Why does he keep you around if he doesn’t want a relationship with you? Why do some men say they love a girl but wouldn’t commit to a relationship with her? Even worse! He says he isn’t ready for a relationship, but you see him with his new girlfriend a few months later (or weeks)!
I used to think men are complicated human beings who just enjoy playing with women, saying sweet lies, and then break hearts (a few a day if possible).
And then I realized something much more fundamental and profound that has nothing to do with the idea of someone plotting breaking someone else’s heart.
But we will get to that part a little bit later.
In today’s post, we talk about all the reasons a man would keep buzzing around you but would never agree to make you his one and only beautiful flower. Let’s start with a few different scenarios that need clarifying.
He Calls Me Every Day But Doesn’t Want a Relationship!
He keeps you as an option. He wants you to be ready for him, but he will come only when he is ready for you. And don’t imagine it’s some romantic Hollywood drama where you end the scene with his realization you were waiting for too long, and he was an idiot.
What he wants is your constant awe of him, keeping your hopes up, and then letting him into your bed for the night (or just a few hours, whatever suits him).
He Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship, But Still Wants To See Me
He still wants to see you as… what? As his new best friend or as an overnight AirBnB with extras.
Pardon my lack of politeness, but the only reason a guy would say he doesn’t want a relationship but wants to keep seeing you is to get all of the physical benefits a relationship would offer but exclude all of the commitments a relationship would demands of him.
It sounds too complicated, I know. Yet, the reality is he wants everything a relationship offers, but he also needs that freedom to explore the world on his own terms.
And that doesn’t always involve other women. In fact, it might be that he just wants to focus on his career, his hobby, his new business, his study, his family, and so on. Something else is his priority, and you don’t fit there.
He Loves Me, But He Doesn’t Want a Relationship
I think that this is very common drama happening between young people in their late teen years and early 20s.
I cannot accept how everyone uses the word “love” recklessly and attaches it to everything – from a bottle of milk to people they met roughly 30 seconds ago.
Excuse my sarcasm; there’s nothing else to offer at the moment. It might sound arrogant, but when love enters the room, everything else leaves it – fear, doubts, pain, restrictions.
No, he doesn’t love you. Because unless you are staring in a popular k-drama, there aren’t too many other reasons why he wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with you (of course, we exclude the idea he is already committed to someone else or even married).
If a single guy tells you he loves you, but can’t be in a relationship with you, it means he doesn’t love you. That’s it!
In reality, every human being is ready for a relationship and has it, but misunderstanding happens when both parties wouldn’t specify the type of relationship they want.
One of them wants a long-term healthy relationship (with hopes of a white dress and Ed Sheehan’s song as a first dance.
The other one wants a fun Saturday night without having to flirt for three hours before his landing on a woman’s bed. The best way to get that type of relationship is to find a woman willing to be that person for him. When the latter person starts demanding more time and commitment, the guy realizes that he has to pay the price for having that pleasure.
He measures the “price he has to pay” (buy flowers, answer texts, meet with friends/family, make plans for the future, and so on) against the pleasure he gets. And then he realizes it’s too expensive. His last resort is to “confess” deep feelings and fake “heartache” with the hopes you would stick around for a little bit longer.
If you agree to the game, it is he who wins.
He Said He Didn’t Want a Relationship, But Now He Has a Girfriend
He didn’t finish his sentence: he said he didn’t want a relationship … with you.
I know that you are very mad at me if you are still reading this, and that’s okay. I will list you a few reasons below why a guy would say he cares but doesn’t want a relationship. For now, let me spill all the truth out, so we avoid any confusion later.
If a man lets you know he isn’t ready to be your boyfriend but finds himself with a girlfriend soon after, it means he didn’t want to admit he doesn’t like you as girlfriend material. It might be because he wouldn’t like to hurt your feelings, but in reality, it still means you are not his type, or he didn’t see what he was looking for.
And before you go on and feel bad about yourself, let me clarify that you should be grateful he didn’t stick around for longer. You deserve a person who sees your inner and outer beauty and isn’t afraid to be with you. Everyone else could go on with their lives – you truly don’t need them.
Why Does He Act Like My Boyfriend But Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship
He wants to know what you are up to; he is jealous if you talk to other guys; he demands to spend time with you but refuses to claim it as a relationship.
It’s so simple: he wants to have freedom, but he also wants your commitment. You are his, and you should act like you are his. Yet, you also must know he isn’t yours, so you shouldn’t ask him to act like he is. This is a one-sided non-relationship; I never understood why it exists. But we will get to the answer to that soon.
Reasons Why Men Don’t Want a Relationship With You
Now, after I listed a few common situations, it’s time to dig deeper into the reasons men refuse to commit themselves in a relationship (with you or with any other woman around them).
1. He Has Other Priorities
It sounds harsh, but often men go through a phase of proving themselves in front of themselves. They chase upcoming university graduation, climb the career lather, hustle for that business success, and so on.
Alternatively, he might be busy solving a personal or a family problem, and keeping you away from it is a sign of protection. It is also a sign that he doesn’t want more complications, and he doesn’t have room for more priorities.
Whatever the reason, you must understand that he doesn’t get into a relationship with you because of his own issues, and that has nothing to do with you. That doesn’t make him a bad person, and you really can’t be mad at him for being honest.
2. He Doesn’t Like Commitments
If you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, his main reason to stay away from a relationship with you would be that he isn’t ready for the commitment.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea and he isn’t ready to dock his boat yet.
If he really likes you and you manage to convince him to try and be in a relationship with you, he will most likely disappear for days, answer your texts later, and eventually cheat on you.
The reason isn’t you; it’s because he just doesn’t want the lifestyle you are ready for. You have different expectations from the relationship, and you should just let him live his life the way he feels like it.
3. You Don’t Trigger Him
Now, it’s time to assume that the reason might be hovering somewhere around you. What happens when a guy is actually looking for a relationship but not with you? He might still like you, but there’s something he doesn’t see happening. What would that be?
You don’t make him feel in a specific way.
You see, a man falls in love with the woman who creates a specific pack of feelings within him. He must see something special in how she treats him, and she should be making him feel desired, needed, and appreciated.
To summarise it, you should trigger his hero instinct. How do you do that? Click here to see a free video that teaches you how youth on a man’s hero instinct.
4. He Was Hurt In The Past
Yes, men could suffer from heartaches too. And they need time to heal. Yes, he could see other women while that time is passing. But he knows that he should fully heal his heart and clear his mind before going into a committed relationship with someone as awesome as you.
You have to believe him on this one. Taking his emotional luggage from a past relationship into a new one is the last thing any of you needs. You always have the option to wait for him, but I would suggest you live your happy life and see how things are when he is ready. If someone else captures your heart meanwhile, that would be even better.
5. He Likes His Freedom More Than You
No, I am not trying to crush your confidence. What I am trying to do is to shake you off the dreamland you are in right now.
When a man loves his freedom, everything else goes on the back, and it doesn’t matter if he’s missing the opportunity of his life. He doesn’t care. He will one day. But when that time comes, you will be happily engaged to the love of your life. How do I know? That’s simply my story.
Conclusion
It truly doesn’t matter what the reason he doesn’t want a relationship is. All that matters is that you should accept it and move on. It won’t be easy, especially if you like him, but it’s the healthier thing to do for yourself.
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He Cares But Doesn’t Want a Relationship? Here’s What To Do!
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