What Not To Compromise In a Relationship | 5 Things To Never Dismiss

Can you relate? You are with a quality guy, and things are hitting off pretty well. You love him, and he loves you, and you can’t wait to spend every minute of your free time together doing couples’ things.

However, you might be missing something essential, and this post is created to remind you of a promise you gave yourself a while ago – the promise of what NOT to compromise in a relationship.

Do you remember just a few months ago, when you were heartbroken after your last breakup?

Do you remember the pain and the grief you went through?

Do you remember the “I will never again…” promises you gave yourself?

Love Lessons and Compromises

Here’s what happened back in those days while you were healing your wounded heart.

You made a list (mentally or on a piece of paper) never again to allow certain things to happen in your next relationship.

Whether it was about never allowing disrespect and manipulation or never putting his goals and dreams above yours, the important thing was… you had complete clarity of what went wrong and where you betrayed yourself.

Yes, you felt it as a betrayal, and it might feel the same way again if you don’t dust off that list of things you should never compromise within your relationship and pin it somewhere where you could see it every day.

You learned your love lessons back then, and I will make sure you remember not to forget them.

Meaning of Compromise in a Relationship

Compromise in a relationship translates into both giving up something, so you can reach a point of agreement with your partner, where both sides are satisfied. Because of how different people are, no relationship can thrive without a healthy amount of compromise. Both partners in equal measures should do compromise – no one should do all the compromising by themselves. 

Think of it as a meeting in the middle sort of thing. The goal of compromising should be that it’s mutually beneficial to both of you – you should both gain and not lose as a result of it. Both partners must be happy with the agreed-upon arrangement. 

Should you Compromise in a Relationship 

Compromise is inevitable in a relationship. Positive compromise can bring you and your partner much closer together and can significantly deepen your connection.

Unhealthy compromise can create a sense of insecurity, dissatisfaction, and a gap between you and your partner. Each side seems concerned by its interests alone and doesn’t consider how (and most importantly why) the other feels the way they do. 

In order to be successful and happy with the compromises you make in your relationship, you should understand the difference between compromise and sacrifice. Compromise should never cause you to sacrifice your core beliefs, needs, and values. When you sense things are headed that way, this is when you should seriously re-evaluate your relationship. 

Here are the five things that should never even be mentioned when reaching a compromise with your partner. 

5 Things to Never Compromise in a Relationship

1. Goals and ambitions

Be it professional or personal; your goals are worth pursuing. They give you the drive to work towards something and are clearly important to you. They make up your individuality and are responsible for both your growth as a person, as well as the sparkle in your eyes. Aspiring toward something is just human nature. 

If your partner truly loves and cares about you, he will never try to steer you away from your dreams. He will understand that they are essential to you, which is why he would be supportive, helpful, and happy about your accomplishments.

Sometimes you might subconsciously pull yourself away from your goals because you are too captivated by your relationship. If this is the case, try to take a step back and evaluate your long-term priorities in life. 

2. Friends and family 

Even if your partner isn’t a huge fan of your friends and family, he would know better than to make you choose between him and them.

Your social circle is tied together with your sense of independence and identity. If your partner truly loves you, he would never hold it against you if you spend time nurturing these relationships. He should respect the bond you have with these people and not try to control you or diminish it in any way.

You might be asking yourself – is this something that’s ok to compromise in your relationship if your partner truly does not match the wavelength of your social circle members? The answer is yes – to a certain extent. Try to set healthy boundaries and talk about the situation; however, you should never allow your partner to distance you from your loved ones.

Make him understand that he should adjust to things that are important to you and make a compromise when your happiness is concerned.

This might mean that he gets to spend less time around your social circle and only shows up on events of true significance. Try to see his point of view, but whatever happens, keep in mind that he should never sever your ties with these people, no matter how uncomfortable he is. 

3. Self-respect

Every relationship has a fair amount of healthy compromise.

However, if you begin to respect yourself less during compromises and overstep your values and hurt your honor, then there is a problem.

Your partner could try to break your self-respect if he disagrees with what you choose to wear in public because you are “too out there” or “trying too hard”. It’s completely normal for partners to offer fashion advice and opinions but not when it’s aimed at limiting your self-expression. 

This loss of self-respect is when you start allowing your partner to address you in ways you aren’t comfortable with or doing things that are directly shameful to you.

If this is the case, you can always try to talk to him and explain how this makes you feel. Tell him why x is important to you and try to come to a mutual compromise. If your partner loves you, he would be willing to hear you out and come with a solution to the situation together with you.

If he doesn’t and instead makes you feel lesser, forcing you to accept his behavior and preferences, then maybe you aren’t right for each other. 

4. Physical and mental health 

Your mental and physical health should be a priority to your partner. He should never pressure you to do things you don’t want to do or become aggressive toward you.

While it may seem obvious that you should never allow such behavior, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. (Source)

Speaking up regarding this can be difficult, with many women convincing themselves that “things will eventually change for the better.” Chances are – they are not. You are a human being with dignity and fundamental human rights, which should never be trampled, especially by the person who should love you the most in this world. 

Taking care of your mental health should also be a priority.

If your partner is manipulative, gaslights you, or never stops toying with your emotions – girl, you deserve someone much better. No matter how much you love him or what great qualities he might have, nothing is worth compromising your wellbeing in a relationship.  

5. Culture

In the interchangeable world of today, it’s common for partners to share different cultural backgrounds. And while this can bring a lot of flavors and unique experiences to the relationship, some people might be opposed to certain aspects of said traditions.

Your cultural background is likely part of your upbringing, which helps form your sense of identity. Your partner should respect that, even if he didn’t understand some of the rituals you partake in.

Your unique cultural traditions are also a way to bond with your family and other people who share the same culture. Your partner should respect and love all the things that make you unique, including traditions. 

So don’t drop your family’s traditions just because your partner doesn’t like some of them. Try explaining them to him in a way he would understand, and if after that he is still trying to pull you away, question if it’s really an equivalent exchange. In my opinion, culture should never be on the table when it comes to making a compromise in a relationship. 

How To Know If You Are Compromising Too Much?

You agree to do things that wouldn’t usually be your choice

This is a bit tricky because many times, trying new things with your new partner is part of the fun. Whether in the intimate part of your relationship or with your every activity, trying new things might be a healthy way to maintain an exciting partnership.

However, trying new things that challenge you and take you out of your comfort zone and trying new things that are against your will are entirely different things.

If you say Yes to something and immediately regret your decision, you have the right to say No, and he has an obligation to accept it. Any other type of behavior should be a red flag.

Ask yourself: Is that thing pushing your limits or completely going against what’s comfortable to you?

It Is Always You

You know exactly what I mean.

It is always you who compromises with… well, basically everything.

Is your Friday night dinner place always his choice?

Do you always have to choose to spend the holidays with his family and yours gets a visit a day (or a week) after the holidays?

Is it always you who admits an argument was caused by your mistake? What about approaching him always first after a fight?

Compromises have to be something you both do, and chasing an even number might be a waste of time. But you could always be honest and measure it by heart.

Remember the last time he compromised with something (even if it’s small). When was it? Last night? Last week? Try to remember harder, and if the memories don’t start to flow soon, you know that it’s just you compromising.

A good option in this situation is to hear his opinion as well. Don’t start an argument. Kindly ask him what was it the thing he had to give up recently so he could make you happy. There is always a chance you didn’t even notice his compromise. I often do that with my fiance as I need to be sure his emotions and priorities aren’t getting smashed by mine (he always compromises a lot with me, and I have to be aware to return the gesture too).

If none of you could recall such a thing, you might want to test the waters soon after. Compromises should be made by both of you, and if you’re going to have a future with him, you should work on that.

Conclusion on What Not To Compromise in a Relationship

If there is one thing I’d like you to take with you after reading this post, that’s the idea to never compromise with the most important thing in your life: Yourself.

Be aware of the things you have to give up in the name of someone’s happiness.

Be aware of your feelings toward the things you say Yes or No to.

Be aware of never losing yourself in this relationship. You already did it in so many previous.

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What Not To Compromise In a Relationship

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