How To Help a Friend Through a Breakup

Breakups happen, and sometimes they happen to the people we love – our family member or a dear friend we don’t like seeing suffer.

But breakups are a normal part of our love lives and even painful; we should learn to go over them and help others do the same.

So what happens when your best friend calls you sobbing one evening and says she just broke up with her boyfriend. Indeed, you saw that coming months ago, and you are somehow happy she finally got herself out of that unhealthy relationship.

However, right now, she’s in pain, and she needs you… but you have no clue what to do. How to help a friend through a breakup? How to help them mend their broken hearts and smile again, because you love seeing them smile, and because she deserves it.

Today, we give you 10 things you could do to help a friend go through a breakup fast.

Helping a Friend Go Through a Breakup: Here’s How

1. Be mindful of what you say

You might have a hard time finding the right words that would help your friend post-breakup. Feeling guilty or uncomfortable when they express their negative emotions in front of you is perfectly normal. Given this discomfort, you might be tempted to try to hype them up or distract them in an attempt to flee from feelings of sadness and anger.

However, this has been proven to backfire more than help. Your friend has likely heard all the “It’s going to be okay” and “You’ll find someone better” to last a lifetime. Instead of resorting to these cliche phrases, try to show your friend empathy and understanding. Let them feel everything that needs to be handled and be a patient listener. This brings me to…

2. Listen 

When we go through breakups, there is hardly anything we need to hear from other people that would miraculously make us feel better. There are so many emotions that rage within us and demand to be felt that it can be quite overwhelming.

This is why the best thing you can do for your friend is listening to them and just be there. You should make them feel like their pain, grief, and emotions are valid instead of making it worse by offering solutions. Trust me; your friend doesn’t need you to put your fix-it cap on – they just want to be offered an outlet to channel their emotions. 

3. Ask how you can help 

People are different, which is why they process grief in different ways. Instead of assuming what your friend needs just because it worked for you, there’s no harm in asking them how you can help out. Ask them if they want to talk about what happened at all or if they’re going to be left alone for a while.

Sometimes it could be best just to leave an open offer – “I understand that you need some alone time right now. However, just know that I will be here whenever you need to talk, do something fun, or need my help in any way.” This way, hopefully, your friend will reach out to you when they are ready and can begin the healing process.

4. Offer them to reinvent themselves

If you have the opportunity, offer your friend some help in redecorating their home, get a haircut or dye their hair, clean out their closet, or, in other words – get a fresh start.

Breakups tend to destabilize people’s self-perception. That happens since we spend so much time with our partners that we ultimately start identifying with them to a certain extent. Once separation occurs, you can really begin wondering who you are without them and experience an existential crisis.

By helping your friend reinvent themselves, you can help them solidify their sense of self, which will serve its purpose to make the healing process quicker. 

5. Invite them over to your place

If you live close to your friend, you can assure them that your home is always open for them, should they feel the need to vent or simply don’t want to be alone.

Breakups are delicate moments where feelings of abandonment and loneliness are bound to come up. A way to overcome them is by offering an open invitation for your friend to crash on your couch anytime, reassuring them that they aren’t imposing.

If you feel the need to, you can always set certain boundaries, especially if you share your living space with someone else, but know that offering your friend a chance to escape what’s familiar to them can be very helpful. 

6. Go on a getaway 

While on the topic of escaping what’s familiar, you can also consider taking your friend on a weekend trip or even a longer getaway.

Stepping into the unknown and experiencing something different can help boost your friend’s mood, especially if they are an adventurous type.

You can tailor the experience to suit their personality better – consider if they are into extreme sports or if they are more introverted. You can also use this experience as a way to deepen your friendship as well. 

7. Prepare for ups and downs

Post-breakup, some days are better than others. In the beginning, it’s natural for your friend to feel all blue, but as time passes, you’ll notice that they start to be better. However, this doesn’t mean they have completely healed.

Healing is a process, which is why it’s completely normal for some days to be better than the ones before. Don’t take this as a setback but instead accept that it’s just part of the process. This is why you should be prepared to offer emotional support even months after the breakup, depending on your friend’s coping capabilities. It’s dangerous to assume that everything is now good and well because a certain amount of time has passed. 

8. Take note of important dates

After a breakup, some dates are bound to cause more pain than others. Think in terms of anniversaries, birthdays, any firsts (first kiss, first trip, whatever might be necessary to your friend). You can ask your friend about any dates, in particular, they associate with this person and note them down shortly after the breakup. You should try to do this sooner rather than later since the more time passes, the less prone your friend will be to talk about their ex.

Once you have the dates down, circle them in your calendar, and be sure to check on your friend when the days come. 

9. Check in with them – but know when to back off

It’s nice that you want to help your friend out in this challenging time, but bear in mind that they might reject your help and would prefer to be alone.

Be mindful of your texting and calling frequency and take any cues you can from them, which might indicate they want you to stop. In case you are bad at reading these cues, you can always ask your friend if you are too overwhelming, but chances are your attention is welcomed. 

10. Help them find professional help, should they need it

Most breakups take an average of three months to get over. However, recovery can take much longer, depending on the person.

Ask your friend if they feel like they can cope by themselves or if they think they can use some professional help. Make sure to reassure them that there is nothing bad or shameful in that, and you are willing to help them find a good therapist.

Don’t be scared to bring this offer to the table – remember that your support can be much appreciated during this confusing period of your friend’s life. 

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How To Help A Friend Through a Breakup