Why Are You Still Single?
Having someone in my life who matches perfectly with my melancholic, yet crazy personality of a “quirky university professor”, it’s way much easier to answer your question. (I don’t know how he puts up with all that, honestly…)
I cannot tell you which part of me will answer this question – the melancholic or the crazy one. All I can promise you – it will be worth it.
Get yourself a cup of hot chocolate and relax – your Hope-Levels are going to jump up before the end of this article.
Psst, they exist!
Before I start, let me tell you something about the “decent guys” – they exist.
I have heard so many girls complaining how the real men are rarer than the Hairy-Nosed Wombat (just for the info – there are only 115 left in the wild. The Wombat, not the men..). At the same time, many guys are whining around saying here, and there the amazing girls are gone… forever! But they do exist. On the planet Earth. Both!
We compare our phones, our clothes, our cars, our hair, our lipstick, our lives…
We spend our time on social media to compare ourselves with the rest of the world. Following trends and fashion, deleting the old pictures, because someone said they don’t represent the new-me-image, throwing away stuff and people because they don’t fit our lives…
We have the perfect born-to-be-wild picture we chase every day and never get even a step closer. Being free and wild never works out if we are like someone else… Is it too confusing?
Why are you still single while everyone else has their partner in life by their side? This is the thought crosses your mind and the comparison pops up immediately.
Why are you still single if you put so much effort into bringing yourself up in the game? You compare yourself with your old version… the one you didn’t like… but you don’t like this one either.
Related posts for later:
- DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS – 38 WISE WAYS TO BATTLE THEM
- THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND LOVE – MY EXPERIENCE AND WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM IT
- WHY LOVE HURTS
- HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST FREE GUIDE
It is not your fault!
We are all victims of today’s madness. The madness we cannot escape, the deep, muddy bog we call social life causes depression, anxiety and constant comparison to everyone else, everywhere else.
You do the best you can all day long and at the end of the day, someone else did it better. I know it because I feel it every day.
And yet, we learn to swim and we swallow the mud… and we survive.
There’s nothing wrong with being single
Own it! We don’t live forever to have the luxury to hate the days when we are alone and single. We don’t have the right to hate any day of this life…
With that said, let’s get to the delicious part of finding out why you are single. Oh, and the action plan on how to change that…
Do you know what you want?
You cannot go and pick a dress if you don’t know what you’re looking for, can you?
So why diving into the dating world if you don’t know what you want?
Two questions are important to you right now:
- What are your expectations of the person you want to date?
- Are they realistic?
I talk about my experience with finding out what I want in my other post about The Law of Attraction, but I will try to summarise it here.
Imagine you have to describe your parents on a piece of paper. You wouldn’t use the same words and they might have similarities but they are two different people, and you would acknowledge that, wouldn’t you?
Use the same technique to describe the person you want to meet. I often see women roll their eyes when I encourage them to describe the man they want to create a future with. It looks like every woman wants her guy to be tall and handsome, with a nice sense of humour.
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But what about everything else?
Does it matter if he’s tall? Wouldn’t it matter more if he’s just taller than you? That’s what you want, don’t you?
Does it matter if he’s handsome? Would you stay with someone for the rest of your life just because he’s handsome? I don’t think so!
What about his sense of humour? Isn’t it more accurate to say it’s important to make you smile every day? Would you like it more if you laugh together at the silliness of the days? Will it be better if he finds a way to make you smile when you cry for something that doesn’t matter?
For example, when I was writing the list with the traits I wanted my future husband to have, I wrote down that I don’t want him to be able to express himself in a charmful, poetic way… How stupid does that sound, huh? However, it was way much more critical when he DOES talk to follow his words with actions. At that time, I was getting over a relationship with a man who could talk all night long. Oh, he could say the most beautiful words a woman could imagine. However, he chickened out when the time to put his words into actions came, Everything he said turned out to be a huge game…
So no, I didn’t care if the person I was meant to spend my life with, will be able to make me melt while talking… as long as he is right next to me when the time for action come.
What do you want? Who is he? What does he do when you are sad? How would he love you and will the “popular” traits matter in 10 or 20 years from now?
Do Not Accept Less Than You Deserve.
Half of my past relationships happened because I couldn’t stand the fact I was still single. I would put up with things I didn’t accept just because of the “in a relationship” status.
However, living your life with someone just so you are not alone is sad, and nobody should do it.
Self-image and confidence are the keys to realise that the person you share your bed with, doesn’t make you happy. And sometimes it’s not even his fault – he may love you and treat you right, but that doesn’t make you smile. If the case is worse than that and he does treat you wrong (verbally, physical or you feel abused in any other way), there is only one decision – run as fast as you can, and as soon as you can.
Never ignore yourself for the sake of someone else’s happiness or the people’s approval.
Where Will You Find The Right Person?
Have you ever thought you’re looking for the right person in the wrong places?
Where do you look for your perfect match?
A girl who likes jazz music and travelling wouldn’t go to the most questionable club in the town to get drunk before 12 a.m.
Following the same logic, a serious guy with interests in books and spirituality will skip the pool parties that last three days each. You could meet him in the nearest coffee shop, in the park with his dog or in the pub with friends on Friday evening.
By the way – staying all the time at home is not helpful either. I actually know one case when a girl met her future husband after he delivered her a mail-package. So your guy may knock on your door, but I wouldn’t stay too long to wait for him to find my house. Go out and have fun, meet new people and create opportunities to see your love.
How to recognise the right guy?
This is the simplest one, and because of that, every girl ignores it.
Some people call it “six sense”, other – “listen to your guts”, but the point is – you will feel it somehow.
I still remember the moment I saw my fiancee for the first time. I was invited on a barbecue at my sister’s house, and I knew they invited a guy they thought would be a good match for me. When I saw him, I had this warm feeling in my tummy, but it had nothing to do with butterflies or something else. It was not tickling feeling; it was not passion, thrills or whatever is popular in the movies. It was simple peace. Nothing else but peace. At that point, I had no idea he is the person I will want to spend my life with, but I knew I should give him a chance. I did!
To meet the man of your dreams, you should be the woman of his dreams
When you imagine your perfect match, you probably think of all the things you two will experience together. You dream of the way he will hug and kiss you. His arms around you will soothe you, he will keep his promises, and you will feel loved and cherished…
All that is normal. But I challenge you to go a few steps further.
What will you give in return?
We often believe we shouldn’t think or answer this question. However, we cannot ignore the fact a relationship takes two, and your part could be even bigger than his.
Get very serious with yourself and re-evaluate your priorities in a relationship. Were there any similarities in the complaints from your exes? Is there something you are completely aware you could improve? Work on it, get to the level you will be happy with who you are. This will be more than enough for the right person.
You are not ready for it!
If you are ready why are you still single?
Could the reason you are still playing solo be that you are simply not ready for a relationship yet?
Wanting something doesn’t mean you are ready for it.
It may be too soon after you split up with your ex, or you still enjoy too much being single and don’t want to admit it. Or you’re at the middle of your self-improvement course and need to focus on your own life. Many reasons may keep you away from the good relationship, even when you don’t see them. You probably have your eyes closed for opportunities around you just because you’re not ready for them.
Sometimes the answer to Why Are You Still Single is that it’s just not your time for this.
We all have a chance for a Big Love that comes in our lives and shakes everything in us.
However, this takes time. Some people find their spouses in high school, and others meet the love of their life after their 30’s. You don’t know when your time will come. So do not feel you’re late, you don’t have luck, or you will stay alone forever.
Sometimes “single” is a choice, but often, it’s a game of patience.
Live your life, enjoy what you have and be thankful for who you are. Love is everywhere around us, learn how to feel it all the time.
Check: 30 AND ALONE? READ THIS!
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