special by your side.
This feeling usually occurs when we get too settled into the marriage or the relationship and take it as granted.
Yet, if I ask you to close your eyes and imagine never seeing your partner again and living the rest of the day as a single woman, you might feel the panic and regret rising in your chest.
That’s okay.
When we move our focus away from our blessings, we often stop seeing their shine and their importance to us.
What you focus on grows
Whatever your beliefs about marriage are, those are the results you will get.
doctorforlove
It’s as simple as that.
If you feed your resentment towards marriage, all you will see are reasons never to get married.
If you see marriage as a journey that needs dedication, love, and patience, that’s what your marriage will look like.
Whatever your beliefs about marriage are, those are the results you will get.
In fact, marriage is boring!
Marriage isn’t supposed to be an amusement park, don’t expect it to be open and have firework shows every day.
doctorforlove
Too often, you will have an evening where you won’t have the desire to talk or cuddle. You will read your books, and he will play his games…
Sometimes, you will look at each other and feel like you’ve lost the sparkle…
There will be days when life looks exactly the same regardless of the date on the calendar…
Yes, married life could have its boring days…
But so is life in a relationship or life as a single person.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be an amusement park, don’t expect it to be open and have firework shows every day.
Yet, on those same seemingly boring days, you will notice…
You are reading a book, he is playing his games, and you both have given each other space to breathe.
You will look at each other and feel like you’ve lost the sparkle. But those are the reminders to light it up again. So, you will plan a holiday, a romantic dinner out, or find new questions to ask each other.
There will be days when life looks exactly the same regardless of the date, but if you look closely on those days, you will notice the little opportunities to say “I appreciate you!”, “It’s another day together, in peace with each other and ourselves.” and “I love you!”
Conclusion
Marriage isn’t boring.
And if it looks boring, the partners have forgotten to put more wood on the fire and stay closer to each other.
doctorforlove
If you consider getting married and are afraid of saying “I do.” to the boring phase of life, the truth is that … it will be whatever you make it to be.
The decisions are yours – each one of them. Including the decision to see marriage as one of the most incredible things that you were lucky enough to be part of.
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
