Good Reasons Not To Marry Him No Matter How Much You Want
Should you marry him, or should you not? What are some good reasons not to marry him? Can you tell if a marriage won’t last?
I’ve witnessed unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships many times in my life.
My father was married twice. Divorced: twice.
My mother wasn’t luckier with her relationships and now prefers to enjoy life as a single lady.
My own relationships before I met my fiance were short but not so sweet.
Love is what we all want, but somehow we end up in toxic relationships and settle for whatever, just to be part of the married couples’ club – each one is miserable in our own way (as Tolstoy said once).
I guess if you’re reading a post that says “Reasons not to marry him,” you already know it probably won’t last.
I will give 7 reasons you shouldn’t marry the guy you are with because it won’t make you happy, and your marriage might be a failure.
7 Reasons Not To Marry The Guy
1. You Don’t Really Know Him
No brainer, right?
However, too many couples end up getting married and spend years together before realizing that they said “I do.” to an image in their head. And that image of a partner has nothing to do with the real person that stands by their side.
Are you sure you know the guy? Like, truly know him? It’s not about his favorite food and the way he positions himself before falling asleep?
It’s about getting to know his ideas, dreams, goals, character, deep secrets, fears… The same way you want him to get to know you.
Also, many couples don’t give themselves time to get to know each other before getting married. Young couples are driven by the honeymoon phase of the relationship and make fast decisions.
Unfortunately, that often leads them to separation later on.
2. Believing Marriage Will Fix Things
Do you think that a wedding or a child can fix relationship problems?
Think again.
We all know that couple.
They fight so much that everyone around feels embarrassed to listen to them. Yet, they get married.
Or maybe you know a couple that obviously isn’t happy. They have a child, and in desperation to make things work, they opt-in for another one. Of course, things will never end well. A child should be a product of love, not glue to hold you together.
Taking the next step in a relationship just because you hope to fix things is one of the best ways to make it even worse.
3. Accepting Things You Shouldn’t
I know you do it.
We all do it at some point.
My ex-boyfriend had alcohol issues. He used to get drunk every weekend, and couldn’t skip a day without a few sips. He was hiding in another room to have a few beers without telling me. Unfortunately, he was even drinking before work.
And I accepted that behavior. I thought it’s something I will either change or accept. Obviously, none of that happened.
However, the lesson I learned is that we aren’t entitled to change the other. We should never do it. We could only accept and love them as they are.
Accepting your future spouse as he is shouldn’t be in contradiction with your own believes and values. If something bothers you (a lot) and you know change isn’t going to come, the best thing you could do is give that person a chance to meet someone who will accept him that way.
And none of that makes you a bad person. It makes you confident that there I someone else for you too.
4. Facing The Same Problems Over and Over Again
How many times are going to argue about the same old things?
One of the most obvious reasons not to marry him is the inability to solve problems very early in the relationship.
I know a couple who’ve been married for over 30 years. When talking to the lady in the relationship, she said that one of the most obvious signs a relationship is never going to grow into a successful marriage is if both people struggle staying together from the very beginning.
Why would you have problems from the very first year? That’s the honeymoon year! Now is the time to explore, love, and enjoy each other.
However, many couples start their relationship by solving issues between them. If there’s enough passion, they manage to solve them for a while. A month or two later, they end in a similar situation. After a year of problems coming out from every corner of the house, both are used to having them and think that’s the way it is. So, they decide to “keep fighting for happiness” and usually get married.
Nope.
That’s not the way to do it.
Problems will come. But starting your life together by solving problems isn’t a good beginning of a successful marriage, and it’s a good reason not to marry him.
5. Reasons Not To Marry Him – You Cannot Reconnect
You’ve been together for a while now. He proposed. You said yes. You saved the date…
That was long time ago.
Now, that date is coming soon, but you two are slowly drifting apart. You cannot seem to find a way to connect.
The worst part is that nothing’s wrong. Everything is actually going just fine, no major problems, no one is cheating; life goes as it should.
But you two aren’t close anymore. It just doesn’t happen. You live in the same house but have separate lives.
How long do you think you should be like that? I’d say a day. After that, it becomes weird. Then it’s dull. In the end, you get used to it and believe it’s normal.
It’s not.
A very good reason not to marry him is if you cannot re-kindle your relationship for a long time. The emotions of the new marriage will hold you smiling together for a few weeks. Then life hits you again, and unless you’re strongly connected, life will also separate you.
Living with a stranger isn’t your dream now, is it?
6. Ignoring Each Other’s Needs
It really doesn’t matter if it’s the need for extra sleep on Sunday morning, the need for a hug at the end of a stressful day, or the need for help around the house.
When a man ignores you and your needs, when he does it on purpose and believes you’re just spoiled, you must run.
Need a reason not to marry him? That’s a huge one.
Ignoring You, ignoring your values, your desires, your fears, your dreams, your self-care, and wellbeing… that’s a man you must run away from asap.
Don’t misunderstand me.
He isn’t entitled to know every little thing you need, but he is entitled to listen to what you say (hey, vice versa).
Never stay with a man who ignored you in any way.
7. Believing He Can Change
Yes, he can.
In fact, he will change.
You will change too.
Both of you will go through that change slowly and probably won’t even notice when you’ve adjusted to the wrong behavior.
But that doesn’t mean the change should be forced and expected.
If you hope after the wedding he will change a certain unwanted behavior, think again.
What if he expects the same from you?
Don’t marry the guy if you aren’t willing to live with him, just the way he is, for the next 50 years.
Chances are, the things you accept will be annoying at some point. If it’s the way he places his socks all around the room, that’s fine, I promise. You might mention that he shouldn’t do it a few times, but it isn’t a life-changing situation.
However, the way he treats you is.
He won’t be nicer, more committed and more gentle after the wedding.
So don’t marry him unless you’re willing to accept him just as he is, today.
Conclusion on Reasons Not To Marry Him
Marriage isn’t the happy ending for everyone.
In fact, it’s the happy beginning for many couples, and you want to be one of them.
To make marriage work though, you will both have to contribute. Marry the man who wants to do his part f the job.
Don’t marry him because it’s time to get marrie.d
Don’t marry him because he’s the only option you have around and you dream of being a wife.
Don’t marry him unless you are truly in love, respected, treated right and happy.
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7 Good Reasons Not To Marry Him No Matter How Much You Want
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