Relationship – an end of the problems or a beginning of new ones?
You are in a relationship!
It finally happened!
After so many awkward dates with obviously wrong people, you found someone that’s worth to try with.
You are so happy, and everything is so amazing … After the first date or two, and then one morning or better – one evening, after a big glass of wine (or two), you start to freak out and to make up some colourful drama scripts in your mind.. and everything points to disaster in each one of them.
You are not alone in this, believe me!
That is so normal and expected that would be almost weird if it doesn’t happen. Why? Because of a) you are a human and b) you just really want this time to do it right. But let me tell you what will happen if you don’t become more aware of what’s going on in your head. The first thing you’re going to do is to start either doubt in yourself or the other person.
You may start thinking you’re not good enough for him. That is a matter of self-esteem and should be the last thing on your mind. You’re worth it at any level. And I believe there’s nothing better to do but to show it and to be aware if you get the respect and the attitude you deserve. Don’t try to change your choices and habits that make you happy just because the other person may not like them.
And if we keep thinking in that direction…
Don’t hide the emotions in you, as this could accumulate anger, and you know this anger will come out sooner or later. The point, of course, is not to show all of your flaws. That will happen at the time, but don’t try to hide them in a way that is like you’re hiding your true self. Just relax and laugh when it’s funny, be serious when you have to be and say if you don’t agree with something. You probably expect the same from the other side, right?
Do you have doubts if the other person is good enough for you? It may sound weird, but many people have too high levels of expectations about the people they date. Sometimes is not about having a big ego but thinking you deserve the best. That is true, I admit. But having realistic expectations and chasing the perfect image from your head are different things. The beauty of the relationship at the beginning is to get to know each other. It is so much more amazing if you don’t make the main conclusions about him or her every five seconds of the conversation. We are different every day and act differently in every situation. There is no way for you to realise what the other truly is on the first dates. So again – relax and enjoy his or her presence. See the wonderful parts of the other’s soul and don’t put yourself in the drama too soon.
My favourite one:
Last but not least – fears! They chase us every day in many aspects. We know that the secret is not to deny them but to stop paying attention to them. At the beginning of a relationship, one of the main fears is if this is going to be the same disaster as your previous relationships.
Because…with the years we are getting more confident about ourselves. At the same time, the fear of making the same mistakes is getting bigger as well. That is a paradox, but just a few of us manage to control these fears. That makes us suspicious of the other and mostly – to ourselves, and stops us from seeing the real face of loving and being loved. Most of the time, if it’s not something entirely obvious there, is almost no way for you to know from the start if this relationship is going to be as awful as the previous ones.
But I can promise you it will be a disaster if you proceed to put your fears in the first place instead of joy and an active mind. We usually see proofs of our beliefs even if they’re not there.
So the only believe you need is that you deserve to try and enjoy being happy!