And what to do if you are disrespected
Is there a lack of respect in your relationship?
Do you feel something’s wrong but not sure what?
Are there any tiny bells ringing in your head every now and then?
Where is the border between “I’m making things up” and “This is so disrespectful”?
We are always told to be aware of being used, but do we know how to protect ourselves from hidden disrespect?
In this article, I will list 10 warning signs of disrespect you should never ignore in your relationship, no matter what.
We often forget to pay attention to respect and appreciation. If your feelings are strong, and your hormones are going wild, it’s common to ignore small signs that something’s not right.
It is not your fault.
You would never think that the person you love would disrespect you.
But disrespect loves to take different forms, it’s hidden and we usually see it was there long after the relationship ended.
If there is an alarm going off in your head, check below ten signs for lack of respect in a relationship.
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you sign up or make a purchase I might get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting my business. See full disclosure.
1. Your partner is continuously reading your messages and replying back after few hours.
I had a boyfriend who would ignore my messages all the time. Sometimes he was at work so I was not bothered by that fact. But he was doing it even when he was home.
He would read it and leave it aside for the next hour or two, and reply then. Once, we were in the middle of an important conversation when suddenly, he stopped answering.
I got worried and had to drive almost an hour to his place to see him watching TV and relaxing on the sofa. Do you think this was disrespectful?
I agree…
Many times we don’t have the opportunity to reply “I’ll text you later” so we leave the phone aside and go back to it later on. But we are all grown-ups and it’s nice to act as such.
Ignoring your messages indicates a problem.
2. He/she makes appointments with you and after that cancels them.
It is the most obvious sign of disrespect in any relationship.
If I cancel a date with someone I could only have two reasons:
First: Something came up at the last minute, it’s urgent and I cannot postpone it. That’s OK.
Second: There is no second reason.
It is respectful to myself and the other to go on that date and then do whatever else I wanted to do instead. Everything else is pure disrespect in the relationship.
3. Your loved one is checking your phone on a daily basis…
… and if you try to stop him he gets angry – “Are you hiding something?”, “So what, I want to be sure you’re faithful”, “You can check mine if you want”.
This is a huge warning sign to run, my dear.
It’s overlooked by too many people out there.
This is a lack of respect and could evolve into something much more serious if you don’t talk about it.
Going into your personal space and making you feel unnecessary guilty is disrespectful and rude.
Honestly, you don’t need someone like that around you.
4. Talking about personal space…
Another sign of lack of respect in a relationship is the “invasion” into your personal space.
Yes, you’re in love. You want to spend time together and share everything with each other.
However, you’re an independent human being, and you’ve got your personal space.
[socialpug_tweet tweet=”You’re an independent human being, and you’ve got your personal space.” display_tweet=”You’re an independent human being, and you’ve got your personal space.”]
You need this healthy personal space.
If your partner goes over the level that’s comfortable for you without invitation or permission, is rude, annoying and sometimes – disturbing.
An example of that is checking your phone or reading your diary, asking for passwords and getting angry if you don’t want to provide access to those.
Don’t allow to be fooled you are the one that does something wrong.
5. He is always late. Always!!!
Do you remember the never-answer-my-messages-guy?
He ticked most of the boxes in this article, but this one – he was (probably still is) The King of Late-For-A-Date.
On our first date, he came half an hour later than what we had arranged.
I thought he go into bad traffic. Turned out, he lived just two streets down the road.
I ignored that sign of disrespect.
Don’t do my mistake.
Here’s what Late-For-A-Date attitude tells me:
– “I didn’t put enough effort (as usual) to be on time for our date“;
– “Getting ready and looking perfect is (always) more important than coming on time, and it doesn’t matter if you’re standing somewhere in the cold/heat/alone waiting for me.”.
It may sound harsh, but if you managed to get on time, there is no excuse for him not to do it as well.
Could be bad time management but it is as well a sign of lack of respect in a relationship.
6. Your partner doesn’t listen to your opinion.
You may think it’s easy to spot this one, but it’s not.
So, you have a discussion, and he doesn’t even listen to your opinion.
Or…
When you talk you could see in their eyes that what you say is pointless. Your words hang in the air… awkwardly.
If you’re in a long relationship, the chances are you don’t even know what’s going on.
Next time you and your partner talk, try to see if he listens to you and tries to understand you. Respect is giving the other a chance to speak up and listen to what he says carefully.
7. Not keeping promises.
Don’t let yourself be fooled about this one.
For some people, there’s always a reason not to keep their promises.
[socialpug_tweet tweet=”For some people, there’s always a reason not to keep their promises.” display_tweet=”For some people, there’s always a reason not to keep their promises.”]
It’s like the school story where the dog eats the homework… every time!
At some point, each one of us (including you) has to start keeping our promises because other people count on that.
Because it’s fair.
It is a sign of lack of respect in a relationship and it’s kind of easy to spot.
Could you imagine how your life together would look like – he makes a promise, and you have no idea if that’s going to happen or not. Wise people say:
“If there’s a will there’s a way!”
8. Your things are less important than your partner’s.
Putting his goals, dreams, plans, and everything that concerns him above yours all the time is disrespectful.
We all have goals and dreams, a path we walk on and if your priorities are on the bottom all the time – well, I have bad news for you: your partner doesn’t respect you! Didn’t you have a life to live as well?!
9. Dirty talk.
No, I don’t mean that dirty talk.
I mean the conversation that makes you feel bad about yourself.
The discussion that points out your mistakes and ruins your mood even more. We all have our “down” moments.
And your partner’s job is to boost your self-esteem, not to bury it as deep as possible.
If that happens to you – run!
It’s time to stop it and to start loving yourself more than the other do.
10. You never feel you’re his priority.
Well, that’s just sad.
You know very well that a relationship is a form of a partnership.
And a partnership is you and the other together, walking on the aisle of life. Both of you equally important, in love, and respectful to each other.
Spending your precious time on Earth with someone who doesn’t think you’re more important than 90% of the people in his life, is just wrong.
How should you deal with the lack of respect in a relationship?
Once you get to the place where you could spot the disrespect – that’s half of the job done.
Don’t get confused by your partner that everything happens only in your mind. If you feel something’s wrong, it usually is wrong.
Believe in your intuition about what’s next.
Is there a chance to express yourself, your feelings and worries, and the other to understand you? If that’s the case – go for it.
Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner.
Expect confusion and frustration – nobody likes to be told he’s been disrespectful.
However, once all that is gone, demand change. I know many people say – we don’t change. But somehow, we do. In fact, Steven Aitchison said:
“People change for two reasons: either their minds have been opened, or their hearts have been broken.”
You have your right to be respected by the person who shares your home, bed, and life.
If you enjoyed this post and believe my advice helps you, don’t forget to subscribe to our blog.
↓Pin This For Later↓
10 Signs of Disrespect in a Relationship You Shouldn’t Ignore
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
In a committed relationship, there is no room for secrecy or subversion. Neither partner should have secrets from the other…no secret texts, calls, rendezvous unknown to the other partner. If there’s been secrecy in the past with denials and coverups…talking to, texting with random guys on Facebook, Whatsapp, Messenger, Telegram, Zangi-and others, with blatant denial and evidence of deleted messages, downloaded photos and more—I’m not sure an occasional phone check shouldn’t be in order. Where there’s smoke, there’s usually a fire. Once you’ve been lied to, it’s really difficult to believe everything you’re being told.
Hello, we’ve been together for 40yrs have four amazing adult children and 9 grandchildren. But if I tell him about anything I may not have liked he tells me the same thing back, everything bad or wrong that happens is my fault, he accuses me of lying about everything which I don’t, I know he loves me but we just can’t have a normal conversation with out him staring an argument, we have intimacy twice a week but he always fights with me before and during sex, and then complains because I’m not showing him that I’m enjoying it. I’ve explained to him numerous times that if he wants me to love him back or enjoy it he needs to treat me with love, I’m your wife not some whore you picked up. So he get more upset stops from having sex for about 15 to 30 minutes and then comes back like a little puppy asking if we can continue, yeah I give in but I’m still not happy and I feel like if he doesn’t care about my feelings because he continues telling me to change my face. No I’m sorry and I explain it to him this way to see if he gets it. A woman is like a flower if you water it and give it love and attention it’ll blossom into a beautiful flower but if you mistreat it that flower will start to die and get ugly. It goes into one ear and out the other. What can I do? I know we love each other I just don’t like to be talk down to or blame for something I haven’t done. It’s 40 years together and I feel I deserve to be treated much better.
We have been together five years now. Engaged for three. He told me about two years ago that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore…granted I went from a size six to a size 18. So I started working on that issue. I had lost about thirty pounds six months later and was really proud of myself but that’s when he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore…he loves me…just not in love with me…I weighed my options and decided it would be more painful to be without him at all so I stayed. I have now lost around 100 pounds and I’m almost the size I was when we started dating. About three months after he said he wasn’t in love anymore I told him I was holding on to the way he used to be with me and all the promises he made of how he would treat me and love me….just to be told that none of that was even real. He was just going through the motions. With all of that being said, he does have depression and had a rough life until we met and he laid it all down for me. Basically we saved each other in a way so the loyalty aspect is there. I’ve told him a few times that I should just go but every-time I try to leave he cries and says he isn’t ready to be without me and that he will try harder. He will make an effort for a week tops and then it’s back to uncomfortable isolation and a feeling that he hates me for some reason. Most recently he asked me to make him a list so I did and told him to make me one as well. . So far he has just said he is too depressed right now. But he can go to the studio with Brian or fishing with Johnny and he will text with them all day long but I won’t hear from him unless I text him 95% of the time. I feel like everything in me is saying to go but for some reason I just can’t seem to do it. Please help!
My bf spends more time with his guy friend than me. He also works with his friend.We planned to spend the weekend just us . After work yesterday we went out to eat came home. His friend came by to drop off some money supposedly and stayed maybe 10-15 mins. Then today they worked a job from 9-1230. Me and my bf were supposed to go to a yard sale when he got home and again just us this weekend. Well when he got home he asked if his friend could go with us. Now I’m all upset and he doesn’t get that my feelings are hurt. I feel like he shouldn’t of even asked and he says he just asked a simple question.
So after almost 10 Years, we are having an issue with disrespect. He constantly tells me I am disrespectful to him and will shut me down and tell me no wonder why my previous marriage didn’t work and that it was because I didn’t know how to be a wife. The latest “disrespect” was me saying that he can make time for HIS family and to go drink with a cousin but can not make time to spend a date night with me. I have not had a date night with him in over 5 months and the one we had was a conference for our business that did not entitle children. I am always home with the kids or working for our business, I do nothing outside of my family for me. Everything is about his dreams and what he wants to accomplish. I have gotten the cold shoulder and berated to the point of telling me no one would accept me and my 4 children and I have nothing to show without him. I have gone through extensive trauma in my history and years of therapy to over come those things but feel like he’s just knocking me back down.
I have been married for 20 years & have 3 boys who are my constant worry & angst. In 2009 I found out my husband had been in multiple affairs, along with registering on 6 different dating/sex/hook-up websites. At the time, my sons were 7, 5 & 3, I couldn’t imagine raising them by myself. Throughout pretending to want to work things out, he continued to cheat. When he wasn’t sleeping around, he was talking to other women, telling them how much he loves & wanted to “taste” them.
Even now, things are not the same because I have grown to detest him. My respect for him is non-existent & all I think about is the day I can ask him for divorce. I am so damn angry & I fear I grow more angry every day. He wants to “move” as if nothing ever happened & he doesn’t get it that I can’t move on due to he destroying any trust/respect I had. He can’t even tell me what he plans to do differently to avoid the pattern. He replied, “I know what I need to do.” Before I know it, he was back to his cheating ways.
What I don’t understand is why I have such a somewhat difficult time just letting go. All that he has done to injure me mentally & emotionally, I still question myself so much. I feel like a fool, all these years and I’m still here. I feel as if I’m just daydreaming thru my life; definitely not living the life I imagined. I’m tired & sick of being tired & sick. I’m mostly afraid that my kids will never forgive me or hate me. I’m going to be 50 in a few years, I want to spend whatever time I have left with someone who values me, respects me & makes me feel worthy.
@Aching Heart, I think you owe to your sons as much as you owe it to yourself to leave this man. Otherwise your sons may grow up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat their wives. I understand how hard it will be, but think of the positive future ahead of you when you do find the courage to walk.
Hi, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 2 years and she always talks about us getting married and all the wonderful things we will do together. However she promises we will do this and do that but always has an excuse why it never happens. Her standard excuse is that she’s sick or doesn’t feel well. On Valentine’s Day I lavished her with gifts, beautiful card and dinner at a real nice restaurant. She didn’t even give me a card or anything but confesses she is so in love with me. Am I reading to much in this or there is something seriously wrong.
Hi Dave, thank you for your comment. It would be hard to tell you exactly what it means and if you should be worried as I don’t have any details. What did you mean by “doing this and doing that”? She talks about getting married. Did you propose to her? It wasn’t nice of her not to give you anything on Valentine’s Day, but how is she acting on the other days of the year?
Hello,am 21 and this is my second year in marriage.My son is a year old.My husband has been going through my phone everyday, anytime I went out he will call several times asking what am still doing and where I am,last time I took 15min at the shop he called me and used abusive language at me,he doesn’t want me to associate with any one apart from my family.have done my best to prove to him that am faithful to no avail,can I call it a quit and what does this mean?!
I am sorry you have to go through all this, Winne, but your husband’s behavior sounds very toxic and dangerous. I would strongly recommend you read more about the signs of mental and physical abuse. (again, this is not just disrespect, it’s more and it’s dangerous)
Let me tell you more about my situation we were supposed to be married on 6-6-22.. and now she doesn’t want to should I go find another or just wait for her… Please help me
Probably things are way more complicated than that, so an honest conversation with her would help you find the answer better than my guessing here. I hope it all works out for you two!
After 16 years of dating my boyfriend made no effort to even call me on Valentine’s Day much less buy me a gift or take me out. He is controlling and this weekend I wanted to choose the restaurant to eat at and he started hitting the dashboard and yelling at me all because he always must be the one to choose everything even where we eat. I was disrespected, devalued and dehumanized the entire weekend. He came to bed fully dressed, hugged his side of the bed and refused to touch me simply because I wanted to eat at a different restaurant then he did. I know I need to end this, but it hurts so I don’t want to let go.
Hi Angela, thank you for your comment, and I must say that two things popped in my head after reading it. Firstly, after 16 years, he shouldn’t be a boyfriend but a husband or at least a fiance. And secondly, what he does isn’t just disrespectful but a great example of mental abuse, and it’s very dangerous because it works on you. I know you have the strength to do what’s right for you, and I urge you to waste no more time.
I am portuguese and when my partner she is brasilian refers me to her male friend on the phone which I heard by change, “oh, the portuguese is near me, chat to you later as I don’t want him to know too much about the sale of my stand for sale. Refering to me as the Portuguese is that showing disrespect to me?
In my opinion, if she refers to you as just a male friend is very disrespectful. Even the fact she wants to hide details on some sale of an item is also very suspicious and disrespectful in its base…
Hello, my man kept repeating himself that i don’t respect him while i did lots trying to bring him back to normal after a certain hard time he was into .I think my mistake was i asked for a break he took it for a break-up. And from that moment he changed completly upto when i decided to leave and be happy.
Pingback: Relationship Red Flags to Watch Out - Cartoon Secrets
Pingback: STILL SINGLE? LET ME TELL YOU THE REASONS
Pingback: When a Woman Loves You She Will Do These 10 Things For You