You still want to stay married, but nothing is like it used to be
To get married is easy! To stay married – now this is the hard part nowadays. Often people are running away the moment they find themselves in a struggle. Well, in marriage the struggles may be more than you want and honestly – to divorce should not even be on the list of actions.
You realise there’s a problem between the two of you, but does the other person know that as well?
There is no need to start the conversation with the question “Are you aware we have a problem?”? I would advise you to not use this word at all, as it brings a negative emotion and energy with itself, and set up the mind in the wrong direction. But you still have to alarm your spouse that something is going on and you don’t like it. Chances are the other to be perfectly aware of the situation and to wonder how to light it up.
Things you can do today:
Communication or the lack of it is a problem in more relationship than you can imagine and often it’s a reason for divorce. We can talk and communicate with strangers on many important and not so important subjects, but we forget to create healthy communication with the only person that’s always on our side. Talk, talk and when you finish – talk again! Switch off the phones and make sure the TV is off as well. To speak out about the problems in your marriage is difficult and takes time, nerves and emotions. But if you want to stay married – it’s worth it.
Be honest – anyway, the things are bad! If you’re honest, that will give you a chance to show and tell what you think. Saying the things like they are shows respect to the other and capability to fight for your future. Ask for the same from the other side and don’t judge.
Stop with blaming. It’s a natural reaction to defend ourselves if we get blamed for something. Even the nicest person will want to protect himself when he gets verbally attacked. You would do it, so your spouse will probably be the same. So if you want to find the right way of communication you should give up on blaming the other. Maybe instead of starting the sentence with “You never..”, “You don’t..” and “You must..”, try to point the finger in your direction and start them with “I feel…” and “I would prefer…”.
What can you do right now?
Show love! It’s extremely easy to get yourself drawn in work-home-food-TV-sleep day routine and not to show your beloved one you think about them. That doesn’t mean you don’t love him or her anymore. It means you simply forgot to show your love. Don’t allow the daily routine to drain your energy. Just because you live together, you have three kids, and none of them wants to leave you alone for more than 30 seconds, you shouldn’t forget that everything started with the two of you. One day the children will be out of your home, and you’ll be again only with this person. Make sure he or she knows your love is still strong.
Honestly, sometimes everybody needs a hug in the middle of the day, a flower to remind her she’s your beauty or a nice message that can make him feel loved. Little things make the bond, don’t ignore them and don’t give up.