And what to do about it
Having doubts about your relationship is normal. To appreciate the other half of your partnership is essential and I would like to show you how to spot if there is a lack of respect in a relationship.
No matter if you’re at the beginning of your story or you’ve got history together, respect is the cornerstone of your future happiness.
And I’m sure you don’t need my explanations on why it is essential to be respectful one to another.
Often we forget to pay attention to those things – respect and appreciation. When the feelings are high, and the hormones are going wild, it’s common to ignore small signs that something’s not right.
If you’re getting small alarms in your head regarding your partner’s appreciation and respect, check bellow ten signs for lack of respect in a relationship.
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Your partner is continuously reading your messages and replying back after few hours.
I know that sometimes we don’t have the opportunity to go into the subject or even to reply a fast “I’ll text you later” answer. So I don’t put a veto on everything. However, if that happens all the time or more than 30% of the time, then it indicates a problem. Unless your partner is at work or has an important meeting, there are not many other reasons not to text you back when he sees the messages.
He/she makes appointments with you and after that cancels them.
It is the most obvious sign of disrespect in any relationship – having an appointment and cancelling it after that. It’s disrespectful especially if it happens very often. Again – once or twice is not a problem at all so don’t go over the edge too fast. But once engaged with a promise to spend time with you, your partner should respect you and keep his promise.
Your loved one is checking your phone on a daily basis…
… and if you try to stop him he’s getting angry – “Are you hiding something?”, “So what, I want to be sure you’re faithful”, “You can check mine if you want”. Going into your personal space and making you feel unnecessary guilty is disrespectful. Honestly, you don’t need someone like that around you.
Talking about personal space…
Another sign for lack of respect in a relationship is the “invasion” into the other’s personal space.
Yes, you’re in love. You want to spend time together and share everything with each other. However, you’re an independent human being, and you’ve got your personal space. The other has it too. Going over the point that’s comfortable for you without invitation or permission is rude, annoying and sometimes – disturbing. An example of that is checking your phone or reading your diary, asking for passwords and going mental if you don’t want to provide access to those. Don’t get fooled that you are the one that does something wrong.
He/she is always late. Always!!!
I know that this is usually saved for the ladies, but I have dated a man who was always late for our dates. Even for the first one.
Me, as a person that can go half hour earlier but not a minute later, that was something I didn’t enjoy. And believe me – it was a sign of disrespect… one of many others that followed. By coming late for the date, he says:
– “I didn’t leave enough time (as usual) to be on time for something we both arranged”;
– “Getting ready and looking perfect is (always) more important than coming on time, and it doesn’t matter if you’re standing somewhere in the cold/heat/alone waiting for me.”.
It may sound harsh, but if you managed to get on time, there is no excuse for the other not to do it as well. Could be bad time management but it is as well a sign for lack of respect in a relationship.
Your partner doesn’t listen to your opinion.
You may think it’s easy to spot that one, but actually, it’s not. It’s when you have a discussion, and the other doesn’t even listen to your opinion. Or when you talk you could see in his/her eyes that what you say is pointless. And your words hang in the air… awkwardly. At the beginning of the relationship, we notice these signs. However, with the time we get used to them.
So if you’re in a long relationship, the chances are you don’t even know what’s going on. Try to make a check on that point next time you talk about something. Respect is giving the other a chance to speak up and listen to what he says carefully. What our loved one says is always important.
Not keeping promises.
Don’t be fooled just because there’s always a reason for him/her not to keep promises. Especially, if that happens too often. It is a sign for lack of respect in a relationship not only to you but himself as well.
At the same time, it is an example how your life together would look like – he/she makes a promise, and you have no idea if that’s going to happen or not. You’ve probably heard that:
“If there’s a will there’s a way!”
Your things are less important than his/hers.
Putting his/her goals, dreams, plans and everything that concerns him above yours all the time, is disrespectful. Everyone has something valuable, heart-melting and time-consuming and if yours are on the bottom all the time – well, I have news for you: your partner doesn’t respect you! Didn’t you have a life to live as well?!
No, I don’t mean that dirty talk. I mean the conversation that makes you feel bad for yourself. The discussion that points out your mistakes and ruins your mood even more. We all have our “down” moments. And your partner’s job is to boost your self-esteem, not to bury it as deep as possible.
If that happens to you – probably you don’t respect yourself enough as well. And I don’t want to be rude but think about it – we usually allow people to treat us in the way they do. I put myself into this equation as well – been there, done that… for years. It’s time to stop it and to start loving yourself more than the other does.
You never feel a priority.
Well, that’s just sad. You know that a relationship is a partnership. And a partnership is you and the other together, walking on the aisle of life. Both of you equally important, in love and respectful to each other. Spending the only time you’ve got on the Earth with someone that doesn’t think you’re more important than 90% of the people in his life is just wrong.
How could you deal with the lack of respect in a relationship?
Once you get to the place where you can spot the disrespect that’s half of the job done. Don’t get confused by your partner that everything is in your head. If you feel something’s wrong, usually it is. Believe in your intuition about what’s next. Is there a chance to explain yourself, your feelings and worries and the other to understand you? If that’s the case – go for it.
Try to share your thoughts with your partner. If you love him, you should do that step. Expect confusion and frustration – nobody likes to be told he’s disrespectful.
However, once all that is gone, a change should happen. I know many people say – we don’t change. In fact Steven Aitchison shares:
“People change for two reasons: either their minds have been opened, or their hearts have been broken.”
Your task is to express your emotions respectfully – yelling and demanding are not your friends here. Your mission is complete once you’ve done that. The choice is not in your hands anymore. The other has to either open his mind or else. And this is not an ultimatum. That is You have your right to be respected by the person that shares your home, bed and life.
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