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“Is She Using Me?” 10 Signs She’s Using You and You Don’t Know

Behaviour that should whisper “She’s using you!” in your ear

You look at her pretty face and ask yourself “Is she using me?”.

You are attracted by her feminine charm, sweet smell, and warm body, but is she playing with you or it’s just your imagination playing with you?

I wouldn’t want to be used or manipulated in any way. I assume you are the same as me.

So, let’s find out if you have reason to doubt the girl next to you or you should enjoy what you have.

I’ve got ten proofs she’s probably using you, and you can see it today. You also want to check the 10 things a woman would do if she loves you.

However, if you have a question, I didn’t answer in this article, you can always fill the contact form, and I will get back to you asap. Oh, and if you liked this article, subscribe to our blog, so you can get more insights on how to maintain a healthy relationship

…or how to recognise an unhealthy one. Because if she’s using you, there’s nothing healthy in what’s happening around you two.

Be aware!

When a man asks himself if a woman uses him, he often refers to the material part of life – money, car, holidays, dinners… However, not every woman will use you to buy her expensive jewelry. Some ladies can actually use you emotionally, and you don’t even realize it. Up until today!

But while money can be quickly earned, emotions are hard to overcome. If she’s using you emotionally, it will hurt more. Therefore, as early you get your answer on “Is she using me?” as better for your heart.

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you sign up or make a purchase I might get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting my business. See full disclosure.


1. “Is she using me if she’s a bit distanced?”

Distance in a relationship is normal at the beginning.

Just because you kissed, it doesn’t mean she’ll share all of her secrets with you. But if she’s like the Ice Queen around you, and you feel like you have to earn her smile, then something’s wrong.

This might be a very hard-to-recognize sign of manipulation. And she manipulates you because she needs you for something. Manipulation is a woman’s best friend when she needs you to do something for her.

When a woman’s too distant, but she still claims she’s into you then she’s probably trying to use you for something. Look around and see what she often refers to, when you ask her why she’s a bit distant.

If she always points out the same reason and leaves an open door for you to fix her problem, she’s using you.

2. “I never seem to say or do the right things. Is that a sign she’s using me?”


It’s true that women often like to hear specific things, and like to be treated in a specific way. However, the beauty of real love is the way the other lets you express yourself, your feelings, your thought, in the way you want.

If you feel like she’s never happy with what you say or do, it is a sign she’s using you. How do you know it for sure?

Some women will never be happy with you because they see that if you feel guilty about the way you express yourself, they will gain something afterwards.

It might be a dinner out, a weekend for two somewhere, helping her with a personal matter, etc. If that’s your case – run, she’s using you.

3. “I always listen to her and her problems, but when I talk about mine, it’s like she doesn’t even hear me. Is she using me?”

You’re on the right track!

She may not want you to buy her expensive things, or take her out for dinners. But she needs you because you listen to her four-hour speech about her daddy issues, how much her boss hates her, and why her BFF is never there for her when she needs her the most.

Yep, you got the point here, right? She needs someone to listen to her constantly.

Probably her friends are tired of her nagging and pessimistic vision of life, so she’s looking for someone to replace them.

In the beginning, you will think you finally met someone that’s not afraid to open up to you. However, soon you’ll realize the conversations with her are always about her. You never get the chance to discuss your day, experiences, problems, unless they’re connected to her.

That’s a very hidden sign she’s using you emotionally, so keep it in mind.

4. “She’s always so into my work and what I do, that it feels weird. Is she using me?”


If she’s more interested in what you do than who you are, she’s definitely on a mission for something, and it’s not your heart.

The reason she could ask you many questions about what you do could be because you work something she’s familiar with.

However, if her interest has nothing to do with her hobby, something smells there.

She’s probably trying to find out if you make lots of money, or if you could help her grow at her workplace (if it’s related). Keep your eyes open if her questions about your job are more than the questions about you.

[Tweet “If she’s more interested in what you do than who you are, she’s definitely on a mission for something, and it’s not your heart.”]

5. “She always prefers to go out instead of staying in. She says it because she’s extrovert, but I don’t think it’s a complete truth.”


And you’re right!

Extroverts like to go out, but they are just as normal human beings as introverts.  Her problem is not that she needs to be among many people. Her problem is she:

a) she has no money to go out by herself,

b) she likes you more when she doesn’t have to talk to you or

c) she is showing off with her new catch (psst, that’s you).

I know it’s harsh, but every couple has moments when they prefer to stay alone, enjoy and get to know each other.

If your “together” moments are always out, with other people, she’s using for something.

If you are the one that always pays, she’s using you for money. Next time you decide to go out together, ask her if she’ll be alright to cover the expenses as you’re a bit short on money this week.

If every time you were the ATM of the evening, she should be more than alright to take the role for once. If she does it, then see if she’s a bit cold toward you, or she keeps a distance. That will tell you if she’s using you.

However, she might not use you only for money if she always insists on going out instead of staying in. If you know people she wants to meet, or you’re popular in your area, she could use you to show off. Unfortunately, it happens often.

6. “I feel like a Supermen with her but in the wrong way. It’s like she always needs me for something even if it’s not for money. Is she using me?”


She is using you.

Of course, a healthy relationship is based not only on excellent communication but on the fact you can trust the other will help you when you’re in need.

But if she always needs something – to give her a ride, to fix her car, the washing machine, the coffee machine, etc. … well, you feel used, don’t you?

This type of constant need for help is unhealthy.

She uses you to complete the tasks she doesn’t want to complete, and that’s not nice. We are all adults and should be able to handle our lives before we start sharing them with others.

Although people should help each other, when you’re filling your time fixing and doing things instead of her, something’s not quite right.

7. “She doesn’t get along with my friends and family. That’s disturbing, I know, but is it a sign she uses me for something?”


People around you (friends and family) will always wish you the best. They want you to be with someone who will appreciate you and love you the way they do.

While you might be a bit distracted by your feelings for her, they are not. Therefore, it’s easy for them to spot dishonesty in the girl you date. Guess what, she knows it!

A girl who wants to have you in her life and to be part of yours will always want to see and get to know your friends and family. And I say this as a woman who’s been on the other side – we always want to fit and connect with people around the person we care about.

So, you already know the answer to why she doesn’t get along with your friends – she doesn’t want them to see she’s actually using you for something.

8. “How is it possible to find out if she’s using me if she’s never with me. She spends more time with her friends than me.”


She’s not serious about your relationship; ergo the girl you date is using you.

If she calls you only when she’s out of options for the evening, or when she’s in a “naughty mood” then she’s using you. You might as well enjoy the no-strings-attached situation because you’re in one of them.

Just stay away from planning your wedding vows.

9. “We are together for a while now, but I still feel like I don’t know her. What could be the reason for that? Is she using me?”


One of the reasons this girl’s still a bit strange to you is because she doesn’t want to let you in her personal life and space. Even if she was hurt in the past, every relationship has to be a new beginning with hope and trust for something better.

If after weeks and months of dating, you cannot find out what type of person you date, it’s because she hides it.

She might be actively using you for something, and you don’t see it. Have a look around and try to follow the logic, not the feelings. I know it might hurt, but better now than later.

10. “Every time something doesn’t happen her way she goes crazy. I don’t understand why is all the drama…Is she using me?”


We are not very hard to understand, but we could be hard to comprehend when we want.

Going crazy over small things she didn’t get you to do for her, picking on you for every single time you didn’t please her in some way is simple manipulation, my friend. As you might know, manipulation comes with one purpose – to use you.

The best way to find out if she’s playing with you is just not to do what she wants you to do.

If you made your choice in a particular situation and believed that’s the best for you two, then stick with it. Try to talk over it, see her point of view and if you’re still not OK going her way, don’t. We all have the right to choose, and no one should take it away.

That means you cannot take her choice away as well.

If she’s always emotional there’s nothing wrong, but it’s not easy to live with Drama Queen and chances are – she’s using you.

Find Love! Hold Love! Be Love!

Is she using you? How to know if the woman you are in a relationship with doesn't use you? Check these 10 signs that your lady could be using you and you don't even know. #sheisusingyou #issheusingyou #datingproblems #relationshipproblems #relationshiptips #relationshipadvice #toxicwomen

“Is She Using Me?” 10 Signs A Woman Is Using You

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When a Woman Loves You She Will Do These 10 Things For You

Sunday 4th of November 2018

[…] it quiet when you’re wrong. We all do mistakes, we all have our flaws, and that’s fine. But if she just uses you and doesn’t really loves you, she will not tell you if you’re wrong, because she might think that would make the truth […]

Asking Minds

Thursday 24th of May 2018

Nicely written & very beneficial for youngsters. Keep it up :)

Rachel Jo

Thursday 24th of May 2018

Thank you! I'm glad you like it :)

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