BECAUSE WE MAKE MISTAKES TOO
After the ring of the wedding bells goes down, the honeymoon and the excitement fade away, and everything goes into its routine… the real marriage starts to happen.
And somewhere there, between the “What should I do for dinner” and “Did you pay the bills” questions, one day we find ourselves lost in the meaning of being married. We start asking each other what happened and who did what.
I am far away from the idea that the fault is only in one person because marriage is a relationship between two people. That’s why when something goes wrong no one is innocent as much as he/she thinks.
Let’s see the top 7 mistakes women usually do when they get married and tell me if I’ve missed something.
The job is done, no need for more efforts towards the relationship
Many women think that marriage is the final stop of the relationship. Are you one of them? Do you think that once you get married, everything will sort out by itself? Just because of the vow? I am sure you don’t think like that, but you may act according to it. And that is one of the mistakes.
Marriage is only the next level of a successful relationship. And it is not the last. It is a new challenge and has its problems and struggles. The rules are the same though – communication, sharing, respect and understanding.
Go for it the way you did for the relationship. Keep appreciating and discover the other! Keep planning a bright future and work towards it! Keep it going all the time!
The kids go to the first position when it comes to the attention
You will always love your children. It’s endless, it’s hard, and it’s a blessing.
But you have to remember that one day they will leave home and will have their own life. And you will stay with your husband next to you, and it will be again just you two.
Do not allow yourself to lose the connection with him while the kids grow. They will always need your attention when they’re small. But you have to find the balance somewhere there. You will have to find time to feel each other’s souls often enough.
Taking the efforts to keep the main relationship in your family going, will give your children an example of how marriage should look like. Remember you do this not only for you but them as well.
You put yourself in the leading position
There are many families out there where the husband doesn’t like to take decisions regarding many things in the family. Or the wife has control issues and thinks that her way is always better than anyone else’s.
If you are one of them (or you don’t admit it, but the people around are more honest than you want them to be), you will have to stop.
Marriage is sharing. Sharing feelings, thoughts and responsibilities. Stick with that unless you want one day to wake up tired and to feel guilty for everything around you that didn’t work.
Trying to change him
The wedding bells are not official permission to start changing the other. Yes, he has some annoying habits, but when you put your signature on the paper, you agree to accept them. I hope you’re aware of that. Because many women are not. If you disagree with his alcoholic weekends or with his laziness around the housework, the time to look for fixing the problem was before the marriage.
Nobody says you shouldn’t share your concerns and ask for understanding. But if the first conversation about those things is after the wedding, something doesn’t fit in the picture. That is why you had to be aware of what you would, or you wouldn’t accept in the relationship many months and years before the wedding.
Where did the intimacy go
I know you’re tired, stressed, feel weak, and the only thing you want is just a hug and soft duvet. But meeting your husband’s needs in the bed is as important as everything else. Men need more sex than women, there is no doubt of that. But intimacy will keep the fire burning and will make your blood circulating. That will bring more energy, excitement to move and reasons to smile.
Forgetting to look after yourself
Yes, he loves you wearing his big T-shirt, he doesn’t mind if you don’t do your hair on Sunday afternoon, and you feel lazy to go to the gym like the good old days. No, there’s nothing wrong in all that. If it’s once in a while!
But letting yourself to look unrecognisable few years after the wedding is honestly disrespectful and not fair.
We change over the years. Our bodies will change, the skin will change, the posture will change. But that doesn’t mean we have to let it go to the worst possible scenario. And it shouldn’t be like that only because of your husband. It’s healthy and beautiful to be healthy and to look after yourself. After all, it makes you more happy and proud when you look in the mirror.
You allow yourself to forget you love him
Yes, the everyday routine and the struggles of life are often reasons to forget that we love the man we married to.
Reminding ourselves that he is the man we chose to spend our life with, will help us to appreciate him and look into his eyes more often than we do lately. Respect and value what he gives you and give from the bottom of your heart and soul. That is marriage.