Why looking for signs he doesn’t love you anymore?
Let me guess.
Something’s going on in your relationship, and you are looking for 100% no-doubt signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
You often find yourself looking for signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore.
Moreover, you truly think that he is on the edge of breaking up with you.
So, how to tell if he doesn’t love you anymore? Does he even care about you?
Look:
If it turns out that you are with a man who doesn’t care about you, your heart is about to be broken.
Despite that, it’s far better to be happy alone than miserable with someone who doesn’t want you in his life.
If your guy ticks the boxes on 3 or more of the signs below – he doesn’t really love you.
Also, I’ve got a bonus sign he doesn’t love you anymore, and it’s the most important one, so stick to the end of this.
So let’s dive in and find out if it’s true that he isn’t the one for you.
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you sign up or make a purchase I might get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting my business. See full disclosure.
1. You feel anxious around him, and you don’t know why
Needless to say, if your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore there’s a weird vibe he transmits onto you, and you feel it. He is probably more confused than you right now, and his anxiousness gets to you.
You often feel like you’re walking on eggshells and like you’re going to explode any second, trying to find out what’s’ going on in his head.
On top of that, if you are in denial and refuse to accept that he no longer loves you, then you are in the middle of inner conflict with yourself.
All that slowly kills your sanity, and you get panicked and scared of what the future will bring.
2. Your boyfriend doesn’t put any effort into the relationship anymore
In fact…
It’s been a one-sided relationship for a long time.
And you know what?
You feel tired, annoyed and powerless all at once.
It’s clear that your relationship is failing, but he doesn’t do anything about it.
Moreover, he hasn’t initiated almost any of your last few (or even more) dates, and he doesn’t work on getting closer to you.
There is no communication between you two anymore, and nothing could trigger him to invest his time in this relationship.
Most of all…
3. It looks like your boyfriend doesn’t care about you anymore
Here’s the deal.
When a man loves you deeply, he cares about the way you feel all the time.
Even when he has problems.
Even when he is out with friends.
Even when he has the right not to care.
When a man loves you, he is there for you. No. Matter. What.
But not your guy. He makes you feel left outside and alone. You need his support, but he’s nowhere to be found.
And this won’t surprise you: he doesn’t love you anymore.
4. He is distant emotionally
It’s simple.
A man who is in love with you will look for ways to be close to you. And I don’t mean just the physical touch.
The essential connection that builds a strong and fulfilling relationship is emotional commitment and closeness.
This is the part where you will actually know for sure if he loves you or not.
Is he distant?
Does he prefer not to talk to you about things that bother him?
Do you feel he’s put a massive wall between you two and no matter how hard you hit it, you can’t find even a peephole so you could get to him?
Well, that’s a huge red flag that your guy isn’t comfortable being with you and he might not love you anymore.
5. He says he needs space
Agh, men and their need for space.
We, we all need space!
Even you.
But there’s a healthy space between two people, and then there’s space that feels like he’s pulling away.
How to know if the space he needs is in the first category?
That depends on how long you’ve been together.
In the first few weeks or months, many couples prefer to spend all of their free time together. Once the honeymoon phase is over though, both of you need a little bit of space.
You want to see other people and spend time with friends.
Can I be totally honest with you?
If that happens – it’s normal.
So what’s not normal then?
It’s not normal to push you away all the time. It’s not normal to see each other only once in the week (if there isn’t a good reason for it).
Ignoring your calls because “he needs time alone”, not answering your messages for hours (all the time) isn’t normal.
Pushing you away regularly, calling you clingy and making you feel bad that you want to be with him – that’s not normal. That’s manipulation and it’s a sign he doesn’t care about your relationship.
But that’s not all…
6. Your partner doesn’t want you to bother him
Add this sign to the previous one.
Can you believe that I had an email from a lady who was saying that her boyfriend didn’t want to see her more than once a week?
She was depressed because she believed she loved him, but couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to spend more time together?
Are you in a similar situation?
Well, let me tell you that’s not OK. Your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you; he doesn’t respect you and most of all – he doesn’t care about you.
In fact…
He is using you.
7. Communication issues as one of the signs he doesn’t love you anymore
Seriously, so many dating and relationship coaches have spent thousands of hours explaining it to all of us – communication is everything in a relationship.
Moreover, I’ve seen its importance in my relationships too.
How to know if you have communication issues?
Ask yourself these 4 questions:
- Do I feel 100% comfortable speaking to him about my problems?
- Does he actively listen to what I say?
- Am I aware of what’s going on in his personal life?
- Compared to the beginning of our relationship – do our conversations get deeper and more meaningful?
The answers will tell you if you have communication problems.
And if you do – there are many ways to fix them, at the end of this post I will show you one way to do it.
8. He never compromises
Most of all, he doesn’t feel like he has to compromise with anything in his life.
That makes you the only worker in your relationship. You must juggle with your life, move appointments, change plans and shape yourself according to whatever your guy needs and wants.
Why?
Why should you be the one that always “needs to change”, “must accept him as he is” and “don’t bother him with anything”?
Here’s the thing: I don’t like compromises either. Neither you do. Actually, no one does.
But they are one of the 10 most important relationship habits you must have to build a strong relationship.
If he’s not willing to compromise then he’s not ready to put effort into your relationship.
The conclusion is only one: he doesn’t care about you anymore as much as you’d like him to.
9. He gets angry for no reason and that’s a huge sign he doesn’t love you
This is one of the disturbing signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
It is also a sign I wish I don’t know how it feels.
In my previous relationship (the one that broke my heart into a million pieces), I always had to be very cautious of what I speak and how I speak it.
The guy was getting angry for no reason, just like that. He would look at me and just immediately get snappy and push me away.
I was feeling unworthy and less of a woman for almost as long as our relationship lasted.
But the truth?
He wasn’t angry at me. At least not really.
He was angry at himself mostly because he was confused about his feelings and the decisions he’d taken so far. I was just a reminder he made another wrong turn in his life.
Sad, but true, I was stuck in a toxic relationship.
Is your partner getting angry for no reason all the time?
It could be because he’s realized he doesn’t love you (or on his way to realizing it) and doesn’t want to face the consequences.
10. He doesn’t need your opinion anymore
It’s not like he has to ask you for permission or anything like that. He is free to do whatever he wants with his life.
Or is he?
If you are in a serious relationship (or want to be in such), almost every decision you take will affect the other person in one way or another.
It’s a no-brainer that if he wants to quit his job and you live together that will affect you. Or he starts smoking, gets into a fight with his family, or even decides to go vegan.
Whatever it is, if he decides to change something in his life – it will affect you. And that’s normal. That’s why we call the relationship a partnership too.
You are the CEOs of your company (the relationship).
Does your guy ignore you when he has to decide on something important in his life? Are you the last to find out what’s going on with him?
That might be a huge sign he doesn’t care about you anymore and to him, your opinion doesn’t matter.
11. He is texting other girls
Seriously!
Why would he do that if he truly loves you?
Because he’s free to do whatever he wants with his life?
Fair enough.
But what about you? Where do you stand in this situation?
Pretending it’s OK to see him chatting and flirting with others?
If a situation like that doesn’t make you feel loved and isn’t comfortable for you, just pack your bags and move on with your life. He doesn’t care about your feelings.
12. He doesn’t make time for you
I get it, we all are busy living our lives.
Want to know a secret your man doesn’t want to admit?
If he truly loved you, he would make time for you.
Does he love playing games? I bet he makes time to play.
Does he like spending time with his friends? I bet he makes time for them too.
When we love doing something or being with someone, our whole life gravitates around the idea to end up doing that thing or being with that person.
As simple as that.
Just look at yourself.
You make time for you two because you care about him. How does he reply to that? Does he even care about you?
13. When you tell him you love him, he hesitates before answering
I know it hurts.
And I know what’s the worse part of it…
It’s the fact that every time you tell him you love him and see his hesitation something dies inside you. Every. Time.
Because deep down in yourself you know he doesn’t love you anymore.
There shouldn’t be any hesitation, any pause, no looking away or rolling his eyes — none of that.
There should be love. Unconditional.
14. He refuses to talk about it and gets angry
Be honest.
Would you get angry if he’d come to you and tell you he isn’t sure you love him?
No.
You would be worried, would ask him what made him feel that way, you would be concerned you did something that misled him.
So, why does he get angry about it if you ask him the same?
Why does he hides behind his anger and uses it to avoid the painful conversation?
I’ll tell you why.
It’s because he knows he cannot hide it as well as he wants.
He doesn’t love you anymore and needs time to accept this. Anger and attack is the best defensive tactic ever. So, he uses it every time he needs to drag the attention away from the problems.
15. If you don’t contact him, he probably won’t contact you either
Have you ever wondered why he never texts you first in the morning?
Do you want to know why he never calls you just to hear how you are?
That’s the one sign he doesn’t love you that screams “disrespect” so loud that it would be nonsense to ignore it.
Do you wonder in how many other ways he is disrespecting you? Head over to this post to see the 10 most disturbing signs of disrespect you most likely ignore all the time.
16. Intimacy doesn’t feel so intimate anymore
Have you noticed that your love life gets colder and emotionless?
In fact, you still do it, and it’s still nice…
Except, it doesn’t feel so connecting and intimate anymore.
It feels cold, and it’s like you do it “just because you are good at it”.
Yep, that’s a sign he doesn’t have any deep feelings for you. He doesn’t really love you.
17. He doesn’t make plans with you
That’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you anymore and I must admit…
Even I’ve done that one.
I was with a guy, and I was planning to break up with him when we see each other, but he kept texting me to make plans for Christmas. I made up some stupid excuse and hated myself for it. But it was just for a day or two.
What if your guy doesn’t want to make any plans for the future with you?
There’s only one logical reason: he doesn’t plan to spend that future with you.
Bonus Sign He Isn’t In Love With You Anymore
There is one more sign he doesn’t love you anymore, and it’s the most important one.
It’s the fact you don’t feel loved.
I’ve said it so many times on this blog – I know how it feels to be loved, and I know how it hurts if you aren’t loved.
It’s not only that you don’t feel he loves you, but you feel ignored, hurt and meaningless.
And that’s the biggest sign you must end things with him. Don’t wait for him to decide your future. Life is too short and too beautiful to waste it waiting for someone to man-up.
Want to know one more secret?
More often than not, we ignore the little voice in our head that screams “Run!” all the time. We choose to fight for him, to prove him we deserve his attention, to force him to accept us in his life.
We search for proofs he doesn’t love us just to be sure he doesn’t cover the points.
But he does.
Am I right?
Share in the comment below your signs he doesn’t love you anymore.
Be strong, and as a person who’s gone through all this and more, I could tell you: There is someone who waits for you to start loving yourself so he could start loving you too.
What to do next?
A while ago, I gathered a team of professional relationship bloggers and relationship coaches and asked them to share their best relationship resources for free with you.
Many of these free resources will help you in your current situation.
You could find the full list of over 15 free relationship resources here.
↓Pin this post for later↓
17 Honest Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
Jazakallah. Recognize the signs he doesn’t love you anymore and prioritize your happiness. Trust your feelings and take steps towards a fulfilling and respectful relationship. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Hi, I have 2 children with a man that i dated since 2017.
He left me before I gave birth to our first child in 2018, he came back when my son was 3 months old, I took him back and we moved in together and we both found great jobs that paid well, We had our second child in August 2020, he left me when our daughter was three months.
He moved back home and he left me with my to kids in a house we were renting.
I am always trying to be understating and all he says now is that he wants to focus on building his career and he does not have time for relationships. He says that once he is is well established only then we can get back together fully.
I go to his house to visit with the kids, when I ask him why he doesn’t answer his phone sometimes or why we never go out he says he doesn’t have tome, but he makes time to go party with is friends, colleagues ,if we go together is would be to a local mall with the kids.
Whenever we fight he breaks up with me, and when he sees that I no longer entertain him he comes back , once he sees we are ok he starts again treating me badly, ignoring me .
This man never complements me, no matter how beautiful i can be he will never complement me. He never tells me he loves me, he never checks up on me, he never compromises, he is just not there, yes we cuddle, i never deny him sex but i don’t get anything else from him.
I am much happier when i am on my own than being with him. i do believe that at some point he loved me, but now i know he doesn’t love me anymore. The worst thing is i keep staying nd hoping that it will et better, knowing that he will never change.
Hi Rachel,
I am so sorry you’ve been through so much as a mom of two, and the father of your children doesn’t even look like he knows he should take responsibility for them. However, you seem to have a clear picture of the situation and are strong enough to turn your back on him and never allow him to play with your and your children’s feelings. They need stability and love, and if that comes from one parent only, it is still absolutely enough (and I say this as someone who grew up with one parent only too). I can promise that the moment YOU stop his games with you (all three of you), life will smile at you, and something great will enter your life. A blessing will come to you, whether that would be a new person, an opportunity, or just an immense amount of self-love and confidence. I wish you the best, and be strong! You can stand up for yourself.
my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore, he always gets angry with me and he doesn’t make plans with me. thanks rachel i realized i have to break up with him cause he’s an idiot
My husband doesn’t love me anymore. How can I let go??
@Ashley Dubble, u ever thought about doing a headspin
i printed out what woman want and need in a relationship. I love this man but hes gone through 3 marriages and since he met me, ive seen just how he has no idea what woman are about.
I believe he loves me he just doesnt know how. Its my last ditch effert to save us.
I also printed out how a woman shows she really loves a man.
he read that and said that was what I do to show him I love him and it was me to a tee.
I also printed out the part about Does he really love you.
to many flags there for me.
I believe he really doesnt understand the meaning of some words for example i was asking myself, Does he iknow the meanings of the following words
PASSION
COMPROMISE
HIS MEANING OF LOVE VERSES MINE
RESPECT- HE KNOWS THE WORD BUT SEEMS TO FORGET IT
JESTURES-SMALL GIFT OR CARD ONCE IN A WHILE
HOW TO SHOW APPRECIATION
to name a few
stay tuned for his response
A huge red flag is when he can’t be botherd to remember the ‘special’ dates in the calendar, such as your anniversary/birthday/valentines day. Another one is when he no longer cares about your personal safety. For example, you are working the night shift at your job, and for whatever reason, you get home a couple of hours late. Not only has he barely noticed that you have arrived home much later than normal, but even if he has noticed, it is obvious that he doesn’t care. When a Man TRULY loves you, he will be on high alert if he thinks that you might be in any kind of danger. For example, he will not let you walk to the local bus station at 2am in the morning on your own. If he can’t drive you home himself, he will put you in a taxi and he will ask you to call him when you are safely at home.
@Violet, exactly. I realized my man didn’t love me a year ago. Most times, when I am away on vacation, he doesn’t even care know where I’m staying, or even bother to find out name of the hotel, let alone the name of the town. I could be anywhere, with anyone. Huge red flag.
5 years we’ve been together, I still feel anxious, worried, stressed and uneasy all the time. I’m not good enough for him. He doesn’t want to introduce me to any of his friends- 5years… I’ve never met any of his friends. He msgd another woman .. sending heart emojis and telling her she was looking great and got mad at me for questioning him about it.. we live together now but I wish I was brave enough to say that I deserve better.. coz I know I do.
I’m a bit late with my response to your comment, but I hope you’ve already left him behind. You might think you are in a relationship with him, but he is definitely NOT in a relationship with you. 5 years in and you know no one around him? For all you know, he might be married to someone else. I know you deserve better and I hope you see it too xx
This has been really insightful into my relationship. Thank you for pointing out these kinds of things out. Now I know where I stand.
It seems from reading the comments, most of you poor ladies don’t have a clue, and I don’t mean that in a mean and condescending way, just that I have noticed this phenomenon play out over and over, most guys either don’t have the guts or the ability to tell you what most of you girls have done wrong. So as a man, I’m going to give you some pointers, now you can either accept them and implement changes to fix your subsequent relationships, or you can listen to the nonsense that many of the so called ” relationship gurus” on tv feed you.but before you dismiss what I say as nonsense ask yourself has your way worked ?? Has theirs?? & consider this, my girl “gets it”& I’m and happy enough to want to help others so they can “get it”
1. There are two people in a relationship, not one, it’s not, nor can it be all about or only about your needs, too few people acknowledge or even care to understand that men have needs too & I’m not talk about food. DONT BE SELFISH
2. The idea that has permiated society that it is “bad” for a man to express his “NEED” for sex and if he does this, he is somehow selfish. Once you start the “not tonight” game, your relationship is over. He’s not going to tell you that night,but denial of sex will ALWAYS be seen as REJECTION to a man. Would you want to be with a man who made you feel rejected? Of course not, but that’s how we feel EVERYTIME we are told “no”.
3. Stupid comments like ” is that all you want me for” “is sex all you care about” are relationship DESTROYERS if you have ever said these things to a boyfriend or a husband, you basically dumped a grenade in his lap and pulled the pin on your relationship, if a man feels shamed for asking someone he loves for sex, he will stop asking and check out of the relationship, he won’t want to cuddle, talk, watch movies or do anything with you, he will find reasons to not be bothered, to deal with the pain of rejection.
4. Sex is how we connect and feel loved by the woman we love, no sex=no love, might be true, might not but that’s how we see it and always will.
5. Consider this, imagine how you would feel if every time you really wanted to have a conversation about something REALLY important to you,to really connect on an emotional level & your boyfriend or hubby told you not tonight?? How would you feel? Would you like that? Would you appreciate that?
6. Excuses don’t cut it in our eyes most men see things in black and white,:I want to connect, she says no, I felt rejected, I roll over in anger or leave. You might feel relieved because you got out of “his badgering you for sex that night, because you “just don’t feel like it”, but guess what?, you just lost your man.Many men do not know how to tell you what I just did, so they cheat, get violent, immerse themselves in work, video games or friends, in every relationship there is always a turning point and almost always it involves the denial of sex.
7. Using sex as a weapon or disciplinary tool, always backfires and destroys the relationship, why would you do this to someone you claim to love? How would you feel if your boyfriend or hubby didn’t speak to you unless it was totally necessary? Worthless? Unloved? Disrespected? We feel ALL of these things when you guys pull that crap. DO NOT DO THIS!!, EVER!! ( that’s if you care about the relationship)
8. If you have NEVER done any of these things even once then this doesn’t apply to you,and you need to revamp your selection process, but if you have EVEN ONE TIME, then it does, and men are like elephants we don’t forget. EVER!!
If you are going to be a “gatekeeper” when it comes to sex, expect your mate to get fed up and close the gate on you permanently, it cannot be only when you feel like it or are in the mood, if your going to be selfish like that, well…. there’s gonna be a lot of tears before it’s over, I’ll tell you that. So that’s my 2 and a half cents, I led you to the water & it’s up to you to drink.
@Jim the truthsayer,
what is wrong with you
This is the most informative source of explanations that I have ever read, seen, heard, or have found in all my years of looking for ways to understand a man’s true perspective. All the questions we have ever needed answered right here in one short speech. this should be published publically somewhere so that we all can read! lol it was as simple as this. i understand why my man is afraid to bluntly spell it out. he doesnt want to come off wrong suffer the possibilities of reactions he could get in my response. BUT I needed to know these things, so i can better understand how to be the best woman for him. it was as simple as reading this just now. THANK YOU so much!!
@Jim the truthsayer,
Wtf is wrong with you .
Your first point is nonsense enough
Jeeez , men can’t take noooo
What the fuck is that shit
@Jim the truthsayer,
The point is Jim, it’s hard to say ‘yes’ to a man who hasn’t got a clue how to cut the mustard in the bedroom. I always said yes to my ex, but I can honestly say that sex with him was the most boring and mind-numbing experience of my life, and I know for a fact that it wasn’t MY fault, because my previous boyfriend (a French guy) told me I was a fantastic lover. What I am saying is that sometimes when women say no, it is because the sex is so crap that they just can’t face another night of having a sack of potatoes bouncing up and down on to[ of them and then rolling over, farting and going to sleep.
@Jim the truthsayer, this is the absolute truth. Im having these issues but im the one getting told no, maybe tomorrow.
He doesnt even like to talk about sex which has made me totally understand why a guy might cheat cuz Im there now. I dont cheat ever and will give it all i got before i leave him. but wont cheat
My fiancee is concerned about my past affairs and he disrespect me .. when he’s drunk he will be really rude n ask me to leave him.
We have two children together. My 6 year old calls him daddy. 3 in total. I used to be so mean after last relationship I was in. Very abusive relationship.ex is in mental hospital jail for almost 3 years now. I was really traumatized. I became really mean and cold towards everyone especially men. My partner now was my neighbor. We fell in love. He loved me while I was healing and broken and cold hearted. I feel like I’ve changed so much now and I try everyday to be the best I can be. I struggle with depression for many years since 10 years old. Now 28 years old. I was basically pregnant for two years while together with my current partner. Gained a lot of weight. Sex 2 times a day. Now lucky if it’s once a week. Doesn’t kiss me anymore. Doesn’t slap my butt anymore. Still calls me a lot while he’s at work. I’m super boring and have nothing interesting to say. I’m really anti social. Probably have a disorder with my thoughts and feelings. I wish I felt that love he used to give me. I feel lonelier than ever. He cuddles me and tells me he loves me. There is no more intimacy.
My fiancee is cheating on me. Should I marry him?
@Bojana, really you need an answer?
@patti sanders, I can understand why you’d respond like that but I can also understand the question. We’re taught to work thru things in a marriage, and if they’re engaged then their hearts are already married. They probably want to know if it’s something to work thru and get help for. Personally I think they should leave the relationship bc the other isn’t truly in it, not the same way anyway, and it’ll be a lifetime of heartache and mistrust for the commenter.
All true on top of that sex was regular and amazing in for the first 3 months than it stopped now it’s every 3 to 4 months horrible and we’ve been together 2 years march wtf seriously breaking things throwing fits we’ve lived together the entire time were friends prior. All the flags but Is he cheating that’s how it appears but ultimately it’s he’s not in love probably never was, flags but I’m a criminal justice major so I need to know.
Thanks is what am passing through now, my guy doesn’t like my ideas but others idea. He Gossip with other girls n guys about whatever both of us say, he cheat n call me bad names am fadeup. So your words are encouraging tnks alot
I’m glad you see things clearly now! He doesn’t respect you at all and that’s not the type of guy you need in your life.
I’m so glad to have read your article. I answered yes to a lot it 😞. I’ve been seeing this guy, we’ve only been going out for 2 months, it’s still pretty early with us but we moved so quickly. He said he loved me too early, I said it back because I was afraid to lose him. Now it feels like I’m the only one in love. He gets upset quickly and stonewalls me. I never had to learn how to be with someone and I’m afraid he’ll get upset so I usually keep to myself. I’m not comfortable with him and I feel as if I annoy him, especially with my feelings. I know I wouldn’t be annoying to the person right person. He was so nice and loving in the beginning, now I have no clue what I got myself into. I’m feeling very unappreciated and quite frankly worthless. I don’t want to base my worth on a guy but he said if he loses me, it wouldn’t phase him. It seems like that’s always the case for me and honestly has me up in my feels. No one is ever afraid to lose me. However I’m afraid to lose him. But why? He doesn’t even like me. I know what has to be done but I’m still hanging on for I have no idea what. I recently found he still has some pics of his ex on his Facebook from over a year ago, yet he deleted the one pic stating he was with me. He seemed to have really loved her and maybe he still does. We go through a lot of blocking/unblocking, friending/unfriending. It’s depressing..
Hey Tanya, I am so sorry to hear you are going through such challenging times with your boyfriend. But you already realize that the way he makes you feel isn’t okay, and I have faith that you love yourself enough to end things at this early stage of your relationship. Trust me on this, it’s way harder to stay than to move on and meet someone who will truly love and appreciate you.
@Rachel,
Thank you for that.
After I sent that comment to you, my boyfriend and I ended our relationship later on that day. It got ugly towards the end but it needed to be done. I’m already happy without him. I’m not crying anymore like how I used to be when I was with him. Lessons learned with him and on to a better future without him 🙂
I am so proud of you! This is what I call a healthy dose of self-love and self-respect! Well done, girl!
@Tanya, wow exactly my story no physical abuse just breaking everything throwing fits,.no sex, so weird, even Bring it up he broke my solid wood new coffee table,.stomped it he went into a rage..I feel he hates me, like ice cold..omg help me, we live together,.he made sure my cars broken down not fixed. I’m freaking out
Hi
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years now .the guy is now changed a lot, in fact everything about him has changed. last year he started hitting me ,insulting me, calling me with names that I can’t forget even today. I gave him space to find himself right then we fixed things because of the love I have for him okay the guy started again this time was worse because he was doing it under the influence of alcohol. people around they get used to the noise he was making and he is doing it in front of our 3 year old son. he is telling me how useless I am ,how I disgust me. when I try to talk to him about how I feel he won’t listen ,he will rather go out be with friend or chat with girls. once the is a problem I am the one to be blamed, according to him ,he is always right and I am always wrong. I am not allowed to be with people once I am with people that means I am cheating and I don’t know how to handle that. His friends doesn’t respect me anymore. I feel scared around him and my son doesn’t stay away from his father.
I am truly sorry to hear you are going through this, but you want to be aware that you are in an abusive relationship that is dangerous for you and your son. Please, search for help and get away from him as soon as possible. This isn’t fixable!
Hi. I was just scrolling through stuff when I came across this blog and it hit me hard. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and it just doesn’t even feel like we have a relationship anymore. I know he got a job and he is very busy but there’s never been time for me for the past year. My birthday was never special, neither was our anniversary and when I point these out,he would just be like well I don’t like celebrating these stuff when on his birthday, I made him feel he was the most special person in my life but he made me feel worthless. I don’t know when it all started going downhill but suddenly, there’s never any time for me, I don’t know what he is doing the entire day, he never makes me feel special, our conversations just became angry outbursts, he would never stay awake past twelve o clock even on my birthday but he stayed to say stuff that was just to make me cry, the stuff that I had told him that I never told anyone became his weapons for hurting me emotionally and me demanding his time and care and love just became a burden to him. He started ghosting me for days,and then would come back and act like nothing had happened when I would cry myself out so hard that it physically hurt. Now I can’t trust him anymore to not hurt me emotionally or trust him enough to not go behind my back. And I never even understood what I did wrong? And even though I know that I should get out, I don’t know why I just keep holding on. All my best friends and even my little sister says that you deserve better but it’s just hard, to let go and to think that it’s really over…
Hey, girl! I’m truly sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. It sounds like he has given up on this relationship and is waiting for you to do the hard work and break up. And honestly, that might be the best decision you’ve ever taken regarding your relationship. Ask yourself if knowing he disrespects you and mentally abuses you (because what you described is mental abuse) are you okay with living your life like that. Don’t hope to change him as the only person we could ever change is ourselves. I say this from my own experience: Once you recover from this relationship, you will be the strongest and happiest person you know. Sending virtual hugs your way, hun!
@Rachel, thank you so much
All of the above. After reading this I feel like all my questions has been answered. My question is how do i stop loving him. Its been 3 years now hoping tht things will change.
I’ve been in your situation, and the only thing that helped me stop loving him was by starting to love myself more than him. Then choices became easier and more clear.
@Rachel, I was the one who said he abused me he won’t even come to see me I’m not kidding idk what to do
I would to receive some quotes from this …. it inspires me a lot and helps me to accept all the situations coming my way
We (my husband and I) are currently doing a long distant thing. He wont come see me, he doesnt ever offer to pay for the flights when I GO SEE HIM I have lost alot of money for problems with me going (I HAD a job, and I have kids – he retired early and has NOTHING that he is responsible for daily) I can tell when he meets someone and when it doesnt work out and of course he lies and yells “I better stop accusing him” or he will just stop talking to me – ghost me – for weeks. I have a stalker currently that it is a scary thing and he thought I must have had an affair with him because why would someone do this – so he does nothing for me to help me with that – WOW I COULD KEEP GOING – I KNOW HE DOESNT LOVE ME. I just cant let go
@Stella, I have been going through a same thing and it’s hard to let go … I just need help too
Hello! I just came across this. Every word is what I’m going through. We have been together 17 years. The last 3 years have went down hill. During our time, we have been through so much, we always made it through and came out so much stronger together. Now, let’s go back a year. Things have changed so much. We barely communicate. We never talk about work or our day. I feel so distant. We have no sex life.(I was put on meds for migraines and had bad side effects, so I quit taking them) But since that happened, it seems like there is nothing there I have tried to talk to him, and he makes me look and feel like the bad person. I want to leave, but we have a child together. I’ve tried speaking to my son about things once (not in detail), but like how would he feel if Mom and Dad lived separate. And, he did not like it. It made him very upset. So, I told him he has nothing to worry about. I jist don’t know what to do. I want all of us to be happy with our lives, but as of now, we are walking on eggshells. Any advice would be great! Thanks!
Hi Carrie, thank you for your comment! Please, keep in mind that your son will grow up and have his own life, and you will be left behind with a person you don’t want to be with. As a child of divorced parents, I know exactly how hard it will be for him to adjust, yet once I grew up, I realized that my parents just wanted to find happiness somewhere else with someone else and had nothing to do with their love for me. If you have a chance of saving your relationship – work on it. If you’ve tried everything and can’t make things good again, remember that you have the responsibility to find your own happiness.
This was very helpful I actually felt like I was the cause of our failing relationship, when I was honestly giving my whole love and care
Thank you🥰
I’m happy it helped you see things differently!
Thanks, so much…all are the truth…Regards,
Pang
Thank you!
I’ve come here seeking answers just like I do every time I’m torn up from another day of hell feeling like an inadequate burden at the hands of my partner. What’s sad is that I already know all the answers after so many years but I’m trapped into feeling like “it’ll get better” when I know it won’t. Sometimes I feel like if I got in a freak accident that killed me I’d be better off. I wouldn’t have to deal with the horrible heartbreak in this it out if it while I got inevitably harassed by him.
I hate my life and if I could go back I’d never have layed eyes on him. I give so much for nothing and now I have nothing left of myself to give anyone else.
My heart sinks when I read your comment, dear girl! I’ve been where you are and trust me, behind the corner of self-love and self-respect lays the biggest happiness you could ever imagine. The question is – are you going to take that turn?
@Anonymous girl, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. When you say the thing about a freak accident … I know my husband would probably answer whomever called him by saying “yea so what do you want me to do!?” I was trying to have a conversation with him one day about just that and midsentance he said “I have to call you back someones at the door” and hung up but 1. who does that? dont we all usually say “hold on a sec someone is at the door.” Not him WHY because I knew he was waiting for his fling of the week to come over. And I STILL cant let go …. its disgusting
Oh my God! I was just flowing out in tears, this is my story you’ve shared. In fact I assumed you were monitoring us day in day out. This is exactly what’s going on in my relationship and I’m totally confused and don’t know what to do right now but I really do love this guy. please advice me, what should be my next step. Thanks for the tips. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks!!!
I’m sorry to hear he actually hits most of the points in the post. I’m not sure I can advise you anything else but to listen to your guts and decide on staying with a person who doesn’t care about you is a healthy decision. You matter, Philomena! And you need a guy who acts like you’re important to him.
Hi, thanks so much for your care and idea! I think I got to decide now because there’s a saying that goes, A word to a wise is enough and so far as action speaks louder than words, I got to shine my eyes, open it wider and there I go for the betterment of my life. Am too young to face and as far as there’s hope, there’s life. Thanks Dearies.
Yes! I love that attitude! There’s a lot more ahead of you and I’m sure that once you choose to put your happiness as a priority, The Universe will answer with the same!
Hello, I have been reading your blog and find it very interesting.
My husband and I have been together for nearly 18Yrs, we married two years after we had met, at first he would tell me he loved me, but was Never tactile and Never initiated Sex
Both of those was myself. Five years in i was Diagnosed with Colon Cancer and for a year and a half I was really poorly, he didn’t seem phased in fact he told me, he was moving in to the back bedroom.
As when I had my operation he was, bothered he would catch the staples in my tummy.
So, that was the start of his sleeping away from me, and it’s been the same ever since that now being Ten years, their has been no intimacy ever since, nor was there two and a half years in to our relationship.
I try speaking to him he gets mad and says it’s not the most important thing in life, and to shut up about it. But I have explained it is to me, and it makes me feel less of a woman. All the way through my cancer he never came and sat with me, and said ” We will get through this, or ask me how I was feeling.
My daughter would work Twelve hour shifts and come and cook for us, because he wouldn’t. She had word’s with him and explained how ill I was, he replied, ” I make her, a slice of toast every morning.” It turns out after having a conversation with his Aunt, which she Initiated, that he was like this with his other partner of Thirteen years, so she had kicked him out.
I have straight out asked him, ” Are you gay.” He said ” No I’m not.” I’ve come to think he just has no feelings, End off.
We go nowhere together, nor do we do anything together.
I just want to be loved, feel arms around me, have a good conversation with a man. And i surely want a man, to want to make love to me, and visa versa.
My husband and I, are house mates that’s all, I’m not a stupid woman yet I put up with it.
In my past two relationships, I was beaten for Twelve years, then for Eight and half years the one I thought to be my soul mate, turned out to be having affairs behind my back. So due to this I say, Well he doesn’t beat me, or mess around behind my back.
But those excuses are very thin now.
I’m told I’m a very attractive woman, and my grown children are forever telling me, Get Out, you fought cancer, and look at you.
You deserve to be loved, and to love.
I have just made up Sixty Two, I ask myself, ” Will I ever be loved again, feel a man’s arms around me.
Will I ever be intimate with a man again,?? Or is this it.
I’d hate to think it is. When I go out with my Daughter which is every now and then, she tells me. Your being watched Mum.
But I think we’ll.
I am so very unhappy.
@Linda Klopotowski,
Thank you for sharing this. I think you stay because of youd hate to think all this time of devoted effort would be for nothing. That you can bring him back to the person he was when you first met. He KNOWS you wont leave so THATS why he treats you like crap. He’s real cocky and it shows. Get REAL dolled up one night make up dress everything, let him see you and tell him you’re going out. (You can just go to starbucks if you want haha) but let him know you have other things in your life, that unwilling to doll yourself and go out and live. Dont be stagnant, be wild. Be free
Hey girl, this post has reminded me of my ex boyfriend! lol! You have listed all the signs that he doesn’t love me anymore that I experienced in my past relationship. If I could have turn back time, I wish I had read this post, so I wasn’t trap for a miserable relationship in a long time. However, I am happier now and thankful with that experience because that’s how I’ve learned. Thank you for this awesome article that will definitely help all women in their dating and relationship journey.
Oh my, I know this feeling so well 🙂 I want to turn back the time too and have a good chat with my younger Me on what to expect in love and what to do when all of these signs come from the very person she has high hopes. But we live, and we learn, I guess… As long as we are happy where we are, everything that’s happened in the past was worth it.
I keep getting redirected to this message in search of does he even care? Ive been with my bf for over 2 yrs now, and lived with him the last year. He moved in with me to sell his house for us (me, him, and his 2 plus my 2 kids) to go buy a house together. He says we are gonna be together forever, but a month ago I had a dilemma based off our kids and now his actions to me have changed drastically. I feel meaningless. And he’s basically shut down and pushing me away. And our views on raising kids is so different. I keep praying about it, but so far confused. I love him, but I honestly feel he’s falling out of love with me. With so much about to happen with big decisions…im at a loss of words with him. I dont want to risk everything just for him to realize a month after we buy a house im not what he wants. But I cant talk about it cause its turned around on me. How do I even begin to deal so its not me in the wrong again? And me and my kids having to once again move somewhere else cause he’s unhappy being with me?