What to do when your financially unstable husband doesn’t care about paying bills and debts or saving money?
Living with financially unstable husband can be overwhelming, stressful and depressing. The situation leaves you – the wife, to think about bills, rent or mortgage, the education of the children, the grocery shopping and paying off debts you both took.
I am far away from the idea that the man has to earn all the money in the household and to provide finances for absolutely everything. However, marriage is a partnership and just like in it every partner has to chip n with his/her share.
That share could be money, but it is as well housework, looking after the kids, communicating, showing love and respect and at least another 100 things more.
So no, marriage is not about money, but money is essential for our healthy existence. Therefore living with financially unstable husband may be a challenge, not every woman would enjoy.
How does a financially unstable husband look like?
Financial stability has many definitions nowadays, and it varies from having a successful career that pays off well to managing a business that allows you to live your days in peace. With one word – it’s quite obvious when you’re financially stable.
On the other hand financial instability has many more hidden signs than unhidden. That is only one of the reasons why you could end up in a marriage with a financially unstable husband.
- He doesn’t like to chip in when the monthly bills come – or gives less money than he should
- He doesn’t work and is in constant search for a job that would match his qualifications and expectations. As a result, he never likes nor accepts any job offer that doesn’t cover all of his criteria.
- He works, but it’s low paid job and refuses to look for something better.
- Has many debts and he promises to pay them off, but somehow you listen to the same old-same old all since you met him
- Never manage to save anything even if his income allows him to.
- He never knows where his money went
- He has a good income but spends it on unnecessary things and forgets about the important household payments.
- Often asks for money and get offended if you ask him why he doesn’t try to get better at managing his finances.
- The financially unstable husband just doesn’t care about saving money or making an effort to help with the family spending.
Financially unstable husband is not only the one that doesn’t work or doesn’t earn enough money.
It’s mostly the husband that doesn’t care about improving the situation. Every family could struggle with the money at some point in the marriage.
No one is secured that his job will always be there, paying off debts and bills. But it is the way he manages himself in these moments.
It’s about the constant pattern of denial to take responsibility for providing an income that will make everyone’s life easier and happier.
How to act if your husband’s been financially unstable for the last few years?
I feel your pain, and I would like to give you a few pieces of advice on how to make an action plan for improving your financial situation without ruin your marriage.
The first and most important rule
You still need him. You cannot improve your household without the help of your husband. To be alone against the banks, the schools, the electricity, the gas and insurance companies is rude and disrespectful to him. Unless your income allows you to look after the family without struggling and causing you stress – no other reason ‘s acceptable for your husband not to be part of it.
So yes, you need him in the equation. But no matter how angry and offended you feel – snapping at him will not help you get where you want to.
So the first and most important thing is to consider how to talk to him.
Communication is the first action
Ask him when he wants you to sit and have a conversation on that subject. Don’t do it in front of the TV. Don’t do it over glasses of alcohol. Make sure you have time for a long chat as it may take a while.
I am coming back to that as it’s very often mistaken to get too angry at him and the moment that happens – the chances for him to understand you are going low.
Nobody likes to be threatened to do something. A successful communication includes explanation and lot’s of “why”.
- Why you need him to be more focused on the money situation?
- Why can you not be responsible for all household?
- Why he has to reconsider his job situation and money managing?
It’s all about showing your side of the story and helping him see that the marriage is about making the efforts for both of you to be happy. Threats don’t have a place in a successful marriage.
Help him making a plan
Offer your support in making a plan on how to manage better his money. Work with numbers and set up a goal that could be achieved in the nearest future. Suggest a reward for both of you if you succeed in working together toward the goal.
Bringing financially unstable husband back to stability need work. Motivation is part of the process all the time. The support he needs at the beginning is essential and keeping up with the plan will be your work as much as it’s his.
Be strong and don’t back off
If you believe it will work for the first time – I’ve got a truth-bomb for you – IT WILL NOT. Changing a bad habit with a good one is hard. It takes strong will and belief in one’s ability to succeed. Scientists say it takes up to 60 days to implement a new habit. Have you got the nerves to do it? Of course, you have!
There will be times when your partner will want to go back to the same old way of living. It’s your job to show him you remember his promises and you will not back off till he keeps them.
Click on the next page to see What If It Doesn’t Work