The perfect first date – from “awkward” to “happy that I met you.”
How does a perfect first date go like?
Romantic dinner? Candles? Music? Wine? You in his arms?
Nope! This sounds like a third or even fourth date scenario.
But what about the first one? I bet you want all those candles and wine at the very beginning. Why would I ditch them so far away and ruin your dreams?
Don’t hate me! You’ll see why in a second!
Who are you?
This article is not for everyone, I must admit.
It’s not for happy people who look forward date Num 3546th for this year only!
This article is for the tired ones. It’s for the those who long for meaningful relationship, that gives them the freedom, No BS relationship, where both parties are aware they are loved and no one sends mixed signals. Ever!
You are probably in your late 20’s or over 30. You’ve decided that the time for a serious relationship has come. Months ago. Or years ago. And you have one awful date after another since then.
You’re probably exhausted, demotivated and are wondering if your next first date is going to be another one on the “Loser’s List”.
I don’t blame you.
It’s so frustrating to ask for honesty and open conversations, to see the nod on the other side of the table and then their next sentence makes it clear you won’t get what you look for.
That’s why I would like to give you an important perfect first date piece of advice on how to make your next date better.
You might not like these tips. But they make sense and they save time. They leave the BS you hate outside of the bar your date is, and take you a step further in dating.
This is how I did it the last time I went on a first date… he is my fiancee now.
Read to the very end for extra first date advice you won’t see anywhere else.
1. Make It Short
Can you relate to that moment?
The moment when you are sure you’ll never see him again, but you’ve just started the main course… And there’s a dessert and drinks after that… Ugh, what a waste of time!
Who said that the perfect first date should be hours long?
Make your first date short – just a drink in the bar or coffee outside if the weather is nice.
This makes you a winner no matter what.
If you’re not enjoying the date and the person in front of you is not what you need in your life, you will just finish the drink and will be free to end it up. If everything goes very well, you can always order a second cappuccino or suggest to go for a meal next time.
The purpose of the first date is to find out if the other person fits your basic expectations and vice versa. By basic expectations I mean: you are able to have a decent conversation and you’re both having fun. There’s no need to last longer than an hour unless everything is so amazing that you both make it last all day or more.
2. Make your perfect first date ASAP
Just like I said in the previous point – the first date is to find out if you’re matching and if you want to have a longer second date.
Therefore, avoid to torture yourself and wait all week to see the other. Make it as soon as possible so you can see if he is worth it. This advice will save you tonnes of emotions and energy.
3. Don’t bother with the look
Ladies, I know! We usually prepare for a date a week before the event itself. We spend at least an hour in preparation the night of the event.
And then we regret it.
He was not worth it!
The hair, the makeup, the skirt. None of those made the evening better. He was a nice guy, but we’ll ever see him again.
Forget about that! Put on your lightest makeup, comfy trousers or your favourite jeans and go to check if you’ll enjoy your time with him. The perfect first date shouldn’t have a dress code that takes you hours to put together.
I have a friend who told me that after months of flirting with an amazing girl they finally went out for the first time. And she couldn’t stop checking her phone every two minutes. It was so annoying that he didn’t want to have a second one, even though he fancied her.
Leave the phone for the next hour or so and switch off the internet. If something important happens and needs your attention, you’ll receive a phone call. Keep checking your Facebook or Instagram, and you will probably never see him again.
Why? It’s annoying and disrespectful to pay more attention to the machine in your hands than to the person in front you.
You can apply that to every situation actually, not only for the first date.
5. Limit the alcohol – the perfect first date loves you sober
It is not because of the chance to say something you’ll regret. It’s because you will lose your ability to make the right conclusions about your date. If you’re looking for a serious relationship and you’re tired of crappy dates with the wrong people, you will need your capability to judge the situations fast. And that takes a sober mind. A drink or two is allowed, but you know your limits better than me and have to promise yourself that you will not go over them.
6. Be yourself
Argh, you I hate this advice!
Do you know why you see it everywhere?
Because no one wants to be themselves on the first dates.
Many people look, talk and behave in a totally different way than in their everyday life.
So, be yourself.
That will give the other the chance to decide if you fit in his world, and will make you relaxed and calm. The perfect first date needs You to happen.
7. Make a list of three things you want to know – don’t-waste-your-time tip
You have experience in bad relationship, right? And you know (or you think you know) what you want from the next person in your life. Or if you don’t – then you have an idea what you do NOT want! Make a list of three things you want to know about the other that will give you the information you need the most.
For example, let’s say that you have a bad experience with an ex-boyfriend who was drinking too much and was rude and disrespectful to you after that. After all the things you’ve been through, one of your new priorities could be to be with a person who doesn’t drink too much or at all. You can put that on the list.
You might have had a bad relationship where your ex-partner was trying to control and manipulate you. You should put that on the list as well. I know it’s hard to find that out on the first date, but once you’ve got it written down it will be easier to notice a pattern or similarity.
8. Who’s paying the bill on your perfect first date?
It doesn’t matter! I think the issue with the bill is a little bit overrated.
It’s too much pressure on the men, and it’s too many wrong conclusions based on that for the women. It’s just a first date. If he’s on the place before you and hasn’t ordered anything for you, just go and get something. If you go together, just see how the things will go – naturally. Never keep it quiet and wait for the other to pay without suggesting to split the bill. However, leave the conclusions about money for the next few dates. The point of the first one is to see and get to know each other.
Bonus tip for a perfect first date
Listen to your guts and keep your eyes open
Did you know that in 80% of the relationships you can tell if two people have a future together based on their very first date?
Dating is very simple if you are relaxed.
When you’re under the pressure to be liked by the other, you focus yourself on looking better, being attractive, creating a good first impression. Many times half of the time you think “I can’t believe I didn’t choose the other skirt. I wonder if he likes me. Why doesn’t he look into my eyes?” And that’s the point when your problem starts.
What you have in front of you is just another person who has the potential to be your partner. You know very well that no matter how attracted/amazed/shocked/excited feel right now, you had those feelings before and you ended up with a broken heart.
But you can avoid that! And I speak from my own experience.
So, my most important first date advice for you is to go out of the bubble you wrapped yourself with and to focus on the other person. Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach and experienced online-dating guru, talks more about this in his book “Why He Disappeared”.
“By letting go of control of the small things you get to win the big ones…”
If you are fed up with dating and wish to put an end to it once and for all, don’t miss to check his book. It might be the little push you need just before you go out with the next guy,
If you enjoyed my thoughts on the perfect first date tips when you’re sick of dating, I’ve got more exciting content coming out for you every week, so subscribe to my blog to be notified when that happens.
Find Love! Hold Love! Be Love!