What is marriage counselling and how to know if you need it?
Marriage counselling becomes more and more popular in the last years, and the debates on the benefits of it are all over the internet. Most of the people that are satisfied or not with their therapy are making significant statements based only on their experience. But what is couples counselling?
How to tell if you need couples therapy?
We usually start looking for other people’s help when is too late and we feel helpless about the situation. Feeling like there’s not much left to do to save your marriage shouldn’t discourage you. Asking for professional help is not a shame. Most of all it is brave and shows that you care about your future with the other person.
If the thought of marriage counselling is circling you lately, you should talk about it with your partner. Focusing on how to solve the problems between you is more important than everything else. Leaving in a healthy and happy relationship is the base of everything else in your life and your children’s life.
Some of the reasons to start marriage/couples counselling are:
– You’re having the same problems for a long time and still can’t find the solutions.
– You’re arguing too often – every few days or worst – every day.
– You and your partner can go into a big fight because of something small.
– You feel too much anger around both of you and don’t feel happy anymore.
– You have the feeling your partner cannot see your point of view, and you’re not willing to understand his either.
– You realise that something is wrong, but you’re not sure what.
If you and your partner decide to go on couple’s therapy here is what to expect.
After you take the decision to start the counselling, it’s good to know what could happen during the process. Most of the therapists will ask first about the reason to visit them. So you probably should be aware of the following things:
– Is it because you want to save your marriage/relationship?
– Is it because you want to show to your partner that nothing can be done to save your marriage/relationship?
– How long do you struggle to communicate with each other?
– Are you going to the therapy because you have the need to show your partners he’s wrong and you’re right?
After you share your reasons to attend the counselling, the therapist may want to work with both of you together, but sometimes he may ask you or your partner to visit him few times alone. Even if it’s marriage therapy, it may be more flexible than you expect. You could have homework as well so you should be conscious that the work doesn’t end when you leave the therapist’s office.
Many people refuse to go to marriage counselling because they think that the therapist can take their partner’s side. Be aware that therapist office is “neutral territory” and if the therapist is professional he is not going to “pick a side”. You and your spouse are not two clients to him. The client is “the couple” that needs help. Feel free to ask as many questions as possible before starting the therapy and don’t hesitate to stop it if you don’t see a positive result.
Why may it not work?
There is not even one service in the world that is going to give 100% positive result to absolutely everyone.
There is always a risk to feel unsatisfied with the therapy. That could be because:
– One of you doesn’t want to work on the relationship. – To make it work, you will both have to do your best during the therapy and after that. If you don’t feel like you want to do it or your partner doesn’t cooperate, there is almost no chance for the therapist to help you.
– You went too late to the therapy and the only thing you realise at the time is that to split up with your partner is the best decision. In this case, we can say the therapy was successful as it gives you the result that will make both of you happy in the future.
– You choose the wrong therapist. – If you don’t feel the connection with your therapist, you won’t be able to open up yourself and share your feelings. Some therapists are amazing in single counselling but not in couples. Do a proper research before choosing the person that will help you to save your marriage. Ask for diploma and check who their mentors were. Choose wisely as your future depends on that.
Starting marriage counselling is an important decision. It may help you to concrete the relationship you have or to realise that you and your spouse don’t have future together. Whatever comes you should do the step. Feeling happy with the person next you is going to make everything else in life much easier. We all have our everyday fights, and I believe none of them should happen at home.
Home is our castle and we should feel relaxed, appreciated, loved and happy in it.
And we have the right to try everything till we get to that point. With or without the company of someone else.