Do you want to strengthen your relationship with self-awareness?
Maybe you and your partner have been fighting more recently. Perhaps you’ve experienced more distance or disconnection. Or maybe you’ve just felt out-of-sync.
Especially in these troubling times, everything feels amplified. Our relationships can suffer – even if both partners love each other. When this happens, it’s easy for us to think the problem exists outside of us. Heck, the entire world is a problem right now.
This way of thinking, however, is missing a critical solution. You see, we can’t change the world. But we can change ourselves by becoming more self-aware.
If you improve your self-awareness, you’ll be absolutely shocked by how much it will strengthen your relationship.
I’m living proof. Being more self-aware completely changed my love life. So much so, I’ve put together everything you need to become more self-aware and create the love story you’ve dreamed of.
Before we get to that, however, let’s dive into what self-awareness looks like.
What is self-awareness?
Self-awareness is our capability to identify and monitor our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We can understand who we are, as well as our place in the world.
Self-awareness also encompasses our ability to recognize our impact on other people. Being self-aware means understanding the answers to questions like: How am I coming across? How are my actions being perceived?
Both of these internal and external aspects of self-awareness are crucial in our romantic relationships.
Too often, we think of a relationship as a twosome. (And obviously, it is!) But this narrow mindset prevents us from recognizing the role that both individual selves play in the union.
Why We Lack Self-Awareness in our Relationships (and How to Strengthen Your Relationship with Self-Awareness)
If you’re thinking that you’re self-aware in your relationship, I hate to break it to you… but you’re probably wrong. Even if you’re the more self-aware partner (and females generally are), you still lack self-awareness.
It’s not your fault. Humans are wired with biases, complicated emotions, and outdated brain functions that make us lack self-awareness. Imagine it like using the original flip phone in today’s technological world. We can keep up, but just barely.
What’s worse is that our biases make us think that we’re more self-aware than we are. Almost 90% of us would claim to be self-aware. The research states that less than 10% of us actually are.
If all signs point to you lacking self-awareness, how exactly is it hurting your love life? And why will you strengthen your relationship with self-awareness?
I want you to imagine all of the major conflict and stress in your relationship. Maybe you caused the strife, maybe your partner did. Either way, do you remember ever feeling uncertain, confused, or out-of-control?
Life is messy. A healthy relationship needs two self-aware, understanding people to come together. Until you’re more self-aware, you’ll never be able to sort through the complexities to create a healthy, secure partnership.
You’ll also miss out on the cornerstone of true love: showing up to your partner as your most authentic self.
6 Astonishing Ways You Can Strengthen Your Relationship with Self-Awareness
1. You can understand your own emotions
Be honest. How many times has your partner done something that elicited an extreme emotional reaction? And of those situations, how many of them did you fully understand?
Last week, I blew up at my fiancé because he declined my offer to paint together. My outburst had little merit behind it. We had spent the whole previous day together, and he had every right to refuse my offer. However, at the moment, my emotions filled me with shame, rejection, and anger.
Human emotions are a messy, complicated thing. We’re driven by feelings that are much more powerful than we give them credit for. Our emotions are rooted in evolutionary survival instincts. While we’re not faced with imminent danger around every corner like our ancestors, our brains and bodies still react like we are.
This is why you must learn to name and identify your emotions. Years of cultural messaging and imprecise language hold you back from understanding what you’re feeling – but you’re still feeling it. And your inability to understand it is going to wreak havoc in your relationship.
You can strengthen your relationship with self-awareness of your emotions. The sooner you can recognize what you’re feeling, the sooner you can get to the root cause of your emotion. Then, you can work with your partner to find a solution.
Don’t know what you’re doing wrong in naming your emotions? It’s all covered in The Art of Being Self-Aware – more information here!
2. You can recognize your behavioral patterns
One might think that we’d have an easier time recognizing our behaviors than our emotions. After all, our bodies are visibly doing something. However, this isn’t always the case. Our emotions drive our behaviors. Therefore, since we don’t always know our emotions, we aren’t always aware of our behaviors.
Every day, you engage in subconscious actions that you don’t even realize. These actions might be small. Perhaps you cross your arms when you’re angry or tap your foot when you’re anxious. The more unaware you are, however, the more behaviors will repeat themselves. Ultimately, this is how damaging patterns emerge.
My friend became incredibly frustrated when her boyfriend failed to clean up after himself. Every time she felt this wave of anger, she began to criticize him for everything he did. He would get defensive, and a fight would ensue. This pattern of mess-criticism-defensiveness would repeat again and again.
That’s because my friend didn’t realize how critical she was being. She lacked the self-awareness to understand her actions. Her emotion blinded her awareness.
If you aren’t aware of your patterns, you don’t have any ability to change them. What actions are you doing that may hurt your partner? What behaviors strain your love rather than promote it?
Don’t think that you will only strengthen your relationships with self-awareness of negative patterns, either. Once you recognize your patterns, you can find and prioritize positive actions as well.
3. You can communicate more effectively with your partner
It should be no surprise that communication often breaks down because of a lack of self-awareness. After all, how can you communicate your feelings and needs when you don’t even know what they are?
Even a partner with the best-ever conversational skills will fall short if they aren’t self-aware. I’ve said things that have left my fiancé scratching his head in confusion. Often, I would get frustrated that he didn’t understand what I was saying.
I didn’t see that the problem wasn’t him but me; I didn’t even understand what I was saying! Once I identified my thoughts and feelings, I could better convey them to help us move forward.
You won’t just strengthen your relationship with self-awareness in the day-to-day conversations, either. You’ll also drastically improve it when communicating about the future.
Being self-aware is more than just identifying yourself at the moment. It’s also understanding what you need and want in life. This includes your relationships, work, purpose, happiness, and future. Don’t get me wrong, it takes work to answer these big questions.
Once you do, though, you can begin to design your life around your authentic truth. Then, you can communicate this truth to your partner and create a shared vision.
4. You can foster greater empathy in your relationship
Empathy is our ability to understand and share the feelings of another. This might seem paradoxical to self-awareness at first glance. However, the two are inexplicably linked.
Self-awareness allows us to see beyond the surface-level issues and get closer to the core. Humans are complicated (and often irrational) beings. If we were to judge everyone solely on their actions, we’d be missing a substantial piece of their story.
We know this because we know we have our own stories.
The more self-aware we are, the more we can understand that what we do and what we intended to do does not always match up.
For example, I know that I didn’t intend to be short with my fiancé about our chores. I also know that I was having an extremely stressful week at work. While I certainly should own my actions and work to improve, I don’t need to view myself as a horrible person with no compassion.
Self-awareness will help us apply this same logic to our partners. In doing so, we can experience greater empathy.
Let’s say my fiancé is having a bad week and is a bit more agitated. Since I know that I sometimes behave that way, I can empathize with his actions instead of blaming him.
In the end, this greater empathy for others will help strengthen our relationships.
5. You can work together with your partner as a team
Greater self-awareness will immediately increase your ability to work as a team with your partner. Why? Because you can understand your respective strengths and weaknesses, and you can come together to fill in any gaps.
For example, I’m very organized. I love planning things and always know my schedule two weeks out. My fiancé, on the other hand, struggles with planning. Nevertheless, he is great with the daily tasks around the apartment (which I tend to ignore).
For the first couple of years of dating, we didn’t know how to work well as a team. My fiancé lacked the self-awareness of his weakness, and I failed to see my own patterns. More often than not, our differences led to conflict.
By becoming more self-aware, we learned to use our differences as benefits for our relationship. I stepped up with planning and found a shared calendar that worked for us. Meanwhile, I appreciated and recognized the contributions he made around the apartment.
If you’ve ever been on a team, you understand the importance of everyone’s unique contributions to the common cause. In the case of your love life, the common cause is your shared life together. You just need to have self-awareness to know what your contributions can be.
6. You can present your most authentic self
True love is all about two people accepting each other for who they are. But it’s difficult to ask someone to accept you as you are… if you don’t even know who you are.
Especially early in relationships, we get caught up in the excitement of new love. We try to impress our partners and prove our worthiness. However, this excitement and bravado are not what’s going to sustain our love in the long run.
The relationships that last are the ones in which we present our most authentic selves. When we do so, we give our partner the chance to prove that they love us for who we are. (And if they don’t? Then they’re probably not the one for us!)
Every one of us is scared of rejection. Shame is a powerful motivator, and it prevents us from showing our true colors. Even more, it prevents us from trying to discover our true colors in the first place. Our lack of self-awareness completely stalls the growth of a relationship.
By being more self-aware, we can understand who we are and what we stand for. This journey for self-discovery is never-ending. As we become more fully ourselves, we can present this truest version of ourselves to our partners.
You’ll be shocked by how much you can strengthen your relationship with self-awareness of who you are.
Being More Self-Aware Completely Changed My Love Life
At the start of my current relationship (and in the dating period before), I wasn’t self-aware. I didn’t know what I was looking for or what I needed in a partner. I also didn’t understand my negative coping mechanisms and how they held back my relationship.
This lack of awareness led to many fights, questions, and doubts with my boyfriend. As my (now) fiancé and I got more serious, the same conflicts kept repeating themselves. Yes, we got better at communicating, but we hit the same walls. And I kept feeling the same negative emotions.
Then, I began to look more into self-awareness. I learned the enemies holding back my understanding. I dove into activities and thinking that expanded my perspective. I asked myself better questions.
All of a sudden, I knew what I was doing. I understood what I was feeling. Better yet, I could communicate them to my partner.
My connection with my fiancé immediately flourished.
I was able to express what I wanted and needed from him while maintaining the openness to listen to his perspective. I could call out the harmful routines we had while highlighting the positive ones.
I overcame my own anxieties to discover that I could be vulnerable. In doing so, I saw that my fiancé loved me for who I was. It allowed me to excitedly say “yes” when he got down on one knee – something I would not have been able to do with less self-awareness.
Being More Self-Aware Will Immediately Strengthen Your Relationship
I’m not saying everyone’s relationship journey will be the same as mine. That being said, I guarantee that being more self-aware will improve your love life.
So how do you become more self-aware?
As you’ve probably learned, self-awareness is a never-ending process. It requires patience and practice.
It also requires outside help. We simply can’t become more self-aware on our own. In fact, expert researcher Dr. Tasha Eurich has proven that thinking about ourselves often hurts our self-awareness – because we’re doing it in the wrong way.
That’s why I’ve created the course The Art of Being Self-Aware. It’ll teach you everything you need to know about how to discover yourself and what’s holding back your self-awareness. You’ll learn how to recognize your emotions, identity your patterns, and reframe your thinking when it comes to yourself.
Even better, there’s an entire section dedicated specifically to helping you become more self-aware in your relationships.
The best part? Right now, it’ll cost you less than twenty dollars. How much did you pay on your last Amazon purchase? Isn’t a $20 investment in yourself and your love life more worth it?
I created the course to help share everything that I learned, and I don’t want anybody to miss out.
The thing that’s holding your relationship and love life back might be you. Self-awareness is critical in creating and maintaining healthy relationships. Unfortunately, the majority of us lack self-awareness.
You can immediately strengthen your relationship with self-awareness. By being more self-aware, you can achieve six astonishing benefits:
- You can understand your own emotions
- You can recognize your behavioral patterns
- You can communicate more effectively with your partner
- You can foster greater empathy in your relationship
- You can work together with your partner as a team
- You can present your most authentic self
Want to experience these six mind-blowing benefits? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. I’ve created the fun, interactive course The Art of Being Self-Aware to help you immediately become more self-aware. It’s full of must-know tidbits, reflection questions, and self-awareness activities. (Prefer an Ebook? I’ve got that too – download it all in one easy PDF file by clicking here!).
Discover yourself, reclaim your love life, and build the relationship that you want. It all starts with self-awareness.
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