When things go wrong, and you make the relationship problem even worst
Do you feel like you have a major relationship problem and it looks like a catastrophe? Well, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Nobody expects it to be perfect. The beauty of the relationships is their capability to make us grow, to push us to evolve and get closer to our true self.
If you agree with that, you would agree that every problem is not a problem. It is just a challenge, a question that needs an answer. It gives us the opportunity to bring out the best of ourselves and go through the struggle as winners.
In fact, if a relationship doesn’t push you going forward and getting closer to the better version of yourself, something is wrong. I see two people in a relationship like two rivers. They come from different streams and have a different pace of going into the big waters we call life. But when they meet each other there is only one question: Will they make the other’s travel easier? Will it become a powerful, pure and joyful journey? Will one of them steal the other’s energy and both will become small drops of muddy liquid, struggling to move forward?
Emmet Fox says
“There’s no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem.”
More you think about these words more you will realise how accurate they are. Love is the essential, the base of everything and it is entirely enough to solve everything that tries to bring us down. When it’s real. When it’s love.
At the same time, we cannot rely only on love to fix our problems. And we cannot create problems thinking that the love of the other will be enough to fix them.
Although every relationship problem has a different way of going through it, there are some steps we have to follow. I know it sounds boring but do you want to solve the problem or not?
So what to do when the problem is a reality, and we want to fix it?
First of all – Do not panic
Getting to the stage where everything looks like on edge, it’s not going to help you. You want to go through the problem as fast as possible and to fix it like it’s a broken vase? It is not going to happen so soon.
Many people are going mental when they’ve got a problem with their loved one. They over-think and over-react, go through tears, depression and make the things even worst. When you’re in a panic your body sends signals for danger to your brain. Your brain turns the surviving instincts on. And these instincts are making you react as soon as possible in order to feel safe again.
Give it a time
It all depends on how significant the problem you’ve got is. But the most important thing – do not rush. There are not many things that can be fixed overnight.
Everything takes time and just because you’re capable of forgetting about a mistake, rude word or attitude very fast, it doesn’t mean the other can do it as well. Give it time. You’ve made a mistake? You apologised, and your partner forgave you, but he/she still acts a bit weird? Give it time.
You’ve made a mistake? You apologised, and your partner forgave you, but he/she still acts a bit weird? Give it time. Everyone has a different pace of going over things. It may take hours, days or weeks before you go back to the happy days.
So, be patient and be open to listening…
Check: 7 TOP REASONS FOR DIVORCE
Listen and feel
Even if the other doesn’t want to talk – listen and feel his/her emotions. Look at the other’s eyes. They will tell you a lot about how to proceed. If you feel that the other is stepping back – give him time. We speak more through actions than through words. And learn to listen to the actions.
Talk – tips for effective communication
Communication is number one when it comes to relationships. If you don’t know how to communicate with each other – learn. Sit somewhere quiet and look at the other’s eyes. Listen actively and talk calmly.
Forget about sentences that start with “It is your fault..” and “If you didn’t… I wouldn’t..”. Focus on how to speak with love. If you feel you get too overwhelmed and start raising your voices – give it a half-hour break and go into separate rooms. Stay alone with yourself and when you feel you’re ready – proceed with the conversation.
If you think it’s impossible – ask yourself how hard do you want to save this relationship. We tend to lose control over our reactions, voice and nerves when talking over a problem. Many couples are yelling at each other, throw things, break glasses, cry and go hysterical while arguing. But all that causes more pain than when you started the conversation. There is no point in going into the talk if you have not promised yourself you will do your best to control your temper and will speak quite. When you finish the conversation you should feel better not even more hurt than when you entered it.
Do not involve the past. The past is in the past – it belongs there and it shouldn’t be invited on every conversation you have. If there’s something unsolved you feel the urge to talk about, leave for another time. If it doesn’t concern the current topic – you shouldn’t talk about it.
Accept it is your fault
It is not always your fault, I know! But you have to understand – it is still your fault as well! Sounds too insane?
No matter the relationship – it takes two to create it. It takes two to love each other, it takes two to make the decisions, and it takes two to break it!
No matter the problem – there is something you did wrong as well. So, be honest with the other and be honest with yourself. Admit it. Show responsibility and the right person will not take advantage of that but will appreciate it.
The point is not to prove who’s wrong or right.
The point is to be happy. Isn’t it?
Be open to the other
Now is your time to say it. Say why you feel hurt or why you did something. Share what you think about the other’s attitude – kindly and with love.
What’s the worst that could happen? Someone, to be mad about it? Well, that already happened!
To be able to get the whole puzzle and see the picture – you would need all of the pieces, wouldn’t you?
It’s the same with solving a problem – you will need all the information so you could deal with the situation successfully.
So be open and ask the other to be open to you as well.
Be serious about making promises
Trust is one of the basics of a relationship. There is no relationship if there’s no trust between you two.
And trust takes time. You have to build it piece by piece and action by action. You know what they say: “Don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash”.
When you promise to your beloved you will work on something in your relationship – you better do it. And ask for the same on the other side.
A relationship is a partnership. Work as a team and win as a team.