How Do You Know When The Love Is Gone

Life is not a movie, and people break up all the time. Even after years of being together, couples often realize that they’re not meant for each other regardless of their efforts. 

My best friend, Maya, is the perfect example. Her (now ex) husband and she were high school sweethearts. She was a prom queen, he was the captain of the football team. Not long after graduation, they got married and two years later they welcomed their first child together. They bought a house, got a golden retriever and it seemed they would last forever.

But 10 years into the marriage they separated. Maya told me that one day she just woke up and realized that she was not in love with her husband anymore. And he felt the same way. There was no drama, no cheating, they just peacefully got divorced and decided to move on with their lives separately.

So, how do you know when the love is gone? When do you know that it’s time to move on? What causes that loss of attraction?

Below, I’ve listed 7 ways you will know that your love for the other is lost, and there is nothing you could do about it.

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How Do You Know When The Spark Is Gone

1. You Feel Better When Your Partner Isn’t Around

How do you know you’re in love? When you can’t get enough of each other and want to spend any living moment together.

And how do you know that the love is gone? When you feel better if your partner isn’t around. Sometimes being alone feels like a breath of fresh air. And when the spark is gone you feel suffocated when your partner is with you. This is one of the most obvious signs that your love is over.

It’s only natural to spend time apart when you have been in a relationship for a while. People in committed relationships usually have their own hobbies and friend circles. And that’s actually healthy for them. But when doing things separately feels better than doing things together, you might want to reconsider your future together.

2. There’s No More Laughter

Laughter might seem like a little thing, but it’s actually crucial when it comes to relationships and marriage. Think about it: How many times have you heard someone say “He makes me laugh!” when describing a new love? 

Therefore, laughter is a good barometer in a relationship. When you’re in love, you’re delighted to be in the company of your partner, and it’s not just romantic; it’s fun. 

But if your partner is not making you laugh or even smile anymore, they’re not making you happy. Unfortunately, it’s just that simple. The road to true and lasting love is paved with joy and when there’s no joy, there’s no love. 

Being able to laugh together can help you feel closer to your partner as it can help you bond. So without laughter, it will get harder and harder to maintain the relationship.

3. Your Vision of the Future Does Not Include Your Partner

Remember when you first got together with your partner and how you couldn’t imagine your life without that person. You would spend hours talking about your next vacation as a couple, Christmas at your parents’ house, moving in together, getting a cat for your new apartment…Once upon a time, your future was theirs and vice versa. 

So has that changed? Do you talk about your future together?

And when you imagine your dream future, do you include your partner in it? If your partner doesn’t even make a guest appearance in your future, you have probably lost affection in the relationship.

4. You Rarely Get Physical Anymore

When Maya and her ex-husband got married they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. On their honeymoon, they spent more money on protection than on food. And even when they didn’t do the honky ponky they were hugging, kissing, snuggling, and basically expressing their affection in a very physical way.

Now, I know that not everyone’s love language is physical touch. And even happy couples don’t feel like hugging all the time. But there’s a big difference between respecting each other’s private space and feeling smothered when you kiss.

Let me guess – if intimacy happens at all, you try to make it as quick as possible. You create reasons as to why you don’t want to be affectionate and get annoyed when it’s time to be intimate. Even small things like snuggling on the couch or a quick kiss goodbye are suffocating.

If that’s the case, I’m sorry to break it to you but your love is gone. If you’d rather avoid intimacy then your relationship is going south.

5. You See Yourself With Someone Else

Have you ever caught yourself wishing you would be with someone else? Maybe it’s a co-worker or your fitness instructor or perhaps it’s not even someone you know.

And it’s one thing to fantasize, but another to always see yourself with another. When you’re in a healthy loving relationship, most of your thoughts should be directed towards your partner and not towards someone else. 

This doesn’t mean you’ll take active actions to find a paramour. Sometimes cheating is not even on the table. But if you see yourself with someone else other than your current partner then maybe your love is gone.

6. You See Your Partner As More Of A Friend

When Maya decided to file for divorce she wasn’t sure if that was the right decision. Because she still loved her husband very much. After all, he’s been with her through thick and thin and he was her ride or die. She still cared about him. He was a good father and a wonderful person. However, although she still loved him she realized that she loves me the same way – as a friend. 

She told me that it wouldn’t make a difference if she took me to her sister’s wedding instead of him. They would still have fun but she would have fun with me the same way. So the more time passed the more she saw him as a friend and not as a lover.

If you’re in a similar situation and you still care about your partner but you see him/her more as a friend rather than lover chances are you’re in a committed friendship and not in a relationship.

7. Saying “I Love You” Seems Discomforting

It’s very common for people in long-term relationships to say “I love you” as a habit.

“Have a good day at work, I love you.”

“Good night, I love you.”

Sometimes these words start losing their meaning. And in other cases when the love is truly gone, then saying “I love you” even seems discomforting.

Trying to force the words doesn’t really work. The less you feel them, the less you say them. And when you say them, you feel like you’re lying to them. So pay attention to how you feel when you say it. Do you really mean it or are you telling them because that’s what your partner wants to hear?

Conclusion

Regardless of how many of these signs you ticked off, the one true sign your love is gone that your heart can’t stop repeating it. You stay awake at night and find yourself doing unnecessary little tasks just to stay busy, so you don’t have to face reality.

And f your heart has been whispering that the love is gone and you should move on with your life as a single person, maybe it is time to act n those words.

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How Do You Know The Love Is Gone