Why Men Pull Away at the Early Stages of the Relationship?

Men pull away at the early stages for two reasons

They say it’s hard to understand women but honestly, men are even worse. Would you like to find out why men pull away at the early stages of the relationship when everything seems to go so well, and you feel the attraction? Let’s try to answer this question.

“Why men pull away” – The early stages story

So, you met! You felt the attraction. You went out on a first date, and everything was normal – nothing flashy, no stars and signs from above, but he is a decent guy, and you like him. Second date! Even the third and fourth ones… At some point, you got onto the bed together and enjoyed each other (loudly). On that stage, small stars started circling both of you. You were flying on pink clouds and giving the biggest smiles your faces could express. In conclusion, everything was looking like it was going in the most beautiful direction.

Phone calls, good-night photos, texts with hearts, kisses and puppies… The thought he might start pulling away doesn’t even cross your pinky mind.

“Why men pull away” The early stages story takes a wrong turn

why men pull away early stages relationshipUntil one day a loud alarm went off in your head and you realised HE IS pulling away. At the very beginning of that fairytale, he shook the magic dust off his shoes and slowly started walking toward the fire exit of your life!

What happened? Did you say or do something to push him away? How to stop him from leaving your life? Why men pull away at early stages?

That’s the very common situation; I described above. Meeting a nice guy that’s worth the effort is so rare that you panic. It is understandable.

When it comes to dating, life gives us too many options and not enough quality.

Therefore, when that quality, combined with passion and warmth, hits us, we urge ourselves to hold it tight. As a result of our fear to lose it, we change our behaviour. Unnoticeable for us. Noticeable for him. So he starts running away.

More useful info for later:

Men pull away at early stages for two reasons

Neediness and insecurity – your enemies and friends you often like to chat with. 

You might think that men pull away because women push the relationship to be serious at the very beginning of it.


Or they choke them with attention, phone calls, questions, hearts and cuddles. They try not to argue because it’s rude and may put them in an unpleasant light. They put the sexiest dresses just to show how stunning she is – in case he didn’t notice. Could that make him pull away?

Sometimes women ask for too much too soon. I, as a woman, would like to disagree with… However, I cannot. Because… been there, done that!


BUT, this is not the behaviour that makes men pull away at the early stages of the relationship.

It’s what’s behind that behaviour.

The first few dates and months of the love stories are the ones we try to find out as much as possible about the other. We search for small signs of what our life would look like if we chose to stay with that one person longer. How would a day go by? A conversation? An argument?

The truth behind his reasons to pull away

Often, when a man pulls away, it is not because of the fact you’ve texted him 18 times today, or your dress shows too much skin (or almost all of it). The fact he doesn’t like it is not because he’s jealous and wants to stop you from expressing yourself.

It’s what you reveal with all that.

why men pull away early stages storyInsecurity and neediness! It’s sad to see when someone is insecure about himself. And the best relationship killer is the neediness. When combined those two can guarantee you the end of it.

Trying harder to show how much you like him and appreciate his attention is not attractive. But you probably don’t even know if you do it. However, it pushes him away.

There are two types of behaviour at the beginning of every relationship.

The first one is when the woman tries to be liked by the man. She goes on a first date and puts her best dress, styles her hair and does her cocktail-makeup. She thinks of the way she speaks and controls almost everything that comes out of her mouth, just to be sure it sounds smart. She pays attention to the looks the guy gives her back and flatters him so he can feel the affection.

Second and third dates are nothing more but ways to prove how fun she is, and she’s looking for ways to make him feel wanted. His flowers are the most beautiful ones she’s ever received, and no one ever made her feel so open to express herself. Do you think he could pull away from a woman that showers him with so much attention?

The second type of behaviour is much more focused on her… again. But the difference is that the woman doesn’t try to show herself in the best possible way. She tries to find out if he’s worth to see her best possible side. If you’re that type of person you still put some cute clothes, the makeup is not more than the usual one, and you flatter him only for something you see essential. Your goal is to have fun. Nothing more, nothing less.

The second and the third date are a test not for your funny side, but a trial to understand how you feel in his company in various situations. Will he pull away from you?

If you want to know more about how to make him stay, and you recognise yourself in the descriptions above, I strongly recommend you to check Sherry Argov’s bestseller Why Men Marry Bitches.- A Guide for Women Who Are Too Nice. It will give you key insights on the topic.

Which one of these types is going to make him pull away?


!!! You see, the first type of women waits to be picked and approved while the second type is the one that picks and approve!!!

why men pull away early stages relationship problemsTo not sound like I know it all – I was the first type of women during every single of my previous relationships. Looking back now, I would have saved myself so much pain and time if I had dropped it early enough. And I adopted the second type only once. The result was finding out that the guy I was examine was the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And it led us to the got-engaged-moment less than a year after we met.  

By “picking him” I do not mean you to go out for a man-haunting. Nothing in your pre-date should be changed. What I mean is to stop thinking like a woman that “need to find a man”, “to make him like her as much as she likes him”, “to show him what he can gain”, and “to make him realise how amazing she is”. No!

All that is neediness and insecurity. And he will pull away sooner or later. If he doesn’t – then his goals are something different than having a quality relationship.

How to get to the lucky neediness-and-insecurity-free part and make him stay?

It’s the easiest thing ever.

Send in the bin your efforts to be the most beautiful, funniest and adorable woman he had ever met.

Stop wanting to be the best possible option that exists in his life.

Reverse the roles. Pretend you’re picking him.

For example, if you go to buy a dress, you would go with a checklist of what the dress should be like. And at the end, you’ll leave with the best one.

Do the same with men.

Stay strong for your happiness and find out if he indeed contains the qualities he claims to have. Breathe with the knowledge that you’re worth it, and you don’t need his attention all the time to feel happy.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t ask you to be ignorant and to test him every few minutes. Just have fun, relax, laugh and make mental notes of the way you truly feel around him.

why men pull away early stages reasonsOut with friends? Put the phone in your purse and if he texts you, ask him if it’s ok to chat later, as long as it’s not something important. Don’t run to the shop to buy green lingerie just because he briefly mentioned it’s his favourite colour. Don’t spend five hours in the kitchen making that French dish he once had in a restaurant 12 years ago and still remembers it. That would chase him away.

With short words – stay true to yourself. It’s been said so many times that no one pays attention to it anymore. He wouldn’t pull away from a woman who’s herself all the time.

Stay true to your happiness and your normal behaviour. Be real when you talk and don’t hide if you disagree with something. Say it at that exact moment, before you create the impression you’re alright with something you’re usually not.

He will not pull away

He will not pull away at the early stage because you’re free to talk what you think.

He will not pull away because you stay firm in your beliefs.

He will not pull away because you’re not afraid to keep some boundaries at an early stage.

And if he does pull away…

…Well, you saved yourself time.

Let me know if you agree with the article and share your experience with men pulling away for any reason.


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