You’re in love, you’re in a relationship, you’re on the right way…almost
Erich Fromm said, “Love is not a feeling, it is a practice”. And when you think a little bit deeper of the things you will see he’s right. To fall in love is not easy, especially when we talk about the love that fulfils us and makes us finally understand what the real feeling of being part of a healthy relationship is. To stay in love is even more challenging. As the time goes by we stop seeing the small things that made us feel in love, and everyday routine drags us into a boring part of life. That is the point when we have to do something, or the relationship we have will fall apart.
The base of a relationship has always been the trust, kindness and respect to the other person. If we had them at the beginning, it is common to stop showing them at the time. Even if we still feel them. We have to remember that being polite is not only for the strangers. Being kind and respect the person next to us means much more – we respect our choices, as this person is next to us because we choose him to be. Trust on the other hand is a feeling we build at the time. And it’s one of the most important things in the relationship. If we don’t trust the other or we don’t feel their trust in us, this will kill the relationship.
Keep it in your mind: Nobody likes to be looked with suspicion, so we have to work on that every single day. Keeping the promises we made and practice an open communication is the key to building trust.
Before we think about the other, we have to think about ourselves, and when I say this, I don’t mean the egoistic way of putting ourselves in the first place no matter what. But if we want to be happy in a relationship we need to be satisfied with the person we already are. Taking care of our body and mind is our responsibility, and the other person will appreciate it as much as we would do the same for him or her. Going on a massage, fitness, reading a book or having fun with friends – it doesn’t matter what makes us happy and inspires us. We just have to find time for it because it fills us with joy and we give this joy to the others around us.
At the same time as making time for ourselves, we provide the same opportunity to our loved one as they need it as well. Having a few hours away from each other will help us to appreciate the time we spend together.
And we need time just for the two of us. The weekly shopping and washing the dishes is not the time we count in this situation. Doing things separate from the other is important but doing things together is necessary. You can go dancing classes together once a week, take a walk in the park, having a glass of wine late at night in front of the fireplace or whatever you both like. As long as you find time to ask how the other person is feeling, what his problems and hopes are at this moment, you will manage to give and receive the care you need in the relationship. You have shown this care every time you have a chance to do it as this will keep your loved one open towards you.
Nobody is perfect including you (sorry you had to hear this today but you know it’s true). So why do you expect the other person to be perfect? At some point, you or your partner will do or say something that will offend the other. You have to forgive him as this is one of the basics in the relationship. To be able to forgive and release the pain the other causes you by accident is necessary. If you keep the feeling of hurt for you, soon you will start looking for ways to release the anger, and we all know that usually, the reason will be minor.
And do not forget:
Appreciate! I bet you like to be appreciated and that is why you need to take time to appreciate the other as well. Reminding yourself why you choose this person to be with, will help you to show him your appreciation. It’s easy after a while to forget to spot the good things in your loved one. Don’t let the small gestures from the beginning of the relationship to fade away with time. Help him to feel the person you see he is and he will do the same for you.
Give and take is the recipe for the healthy relationship so give love, kindness, respect, appreciation and time to the other. It takes a lot of efforts, but it’s worth it.