Plus questions to ask yourself before taking the decision
Moving together is one of the most important decisions you will make in your relationship. It is like that because it’s the first of the “getting married having kids together forever” type of decisions.
It will be difficult for you to know if you want to spend your life with someone if you haven’t lived together for a while. I know that back in the days’ marriage was before the “live together” part but nowadays is much safer (and cheaper) to make the swap.
Why would you want to move in together?
Is there right and wrong in that situation? If you want to live together, I am sure you’ve got the reasons in your mind, and they sound fine… even if there are just excuses. So before I give you the starting points, let me tell you something.
Nobody can feel what you feel, and nobody knows you better than yourself. If everything looks against the rules, but you feel it right – do not hesitate. Take the step that makes you happy – no matter what it is.
Now let’s start with the questions…
How long are you together?
Most of the studies show that usually, couples wait between one and two years before they move in together. Anyway, it’s good to wait at least six months before you make the step. Why?
Three to six months is usually the “honeymoon” time in every relationship. In that time the chance to see that he or she is not the right for you is tiny. After The Big Thrill is gone, you will be “able to think again” and to make the decision based on logic, not on the unicorns you see in the other’s eyes.
What are your expectations?
Did you have The Talk?What does he or she want from the relationship? It is more than obvious that when two people live together, that will be a trial before the marriage.
If you hadn’t had the talk about how serious is this step, someone might be surprised later. Not in a pleasant way.
What are your reasons to move in together?
If you decided to move in together so you can save money, that wouldn’t be the best reason to do it. To save money on rent, house bills and travel is an excellent idea but shouldn’t be the measuring point for you. If the things don’t work out, it will be even more expensive to try to find a new place to move out.
– pleasing the others?
You’re 30-years old, and your parents, uncles, grandparents and the birds on the trees keep telling you it’s time to settle.
Pleasing the others is the best ways to be unhappy in everything you do.
Remember – you will have to live with the other, to sleep next to him, having dinner after dinner every single evening, and you have to be happy while you do those things. You have to be happy, not the neighbours.
– you’re long enough together, and it’s time to do so
That is another way of pleasing the others. Blindly following the rules is not going to benefit either of you.
Making the step to move in together is a decision you have to take because you feel it right, not because the time has come. Just because you’re together for a year and 12 hours, it doesn’t mean you have to jump in the other’s apartment and pretend that’s the most right thing ever. Rushing is the worst you can do and can destroy even the best relationship.
Feelings, feelings, feelings…questions?
What about the way you feel about the other person? Take a piece of paper and try to answer the following questions:
– Do you trust him/her?
– Can you be yourself with him/her?
– Do you feel relaxed and happy when together?
– Do you feel free to express your emotions in your way?
– Do you have to think twice before speaking for something important with the other?
– Do you communicate well enough and can speak for everything?
– Do you match in the bed?
– How do you go through the difficult times – arguings, problems?
– Do you support each other to fulfil your dreams?
– Do you feel his/her love beyond the words?
– Do you want the same things in future?
– Do you feel any pressure to move in together?
And finally – forget about the rules!
Many, many exceptions prove sometimes you have to ignore the rules and do what your heart tells you to do.
I have a friend that met someone in October, got engaged in March, married in July and two years later have a beautiful baby girl.
They are very happy together. I know a couple that was in a relationship for seven years before they take the decision to live together, and more than a decade later they are still together, happily married with two children. My boyfriend and I decided to move in together after three months of a relationship, and yes, we’re still at the beginning, but neither of us had even a second of regret that decision…
What I’m trying to tell you is that there is no guarantee your relationship will fail because you move in together too soon. Nobody will give you a guarantee for success after three years waiting.
Open your heart and do your best to feel the right decision. And after that go for it!