How To Stop Being Desperate For a Relationship (7 Top Secrets)

You don’t want to admit it, but you crave being in a relationship with a man who will just be by your side. You dream of spending Friday evenings in a fancy restaurant and Saturday morning – enjoying pancakes in the bed.

And you are ready to wait for that man… except it would be really nice if you had him in your life right now. You can’t wait to be with someone, and you often catch yourself daydreaming about every guy that catches your eye. How to stop being desperate for a relationship, though?

How to stop being needy for a man’s attention? You understand that it isn’t right, and you truly wish you could just be happy by yourself. However, the dream of being part of a mutual commitment and communicating with another human being through your hearts… you want that! You want it now!

How to stop craving to be in a relationsihp?

I was exactly like you. I dare not judge even for a second any woman who feels the need to be nurtured, respected, and loved the way she deserves because I was you.

I would overthink every guy’s look towards me and would wonder, “Is he the one?” And I would jump into the relationship before even thinking if it’s the right thing for me at that point. I broke my heart more times than I could count, and every single time I would promise myself, “Never again!”

But a week after the breakup, I would start craving again that feeling of being “together,” someone’s hands hugging me, and someone’s kiss on my forehead.

It’s devastating, but you crave it as much as you crave air. Yes, I was desperate to be with a man. Until the last man broke my heart, physical and mental health. I lost everything, including myself.

The unhealthy urge to be part of “something, no matter what” led me to the bottom of my life, but let me tell you – there is a way out, and it’s so beautiful. We break so we can grow stronger, and that’s all.

See 7 tips on how to stop being desperate for a relationship (num. 1 is the most important)

1. Learn how to love yourself first

If you want to stop being desperate for a relationship, you should first and foremost learn how to be comfortable alone. You can’t expect to have a healthy partnership with somebody else when you don’t even know yourself at all. 

The benefits of spending alone time are countless. For example, solitude sparks creativity, increases empathy, boosts productivity, and, most importantly, helps you build mental strength. Getting to love yourself before trying to love somebody else will definitely positively impact your future relationship. And you will stop being desperate for one. 

Here’s an idea – take a break from dating, book a one-week trip to a remote location and spend some time on your own with your thoughts. Start building a relationship with yourself, and you will see how important it is to love yourself first.

2. Learn how to walk away 

If you’re desperate for a relationship, there’s a chance you hold on to other things in your life you don’t need as well. There’s always something that you could walk away from. Maybe there’s a project that you hold on to dearly, but you know that it’s going nowhere. Or maybe it’s time to move out from your tiny apartment, but you’re just too comfortable and used to the space you live in. 

Learn to let go of control. You can’t control everything – some things are just temporarily meant to be in your life, and that’s okay. The development comes with change so learning how to walk away from things that don’t resonate with you anymore is equally important to fight for what you know it’s meant for you.

The same goes for your relationships with people. Don’t be too available. When a situation becomes unhealthy, take a step back, let go of your old habits and focus on the future. 

3. Figure out what you want in a partner

Now that you’ve come to know yourself better, you’ve let go of control and learned how to walk away; it’s time to look even deeper and figure out what you really want in a partner. Evaluate your previous relationships and find out what went wrong. But be honest with yourself – was it him that treated you wrong, or was your desperation that ruined the relationship. 

Now, I’m not saying that it’s your fault that your previous relationships went down in flames. I’m simply implying that you need to be honest with yourself about what happened. Maybe he just wasn’t the man for you. But why was that? What qualities did he possess that didn’t really match you? What was the factor that influenced the breakup? What were the red flags you ignored?

After you’ve evaluated your previous relationships, it’s time to look into the future. Imagine your dream partner. What is your relationship with him? Do you need a lot of attention from him, or do you need him to give you more space? 

I know it sounds a bit weird but maybe even make a list. Write down all the things you want and don’t want in your next relationship and stick to them when you start dating again. This way, you’ll visualize your dream future better. But be careful not to get too picky. Just focus on what’s really important for you.

4. Figure out why you feel pressured to have a relationship

Ask yourself, “Why am I desperate for a relationship? Why am I so desperate for a date? Do I need male validation? Or do I just need attention?”. 

Letting go of desperation comes with realization. Maybe your high school sweetheart made you feel like rubbish, and you’re trying to compensate for that. Or maybe (as harsh as it sounds) your parents’ relationship was toxic, and this is the only type of love you’re familiar with. 

Look deeper and figure out why do you feel like you need a relationship in the first place. Realizing your issues is the first step of resolving them.

5. Activate your confidence 

Many women are desperate for a relationship because they need male validation. And why is that? Because they’re not confident enough. When we can’t derive our confidence from within, we tend to look for it somewhere else. So, if you’ve ever asked yourself, “How to stop being desperate for a man?” then maybe you need to boost your self-confidence. 

Exercise is a great way to start. Besides benefiting your physique, exercising positively impacts your mental health and, therefore, confidence. Also, treat yourself and do more of what makes you happy. Realize that you’re a strong, lovable, beautiful woman that deserves only what’s best for her. 

Keep in mind that alcohol shouldn’t be your confidence booster. Reaching for a drink as a way to get confidence to talk to a man wouldn’t have the same effect as you think. Alcohol won’t hide your insecurities; it will just expose them even more.

6. Make a positive impact 

Some women that are desperate for dating need male validation and need to be in a relationship. But that’s not always the case. Some women want to feel needed. 

Here’s an example. I’ve always taken the part of the caregiver. Since I was little, I’ve loved to take care of things, people and animals. I had several pets, and I felt my best when I was near them, feeding them and walking them. As I got older, that kind of behavior projected on my boyfriends. I liked to be the one to cook, make them lunch for work, went shopping for them, and therefore I was addicted to the idea of being needed. However, that attitude towards relationships turned out to be toxic. I was either taken advantage of or being pushed away. 

But then I realized that taking care of a partner isn’t the only way I can feel useful. So I started volunteering in several dog shelters, which brought me just the same amount of “being needed”. So, if you’re like me and prefer to be the caretaker, you can do so and still not be desperate for a relationship.

Maybe you just need to make a positive impact, donate to charity, or volunteer in a shelter. What matters is – don’t try to take care of guys that don’t deserve it. And don’t feel desperate to do so when there’s no guy around.

7. Have a social media detox

When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I spent all the time that we used to spend together on my phone – hours and hours of scrolling on Instagram, reading tweets, and stalking people on Facebook. By the end of the day, I would feel so exhausted and tired that I felt like I’ve been working out on the field for hours. 

Then my sister gave me the idea of deleting all my social media apps from my phone. I didn’t deactivate the accounts; I simply removed the apps from my phone. When I did that, I felt like this weight was falling down from my shoulders. I realized how much time I spend comparing myself to other people. And more specifically, my lack of a relationship with other people’s perfect ones. 

Having a social media detox is a great way to start if you want to work on your dependency. It also relates back to our first point – learn how to love yourself first before trying to love somebody else. Spend time alone (and I mean really alone – no socials), and you’ll see that you will stop being desperate for a relationship.

Conclusion on How To Stop Being Desperate For a Relationship

Learning how to love yourself and value your alone time is the first and most important step. Validating your feelings and searching for healthy ways to satisfy your emotional needs is crucial. By focusing on something other than the next guy in your life, you practice amazing patience and inner wisdom that leads you to inner peace and happiness.

Knowing you shouldn’t be desperate for a relationship is the first step of your journey. Keep your head up and know that you open up some wide space for love and acceptance by removing the desperation from your life. And that is more valuable than any relationship.

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How To Stop Being Desperate For a Relationship