3 Honest Reasons Why You Keep Getting Rejected By Guys

If you’re like me, then you have been rejected by guys one too many times. After all, that’s why you’re reading this article, isn’t it? Well, let me share my story before I tell you what to change in yourself. 

In the past, I used to struggle a lot with self-confidence, which was caused by the number of rejections I got. Some of my relationships ended because my partner stopped having feelings for me. Other times, dates didn’t even end with a relationship.

I felt insecure about my romantic future, and I was convinced that I would stay alone forever. I used to think of myself as unlovable, and I felt defeated. Why did I keep getting rejected? Was there something wrong with me, or was I just very unlucky?

At some point, I refused to believe that I couldn’t do anything about it. Therefore, I decided to take things into my own hands.

While I don’t recommend changing yourself to appear more “likable,” I think you need to be able to grow to get what you want you to want. In other words – change your mindset toward relationships.

Based on my personal experience (including months of therapy), here’s why I think you keep getting rejected by guys.

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You Expect Too Much

While knowing what you want out of a relationship is generally a good thing, having too many expectations might lead to a broken heart. If you expect a person to change to fit your criteria, then that will inevitably lead to rejection.

As women, we have all thought about the perfect relationship. Since we were children, we have imagined what our future husband would be like. What he would look like, what kind of job he would have, what his fundamental beliefs would be, and what his personality would be like. But you need to realize that the perfect soulmate doesn’t exist. 

It’s unlikely that you will meet someone that will fit all your criteria for a perfect partner. People are flawed, and there’s no such a thing as an ideal man.

You should go there with an open heart when you’re in the dating scene. If you feel an emotional connection with someone, but he doesn’t fit some of the expectations you had, you need to evaluate the situation. Is his little flaw more important than your future relationship?

Here are some of the unrealistic expectations I had for a man while I was still looking for a partner:

• He should do everything the way I wanted.
• He has to be flawless. Mistakes are unacceptable.
• He has to spend all of his free time with me.
• He has to apologize first, regardless if it was his fault.
• He shouldn’t have any female friends.
• He should take care of things around the house.

The list goes on…

I shared my thoughts with my therapist, and she argued that this is an incredibly unhealthy attitude. She reminded me that a relationship is a partnership before it’s anything else. Here are all the lessons she taught me:

• I shouldn’t expect him to be flawless unless I was (which is impossible). 
• If I want someone to spend all of his free time with me I might as well get a dog. 
• I should get over my ego and apologize first when I have made a mistake.
• Jealousy is only a projection of my own insecurities.
• He’s not a maid – we must share the responsibilities around the house.

To sum up, having unrealistic expectations is what will undoubtedly lead to rejection. People are not objects, and you can’t just go to them with a list of criteria and expect them to fulfill it. Any self-respecting man will reject a woman who wants them to change.

You Have Low Self Esteem

Is there a connection between low self-esteem and rejection? The answer is yes, very much so. Poor self-esteem has a negative impact on relationships and, in many cases, leads to rejection.

Essentially, low self-esteem makes you believe that you are not good enough on a subconscious level. This kind of attitude projects on your partner. It usually translates into three attitudes – control, jealousy, and doubt.

Control

Being possessive is one of the most common side effects of low self-esteem. People who struggle with confidence usually can’t trust themselves. Which makes them have little trust in their partner as well. Controlling behaviors are incredibly unhealthy for relationships. 

Jealousy

Even if you want to trust, you can’t because deep down, you don’t believe that you are good enough to be loved, and therefore you are always feeling like your partner is cheating on you. Just not believing them when they tell you they love you or call you beautiful. If you don’t love yourself, it becomes difficult for you to think that anybody can love you.

Doubt 

People with low self-esteem are hypersensitive and poor self-esteem can trigger the primal fight-or-flight response. Hypersensitivity makes you think that your partner is always lying to you and hiding things from you even when you don’t have a reason to believe so. Poor self-esteem makes you have very little trust in your partner.

So do you think your partner would want to stay with you if you’re being controlling, if you always doubt him, and if you’re being jealous all the time? I don’t think so. Chances are he’ll reject you before things get too serious.

You Have A Negative Attitude Towards Relationships

If you have been rejected one too many times, then you have probably asked yourself, “Why do I get rejected by every guy I like?”. “Am I so terrible and unlovable that I can’t keep a good man around me?” 

By beating yourself up instead of accepting your reality as an opportunity, you create a positive environment for negative attitudes to grow. Expecting every relationship to end in flames means that you’re setting yourself up for failure. In fact, when you think about it, you need a relationship to go well just once in your life. And that’s what most of us get.

Trust me I know. After getting rejected by literally every guy I liked I couldn’t even go on one date without already imagining the end of the relationship. Rejection really messes your brain up. But have you heard the law of attraction aka you attract what you believe in?

Remember that your thoughts are energy. Remember what James Allen says: “All that you achieve and all that you fail to achieve is the direct result of your own thoughts.” So, don’t let your rejection sensitivity determine the future of your love life. 

But how should you change your mindset?

Well, for starters, stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Self-pity is known to drain the energy out of any relationship. Choose your own path and take control of moving forward, rather than playing the victim.

Also, try to give up any grudges. Bitterness and resentment are like poison to positive thinking. Don’t expect to be happy around someone you hold a grudge against. Nothing keeps good attitudes from emerging more than a good grudge. Give yourself and your potential relationship some grace.

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3 Reasons Why You Keep Getting Rejected By Guys