Reasons Why Men Pull Away and How To Make Them Stay?
“Why did he pull away from me?” I hear you asking.
What are the reasons men pull away when things go just fine?
In this post, I will give you 8 obvious reasons why men pull away from you and I will tell you exactly how to stop your guy from pulling away and make him commit to a serious relationship with you.
Would you like that?
Would you like him to stay around for longer, to fall in love with you and commit to a fulfilling healthy relationship with you?
Well, before we get to that awesome part, we need to talk about the thing you might be doing that makes him pull away.
Let’s start with a short story
A story about my friend – Jenny.
Jenny has a master degree in the desired field. She has the perfect job as an office manager in a big company as well. She is a good-looking, smart and ambitious young lady. And she is hungry for the love of the perfect man.
The perfect guy would be at least as smart as she is. He would be as ambitious and successful in what he does.
He would have a good sense of humour and will see that Jenny is his perfect match very early in the relationship. Probably even in the first few dates.
They will laugh, share stories and have the same views of how life should be. One day they will both drive away towards the sunset with the “Just Married” sign on their car.
Sounds amazing, right?
Jenny believed that her success gives her the right to be picky with men. After all, she has to find that decent, nice guy who will accept all the love she has to give, right? She can’t sell herself short, can she?
A smart, successful woman is looking for a smart, successful man… like an ad in an old newspaper from the 90s.
Jeny’s problem was that men pull away
You see, life’s weird…
Jenny had a problem finding that successful man with the smart look and the good sense of humour. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, she thought, he should be somewhere there.
Date after date and relationship after relationship, but nothing happened.
The moment she would find someone who was looking just right, he would just disappear shortly after they start dating.
The good and smart men were running away.
⇓If you’d like to get straight to the point where you can stop him from pulling away, check the video below. I promise this thing works!⇓
Do you know Jenny?
A small confession…
Jenny is not a real person. It’s a profile of the certain type of behaviour I explained.
I have at least a few friends that could be Jenny right now. Sadly, I was one of them as well.
Do you have Jenny’s profile too?
Well, welcome then.
Let me tell you what happens when a guy fades away – the reasons why men pull away.
Why they disappear?
You are pushing them away!
Yes, girl, you are pushing men away every single time there’s someone you really like and get to the first few dates.
And I would like to help you, so I must tell you how exactly you push good men away.
Insanely obvious signs men pull away because you tell them to do so
Ok, let’s go over the best things about you:
– you are smart
– you are successful at what you do, and you totally love it;
– you are busy, and you love that too;
– you know you are “a good catch” and don’t feel the need to prove it;
– you are independent and don’t need anyone to take care of you;
– you are happy with your single life, but of course, you want more love in it too;
– you know what you want in life…
– …and you know what you want in a man;
– but when you start dating someone that matches all that… somehow he pulls away and slowly disappears
Yep, men pull away because you push them away.
And has nothing to do with the fact that men are scared by strong and independent smart women. Nothing!
Men aren’t intimidated by your strong personality.
Well, there’s not even one smart guy on this Earth that would appreciate, value and marry a woman that doesn’t make him laugh and is not successful and happy with what she does.
The Alpha guy you search for is confident enough to have a smart and gorgeous woman by his side.
So, where’s the problem then?
How come you ARE that type of an Alpha woman, and you date that type of Alpha men, but none of them sticks around long enough so you could seal the deal?
Let’s get to the reasons why men pull away:
1. You think he pulls away but actually, he just needs a retreat
… and then you go mad… and then he really pulls away!
Should I explain more?
You date for three weeks. Everything looks great, you’re both having the time of your lives. Until one day, when he declines your invitation to go out on Saturday night. He doesn’t really explain why. He says he needs time…!
“He needs TIME!”..?
That’s your code word for “he is pulling away, I’ll never see him again. I did something wrong!”
You like him, so you ask what’s wrong. He explains that nothing’s wrong but he is not in a mood to go out this weekend…
Of course, something’s wrong!
So you keep asking, you even send an apology message, just in case you did something wrong. You spend the next few days going through an internal mini-nightmare…
By the end of the weekend, you either had sent him hundreds of texts trying to find out what’s wrong… Or even better – you already decided that if he’s able to disappear so easily and for so long, he’s not worth your attention. It’s obvious he cannot commit to something more serious.
When he calls you or text you on Monday morning, you are already miles away from the person you were last week. He doesn’t seem upset or doesn’t indicate what happened during the weekend and that drives you insane…
Do you recognise yourself somewhere in this story?
He pulled away but he didn’t pull away
I strongly recommend you have a look at Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book by John Grey. It’s like a Bible for relationships. How would it help you understand the situation from our story above?
The reason men pull away – very often they just need a day or two off, sometimes – even a few hours.
They want to meet with the guys, to have some time by themselves, to think over a problem, to relax or just to not be bothered by anyone. Nothing’s wrong with them or their feelings for you. They just need some time alone. No drama in it.
Often, that’s what men do after they realise their feelings for you are getting stronger. It’s like regrouping of their inner self…
It’s the same like when you want to stay home and read a book in the bed with a cup of hot chocolate and hang “Do not disturb!” sign on your door.
But a man will never share their feelings in that way
He will tell you he is not in a mood for anything and will leave you wondering what happens.
If he says the same thing to another man or hears it from another man, everything will be fine – no one will ask any more questions. They understand each other.
He believes saying a short sentence should make the things clear to you too.
But he doesn’t understand women that well… as well as you don’t really understand men that well.
You need the long explanation, but he’s not used giving it and he doesn’t see the point of giving it.
However, when he closes himself in that “cave” of his (more about it in the book I mentioned), he really needs that “alone time”. After he had it, he will come back to you.
If you make a big fuss about it he will get annoyed.
And that’s one of the reasons why men pull away.
So, next time you want him to pay attention to you, just send him some texts that actually trigger his instincts. Check this video for more.
2. You must show him how amazing you are but instead…
I know, he has to be aware of what he deals with.
He has to know that you have goals and dreams, and you are not on a hunt for a man to look after you.
He has to know you can handle yourself and you are happy where you are.
Yes, that’s true.
But he doesn’t have to know all that on the first date. Not even on the second one.
Let him find this out at a normal pace, during the courtship.
Don’t throw in his face every single achievement you had for the last 5 years.
He will pull away not because you are too good but because you are choking him with all that awesomeness.
It would look like you think you’re better than most people around. Maybe you could be perfectly happy all by yourself then…
3. He feels like a part of an investigation, and that makes him pull away
I know, I’ve said a few times that you have to know what you’re dealing with. But asking him a question after question will do no good to you.
Dedicating every single date on the mission to get to know him as much as possible will make it weird.
Your questions might violate his personal space, and he will disappear very fast.
Have a look at these innocent questions you could ask on the first dates and he won’t feel investigated.
4. You don’t engage too much with him, and he pulls away
It’s hard to imagine that a man could pull away because he didn’t get enough attention during the first few dates.
I mean, you agreed to go out with him. Few times.
You went on the date ready to listen and talk.
You didn’t act needy or insecure. You laughed at his jokes and let him express himself in the way he wants.
Nothing wrong so far.
However, how much did you engage yourself into this date?
How many times did you check your phone while he was talking?
How many times did you think about the office and how to solve the latest problem at work?
Did you have a moment when you felt too tired to be on another date that could end unhappily?
Were you 100% there, with him?
Do you see what I mean?
Men are human beings.
Just like us, women, they have intuition as well. Maybe not as strong as ours, but everyone knows when they’ve been ignored. Even for a few minutes. And no one likes that.
No wonder he pulled away. You are tired of pointless dates but if you’re going to do it – do it well, girl. Be present. Involve yourself.
5. Looking for a commitment too fast makes men pull away
I know you are tired of spending the weekends alone or in the club with friends.
You need warmth and understanding. You need support and a gentle but strong presence from a man by your side.
You date someone a few times and you already have thoughts of romantic weekends away, meeting family and relatives, creating mutual friendships…
I was you once… ok, more than once.
I thought that the moment I realise I want that man in my life and he reacts well to my signals – it’s all set.
Well, it’s not.
And that’s how I was pushing men away in the past.
Like it or not, men need more time to comprehend their feelings. Too fast ends badly for both of you.
A woman could fall in love with a guy, have a relationship with him for a week and then cry for a month after they break up.
We are so emotional. We are full of passion we want to spread and the moment we find someone willing to accept it…
We are months ahead in our thoughts.
But men like to go through each step and make sure that they understand you and most importantly – you respect and accept who they are.
Therefore, going too serious too fast will push men away.
They need more time.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. We are just different. We comprehend information and emotions in different ways. And that’s what makes the relationships so vivid and amazing. Being the same is boring.
6. Projecting your visions of life onto him will push him away
“All women deserve the same rights as men.”
“All men seem to have a problem with committing to a woman.”
You have a list of 205 beliefs about the world and 54 things you want to do in the next four years, and don’t mind sharing all of them with him.
Life is hard and your battles are worth telling… but not on the first date.
I respect everything. I agree with all of it.
But going so strong at the very beginning of your courtship won’t lead you to the next date.
Your visions of the world deserve respect and explanation. They are amazing when the person on the other side knows you and understands you. And all of it would sound much more like a conversation and less like a shooting gun in his head.
Be respectful to him and be respectful to yourself – he might not see your point of view simply because you are not giving him the time to see it.
7. You are pushing men away because you try to change them
Recently I did a review on a book that was dealing with the same problem you have – why men pull away and why they disappear?
I read something fascinating in it regarding “accepting the unacceptable” and the real “unacceptable” things in men.
You see, there are things you will never accept in a man.
And that’s more than ok.
I encourage you to find those things, list them on a piece of paper and never lose it. It could be an alcohol addiction, even smoking (depends on your views), a certain attitude, even certain views of life and culture.
However, there are things that are unacceptable, but you could accept them.
They are harmless and don’t change the person in front of you. They come with him and make him less attractive but more human. This could be manners on the table, even smoking (as I said – views), messiness or lack of cooking abilities… You could accept all that.
It’s a choice which will affect your life but won’t drastically change it.
You don’t like these things but if you could put up with them – do it.
Deciding if the man in front of you is worth it or not should be based on what’s “acceptable” and what’s “acceptably unacceptable”.
If you want to know more on that topic as well as why men disappear from your life, you could check Evan Marc Katz’ book Why He Disappeared. If you feel the connection between you and my “Jenny” profile, Why He Disappeared is a perfect match for you. I’ve also reviewed the book here.
8. You are not sure if he’s worth it and he has to prove himself
I completely support you on this one.
No one deserves too much trust and after so many years of disappointment, it’s okay to have doubts, to be a little bit cold and unreachable…
On the other hand, you would never go out again with someone that really doesn’t believe you and honestly, they show you have to work hard for their trust… and you just met them. In that situation, you will be the one that pulls away, right?
So think of it like that…
He doesn’t understand why you are suspicious of him. You mentioned your heart was broken for more than a few times… But his heart was broken too. And yet, here you are, trying to send him signals he has to work on your trust. He didn’t even lose it, because you never had any trust in him.
It’s devastating to trust and feel betrayed.
But your next love shouldn’t pay for the mistakes of your last love!
Or it will end before it even starts.
Did you recognise yourself in one of these situations?
Do you believe it’s still his fault to pull away?
Do you think the reason why men pull away is that they are too scared of commitment with you?
If you didn’t recognise yourself in the situations – check this post about men pulling away in the early stages of the relationship.
Want to take things to the next level and actually make things work between you and him? Check the video below for exact steps on how to do it:
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