Of course, if you knew the reasons why you are still single, you wouldn’t be here reading this post. And I understand that you enjoy your single life, but wish to cuddle with someone on Friday evening and to plan holidays together.
Therefore you wish to have someone by your side, and you do your best to meet them. Nothing happens. You are afraid to count the lonely months and wonder what to do to end this.
Get yourself a cup of hot chocolate and let’s figure out why you are single and if you don’t wish to be single anymore – how to find your true love.
Psst, good men and women exist!
Before I start, let me tell you something about the “decent guys” and the “worthy women”: they exist.
I have heard so many girls complaining how the real men are rarer than the Hairy-nosed Wombat (just for the info – there are only 300 left in the wild. The Wombat, not the men…). At the same time, many guys are whining around, saying that the amazing girls are gone… forever! But they do exist. On the planet Earth. Both!
1. You don’t know what type of person you are looking for
You cannot go and pick a dress if you don’t know what you’re looking for, can you?
So why diving into the dating world if you don’t know what you want? Could you summarise your desired partner in less than 30 seconds? If your answer is not, you need to fix that.
How to fix it?
Here are the two questions you need to answer:
- What are your expectations of the person you want to date?
- Are they realistic?
I talk about my experience with manifesting my fiance in my other post about The Law of Attraction, but I will summarize it here.
Take a piece of paper and describe your perfect future partner. Try to be as specific and realistic as possible.
I often see women roll their eyes when I encourage them to describe the man they want to create a future with. It looks like every woman wants her guy to be tall and handsome, with a nice sense of humor. Your perfect partner wouldn’t have only good qualities. He would be just a normal human being and will have his flaws. What are you willing to compromise with, and where would you draw the line?
2. You are looking for them in the wrong places
Have you ever thought you’re looking for the right person in the wrong places? Where do you look for your perfect match?
A girl who likes jazz music and traveling wouldn’t go to the most questionable club in town to get drunk before midnight.
Following the same logic, a serious guy with interests in books and spirituality will skip the pool parties that last three days each. You could meet him in the nearest coffee shop, in the park with his dog or in the bar with friends on Friday evening.
3. Too big expectations
What if the reason you are single is because nobody can meet your expectations?
A painful past relationship or nonexistent such could create a group of high expectations that almost no one could meet.
Dreaming of a partner who will love you and support you is realistic, but they too will have their flaws, and you want to be okay with that.
4. You are still holding onto your past relationship
A devastating breakup that actually broke you into pieces is a huge reason most people stay single for a long time. Finding yourself again is, in fact, important, and it should happen before you get into another relationship.
For example, my fiancé was married before we met. They got divorced, and he chose to stay away from any dating for almost two years until he heals. That gave him time to understand what makes him happy and what deserves his time and efforts. And only once he had that clarity he started searching for a new match, and that’s when we met.
If you truly had a tough breakup, you have your right to stay single for as long as needed. Healing takes time, yet you shouldn’t dedicate too long time to the past as the future won’t wait for you forever.
If you are still struggling with getting over you ex, I wrote a full book and you could grab it for free by clicking here.
5. You are not ready to share yourself with someone else
The best thing about our modern days’ world is the praise of the importance of self-care and self-love. The worst part is that those could grow into excessive solitude and selfishness.
Loving yourself is as crucial as breathing. A healthy and thriving relationship with yourself is at the base of every happy and thriving relationship with someone else.
And yet, you might be overdoing it. Valuing your alone-time too much, refusing to compromise with your plans (at any cost), prioritizing ONLY yourself, and unwillingness to give some love to another person is at the base of this reason to be single for a long time.
6. You are not ready for a change
Getting into a relationship is that event that breaks your daily routines, disrupts your solitude, mixes up your plans, and requires you to fit someone else’s life into yours too.
Yes, it’s true, and you know it. Therefore, on a subconscious level, you stay away from starting a new relationship with someone. Do you catch yourself saying, “I don’t have time to date!”? Are you avoiding events that would potentially lead to meeting someone new? That would be an indication that you simply aren’t ready to change your life in a way that includes someone else too.
7. You still work on your self-development
Striving for your best self and improving your life takes time, effort, and energy. It is a life-long process, yet we all go through phases that are tougher than usual.
If you have big goals and plans that need you to hustle right now, so you reap the fruits of your work later, then staying single actually suits you right now.
You might still be dreaming of having someone to spend your Friday evenings with, but once Monday hits, you are excited to work even harder and rarely think of sharing your precious free time with someone else.
Personal development and growth are real reasons many people stay single. It’s a well-known fact that most men don’t get into serious relationships and marriage unless they feel capable of looking after a family properly.
8. You don’t want to open up your heart for someone else
Childhood trauma, bad past relationships, toxic people ruining your life, and more… There are so many reasons you aren’t willing to open up your heart for someone else.
Therefore, even if you meet a potential life partner, you unknowingly push them away from the very beginning. You avoid sharing feelings, thoughts, and emotions. You give but aren’t willing to receive, and sooner or later, the other person just leaves you because they never get to know you.
One of the silent reasons you are still single is that you don’t want to give pieces of yourself to someone else because you are afraid they will break you even more.
9. You are not ready for it!
If you are ready why are you still single?
Could the reason you are still playing solo be that you are simply not ready for a relationship yet?
Wanting something doesn’t mean you are ready for it.
It may be too soon after you split up with your ex, or you still enjoy being single too much and don’t want to admit it. Or you’re in the middle of your self-improvement course and need to focus on your own life. Many reasons may keep you away from a good relationship, even when you don’t see them. You probably have your eyes closed for opportunities around you just because you’re not ready for them.
The root of the problem of being single
Now that we have the 9 reasons you are single, let’s dig deeper into the roots of this. And it all starts with our society and the fact that it takes away our confidence to be with someone else.
We compare our phones, our clothes, our cars, our hair, our lipsticks, our lives…
We spend an enormous amount of time on social media to measure ourselves with the rest of the world. Following trends and fashion, deleting the old pictures, because someone said they don’t represent the new-me-image, throwing away stuff and people because they don’t fit our reality (virtual or not)…
We have the perfect born-to-be-wild picture we chase every day and never get even a step closer. Being free and wild never works out if we are like someone else… Is it too confusing?
Why are you still single while everyone else has their partner in life by their side? The moment you ask yourself this the immediate response is comparing yourself with everyone else around you who isn’t single.
Being single isn’t always your fault
We are all victims of today’s madness. The madness we cannot escape from, the deep, muddy bog we call social life causes depression, anxiety, and constant comparison to everyone else, everywhere else.
You do your best all day long and at the end of the day, someone else did it better. I know it because I feel it every day.
And yet, we learn to swim and we swallow the mud… and we survive.
There’s nothing wrong with being single
Own it! We don’t live forever to have the luxury to hate the days when we are alone and single. We don’t have the right to hate any day of this life…
We don’t!
Therefore, no matter your reasons to be by yourself, enjoy this life of yours ad make the most of it. In fact, the moment you start living for yourself and feel whole and completed just as you are, love will knock on your door, tap on your shoulder or ask for directions… to your heart.
And if you didn’t see your reasons to be still single, please share them in the comments below.
Do Not Accept Less Than You Deserve.
Half of my past relationships happened because I couldn’t stand the fact I was still single. I would put up with things I didn’t accept just because of the “in a relationship” status.
However, living your life with someone just so you are not alone is sad, and nobody should do it.
Self-image and confidence are the keys to realize that the person you share your bed with, doesn’t make you happy. And sometimes it’s not even his fault – he may love you and treat you right, but that doesn’t make you smile.
But sometimes…
Sometimes the answer to Why am I still single is that it’s just not your time for this.
We all have a chance for a Big Love that comes in our lives and shakes everything in us.
However, this takes time. Some people find their spouses in high school, and others meet the love of their life after their 30’s. You don’t know when your time will come. So do not feel you’re late, you don’t have luck, or you will stay alone forever.
Sometimes “single” is a choice, but often, it’s a game of patience.
Win it!
Live your life, enjoy what you have and be thankful for who you are. Love is everywhere around us, learn how to feel it all the time.
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9 Reasons Why You Are Still Single
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
The way how women have really changed today from the old days is the real reason why so many of us guys are still single now, and not by choice either.
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