When Is The Right Time To Move In Together? 35 Ways To Know

Moving in together is a huge step in any relationship, as it’s often the first of many major decisions you’ll make as a couple.

So, when is the right time to move in together? Is there such a thing as “right time”, and would it give you any guarantee that it isn’t “too soon”?

Throughout this post, you will find 35 questions that you should be able to easily answer about your partner and your relationship with them. Once you finish with those questions, you will be able to tell if moving in together is a good idea.

When Should You Move In Together?

I know you love each other and wish to stay together forever, starting with a few suitcases and a shared electricity bill. But besides that romantic picture… Here are a few questions to ask yourself before deciding to move in together.

Why do you want to move in together?

While there may not be a clear right or wrong answer to this question, it’s essential to understand your motivations. Your reasons for living together may range from financial benefits to social pressure, but you want to be honest with yourself about your intentions.

How long have you been together?

Studies suggest that couples often wait between one to two years before moving in together. A shorter timeframe can be riskier as it may not give you a clear picture of your partner’s true nature.

The initial months of a relationship are often called the “honeymoon” phase, where everything seems perfect.

Waiting for a minimum of six months can help you make a more informed decision based on logic rather than emotions.

With that said, I might be disturbing the waters of those studies by saying that I moved in with a man three months after I met him. That was 7 years ago, and we just got married last year.

Have you discussed your expectations?

It’s crucial to have “The Talk” before deciding to live together. Understanding each other’s expectations of this step can help prevent misunderstandings later.

Moving in together is often considered a trial run before marriage, and you both must be okay with seeing things that way.

Let’s say that your reasons for moving in with your girlfriend are to save on rent and bills, but she is adding wedding dresses to her latest Pinterest board daily. Is she aware of your motives, and are you okay with her dreams?

What are your reasons for moving in together?

• Financial: While saving money is a practical benefit of cohabiting, it shouldn’t be the sole motivation. If the relationship sadly ends, finding a new place to live can be even costlier.
•  Pleasing Others: Your family says, “it’s time”. Succumbing to your family’s pressures can lead to unhappiness. Your focus should be on your own happiness, not on pleasing others.
•  Right Timing: You’ve been together for what feels like forever, so you think that the logical step is moving in together. Just because you’ve been together for a specific duration doesn’t mean it’s the right time to move in together. Rushing this can damage even the strongest relationships.

Consider Your Feelings

Take some time to reflect on your feelings about your partner. Here are some essential questions for you to answer.

Side note: These are questions you want to answer from both your and your partner’s point of view. Meaning, if you can rely on them, can they say the same about you? If you can be free around them… do you allow them to be themselves around you, too?

Do you trust your partner?

Do you know each other well enough to trust the other with … well, everything? No situation is “too absurd” when it comes to living together, and knowing how and why the other would react is vital.

Can you trust them with your belongings?

Can you trust them when it comes to financial decisions? I had a boyfriend who was actually getting money from our “rent and bills” drawer to get himself drinks and go party.

Can you trust them with your safety and security? Said boyfriend used to wait for me to fall asleep before going out to parties (and doing who knows what else).

Can you trust them for comfort and shoulder to rely on when times get tough?

Would they add or remove to your pain? Or would they dismiss it?

When you argue, would you act like adults and sort things in the safest and most mature way?

Can you be your true self around them?

Can you cry, laugh, be childish or depressed around them, and meet no judgment?

Can you express your emotions freely around them? Would they laugh at your worries?

Would they share your deepest secrets with their friends when they’re upset with you?

Do you feel genuinely happy and relaxed when you’re together?

Can you stay in a room together without talking or feeling awkward about it?

Can you share a place and feel independent at the same time?

Do they need your attention 100% of the time, or can you both coexist without being in each other’s personal space?

If your partner’s “too quiet,” do you feel abnormally anxious, or do you feel like “you’ll sort it out”? Does your mood depend on your partner’s mood?

Is communication easy, even about challenging topics?

Can you openly communicate on subjects that are important to you?

Can you freely express negative emotions (respectfully) and meet understanding and willingness to talk through those negative emotions?

Do you have to prepare for an important conversation with days before it?

Do you both have similar goals for the future?

Have you talked about your future? What are your individual plans for 5 or 10 years from now, and do they match (closely) your partner’s plans?

Do you support each other’s goals and dreams?

Do you feel like your goals matter to your partner? Do their goals matter to you?

Do you both work to achieve those goals and plans?

Do you feel any external pressure to move in together?

Is there someone around you pressuring you to move in together?

Is your partner giving you ultimatums to move in together or split up?

Do you feel ready to “play family”?

Yes, moving in together with someone is, indeed, starting a family of two people. You share plates, a bathroom, a bed, space, holidays, and boring evenings together. It is nothing short of a “family”.

Before you move in together…

Lastly, remember that love doesn’t always adhere to a strict timeline.

There are countless exceptions to any “rules” you may hear. Some couples decide to move in together quickly and have lasting, fulfilling relationships, while others take their time and find happiness. Trust your heart and make the decision that feels right for you.

After all, there’s no foolproof guarantee of success, regardless of when you choose to live together. Your happiness and comfort in the decision are what truly matter.