Love & Friendship: Why the Best Romances Start as Pals!

Finding love and building long-lasting romantic relationships is still considered one of the focal points of our society. But falling in love and maintaining it are two different things.

The truth is the longevity of a love relationship depends on its foundation. And many believe that friendship is the most vital basis to start a romantic journey.

Let’s try to discover if this is true and explore the benefits of friends-before-lovers relationships. We will also discuss if it is always suitable for everybody. (A hint: not always).

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How Successful Are Couples Who Were Friends First

Physical Attraction

The two most common ways relationships start are through on-the-spot attraction and friendship. Instant attraction is mainly based on physical appearance. It is a predominant path for selecting a potential partner on dating apps or in an unfamiliar setting where you don’t have any other information about the person except their looks.

Unfortunately, physical attractiveness fades over time. And if the couple got together solely because of looks or sexual desire, they might fall apart or start cheating at some point.

In fact, infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce in the U.S. As a result, we can see a direct dependency between building relationships on physical attraction only and separation/divorce in the future.

Emotional Attraction

However, there is another type of attraction, and it’s prevalent between friends. We’re talking about emotional attraction. According to research, it is more resilient regarding a long-lasting connection. 

When you feel a strong emotional bond with someone, you want to be with them because of their personality and not their physical appearance, which tends to deteriorate. It means that even after years of being together, these couples have much less risk of losing interest in each other than couples who formed their relationship based on physical attraction.

Benefits of Being Friends Before Starting a Love Relationship

Some level of friendship between people proceeding to romantic relationships is usually beneficial on many levels of dating dynamics. Let’s look at several advantages of developing a close spiritual bond before becoming lovers.

You Already Know Each Other’s Best and Worst Sides

Relationships that begin with a platonic (spiritual) connection are stronger because you didn’t try to impress each other by showing your best sides or inventing positive qualities when you met.

On the contrary, you understand how your partner will behave in different real-life situations and know them at their worst. So, there’s no risk of disappointment as the relationship develops when all the masks tend to fall off.

You started by being authentic around each other. As your friendship transforms into a romantic relationship, you can still be yourself without pretending without fearing that you won’t be loved otherwise. 

Being genuine and truthful in a romantic relationship is essential because you can create a nurturing and safe space for expressing your emotions, thoughts, and fears. If you know you are accepted and loved for who you are, you become more willing to open up to each other.

You Have a Deep-Level Connection

Friendship allows you to connect emotionally regardless of physical attraction, leading to a more meaningful relationship in the future. You get to know each other’s vulnerabilities and fears and are not overwhelmed with this information like you would if you didn’t know them before.

You can spend time together and share thoughts more freely while still friends. They won’t judge you for being your true self. Instead, your friend will make a complete image of you in their mind and learn to love you for your personality. Your connection will be built on acceptance and appreciation of each other’s character and genuine affection.

So when you have a more or less good friendship before becoming romantically involved, your relationship will be stronger and more meaningful. You’ll be more honest and emotionally close with each other, contributing to the quality and longevity of your romantic bond.

You Build Trust Faster

Trust is an essential part of any love relationship. Having known each other for some time as friends, it’s likely that you’ve spent time and had various experiences together. Thus, you feel more relaxed around your friend (and potential romantic partner) and can rely on them.  

This process takes time. That’s why being friends first will create more opportunities to build trust naturally. On the other hand, romantic relationships between strangers might progress faster in the desired way, but you’ll still spend more time establishing a deep sense of trust.

Couples who become lovers after the friendship stage are more open and considerate toward each other, especially regarding physical intimacy. Yes, sex could be more satisfying when you can trust each other. 

It is especially important for women. Studies show that women in a relationship with mutual trust have higher sexual satisfaction than those who don’t fully trust their partner.

You Feel Less Pressured 

Starting as friends can eliminate high expectations from a partner and the need to conform to them. In traditional dating, for example, you feel pressured from the very first date. 

The questions like “Is he going to like my personality?” or “Will she get my obsession with comic books?” keep us alert and anxious. But when dating a friend, you already know how they perceive you with all your flaws and obsessions. And if they agree to get involved romantically, they don’t mind any of your self-proclaimed negative traits. 

Thus, you can be relaxed around each other and enjoy your time together more freely and deeply.

You Handle Conflicts More Effectively

Friends are already accustomed to supporting and being there for each other. So when problems arise, this support extends to your romantic partner. You know how they react to many things and can avoid dangerous turns in your communication.

In a friendship, there is a sense of emotional safety and trust. Both you and your partner can share all emotions without worrying about being judged. The ability to talk openly about your feelings and views promotes better problem-solving.

Another skill you usually bring from friendship is not being afraid to damage a relationship because the stakes are generally lower when you’re just friends than lovers. 

In essence, you’re used to feeling secure in expressing your emotions and concerns because you know your friend will stand your ground in any situation. This emotional safety fosters a healthier environment for resolving conflicts.

Your Compatibility is Higher

Knowing each other well as friends allows a deeper understanding of each other’s preferences and needs. In other words, you know whether they truly like watching romantic comedies or football matches with you or just pretending to enjoy it to get on your good side.

Thus, you can better assess if you will be compatible in your romantic relationship concerning your life view and goals.

By analyzing how you get along as friends, you can decide if you would be a good match for a romantic relationship. It involves understanding whether your personalities go well together and the comfort level when you’re around each other.

This way, you are less likely to start a love relationship only because of initial physical or sexual attraction, which doesn’t always lead to a happy and lasting partnership.

Why Friends-Before-Lovers Path Doesn’t Work for Everyone

Not all friends can transition to lovers. Presumably, this pathway is possible only for those who feel at least a fraction of sexual interest in each other. Surveys show that about 30% of people have been physically or sexually attracted to a friend of the opposite gender. 

Researchers also found that 20% of men and 10% of women have occasional or regular sex with a close friend. However, the findings don’t provide information about the influence of sex on friendship or the forming of committed romantic relationships. 

So what are the fundamental reasons friends don’t become lovers? Here are a few of the most significant ones:

• one or both of them lack chemistry/sexual interest in the other;
• fear of losing a close friend while failing as lovers;
• uncertainty about the other person’s feelings;
• fear of rejection and subsequent worsening of friendship;
• the friendship lasted too long, and it’s not romantically exciting to be around each other anymore.

Chemistry and mutual attraction can be absent at one point but appear later. So, if you feel a spark between you and your friend, it’s worth giving your relationship a go. As we know, friends who become something more to each other have more chances to succeed in long-lasting love.

Final Thoughts

While not all love relationships start as friendships, some of the most successful do. Being friends first helps build an emotional connection and improve communication and problem-solving. Knowing each other as good friends creates a strong foundation for overcoming challenges and flexibility, leading to a satisfying, long-lasting love relationship. 

Thus, if you believe your relationship will win by changing its dynamics from friends to lovers and the other person thinks the same, don’t hesitate to try your luck. You may be grateful for making this decision in the future. 

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