I asked myself that question one early morning at the end of July 2016. I had no clue where my boyfriend was when he went out or when he would come home. This has been happening so often lately.
I was making my coffee, my feet were cold, the house was empty, and my head was heavy with thoughts. And that is when I realized – I had to quit that relationship. I had to end it as soon as possible and move on with my life, or it would consume the little sanity and craving for happiness I had left.
Statistics say that it takes about three months to get over a breakup, but how long until we decide to end a relationship? Some of us would agree that women get over a breakup faster because the mental breakup starts long before the physical one.
“Saying goodbye” to a relationship takes a while, but that only happens once we actually decide to end it. When does that moment arrive, though? Is it when we realize we are no longer loved? Or is it when we feel like no matter how much effort we put into the “situationship” it will never become that suit long-lasting partnership we’ve always wanted?
The moment you realize you should leave a relationship
Love is the driving force in this world. If you’ve ever watched a romantic comedy, chances are you’re also dreaming of this kind of love. Overcoming obstacles together and finding each other no matter what…who doesn’t want that?
But life is not a movie. Off-screen, love isn’t always enough to make a relationship last.
In fact, love can be so strong that it blurs your vision about what’s going on between you two. That’s why many women can convince themselves to stay in unhealthy, unfulfilling, and ultimately unhappy relationships. Like the one, I was in.
So what are the signs your relationship is over even though you’re still together, somehow? How do you know when to quit a relationship and do it with dignity, saving yourself from falling apart even more?
Based on mine and the experience of many women around me, I came up with 20 ways you will know when to leave a relationship.
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you sign up or make a purchase I might get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting my business. See full disclosure.
When To Go Out of a Relationship? 20 Signs You Will See
1. Leave your relationship when your needs aren’t met
Every person has a certain amount of “requirements” in a relationship, and that’s okay. These needs can be emotional such as spending time together, or physical, like leading a healthy intimate life.
Making sure you both meet each other needs is a crucial part of building a healthy relationship. And if your loved one doesn’t meet yours, is it worth changing or minimizing them? I can tell, from experience, that even if you try doing it, all that would happen is delaying the inevitable.
2. Leave immediately when you experience physical or emotional abuse
Do I need to elaborate on this one? If you feel physically threatened, it’s time to leave. Also, keep in mind that emotional abuse is still abuse. Don’t fall into his trap. It’s time to end it.
It might sound logical that you should leave an abusive relationship, but many women have no clue they are in such when it’s about emotional abuse. Gaslighting, manipulation, and disrespect are just tiny parts of the whole puzzle called emotional abuse.
3. Quit your relationship when he expects you to change
It’s one thing if he supports your growth in a positive way. It’s completely different if he expects you to change. After all, he’s supposed to love you for you, right? If he doesn’t and tries to change you, you might want to ask yourself if that’s real love.
This one is a bit tough as we all inevitably change throughout our relationships. Making small behavior adjustments, getting used to new things, and compromising here and there are normal. But demanding full personality change against your will isn’t okay. Yes, this is when you quit your relationship.
4. Leave your relationship when you expect him to change
Just like he should love you for you, you’re supposed to love him for him. If you dislike too many elements of his personality, are you sure you love the person or a vision in your head? Sometimes we’re in love with the idea of love, not with the person itself. And if that’s the case, leave him.
Nobody is entitled to change because we want them to. We may offer our point of view, but the other side has complete freedom in the decision. If he isn’t okay with adjusting himself to something you suggest, accept it or (if it doesn’t resonate with you at all) leave this relationship in your past.
5. Quit when he isn’t faithful
I bet you knew about this one, but… don’t let him make excuses. He can always find something to appear as the victim, and that is called gaslighting.
6. It’s time you go when you can’t see a future with him
Having the same views about the future is the building block of any relationship. Yet, sometimes things just don’t work out. So ask yourself, “Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him?”
I’ve already covered this topic here, so you know quickly if you are in the right relationship. But let me summarise it below.
You will know if you should leave or you should stay in your relationship the moment you take a look at your most boring days with him.
Here’s a secret… Life isn’t a chain of exciting days, but just normal to average (almost) colorless days that all seem the same. Yeah, that’s the way it is, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
Spending your boring moments with a partner who loves and respects you is actually a blessing. So if you are not okay with having him by your side with nothing happening, you should probably quit this relationship.
7. When he doesn’t respect you, it is time you end the relationship
Mutual respect is a pillar of every healthy relationship. The lack of it shouldn’t be tolerated. If he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t value you. You don’t want to be with somebody whose every decision revolves around his own happiness, disregarding yours.
You could check your relationship and his level of respect towards you in this post, where I talk of the 10 warnings and sneaky signs of disrespect.
8. Leave when he doesn’t put any effort
Just like family relationships and friendships, a romantic relationship requires effort by the duo.
Yet, lately, you notice that you constantly put effort into the relationship, and he doesn’t. Does it sound fair?
Being stuck in a one-sided relationship isn’t fun, but if you’ve been like that for a while, it might be hard to let go of it. However, loving someone more than he loves you isn’t a way to become a happy and confident human being any time soon.
9. Go away when he’s emotionally unavailable
We all know that emotionally available men are born every once in a blue moon. However, that shouldn’t stay the same as the relationship evolves. He should be able to open up with you. Or at least he should do everything in his power to do so. And if he doesn’t – then it’s over.
10. Let him go when you’re scared of being single
If you choose to stay in this relationship because the reality of being single woman scares you… that’s a clear sign you should pack the bags.
Learning to enjoy your own company is one of the secret keys to being happy in life. Unfortunately, more and more women are getting stuck in unhealthy or toxic relationships just because they cannot handle life as single.
What if you look at it from another perspective? How would someone great enter your life if you have no mental or physical space for him?
11. Quit your relationship if you’ve been unhappy for a while
Your life together might be going well, but something doesn’t feel right.
You feel weird on most days, with an unsettling feeling in your gut that you aren’t where you’re supposed to be. If that’s the case, trust your intuition.
12. Leave him behind when he holds you back
A partnership is also a companionship. He should support you even if he doesn’t always understand your actions. If he holds you back or if he doesn’t take your dreams seriously, he’s no good news.
You know you have found the perfect soulmate when he is excited about your dreams as much as you are. Yes, this happens in every healthy relationship. Your guy should be your biggest cheerleader and supporter, and you want to be the same for him.
You should probably walk away if this is missing in your relationship.
13. Leave when you no longer communicate
Sitting on the couch and having an honest heart-to-heart conversation should be a no-brainer for you two. If your guy is totally off-grid with this part, and you’ve done your best to make things different, maybe it is time you quit this relationship.
14. Quit the relationship when the passion is gone
There’s a lot of passion at the beginning of a relationship. You’re all over each other; you want to spend every waking moment together. But what about when that’s gone? Even 20-year-long marriages manage to maintain a certain level of passion. So if you’re unable to do so, is it worth continuing?
15. Walk away when you argue frequently
It’s normal to have small fights every once in a while. But when those fights become an everyday activity, then it’s probably time to leave.
Remember that small fights at the beginning become big troubles after time. If you started your relationship with fights, no wonder after a while, you spend all of your time snapping at each other.
16. You should totally leave him when he’s no longer in love
Breaking up with someone you love is never easy. But it’s often necessary. If you know that he’s no longer in love with you, it’s when you should let go of him. It hurts, but it’s the right thing to do.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is probably one of the biggest pains in love. But loving yourself more so you know you should walk away is even more important.
17. Leave when your family doesn’t like him
Family relationships can be complicated. Sometimes they don’t approve of your partner even if you feel like he’s the one.
But they’re not always wrong. Sometimes, they can give you an objective opinion, and in many cases, they’re right. Pay attention to what they say, even if this isn’t a total “leave him” sign.
18. End your relationship when you’re scared to ask for more
If you’ve thought, ‘That’s going to make me sound needy and emotional, I probably shouldn’t say it.‘ then you’re afraid of what he thinks of you. Hiding your true feelings means that you can’t trust him, and he doesn’t always show understanding.
Does he accept you as who you are, or does he criticize you for who you are not? Asking for more in a relationship usually means asking for clear directions on where you two are going with your situationship.
If you’ve been together for a while, but you are still afraid to ask for things to get more serious, I am sorry to break it to you. This isn’t the relationship for you.
19. It is time to leave when he lies to you
White lies are one thing but deliberately deceiving your partner is a serious offense. If you often catch him in a lie, then he’s probably hiding things from you that you have no idea about. Lies break trust. And if trust is broken, the relationship is too.
20. Quit your relationship when the past was better than the present
Do you catch yourself dreaming of the good old days when you two weren’t so messed up? If you nod at this, maybe it is time you evaluate your relationship. If the present causes you pain and makes you cry at night, what good is there in living with the memories of a romanticized past?
How Do You Know When You Should Leave a Relationship (Personal Experience)
Blogger, dreamer, procrastinator, and lover of everything soul-touching. My mission is to make you laugh, provoke your thoughts, light up your day and inspire you to fall in love with life and yourself.
